Fear/refusal of Bowel Movement in 5 Year Old

This sounds very strange for a 5 year old. Maybe she is constipated or has some pain or discomfort when she has a bowel movement. Have you taken her to a doctor? Maybe try giving her something that would soften her stool... like prune juice or a stool softener and see if that helps.

My daycare lady's 3 year old son has always had a hard time with bowel movements. She gives him mineral oil everyday to help him out. Have you tried that. Some children just need a little extra help. It's not a disipline problem.

Let her know that is ok to use the bathroom. Its not healthy to hold it inside. Let her know the doctor might have to look at her, as a scare tactic. Holding it in only causes constipation, and possibly hemmoroids. I don't know what else to say.

Wow, I had that same problem when I was a little girl. According to my mom I started holding my bowels shortly after my little sister was born, I was 4. They took me to the docs and on their advice would always be making me take castor oil, metamucil, etc. The doc thought that maybe I was constipated once, had a painful stool, and then scared myself out of going after that. When I did finally go it was usually such a large stool that it would have to be broken up before it could be flushed (always a wire hanger on the side of the toilet for just that purpose). It went on for years. I remember holding it when I had the urge, I wanted to go because I was so uncomfortable, I even have pictures that look like I'm pregnant when I was little! Finally at about age 9 or 10, during a summer visit to Grandma's house, Grandma convinced me to allow her to give me an enema. She had me hold the water for as long as I could then rushed me to the toilet. I remember that it felt SO good to get all of the waste out of my belly! My stomach was flat, and she complimented me on how much more comfortable I must be. And she was right. Now, enemas arent fun, I didnt really care for the ritual of it, but I felt so much better afterwards that it was worth it. I was back climbing trees, and Grandma let my buy a new bathing suit (bikini) that showed off my "flat" 9 yr old tummy. She fed me a lot of fruits and veggies during this process to insure I was getting the fiber necessary to faciltate healthy bowel movements. After about 8 or 10 days of the enema ritual I was ready to go it alone. I remember Grandma putting me on the "pot" and saying "You can do it". And I did! And I was cured forever more.
I don't know what a doctors advice would be these days, I'm aware that holding your stool is very poisonous to your system, and this old fashioned method would probably be shunned by the medical association of this day and time. But, I think my grandmother saved my life. I've been fine ever since that summer of 66.

i had this prob. when I was little and for me it was a control issue. i was embarrased to go, i thought poop was gross. i would sit on my foot to hold it in until the urge to go went away.
hopefully with your daughter it's just a physical thing. i was kind of messed up as a kid. i had a lot of anxiety prob.s

Have you (or your brother) talked to her doctor? There could be something wrong that is causing her not to be able to go. It may just hurt too bad that she trys to hold it in as long as she can. Her doctor would probably be able to run tests to see if anything is medically wrong. I hope that helps!

Hi C.!

I think this is really normal for alot of kids at this age. I know my son, now 5, did something similar before he started Kindergarten this year. Once he began school, he was "occupied" until he came home, which is when he would go. He eventually had "no time" to think about it, and it just happened.

"Poop happens", and there's no way around it! They come whether she wants it or not. She'll figure out that it's a normal daily happening, and she'll get used to it. Right now, she is at home, so it's the worst event of her life, and it's all she thinks about NOT wanting to do.

I stopped asking my son "do you have to go to the bathroom", as he was standing there with that "poop look" on his face. I thought, he'll figure it out by himself. He knows where the potty is, and he knows to call me when he's done. As long as he didn't go in his pants, I was fine with him waiting until the very last second. He eventually figured it out by himself. When he did, after the first time, we went to the supermarket and bought cupcakes, and had a "Poo Poo Party" to celebrate his success. After a couple of days he became so much better, I had to keep making a "big deal" out of his success, so after he went (without me reminding him), I would do this BIG pick him up, and swing him around "song and dance". That made him want to be successful, so I would do that everytime for him. He still remembers that "song".

For now, just "ignore her". Let HER be the one to decide if it's time to go. She'll figure it out by herself.

Good Luck!

:o) N.

Hi C.,
Is her stool hard? Do you think she is having/had pain during a BM? If her stools are hard, have her eat more blueberries, pears, carrots, and whole grains to soften her stool. I give my daughter water down pear and blueberry juice daily per her doctor's instructions because she tends to have hard stools. Also drinking plenty of water and limiting her milk intake helps. Have they talked her doctor? It sounds like she is afraid to go, maybe because she had painful BMs in the past? At her age, you should be able to find out why she has such a fit by asking her. Does she go in a pull up or panties? Some kids are don't like the idea of pooping on the toilet. My oldest brother would get SO upset, especially if you flushed it in front of him. He would cry and tell my mom "That's MY poopy!" Wish I could be of more help.
L.

My little cousin did this and we found out it hurt for her to go so we started giving her more bran and stool sofners for her to go easily. I know it sounds weird but it wont hurt to try.

M.

My daughter had this problem, as her BMs had been painful since she was a baby. Our doctor recommended Metamucil cookies (just be sure to have her drink lots of water with them and follow the recommended dosage). It took a while, but eventually she realized that it didn't hurt to poop any more and the bathroom wasn't such a scary place.

Good luck!

C.,
There are great suggestions here for the physical... but, I also think that the root of any "disease" or challenge is emotional. What's been happening in her little life? She may not be feeling comfortable, may not have to ability to articulate it, and is "holding" things inside.

Little ones are so prone to being influenced by others, and can misunderstand what is said or done to, or around them. Often it's a deep need for more contact and a negative method of getting it... kinda like the unconscious mind is acting out in the conscious way because there's a perception of lack in some way.

Maybe there's stuff going on in her family, or if she's goes to kindergarten or preschool something may be going on there.

Just start asking her direct questions, and offer that it may be good for her to think if something happened that upset her... go direct to that and she may be really clear. I've noticed that kids don't always know how to say things, but with tenderness and persistence and of course lots of leading questions, you can help her relax and open up.

You may have tried all these things already, but in case you haven't: dried fruit, apple juice, plenty of water throughout the day. Her stools may be very difficult for her to pass. She may have just had one episode of it and now she fears it will happen every time. Books help too. "Everybody Poops" is a great one.
Good luck!

My nine year old daughter has had difficult bowel movements since she was an infant. As a baby, she would have a B.M. once a week. My advice for your niece is medical attention. There may be a reason for the discomfort and refusal to go. In my daughter's case, her rectum has a slight bend it in. We tried everything, short of surgery (if there is one), to help her. Fleet enemas, glycerin suppositories, prescription meds. Although these things helped her to go, they intensified the pain and discomfort in the process. Talk about sreaming! I'd spend literally an hour or two with my daughter in the bathroom, or holding her, feeling like a labor room nurse. I felt so bad for her. It wasn't until we started using good old fashioned flax seed, that her B.M.s became regular and somewhat normal. We buy the organic ground flax seed from Raley's and put a spoonful in her hot cereal. I hope this helps your niece - my heart goes out to her.
~L.

It may be painful for her to have a bowel movement. We went through this with my son, where he was afraid to go and would hold it because he had gone through a time where they were painful and then thought they always would be. You may want to talk to her doctor. Our doctor suggested some diet changes, and adding mineral oil to beverages to make things easier.

have you tryed asking her phisition if there is something to disorder that makes it hard for her to go, it might be i for get what it's called, but there might be a med. to help her. it might help, you never know. know i have the same problem, some times i bleed after i go poop, so i bought the tablets to soften it up so it would be easer, mabey the doctor can give you what you may need, or aleast tell you what else to try, or get...?? god luck, i know its no fun when your babby is in pain! i now this so very well!! your friend, P. E. Rogers.. sorry gotta go my stephen is up n up set..bye

Have you had her checked out at the Dr.'s? It sounds like she needs, at the least, some more fiber in her diet.

I don't know if I can be much help, but I know I asked a question about what to do for my son that is 2 years old holding his poop as well.
I had a lot of great responses. I had responses from Eat more fruits, drink water, Veggie.
Well my son is very very picky, So I have given him water and he's also limited what he eats, I can't force him he eats (snacks) when he wants. I hear it's a control thing at this age...
I had really good advise from a few that have said that FLAX SEED oil (I got mine at Trader Joe's $7.00) Put 1/2 teaspoon in whatever she's eating or drinking, Sometimes his babysitter gives it straight, it's not bad. My son actually reminds me to put it in his juice or food.
I also started him on Probiotics', they have children/Infant and adult versions. Its a powder form and can be added into water, juice, milk. I give it to him every night. 1 time. This has helped him want to make bowel movements, but now I am trying to clear up the Yeast infection he got from holding his poop for some time and get an infection that turned into a yeast infection, but it's 60% better than it was, so hopefully it will be gone soon.
I also had to do the Fleet Child enema, that was the most painful thing I had to do for my child and I stopped that because I didn't want him to become dependent on those.
After I stopped it took a week for the flax seed and probiotics to start working.
So maybe try the flax seed and probiotics, it's natural, better than what some dr's are telling me to give my son.
Miralax, Mineral oil, all those things cause stomach cramps to kids...
So best of luck....

A friend of mine had the same problem with her son. Eventually she started giving him a mild stool softener (the enzyme found in yogurt, I think) and that helped a lot.
Good luck-
n

My daughter held her BMs from the time she was an infant. We tried all fruit/veggie diets, prune juice, mineral oil and suppositories to no avail. Finally what worked (at 2 years old...it was a LONG two years!) was a teaspon of Miralax everyday in her first cup of juice every morning. It's a tasteless, odorless and supposedly harmless laxative. The doctor originally told us to use a tablespoon for the first month and wean her down to the appropriate level. I don't even measure it anymore but we use between one half and one whole teaspoon everyday for her. She has a nice soft formed BM everyday, and this has been going on for 15 months already. It's been the best 15 months! Good luck.

My step son had the same problem when i met him. He was afraid of the toilet. I told him i had the same problem as a kid, assured him nothing will get you, and told him i used a poker machine. Just sat a played the game and it was over. The screaming is the pain from large and hard stools. He is now 14 and still has the game in his bathroom.. Good luck.

Dear C.,
I had this happen in my family when my son was 5-14 years old. I took him to a psychologist who felt that it was his way of expressing anger. After a while his body "took over" and he did not have control of his bowels any more, so it is important to take care of it when the issue first appears. The only thing that seemed to improve the situation was when I spent lots of quality time with him. That was difficult to do when I worked full-time, and not working wasn't an option. Apparently he was angry that I had to work and wasn't there for him more often. Eventually he did gain control over his bowels. I would suggest working with a psychologist.
Good luck,
B.

Hi C.. is it possible that your niece is constipated and has pain whenever she has a bowel movement? Is there any bleeding when she poops? I've given my daughter Miralax, a gentle stool softener, that I add to her drinks. It's tasteless and makes it easier to have bowel movements, but not the diarrhea kind. It's also important to not make it a power struggle. Good luck!

I had a relative with this issue, and for ages the parents didn't want advice. I kept suggesting things like more fruit juice and water, more fruit, reduce sugars and other junk food,, ask his doctor . . . but the parents kept saying he'd grow out of it. So, from less than 2 till past 5 there were tears more often than not for the poor little guy.

Eventually they did ask the doctor, and he suggested Metamucil or any other Fiber supplement, and said to be sure he drank plenty of juice and water to allow the fiber to work.

He took a childs dose of 1/2 level teas at least morning and night and to try to do it at lunch as well, but with him being old enough to go to school that was only likely to happen weekdays. He was supposed to have at least 8 ounces of juice or water with each serving and to drink juice or water several times during the day as well. No sodas.

It worked! At first he continued to try to hold it back to avaoid the pain (which is the worst thing they can do) but as the bowels continued to be softer and pain free that fear went away and he has been just fine since. I think they only had to use the fiber less than a year, and there had been no return of the problem. He is in highschool now.

Your brother may want to check with his doctor first, but it worked just fine for him.

Another relative with diverticulosis had her doctor tell her to use fiber sublements 3 times a day, and when she remembers to do it goes pain free for ages. But when she forgets, she gets into trouble with that again. Amazing, isn't it.

I hope this helps!

What is her diet like? Maybe her bowel movements are painful. I wouldn't want to go then, either. Is she getting plenty of fiber? Water? Is her diet full of sugars, white flours, and fats? I would definitely take this issue to a medical doctor. She could have some blockage, or another problem. Stress can cause painful elimination in children, too. How is her emotional health? A laxative is a quick fix, but can exacerbate a problem. Like they say.... An apple a day, keeps the doctor away. Apples (peel on), prunes, etc will be better. Make sure she is getting these daily.

Hi C.. I have seen a situation similar to your nieces. I have a nephew who was affraid of using big toilets, especially at school, and because of this, he would have accidents (bowel accidents). One thing that we did try was getting him a child size toilet seat decorated in blues clues for the house and one for school. It worked for him. His teachers were extreamly happy because he stopped having accidents. There's also a childrens book called "Everyone Poops" that has helped a child of a friend of mine use the toilet. Hopefully something works out for you.
Best of Luck,
A.

This is a medical condition called encopresis. Our son had it last year and I know just what you're going through. Talk to the doctor about getting the official diagnosis, but I think if you Google encopresis it should give you all the info. you need. We started a treatment plan including suppositories at the beginning, followed by mineral oil and fiber supplements. A doctor can outline the right plan for your child. It's not something that will go away overnight. We had some relapses, but after about six months now, it's better.

My 3 year old son would go 4 or 5 days without pooping and then of course it was so hard that it really hurt. I tried the stool softener but he didn't like the taste and threw it up. I started giving him fiber one bars. They have 35% of an adults fiber and I buy him the chewy chocolate chip oatmeal bars. We call them "granola bars" and he loves them. since I started giving these to him every day he has been having a bowel movement about every other day and is a much happier kid! He too would be really cranky by the fourth day without a bowel movement. He also didn't want to poop in the potty for some reason, so I watched him closely and he has signs when he has to go so I watch for him to start squirming holding his bottom, etc. Trust me with that much fiber they can't help but go sooner. then I take him to the potty. He still resisted pooping on the potty, and he screamed and tried to get off, but I just made him sit there, we read books, etc and finally he couldn't wait any longer and he went on the toilet. He was all proud and we talked about how much better it felt to do it on the toilet . Finally every time he does poop on the potty he gets to pick out a Dr. seuss book, as he loves these. Hope this advice helps, don't worry there are plenty of us out there dealing with the same issue, don't know what it is but my 3 year old does great with peeing in the potty, and is getting better about pooping in it too. Best of luck to you!