Fear of Heights

My daughter is 10 and won't ride the roller coasters either. She has also recently discovered a "fear for heights" as well. It mainly started on vacation when we were is the mountains looking down. But she's also a bit dramatic at times, hopefully your's is not. She has no problem with climbing a ton of stairs at to go up really high for the waterslides and such. ANYWAY......I really wanted to make a comment on what you had said about doing things when you are not with her. My opinion, that is something she will have to work out for herself. If she is at the mall with friends, or at six flags or anywhere, she will have to make the decision for herself on what she's willing to overcome. It's a part of growing and maturing. When she sees her friends doing things at theme parks and such, she may decide to try it, and think it can't be all that bad. It may beat the alternitive of sitting alone while everyone else is waiting in line. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Unless it's so bad where she breaks down with fear hysterically or something like that. Anyway, have tried talking with her about.....away from scene, at home, so she doesn't feel pressured to make a decision on the spot in front of the ride, may make a difference as well. HOpe everything will work out.

L.,

had that same problem with my youngest with the escalators. She hated them and would scream and trow a fit. one time when I was with my mother which was not a good thing.but I made he do it and now she is fine. but I am 42 and still don't like them. but I do it. So if you are ever at a mall and see a blonde trying to get on one and taking a while to wait for the right step that would be me.

But you know I think I would have ger talk to someone or see if she will sit down with you and just ask her what scares her about them and if it's her knee you have to understand. Which I know you do.

you know fears are real and are very hard to face. no matter how funny or weird they seem to others.

you might want to go down with her and hold her hand very tight and prove to her she will be ok. let her watch people go up and down and let her touch it and she it's not going to hurt her. let ease on to it again. I would love to talk to her if she would like that. I know we don't always want to reward our children to get them to do something. but in this case it might help to over come it. one might be a mommy and me day or a piece of candy or a dollar to do it till she can do with being afraid.

I love to help people and kids. I would meet you at mid rivers sometime and maybe we could both talk and we could both share things that bug us but we did it and we are ok.

We have a great young mother at our Church that is a consuler*sp* and that might help you too.

her name is Nataile- ###-###-####

please let me know what I can do to help you. Best wishes to you

A.

L.,
Have these fears just developed? Was she willing to go on rides at Six Flags before?

I have 2 boys; one is 11 and one is 14. My experience is that they all go through stages. My advice would be to not force her to do any of these things, if not necessary. Don't push her, and don't make her feel self conscious. I Know occasionally you will have to go up an escalator (try the stairs instead), or ride at night through the hills, but otherwise I would tell her "I understand you are not comfortable doing these things now, when you are ready just let me know and you can try them again" Sometimes when children are fearful, they just need to know that they have some control over not being pressured to do them. Eventually, as she gets older these fears may pass on their own.

My son, at 14 does not like the roller coasters either, but my 11 year old thrives on them. My 14 year used to like them, but I think the older he got, his thinking became more critical, realizing that there could be danger. He's an avid reader, and may have read something unpleasant about rides or heard something on the news.

Another thought could be that your 9 year old gets motion sickness. My son and husband have that-for instance riding in a car through hills, in the back seat is very uncomfortable for both of them. That is also why my husband can't tolerate rides at Six Flags.

Hopefully, this is just one of the many childhood stages that will come and go. Because she is active and not fearful in other areas, I would not worry about it. If she continues to develop other fears and becomes less and less social, staying inside and not wanting to leave you, then I would seek professional advice.
Otherwise, don't draw too much attention to those fears, because that will feed on them as well, and may prolong them.

Does it maybe make her feel sick - motion sickness / vertigo? I thought of that when you mentioned travelling at night, especially with hills. Maybe she's expressing feeling sick as really being afraid? Just a thought - good luck!

Hi, L.!

We all have our fears, and are these so rediculous? She's an active child. Her fears are not keeping her from doing the important things...going to school, physical fitness, all of the "normal" things little girls do. So she doesn't enjoy the amusement parks, so what? That's not a requisite of being a kid, it's just not understandable by you because you happen to enjoy that, but our kids are not us...they are seperate entities and thus have different desires and dreams--and fears. After all, our fears have a purpose...they are natural reactions to memories that keep past tragedies from reoccuring. They are designed to keep us safe.

If you are afraid that this will become an unhealthy obsession then maybe you should work on her faith. I have overcome fears by realizing that my higher power has a plan for me, and having faith that nothing, *NOTHING*, that happens to me or around me will stray from that plan. You can also use affirmations. Have her memorize a small saying, like "God made me special and he cares about me" that she can repeat if she finds herself faced with fear. It doesn't have to be God-based, but I find (as a very spiritual person) that it helps me to remind myself of His eternal presence in my life, and an affirmation is the best way to feel His presence in short-order. You can also use visualization techniques. Sit her down one afternoon and have her visualize a "happy place", down to the detail. What color are the walls (may I suggest light green or blue--these are calm colors), who is there, include her favorite items, favorite foods, etc. The point is to have her define a happy place when she's not faced with stress, and the more she practices going there when she's not fearful, the easier it will be for her to return there when she needs to. Include the affirmation, and then she can close her eyes for a couple of minutes, do these techniques, and open her eyes to a better perspective.

Hope this helps!