Feeling Defeated. What Have You Found to Be Impossible to Do with Your Kids?

Ah, fun times. The first time I took all 3 kids grocery shopping I put my 3 year old on the back of the cart, the newborn in the cart, and the almost 2 year old riding in the front. I looked at the cart and started crying...where was the food going to go?!?! And they were being good!!

Tonight we were at Target (now 10, 8, and 6). The boys are younger and they really don't deal well when their older sister has to shop. She needed a $10 gender neutral gift for her class gift exchange on Friday. After 45 minutes and retracing the whole store to not find the 6 year old's winter hat, we left with a gift card. Not fun. But I'd rather do that than not have them around at all...I'm a sap and miss them when they aren't around.

But yes, some days/things can be difficult. Let today pass and try another day. It will be okay!

At least you tried!!!

The impossible thing to do with my kids? Cooking! Just thinking about it gives me a twitch. It's getting easier as the kids get older, but the first time I cooked with my (then) 3 and 6 year old, I ended up going to bed with a migraine while my husband finished the project.

You weren't defeated you were outnumbered. lol. Been there done that soooo many times.

J., there's a point with kids that you just have to call it a day. What you have planned for them isn't important to them. It's important to you. You did the right thing, cancelling the skating.

It's a hard age where your daughter is. The best thing you can do is work hard at home with her and short jaunts out, dealing with her behavior and being 100% consistent with dealing with her behavior. As she gets older and matures into learning that you will always hold her to good behavior and give her consequences for difficult behavior, she will be a lot easier, and you'll be able to do this fun stuff with her easier.

For what it's worth, my older child was like this. Between the two of my boys, sometimes I thought I was herding cats... :)

Cooking, Baking, Crafts, etc without raising my voice

Sitting inside church for more than a few minutes before going out to the hallway or putting some of the kids in the nursery

Bringing all 4 kids to the doctor at the same time

Making it to a destination without the kids fighting in the car

Being able to take a daily shower

Pee without being watched or stalked

Make a healthy dinner that is praised by all

Have a conversation with another adult (in the presence of my kids) without losing my train of thought

Convince more than 1 of my kids to stay in the childcare area at ANY gym I've tried--so much wasted money in memberships that I haven't been able to actually use.

Hahaha! You just described my 2002 - 2009. Fun, FUN years. And by FUN, I mean excruciatingly horrifying. My oldest has special needs, my middle child is…well, a high maintenance middle-child princess, and my youngest was calm, but stubborn. NOTHING got done during those years. Eventually, I flat out refused to take all 3 with me anywhere. One at a time or none at all.

I'm happy to report that things are much better now. Of course, at 16, 13 and 11, they still have their moments, but overall, life is very pleasant.

I look at pics of myself back then and I'm like "Ugh, I looked AWFUL!" Seriously, I was overweight, dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep, bad skin (post baby hormones never quite balanced themselves out, I guess), just awful. I look (and feel) better now than I did 10 yrs ago, that's for sure!

Wow! As I was reading I thought, "she's so smart she left the baby behind and is getting skates at the rink with her brother to help". That's what I would have done, but the only place we have ice here is at the mall, at the indoor rink....so I wouldn't have purchased them. I personally would not have taken all 3 with me unless I had a way to lock at least 2 up at a time. I wouldn't "wear the baby" because then there is always this thing in the way and I get claustrophobic, but luckily, neither one of my kinds wanted to be carried like that. Lets see, what won't I do with my kids?

1. Take both to the doctor at the same time by myself. (My 2.5 year old is an autistic runner and they don't have doors that lock.)

2. Take both to playland because they run in but I still have to order outside the playland....and how do you hold 2 hands while carrying a tray and a purse, and did I mention I have a runner? etc....

3. Take my son to his Shriner's X-ray and body-brace fitting appointments by myself, it is a whole day project and those bathroom doors unlock from the inside when you turn the handle, and the door to the parking lot are automatic next to the entrance.

4. Do anything outside where I might have to leave one to chase the other, ie the park, unless it is enclosed. Luckily, I found a preschool run by the school district so we can go there when school is closed.

Eating a Kit Kat.

I just got back from the grocery store with my two boys (7 & 9) and my daughter (4). I literally hate grocery shopping with them. The boys get rowdy, can't keep their hands off each other, etc. Every week I tell myself I am never going while my husband is working again. And every week I end up going. They promise to behave, but by the time we leave, I am ready to collapse into the fetal position and cry. It's pure misery. Right now they are confined to their room and I am on the couch nursing a headache typing this. Sigh.

aw, dang. i'm sorry. i'd be grumpy too.
we gave up on going out to eat (except the usual fast food stuff) when we had little kids. i remember deciding to try a nice restaurant one afternoon on our way home from a hike, when we decided we needed a treat. we figured our casual dress would be okay since it was about 5 on a bright summer afternoon, and although the maitre d' lifted a patrician eyebrow at us, he did let us in, complete with 10 month old and hiking boots. you could hear the palpable hush as we entered the dining room, and the few dowagers dining early turned to examine us through their monacles.
we sat down at the lovely table with its linen and crystal, situated our baby in his high chair, and he promptly shrieked happily and yanked the tablecloth. right. off. the. table.
we picked up our baby and our backpack, and left with our backs straight and our lips resolutely not quivering.
yes, we weren't the brightest young couple.
:) khairete
S.

There are times I can't even manage the grocery store with a one year old and a three year old. You are brave to try and should not feel defeated. Not everything we set out to accomplish is destined for roses and rainbows. Deep breath and steady on. This too shall pass. Better luck on the next outing.

Yeah, sometimes kids are so impossible. For one of my kids that is a LOT of the time. I often feel defeated and exhausted. Thank goodness there are good times too or we'd throw in the towel. I sometimes joke w my husband that now I know why some people send their kids away to boarding school. Sounds tempting!

My daughter has always been headstrong but this year in first grade we've really hit a wall when it comes to her doing math homework that involves going on a particular website they are expected to do for school. It's boring for one thing, and trying to "beat the clock" doing addition problems seems to be too much pressure for her. I can think of a million better ways for her to get her math facts down that would be more fun and less stress but this is part of the curriculum at her school, and even the consequence of having to face the teacher doesn't phase her - it gets her upset but then she still doesn't want to do the work. And I am ready to throw my hands up and give up on it...she is getting nothing positive out of it and this is only first grade!

Just about everything! My high maintenance 4 year old ice skates and swims...not easily though. I love him dearly, but he is very high maintenance. I cannot take him around the block for a walk or even into a store without some drama such as running away, demanding drinks and candy, yelling at me, not listening--you get the picture. I feel defeated and beat down most of the time. My husband won't even watch him for me if I need to run out because he is into everything and nonstop go, go, go. Forget the babysitter too--she won't watch him either! Now, my 8 year old is into the tattling stage...never ends sometimes.

You have 3 kids...you have your hands full. Sometimes you just have to let things go. There is always tomorrow to do things. Today was your day, not your kids' day.

Sometimes the best times are those that happen spontaneously without plans.

I'd be grumpy too!

I also will do ANYTHING not to shop with even one of my 5.
But shoes, yeah, they have to try them on probably (skates, at least).

Shopping. And playing Ruzzle.

I can't go through a grocery store with my 15 year old son without leaving with a box of Little Debbie Snack cakes or some other junky junk food. He turns me into a sucker every time. He's soooo eaaarnest.

Sorry you had a rotten day. Sometimes we have visions in our heads of how fun an activity will be, either because it was fun for us as kids or because it's something we always yearned for. Our psyches move ahead to the fantasy picture and not to the details of getting everyone properly outfitted. We forget that ice skating is difficult, kids don't have the ankle strength to keep upright, they don't have the coordination to move forward on skates, and all the other practical mattes such as the difficulty in fitting skates to feet.

We also forget that getting bundled up in winter gear makes going potty a huge hassle. The same thing happens when we sign our kids up for baseball - we envision a beautiful day, lots of good sportsmanship, and everyone having a good time. We don't envision that kids can't hit, don't know the rules, or spend time in the outfield wishing for juice and potato chips while hoping to God no one hits the ball to them.

Try to remember that hikes in the woods incur mosquitos and poison ivy, beach days involve sand and sunscreen, and hauling a lot of gear from the parking lot, plus some noisy teens on the next blanket. Big birthday parties can involve kids getting "the gimmies" when all they want to do is open gift after gift without saying thank you, while all the other kids are bored to distraction watching their friend open 25 gifts!

What I do is try to scale back - for example, I might try roller skating instead of ice skating - still hard, but at least it's not so cold and it's easier to stand up. I'd also try some other fun activities that don't require as much equipment or preparation. For example, getting a free pass at the public library that gets me and my kids into a local museum feels like fun- and if they get cranky and want to go home, I know I didn't pay full admission fees.

Try to have an extra adult on hand, and not to take on more than kids are old enough and coordinated enough to manage. Have birthday parties with 6 kids, not 25. Take on activities appropriate to your kids' developmental stages - try some scooters or rip sticks instead of ice skates, try a small indoor play area that doesn't require a lot of skill, or a small hands-on kids museum.

As for dealing with defeat - remember that the best baseball player in the world only gets a hit 1/3 of the time, the top football quarterback has lots of incomplete passes, and the top author went through 12 drafts before getting a publishable novel! Also try to find joy in the little stuff rather than the expensive involved stuff that needs a lot of prep time. You're not a failure - you're a parent who wanted her kids to have a great experience. It didn't work out. That's not failure - that's life. It is a learning experience. And you'll teach your kids to bounce back better from disappointments and defeats if you don't label everything as a contest to be won (even if you're only competing against yourself). You're not defeated - you just overestimated.

Going to the store…bringing both children to any store is very daring on my part. ANY store with my 11yr old is torture. She whines about what she wants but can’t have, every other sentence is “can, I have(insert said item) .?. With the three year old it is a toss up. Some days she will sit quietly in the cart observing her surroundings and sometime she is more like the Tasmanian devil, running around the store and yelling at the top of her lungs. So, I have resolved myself to the fact that I will not have a pleasant shopping experience if I bring the children with me. Period. I have dreams of retirement one day and fondly looking back at this time of my life and laughing..right now I just shake my head and wonder…why?.lol

LOL! So.been.there. I decided to do a children's Christmas tree with nothing but homemade crafts this year.......let's see, my iPad got covered in paint, my 2 year old had several meltdowns, my children painted the face of this Santa ornament red, instead of the hat part, so we had to adapt....it was a circus! But miraculously the tree is beautiful! But yes, I hate it when I plan something awesome and the kids just aren't on board! Glad all is well :)

I don't think you were defeated. Although, I understand the feeling. I think you did the right thing by canceling ice skating. If everyone can't behave, it isn't the right time. You made a good choice.