Feeling Guilty Am I Losing Me?

There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with having a life outside your family. Finding the right balance FOR YOU is the key...and that balance will change as your family grows up.

For example, from the time our children were born, my husband and I made it a point to do one thing together each week, just us. For nearly a decade, this was playing in a concert band together. As our family grew up, and the children needed us in different ways, our activities changed too. Now, with our sons at 12 and 16, we both hold 2nd jobs doing something we love (I work 8 extra hours a week at the local bookstore and my husband is a DJ for parties and weddings). We love the time away and so do the boys. It gives them a chance to show us responsibility and get a break from mom and dad.

So, I say no guilt. Happy moms (and dads) make happy families. If mom is unhappy, no one in the house is happy. Find your balance and don't let anyone talk you out of it.

Good luck.

We all need our "me time". Its easy to get wrapped up in wanting it and losing sight of important things. But you have figured that out now, and theres nothing you can do about the past so don't sit around thinking about it! Whats done is done. Now try to think of ways that you can do your photography even without a booked shoot in your spare time. We all need time away.

As a San Diego marriage and family therapist and as a mom, I firmly believe it is healthy to take time for yourself. Research has shown that moms who do not get so fused with their families that they have nothing left over for themselves do better as family leaders. Hope this helps,
Dr. B. Cunningham, MFT
http://www.Cunninghamtherapy.com

I have felt the same way before. I am a web designer and I work from home, and it has been really slow lately. I have been trying to focus more on my son, especially since he hasn't been going to daycare as much (a must have when I have a lot of work), because when he was younger and I didn't have a lot of work, I had a hard time enjoying that time with him (he's 21 months old now). Mine was more of an "I need to find work," but I do know that guilt of having the extra time with him and wishing I was doing something else.

It is definitely healthy to do stuff outside of the family, and I often forget about my family completely when I am out and about. I do triathlons, so I spend about 5 hours a week training, probably 4 of those hours are away from my family (I do run and bike with my son sometimes), but I need that to come back feeling fully energized and ready to spend more quality time with my husband and son. I feel like the old me again (although I never did this stuff before my son), and it feels really good.

you didn't mention the age of your son, but regardless, do not feel guilty. moms need 'me' time, whatever that means. for me it's reading. i need time for myself to read, whether that means while my children are in the yard i sit and read, or at a park, or after they're off to bed. do not feel guilty. happy mom makes for a happy family. good luck

That's completely normal. You definitely need alone time to do things that you enjoy. It makes you feel like you are valuable. Being a mom is a 24/7, 365 days a year for 18 years (if you're lucky because now kids don't leave until their 30!) job. And, it doesn't end there either as you will always worry about your kids and then come grandkids. I'm a SAHM with two kids and my hubby is never home due to work, so I get what you are feeling. I usually get a neighbor to watch the kids while I go for a walk just to get some me time. It really helps.

i wanted to add that who you are isnt about just one thing, you are a product of all of your experiences and your worth comes from just getting out of bed every day and being you :) I think it says alot about you as a mom that you even think about it - a lot of people wouldnt. You have to take care of your self too - happy mommys have happy babies :)

Don't know if this will help you but our experiences mirror each others so close I had to share. Recently I had my biggest art show of the year(usually sell 10 pieces or so). I was getting a babysitter 2-3 x a week to work on it. I had sold 4 of my largest works and several small, which made me have to work double time for the show since I was supposed to bring them with me. I made more money the first quarter of the year than I had made in the previous year. I was stoked, feeling the passion, and was planning how I could manage more painting even after the birth of my second (coming Aug). Then something happened that deflated me completely. I only sold one painting at the show. But despite my initial disappointment, it really gave me some perspective. I had virtually neglected my daughter to paint for the show , and I realized its really not worth it. She's growing so fast and why should I stress my self out and take so much time away from her. I'm glad my show bombed. I'm taking a mommy break for the foreseeable future. My painting career will be waiting for me when I'm done spending these precious years with my little ones.

Its normal to feel your losing part of yourself. I take it your a fairly new mom? These feelings will pass. It will get easier. Right now your young child is completely dependent on you. Eventually you will lots of time for yourself.
I felt the same way I had three young children in 6 yrs. Now my oldest is 10yrs. Although my days are constantly I try to put 15 min aside for myself to scrapbook. Plus I am runnning most mornings for 40 min. I run before anyone in my house awakes. This is important for me to get some time by myself.
I believe its normal to want to some time by yourself. Could you ask your husband or mom every Tuesday to put the baby to bed consistently. That would give you a break.Good luck.