Hello moms! I just wondered what some of you have done to help separation anxiety in toddlers. We are active in our (LDS) church but can't get our twins to stay in their nursery class by themselves. My husband and I have to alternate who stays in the class with them instead of going to our adult meetings, and I really feel like we are missing out. I know there are things we can do spiritually for ourselves, but I really miss the spiritual interaction with other adults. We have tried letting them cry it out (after talking to the nursery teachers of course) and they both cried nonstop for 5 minutes without letting the teachers distract or redirect them. It is so bad that when we have friends over, even though the primary babysitters are grandparents, the kids start crying as soon as they see someone at the door! I am at a loss as to what to do for them to help them feel comfortable in their nursery class and with other adults. Please help!
Thanks for the support and advice, I will definitely try the suggestions I received. One thing I realized that may contribute to the problem too is that we haven't been real consistent about going, between the kids being sick or vacations or whatever. After this month things should really settle down (we hope!) and we can start going more regularly. Until then we will just grit our teeth and do whatever it takes to help the kids feel more comfortable! Thanks again!
When you say you let them cry it out, were you there? My children both (almost one and two-and-a-half) cry terribly when we take them to nursery, but as soon as we leave, they are fine (I have asked the teacher). What happens if you and your husband just leave nursery and go to your meetings? Have you tried that? I hope this helps.
Is there one parent that they prefer over the other? I know that is a strange question, but when I would try and take our kids to nursery they would fuss when I left, but if my husband took them, they were fine. So try having just one of you take them and see if that works. Something else that we have noticed now that our DD is 7 1/2 months is that with all of our other children (we have 6 total) I was playing the organ and piano in RS and so we would have to have help in those meetings so that I could do my calling. Those children were easy to go to anyone and to their classes when the time came. For this newest one I was released and haven't had a calling, so she hasn't been passed around as much and now she won't go to anyone without being fussy. I know that it is a little late for that idea, but it is a thought for the next ones, if you decide to have more. I know that my advice is lame, but just keep trying and eventually they will go and you will get to enjoy.
J.
It might not hurt to invite the nursery leaders over a couple times and let your kids get used to the nursery leaders outside of nursery. The other things is if you trust the nursery leaders you could try asking them to babysit a little. If that doesn't work which it possibly wont, just realize that your kids going to nursery will start to make friends there and will eventually realize that nursery is a fun place. You just have to do there what you would do if you were leaving them with someone and going on a date. They will cry but figure out who they trust and occupy their time in otherways. You could also go to nursery and stay for the whole meeting one week, the next week leave during the last 10 minutes while they are playing. The next week leave the last half hour and so on until they are used to you not being there at all and you can enjoy yor meetings and they will be fine. Mostly what does your gut say you should do. Mom's intuition is usually right on the money and you just need to trust yourself and know that it is going to be ok. Good Luck.
I have a friend who takes there kids to an hourly daycare for about 2 hours 1 day a week so she can run her errands. This gives the children time to be social and interactive. The children may scream for awhile but they will calm down. Find another mom that will be willing to take the children for a couple of hours and then you can take theres for a couple of hours for play dates. Thats what I do with a girlfriend of mine and worked like a charm.
I was a Nursery leader, but I have no great advice for you. Can you talk through things with them? Could you take them to Nursery and say, "Mommy's going to go outside the door for 2 minutes, and then she'll come back." Do that a few times and see if it helps. They usually freak out because they aren't sure that you'll be coming back.
Make absolutely sure that they can't see you through the window, too, while you're outside. My MIL is the Nursery Leader and she said you'd be surprised how many parents peek through and assume the kids don't look up and see them.
Could you try staying in Nursery with them, but gradually start moving away from them? If they want something (like more snacks), have them ask the leaders for it. That could help them know what to do when you're not there, and to trust the leaders more. Kids know who takes care of them, so let the leaders do some of that and see if that helps.
I'm so sorry. I worried that my boys would be like that, but I have the opposite problem. My 2 year old takes off from Sacrament Meeting and speeds down the hall to Nursery ahead of me. He could care less if I dropped off the face of the Earth because Nursery is so fun. And it's hard to get him to leave when church is over.
