Extremely Attached Baby- I Can't Do Anything...

Updated on February 15, 2010
L.H. asks from Hollywood, FL
17 answers

Okay, so my daughter is about 6 1/2 months old. She has always been very attached to me and I like that. I wore her a lot in a sling or carrier when she was younger, but now I am carrying her around less because she gets antsy and tries to wiggle out. She really just wants to be held in my arms.
She has never really liked to be held by others and will immediately start crying for me. But about 2 weeks ago it got worse- I don't know if this is separation anxiety or not. She is like this with Daddy sometimes now too (it makes me feel bad for him). Now, she can be sitting on the floor right next to me, or even just a few feet away from me and she will not stop crying (hysterically) until I literally pick her up and put her on my lap or hold her very close.
I can't wash my face, go pee, or eat. Not to mention I can't prepare food in the kitchen- she isn't even happy in her highchair or exersaucer anymore.
I can't stand to hear her cry so I always pick her up- but I know this can't go on forever. She needs to learn that Mommy can't always come to her right away. So what should I do to help both her and I in the least painful way?

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D.S.

answers from New York on

My daughter was the same way. She wouldn't even go to her father at times and it did break his heart. On the positive side she is now 20 years old and lives away at college so her attachment did pass LOL!! Seriously though it drove me out of my mind at times. She was so bad that at a year old I couldn't take my shoes off and sit on the couch she would stand there and scream for my attention. I still don't know what that was about!!!! I had to take her everywhere with me. I read somewhere that playing peek-a-boo can help. Leave the room and then jump back in and say peek-a-boo. Extend the time that you disappear by a few minutes each time while she waits for you to reappear. It is supposed to reinforce to the child that mommy can disappear for a few minutes but she will always come back!!! It does make sense and it is worth a try. Good luck, in the meantime just go with it, it is just a phase and it will pass. I think the more you fight it the worse it can be. At this point in her life you are her whole world. One other suggestion is I always switched up toys, this helped when I really needed to get something done (like dinner). I would pull out the toys she didn't see to often and that would sometimes work as a distraction.

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B.H.

answers from Seattle on

My son was the exact same way, Hang in there it does get better and you will miss holding him.
THings i did to cope, and get through the day and be able to get stuff done besides hold my son, was to buy a baby carrier to put him on my back to carry baby in, so i was able to cook while he was close to me. Also able to clean, do laundry and vacuum!

Also i started very small amounts of time in exersauser/swing/ or bouncy chair in my range of sight and even if he fussed (as long as not screaming) I would just talk and sing to him while i did what i had to do. Eventually he just got the hang of it and was very happy in the seat. But for no more than 20 minutes, which was fine by me.......20 minutes was golden : )

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J.V.

answers from Phoenix on

Hang in there, it is a phase and it WILL pass. What about a ring sling so you can do a hip carry?

1 mom found this helpful
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L.O.

answers from Detroit on

You must be talking about my daughter.

It will get better... in time.

I went back to work when my daughter was 6 months.. but when I came home she was glued to my side.. she is now 4 and she is still momas girl. no use for daddy at all.

Yes I took her to the bathroom with me.. and carried her a lot .. she was pretty small so she was easy to carry.

she never let anyone hold her.. she would scream.

If she cant crawl yet.. she will soon.. and then she will be busier on the floor playing and exploring her world. it gets better as they can do more on their own crawling walking... etc..

but most likely she will be somewhat shy and reserved and fearful of strangers.. it is probably her personality..

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J.A.

answers from Jacksonville on

Give her all the love she needs. This will pass, and it will pass quickly if she feels secure in the knowledge that when she needs you, you will be there for her. Children at this age are not manipulative or bad. Your daughter is expressing herself in the only way she knows how by crying, let her know she is loved and can count on you by continuing to hold her close.

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J.V.

answers from Chicago on

You are in the midst of a wonder week period. Hang in there, it will change.

1 mom found this helpful
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D.P.

answers from Jacksonville on

You need more time apart. She will get over it after a few days (mine took a week of daycare to stop hysterically crying whenever he saw me leave). She will get used to you being gone... and coming back! Even just playing hide and seek in the house will help her realize you aren't abondoning her forever. Don't forget: Distance makes the heart grow fonder!

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M.F.

answers from Austin on

I have the same issue! It definitely sounds like separation anxiety. I felt like I needed to respond to my daughter when she was really young. But now that she's over 1 year, I am starting to not stop and pick her up when I'm trying to cook, wash dishes, etc. Some people would say that I waited too long and gave her a bad habit. Maybe this is true, but my thinking is that from 6 to 10 or 12 months, they're still very young and if they need reassurance all the time, that's what they need. I read that separation anxiety is maybe Mother Nature's way of balancing the fact that they're becoming more independent at this stage (able to crawl away.) And this is when they tend to really bond with mommy, as opposed to just being happy if anyone is holding them. So I always held my daughter (and am lucky to have a husband who will cook, etc.) I have had many moment of feeling absolutely CRAZY and like I can't take it anymore, but I thought it was the best thing to do at that age. Now that she's a little older, I'm teaching her to let me get some work done. I know what you're going through! Everyone keeps telling me "Hang in there" and also, enjoy it -- someday you'll wish she wanted to spend more time with you!

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L.W.

answers from Miami on

Unfortunately there is no way to remedy the situation without crying. Keep her close, but don't immediately pick her up. Wait awhile. Encourage her to play with toys. Do what you need to do and then come back and let her see you. She's going to cry, but she will adjust. You will never be able to do anything for yourself if you don't help her learn to be more independent. "Cuddle" time with my youngest tends to be when I'm sitting still. At the computer or watching tv. And when he was a baby, feeding time of course. The rest of the time, I encourage him to play. He's happy now when I'm just around, but he used to be just as attached as your child. He still cries if he's left in a nursery, but he's always playing happily when I come back.

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

My son was like that for a few months. I put him down a few times within sight of me so I could use the bathroom and he cried like his little heart was breaking. That cry just went to my heart every time. I ended up learning how to hold him no matter what I was doing for most activities. I could not hold him when I was cooking - too dangerous. I discovered he was okay as long as he was in physical contact with me. So I'd put one foot way behind me when I was at the stove, then let him sit on my foot and he liked that. The things we do for our children! They do grow out of it eventually.

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L.P.

answers from Jacksonville on

My son is 2 and he has always been like that and still is. A few months ago, he started watching, "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" and that is really the only thing that keeps his attention if I'm around. (and he can count to 18 which is random and unfortunately, we can't take credit for it...lol) He isn't like that when I'm not around and when I come home, of course he starts acting out. Yes yes yes...I agree, I contributed to some of this. But! My first son was very independent, scheduled, and easy going. #2 is not so much--he is independent in a stubborn, "my way or the highway" sense. Fun, huh?!
The bottom line is I try to enjoy it when I can, not get too frustrated when it's happening at an inconvenient time, and keep my mei tai handy! (that's a soft structured carrier that can hold up to 40lbs-mine ties but there are higher priced ones like Beco, Ergo, etc that you should look into! You can wear her front, back, hip!)
Good luck...say lots of prayers...enjoy her!

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S.S.

answers from Miami on

Whereever you are, put down a blanket area for her and new and interesting things for her to explore. Use old pill/vitamin bottles filled with hard rice/cheerios etc. Give her recyclables and anyhting she can pound, mouth, squish and shake. Put her on her tummy so she gets good exercise and put all these things in a low basket or right on the floor. It will eventually pass. The stronger she gets the more confident she will feel being on the floor. Keep her out of seats and exersaucers. They are not good for development and she is probably sick of going in them....maybe it feels like punishment. She could be going through an adjustment period, all babies do. Just don't feed into it. Use your words and tell her she's fine and she needs to work at playing while you need to work in the kitchen. Babies are extremely intelligent and thye do understand. Be matter of fact. If she continues to cry, let her and ignore it. She will not cry forever. There are much more interesting things in the world for her to do and see. This too shall pass........

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N.R.

answers from Detroit on

I'm currently going through the same thing with my second daughter who is 9 months! It really can be exhausting lol. I have now gotten to the point that if there is something else I have to do i.e. make dinner, I let her cry for a little while. I know it can be hard on you listening to them cry but hopefully she will realize that I can't hold her all the time and that as soon as I'm done I will pick her up. Since I'm in the same situation I can't really offer much more advice! Good luck! I'm hoping it's just a phase and she'll grow out of it soon :)

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M.L.

answers from Dallas on

Oh, it is so frustrating and exhausting- I really empathize with you. My little guy was (and still is sometimes) so clingy.
I did the sling, which they outgrow as they get so wiggly.
The thing I found which would mesmerize him enough so that I could prepare food, wash my face, etc (forget peeing, you never get that back) is Baby Einstein. Yes, I turn on a baby einstein dvd and from about 10 months on he would "gasp" with delight at the blue FBI warning screen, and then will sit through most of it. It is 20 minutes. Don't feel guilty.

At night, are you putting her to down and having her learn how to go to sleep on her own, or are you rocking her to sleep and/or running back in if she cries? Learning to go to sleep on his own seemed to make mine understand he was ok on his own.

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K.L.

answers from Madison on

You are entering that phase of babyhood when they want you all the time. It will pass. I took parent baby classes and it was in the 6-9 month old one where the instructor (douls and infant specialist) said this is the hardest age. My son was 7 months at the time and I thought it was just me. It can be a tough age. For us it was just weathering it out and doing what we could.

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F.X.

answers from Orlando on

The only way she will "learn that Mommy can't always come right away" is...ummm...if you don't always come right away.

If you can't stand to hear the crying, leave her more often with Daddy and other trusted friends and family and LEAVE THE HOUSE. Go put gas in the car and come right back. Go run short errands and come right back. Go take a walk around your neighborhood. I promise you she will be fine.

Like you said, you can't stand to hear her cry so you pick her up right away. She's a smart cookie and has picked up on that. She knows if she cries just a little you can handle it, so she knows to dive head first into hysterical crying to get the comfort she wants. If all I had to do was cry hysterically and I'd get a pillow and a handful of chocolate, that's what I'd be doing all day every day--haha!

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K.M.

answers from Tampa on

I always turn to YokaReeder.com for these answers.
best, k

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