I am a single mom, work full time, and have a 2 1/2 yo. I know that taking care of myself through exercise and eating right is in her best interest long term because I am teaching her healthy life habits. But, I often feel guilty picking her up from daycare, going directly to the gym, and taking her to the child care there so that I can work out. The child care is only available M-Th 4:30-7:30. I typically go 2-3 nights per week, for about an hour or so. I go on my lunch break on Fridays and take Sat & Sun off to spend with her. During the week, I feel like I am only spending a couple hours per day with my daughter. But I have to work and I really love getting my exercise in... How do other people deal with this? Thanks!
**Edit**
We did roller blade/run around the lake and to the parks several times this summer, but now that winter in MN has really hit, that is much more difficult (mix of ice, snow, and salt is not good for stroller wheels!). We live in the upstairs of a remodeled house, so out of respect for my downstairs neighbors, I avoid high impact cardio & bouncing around most of the time. The child care at the gym is good, they do activities and art projects often..and it is well supervised.
Thanks for all the support! It helps to know that other moms believe that taking a couple hours per week for their own health is beneficial for the whole family. In the short term, I am happier & more relaxed when I have exercised, in the long term, I will be there! And be healthy for it! My DD and I spend lots of quality time together, we cook/eat supper together, play games, read books, and talk about everything. Every Saturday is, as we call it, "Cassie-Mommy Day" where we spend the whole day together, doing all kinds of different activities. I will enjoy my time at the gym, not feel guilty for it and focus on the quality of the time I spend with my daughter rather than the quantity! And remind myself that I am modeling positive behaviors to her! Thanks again!!
There are many things you can do to get in exercise without having to put her in daycare. You exercise at home after she goes to bed. Or better yet after put on some music and dance around the house together. Ride a bike with a seat on the back for her. Put her in the stroller and take a long walk or a jog.
I was a single mother for a short time but I can tell you it is all about the quality of time not the quantity. Taking care of yourself is the best gift you can give to your child. Happy mommy, healthy mommy, happy child!!! Do not feel guilty and do not parent out of guilt. We can only do the best we can and it sounds like you are doing just that. Good luck to you!!
i married my husband when my son was 12. during that time prior, i was a single mother. while a single mom, i completed a double bachelor degree, a master degree and worked full time. my son was in daycare, or with family and friends when i needed to work/go to school.
we managed to make GREAT memories, given my busy schedule.
as others have suggested, it's more about quality than quantity. when together (even for 4 hours before bedtime) i'd turn off the phone, and we'd just spend that time together. in addition, we'd do things like play boardgames, eat "happy meals" make up silly songs....
bottom line, these were things that were "our time." it makes absolutely no sense to others, yet, to us, these silly times and crazy songs, et al, our OURS! and at 19, when we are together, we still laugh at those times together.
bottom line: make the time you spend with her meaningful. mothers who are with their kids all day, are usually not spending all of that time with them.
If you want more time with your child, then make time for her. Yes exercise is important--but years down the road you probably won't look back and wish for more time at the gym. It is hard to have "quality" time when you are pressed for time. Stressful running about doesn't make your life easier. I am not a single mom--I run a home daycare and my husband works nights. During the day my daughter has to share me with the other kids and get some daddy time before he goes to work. At night I've had to make compromises to ensure she gets one on one time with me. Quantity matters especially if it bothers you.
What other exercise alternatives do you have that don't involve the gym? Could you get a jogging stroller and go jogging with her? Could you use more of your lunch breaks for gym time? Could you use exercise videos and cheap home equipment? I hope you find a way to balance both things!
You've gotten great advice here. You are doing the right thing both for yourself and your kiddos.
I am a single mom of 4 and have shortened my workouts to 3 days a week and make a saturday or sunday where I do a physical activity with them, and then I go rock climbing for several hours on Saturday when the kiddos go spend time with their dad for half the day.
Good for you! It's good to take the time for yourself. We moms tend to fall into the trap of wrong thinking that we have to sacrifice everything for our loved ones and those we're responsible for.
I teach a yoga class and one of the affirmations that I encourage during my class is "Today we come here guiltlessly. We give ourselves this time to recenter and focus. We love and care for ourselves so we, in turn, can care for others." It is imperative that you allow yourself the time. Think of it this way: You are teaching your daughter balance, stewardship, strength and love of self.
I am a mom of grown children and I know that the one regret I have is that we kind of lost what we wanted and let it be all about the kids. I realize that now that mine are grown and we have plenty of time for the gym, going out, etc. It is so easy to get sucked into all of the guilt and as they get older, the sports, etc. While it is obviously important to take care of your daughter it is also important to take care of yourself. I tell my daughter with children to take the time to go to the gym, go out with friends, etc. It is good for the kids to see that you count also and it is also just plain good for you. Stop with the guilt and just do the best you can.
All moms send themselves on guilt trips.
I've been a single mom for a very long time, by choice.
I've had to work, I've had to do things to support my kids. I've also had to take time once in a while to do things for myself because let's face it.....a happy mom raises happy kids.
You are talking about 2 to 3 hours per week that your daughter is with you, just not working out while you are.
Your daughter doesn't know any different.
My kids love me. My kids appreciate the sacrifices I made for them and they never once held it against me if I wanted to do something for myself.
If your daughter is handling things fine, she's probably enjoying her play time too.
When my daughter was little, we joined a swim membership and we swam together everynight when I got off work. It was awesome.
Little kids get used to schedules.
It's freezing in MN right about now so I don't know if you'd be into the swimming thing, but my daughter and I loved having that time.
Best wishes!
I know what you mean. I'm a single mom too. I go to college all day and work out. While I work out my parents watch her so she's still with family and she loves my dad. I feel guilty alot too especially when I have to do homework while I'm with her. I just try to make the time we have together worthwhile... go to the park... we go for walks every day before it gets dark... pretend play with her kitchen. Whatever it is. I don't think she minds daycare, my cousin watches her and has other kids that she plays with... sometimes she doesn't want to leave lol. Just remember to make the time worthwhile. And don't ever forget to pay attention to what she tells you or the way she reacts to things. I make a conscious effort to make sure no one is abusive or making her sad or I just talk to her about her day (she's 2 so it's not in-depth lol). Try to make at least 15-30mins during the work week just for you and her, even if it's before bedtime... it'll make her feel like she is special to ya :D
These are some good suggestions. I'm happy to see them and hope you get more! I am in the same boat. I'm not a single mom, but I went back to work full-time in February, and I especially feel guilty about my 2 year old. If I work out during the week, I basically don't see him at all (his dad picks him up and he's in bed by the time I get home OR he's almost in bed, terribly tired and it's basically just a hug, kiss and sleep), and I also pick up my 4 year old and take him to another "care" situation as you've described -and by the time we get home, he's up for maybe an hour. I've been able to make do lately with going out walking and running with them in the double stroller, but as the days shorten and the weather gets more cold and rainy, I really have to move it inside. You're doing her a favor by modeling and teaching her healthy habits! I just try to keep that in my mind too!
I felt the SAME way when I was a single mom. I really felt it was important to have a healthy dinner together and to have the evening with my daughter especially after working all day.
So I bought a great Schwinn AirDyne bicycle. I like that model b/c it was the only one that got myheart rate up in 20 minutes. I used it during the winter followed by floor exercises.
During nicer weather, I had a bicycle seat on my bike, or a jogger stroller and walked or rode to the park, where she could play and I could stretch. You can even walk in the big malls before or after work with the stroller. Just leave your wallet in the car ;)
I also reorganized my work time to accomodate a walk at lunch. I can only do a real 'work out' in the morning or early afternoon. I am too tired at night to do anything else. Unless there is some good music to sway to.
And I learned that I only NEED to work out 3 x week. So that automatically gave me every other day off with her.
I would be leery of exposure to so many germs between daycare and the gym child care. She must have a great immune system if she is not getting sick all that often.
Hope something helps you feel better.
I think being a single mom would be so hard. I can't imagine doing it alone. I really respect you for that! I also understand the guilt you feel going to the gym. I work in the mornings from 6:30-10:30 and then come home so my husband can go to work from 12:30-9. Usually I get home in time for the kids to nap for a few hours so I don't spend much time with them until after 2pm. I also feel guilty taking them to the gym for an hour or so because even though I am home with them from 11- bedtime I feel like I already missed out on the morning and therefore shouldn't miss anymore time. But that is not true. I LOVE exercising. It is so important to me to be healthy and fit, and I too want my kids to see how good it is for me. We talk about it alot. In the summertime I can do more with them like go on walks, take them for a jog in the jogging stroller, do lunges and squats outside while they are playing. But winter is way harder. Don't feel guilty. No matter what, we as moms, feel guilty over things regarding our children. We go to the gym 3-4 times a week and everytime I explain why I like to run and lift weights and I thank my children for giving me some time to do what I enjoy. Your daughter is old enough to explain this too. And I imagine you need some unwind, destress time being the sole provider for your family. Exercise relaxes me like nothing else. I understand your guilt but you aren't a bad mom for taking time for yourself.
Maybe you could do an exercise video at home some times or take her in the stroller. Is there someone who could watch her on the weekends so you could workout on Sat and Sun instead of the week days? Also, have you considered going to a different gym that offers more flexible childcare?
I suppose it's completely a matter of choice and personal preference. But usually when the mommy guilt strikes, it's because there need to be some changes made. I would probably try to go completely during lunch breaks so I could be with my child every evening.
Good luck!
I do Corepower Yoga. They have studios I can go to when I get the opportunity or they have an online library so I can do a sculpt class while my husband puts them to bed.
Netflix and hulu both have workout videos available.
