So I moved to NYC fresh out of college and lived there for over 10 years, specifically Brooklyn. I loved it. Brooklyn saw me through my wild single twenties and into my early ( less wild) 30's, meeting my husband, getting married etc etc...When I found out I was pregnant with twins last May, my husband and I did some number crunching and soul searching and decided buying an apt and raising the twins in the city might not be the best decision for us. The allure of having a backyard for them to run in and neighbors we actually knew and just the idea that we could possibly live in more then 1000 square feet was too much. We bought our first house in Rowayton and moved here in late October.
At first I was way too preoccupied with my pregnancy, working and nesting to feel lonely. Then suddenly I was a sleep deprived new mom of twins, too tired and busy to even think about a social life. Months went by in this "new" town of mine and the transition into new mom was a rocky one filled with colicky crying babies and diagnosis of Fibromyalgia. Awesome. I also realized that in the span of a year, I went from my husband and I living in the city, working full-time and going out and hanging out with good friends several times a week, to being a SHAM of twin babies, with a husband that doesn't get home until 9pm at night, in a town where I practically do not know a soul aside from my neighbors who are super nice but about 15-20 years older then me.
Happily I can report both girls, although a handful, are happy healthy 7 month old babies. And although I am completely in love with them, let's be honest neither is a very good conversationalist. I miss my girlfriends and my hip/silly/fun group of women I surrounded myself there. The idea of starting over again in a new town is bumming me out. Does anyone have any advice on how this 35 year old semi-hip mother of twins babies can meet some down to earth, cool women in roughly the same area and circumstances as me? Feel free to share your stories of how you "started over", just knowing there are other women out there who can relate gives me the energy and strength to get myself out there and start making new friends. Any advice, tip etc is welcome.
Thanks ;)
Thank you everyone for the advice and empathy. It feels good just knowing I'm not alone. I was so bummed out when I wrote that, just really feeling sorry for myself because I didn't want to go through the whole making new friends thing at 35, when it took me years to cultivate the fabulous friendships I had in Brooklyn. I know they are still my friends, but I related particularly to the post about being the first of your friends to have a baby. That's totally me...so not only did I move an hour away to the burbs and have 2 babies, I am almost the only one in my group who is married with kids too. So it makes me have to work extra hard to maintain my old relationships. But blah... blah yeah loneliness, I need to buck up and just start making things happen. You wonderful ladies had so many great suggestions and words of encouragement I am so happy I posted my question.
So here's where I am. I checked out the local YMCA and I'll be joining it on Monday. I'm excited to start Yoga and use the pool there, plus the girls can take classes too! I also checked out a local Art center and will be signing up for a pottery class that starts Sept 20th. Lastly it's time I get over my fear of taking the girls places alone ( twins can be hard) and go to a Mom's of Multiple's event. We (husband and I) are also joining Newcomers and the Rowayton Parents Exchange. So that's my update...I will also continue to explore some of the other options suggested here too. So guess we'll see what happens. Fingers crossed. Thanks everyone!
I went through the same thing. I joined www.mothersandmorect.com. It is a group of SAHM's that used to work full time. We had outings, play groups, etc. Good Luck.
I had something similar to this. I got pregnant by my boyfriend and he and I decided that we would place for adoption. So through out my pregnancy I was excited to go back to school and enjoy my old life. Well I decided not to place my son in the span of an hour and all of a sudden my life changed drastically. I had the baby blues really bad, I was depressed that my life wasn't what I had planned it to be, Had to change majors (I was a theatre major and I realized I needed a job that actually made money), I was friendless because I was 30 minutes away from my friends and they were busy with school, plays, work, and being newly weds (which really stabbed me, since I was a single mom and they were sooo happy with their new lives). I also was stuck at home because my car was a really, really small sports car that had two seats. So a car seat wasn't smart to put in there. So I was stuck. Literally stuck.
When we moved to a new house closer to my friends I started to see them a bit more, but it wasn't enough to really make a dent. So one day I packed Oliver up and we walked to the park and there I met a really great lady. She and I became friends fast. Things are better now. I also now am going to school and working so that has helped me. Don't know if you might be able to take a class or something. Go out to the park and try that. That worked for me.
Good for you that you have caught this earlier than I did...my son was 16 months before I realized all my pre-children friends were not around and I didn't have any new "mommy" friends.
I had heard about MOPS (mothers of pre-schoolers) so I looked them up on line and just showed up at a meeting closest to my house. I also looked into Meet-up.com I found two groups of moms on there and joined in their play dates. Before I knew it I had an activity everyday of the week and new mommy friends to hang out with. I also started going to baby story time at the local library and met moms there.
I finally had to cut back and now I am just in MOPS and faithfully go to story time at the library...and still have friends and play dates and girls night outs with out kids or husbands, all the time.
Just get out there and find a group you click with.
You go girl!!
Congrats on the healthy twins! :)
I have 2 /12 year old twin boys and I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from. All the classes where you may meet other mom's are easy when you have a singleton, not when you have twins. Most of those classes require one adult to each baby/toddler...soooooo, I would try and find a M.O.P.S. group in your area. Although it is called Mother Of PreSchoolers, it is moms with children ages newborn to 5 or 6. I JUST found this out on Sunday...UGH!! I went all these years seeking some time with other women, and wondering WHERE are other moms in my area in my situation (seeking friendship in an area where I knew knowone)?!? I did not think that you join M.O.P.S. until your children were starting preschool...wish I knew now what I just found out!
Hope this helps a bit!
Good luck with you little ladies :)
Moms groups, book clubs, and co-op preschools.
Oh honey, I have so been there, done that! only we moved due to hubby's job changes
You are grieving and that is totally normal. BTW congrats on the twins.
A few quick ideas--library, La Leche League (even if you are not nursing I bet they would let you come to meetings or give you the names of some moms with kiddos about the same age as yours), church/temple, newcomers club (with a baby-sitting co-op; great!!), any kind of intereset you had before kids (bowling, book discussion group etc).......or just hang out where you think moms and kids might go e.g. parks, MCDonalds, etc.
did you go to college? check for alums, sorority sisters etc. If they are not in your shoes they may know someone who is
PLEASE feel free to PM me if you want, I totally know what you are going through!
K. Z.
____@____.com
Be a DINKY isn't as rewarding as SAHM
Cool people have kids too-identity crisis or not
Here are a few ideas
MOPS - the kids go in an area and the moms do silly crafts and talk
neighborhood play groups, coffee hour if their isn't one start one
Look at The Community Parks and Recs or YMCA
There are a lot of classes of little one normally the start as early as
18 months
baby swim classes
Gymboree
Mom n' me classes
baby music classes
then 2 1/2 preschool
School and your kids friends moms are your friends
Hopefully your kids are cool too and are hanging semi hip kids.
Oh not to worry! You're still hip. That never changes!! At least that's what I tell my kids (22,24) about myself. Ok. They roll their eyes.
Yeah, it's a big transition for sure and understandably you miss friends etc. Good friends. Who wouldn't miss that.
To be honest, I made a big change in my life a little older than you are and moving to a new city hasn't been easy. Partly because everything changed so much for me. Stepping back now though, I know that much of my 'disconnect' where I moved to was because I wasn't looking around the community and getting involved. You may find in time that having kids will actually make it easier to meet people - people at the same stage you are in. Where little kids go, adults follow.
I feel you fun-loving spirit in your post and am certain that is alive and well in you. For now, get sleep!!!!!! You've got your hands full, but you'll find your way through it. I'm sure it feels like a lot of diaper changing and feeding (not necessarily in that order!), but as they become more mobile and interactive with one another and other kids, you'll have a bit more time to explore what you need. Good luck! And don't forget - you're still really cool!! : - )
Congrats on the babies. I moved from NYC to CT and it was an easier transition for me because I didn't have kids yet. It sounds like the shell shock of new double motherhood had added to dificulty of your transition. When my first was about a year old, I still knew almost no one in my town. Then I joined the Welcome Club to get him into a playgroup and that has helped me imensely. There are kids events to keep you and your little ones busy and things for adults only. Now I have a circle of friends and and a ton of people I know around town. I always run into people at stop and shop or anyplace I go. I feel much more like it's my town now. There are some hip people even in suburban CT. Get out there and you'll feel much less isolated. Good luck.
You already got a lot of great suggestions, but you could also check out CT-MOMS and Moms Club
https://www.bigtent.com/groups/ctmoms
.
Go to meetup.com and search for mom groups in your area!! This was a life saver for me!!!
Best of luck!
Every time I had a baby It seemed I moved to a new town. I always joined a great gym and joined a Newcomers Club and that is how I met all of my friends. You can also get involved with volunteering for a charitable organization or take your kids to classes with other babies. Enjoy your babies...they grow very fast!!
When I was a stay at home mom in an area where I knew absolutely no one a group of us started a babysitting co-op. Turned out we were almost all transplants from other areas ( no families to help babysit) We met one evening a month without kids to plan, meet new members and deal with "business" We got together about once a month with kids (playground, Holiday party, fast food with play area, small trip) and most importantly we exchanged babysitting coupons. Each coupon is worth an hour of babysitting and when you join you get a certain number of coupons, after that you earned more by babysitting at your convenience as arranged ahead of time. that way we could find babysitters we knew and trusted and get some kid free time without spending money! this was how I made friends with other moms who like me were new to the area.
Also follow your interests -running, skiing, crafts, reading, languages, find a club or join a gym, make sure you check the local library- mine has yoga classes, etc etc to find people with the same interests!
