So my husband and I are about to have our 3rd child, which was totally a surprise to us, in December. It's already planned for my husband to go get "snipped" soon after. Thinking way ahead, I'm wondering what to say to our 5 yr old. He LOVES to roughhouse, wrestle, etc. with my husband and we will have no choice but to explain to him that daddy can't do that for a few days because he's sore from the doctor. He's not generally very inquisitive, but I suspect he's going to be curious as to why daddy is sore in that area. I really don't want to go into "so we don't have any more babies" because I'd rather not get into how daddy's procedure has anything to do with a baby in mommy's tummy. He's NEVER asked any questions sex related, so I don't want to go there yet. I won't lie if it comes up, but I'd rather not have it come up if I can help it. Any ideas or suggestions?
Just to clarify, my intention never was to go out of my way to explain the details of the procedure to him. Obviously my first preference is to go with either saying nothing and hope he doesn't notice, or second to leave it at "daddy doesn't feel good, can't play right now". However, I know my son. It's not of issue of IF he'll get rough, it's WHEN. Plus, it's not like he asks. Sometimes it's attack daddy as he walks in the door or it's pounce on daddy while he's sitting on the couch watching TV. So I know that the issue WILL come up and I think it will be obvious where the soreness is coming from. So what I was looking for was an explanation that will satisfy him (so we don't go crazy for a week playing the "why not?"- "just because we said so" game) but not being TMI. So far I'm liking the send away to grandparents idea. I'll have to keep that in mind.
It's easy. Daddy is sore, let's "________________" instead. Fill in blank with a quiet, soft game.
B.
Family Success Coach
Daddy had something the doctor needed to fix for him.
Daddy is OK. He's fine and will still be here and can play with you
and can go to work and do (whatever, mow the lawn, take out the trash).
HOWEVER, for a few days, Daddy needs to be very very careful and not
move around too much, not get bumped or jostled because
his body needs to get better from what the doctor had to do to fix him up.
I know you like to roughhouse with Daddy.
We need you to NOT do that for a few days.
For those few days, instead of tumbling around with Daddy,
we will have (think up something appropriate) every day as a substitute.
PLEASE PLEASE remember -- we'll help you remember --
not to jump on daddy's lap, or run into him roughly when you see him.
We'll let you know when daddy's all better
and it will OK to jump on daddy again.
No need to explain a vascectomy to a 5 year old. Daddy will have an owie....no different than if he'd strained his back at work and for a few days, you have to be careful with dad. No climbing, no jumping, no rough housing until daddy feels better. That should pretty much cover it.
Even little boys know that getting hit in the nuts hurts and daddy got hit in the nuts so you have to be careful for a few days.
Keep it simple.
He doesn't need to know too much or even the truth. He just needs to know daddy is sore and cannot play. Better yet, do what we did, we scheduled the procedure for a Friday and sent the kids to the grandparents for the weekend.
I would just say that daddy does not feel good. There is no reason to even mention down there.
I am going to agree with Denise P. here. The procedure is very simple and if done by a urologist, they usually do not have any issues. I do not think your son will even notice unless he has a habbit of delivering kicks to the scrotum. No different than hubby having a tooth ache. If your son's activities are that rough and your husband feels he has to ALWAYS give in to your son's request, then that is a habbit you actually need to be stopping now and not just because of an outpatient medical procedure.
Now, MOST men who have complications with vasectomies is because the procedure was done by a general practioner, by a doctor without many proceedures under his/her belt, because the man did not follow the no sex for 2 weeks rule or because they did not follow the no masterbation for 2 week rule. I gues men who have a total inflamation trait or a keloiding trait sometimes have issues as well. Most men when being honest say they feel so well, you would not even know the procedure was done! Congratulations on the soon to be addition and congrats on making your family complete! Just know your husband and son will be fine and little explanation is needed!
I don't think a 5 year old is going to have a clue as to what's "going on" nor should he. Besides, vasectomy is a pretty simple procedure--your son might not notice anything.
Can't your husband just say he's feeling sick or something?
If it was me i would just tell my son that daddy has a boo boo and it hurts so lets do something else.
I think a simple "Daddy doesn't feel good" or "Daddy is sick and needs to rest and watch a movie" is just enough.
I volunteered at my son's school today and heard all sorts of embarassing things from the kindergarteners in his class. Kids just don't have a filter at that age. I don't think you want your son telling his friends about Daddy's little procedure! ;)
I don't think you tell him anything about it. Just tell him that Daddy doesn't feel well and doesn't feel like rough housing. You certainly don't have to tell him that Daddy is "sore in that area". He doesn't need to know what area is involved, just that Daddy can't play rough for a little while. I really wouldn't make more of it than it is.
"daddy can't play right now, he had to go to the doctor and they did a little surgery. He will be fine in a couple of days. Would you like to read a book instead?"
I wouldn't. Daddy just does not feel well, and no rough housing for a few days. You do not have to answer every question, sometimes it is good to tell them that there are things that are none of their business. They have to learn this lesson sooner or later, and frankly, sooner is better.
Look at it this way, you really don't want this to be the topic of converstaion (in a 5 yo version) at his next play date do you? They really don't have to know everything.
M.
Did you know that there are laser procedures with less than 1 day down time? I'd look into a dr that does the laser procedure. Why go through the pain and down time if he doesn't have to? Just heard about this from another mom at a playgroup. She referred us to their dr and we're considering that route.
WHOA! Dont tell him! Totally agree with Dawn....LIE. Daddy doesnt feel good. ;)
Just say "daddy isn't feeling well and needs to get some rest"
I don't think you need to explain the exact procedure or even the exact area. Just say, "Daddy doesn't feel well." Kids are very resilient and take most any explanation.
Good luck!
L.
He knows that it can hurt there and just tell him daddy got it hurt doing something and has to take it easy for a few days.
Maybe he and Daddy could start doing non-rough housing things now so it won't be so weird when he can't do it all of a sudden.
And I totally agree that a simple "Daddy is sick" would be just fine.
I would not even go into detail with him. Just tell him daddy's sore which is not a lie and that he can't roughhouse right now. He will not understand that whole not wanting anymore baby's thing I don't think.
Good luck and God Bless!!!
Can't Daddy just feel bad? You know he could feel like he is getting the flu or is just sick. Why does everything have to be explained to such a point? The son is five years old.
