Expecting with a Large Family

I always wanted a big family. That's why I operate a daycare in my home. We had 4 children. We spaced them out over 16 years. We didn't have 4 children in the home for long. But my mother moved in with us and then recently a grandchild came a long. Because of my family and the daycare I've always had to buy groceries and paper products just like a large family would.

I finally put a commercial paper towel dispenser in the bathroom recently and I really want one in the kitchen too at some poine. Aldi's and Save-a-lot and thriftstores are a huge help. But I do most of our clothes shopping in K-Mart and Target.

Congrats on the new baby! Don't let anyone make you feel like you are doing anything wrong.

Suzi

bless your heart. i would be freaked out too, but i am the mom of 1 and so i am sure you will get lots better advice than from me (although i have heard that after like three or four another one more doesn't make much difference! lol). i was one of four, so i have a little experience though, and i'm sure you already do this but here we go - make sure the older children help! anything that needs doing (make a list if need be) assess whether or not someone could help do it - i bet someone can help you with at least part of about every chore. including taking care of the new baby when it arrives!

mostly i just wanted to urge you to work through this fear (talk about it, think about it, deal with it) as soon as possible so you can enjoy and appreciate this new bundle of joy. i am sure this is just the initial shock talking...so try to focus on the positive and how much love this little one is going to add to your family. congratulations in advance! i'm sure you'll do great!

Hi J. - congrats on baby #5!!! I think moms of large families are the bravest women I know - I have 2 kids and let me tell you I can't imagine having more, 2 is hard. I am the oldest of 5 kids (maybe why I never wanted more than a couple - Ha!!). There is 21 years between me and the youngest. I think that having a couple of your kids a little older will be a great help. No they won't raise the younger ones (my mom did that with us - not good). But you will have another set of hands that you can say - please watch baby so I can take a quick shower or something like that. My mom said that after the 4th you don't really notice another one (of course she never actually raised me I lived with Grandma - but that is another sad story). But I think that your new baby is a gift and that God would not have given him/her to you unless he knew that you could handle it. Congrates again and God Bless!!

Hi J. -

I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. We found out in August that I am pregnant with baby #5. Trust me, it took a long time to sink it and be okay! Our oldest is 7, and youngest is 1, so we already have our hands full!
I am now looking very forward to this little man joining our family!
The downside for me so far - people's hurtful comments. I'm sure people aren't meaning to be rude, but they comment anyway. Anytime I'm alone with my kiddos in public.
Anyway - I wish you the most luck with your family! It's nice for me to know I'm not alone too!!

This baby will be a blessing to your family! I know things can be so overwhelming but I've never heard anyone say "I wish I'd had one less". I'm amazed at how each child changes a family. Sometimes it takes awhile to adapt but I am the baby of 7 and always try to think of that last child as me... for so many different reasons I probably wouldn't be here. So try to think of this baby as a gift from God. I think in a few years you'll shudder to think you could have lost your baby with the morning after pill....
Good luck! :]

We had our first two 12 months apart and no we didn't 'plan' the second one then but were so happy to have him. We then had 6 other kids and were so happy when each one was on the way and here. It seemed it just added more joy and we never had problems with jealousy or not accepting the next baby. Everyone was so excited and I firmly believe it's the way the baby is presented and that the worst thing to do is even act like there would be any other way than to accept him/her. Other than a space between number 2 and 3 there kids were all fairly close in age, played together, shared rooms and toys and were such a joy. I still have trouble cooking for just two of us since they are all grown and on their own now. I washed several loads of clothes every day and it was just something you learn to do as you go along. They wore hand me downs and the older boys can still tell stories of bring up the boxes to sort sizes of clothes. My clothes never looked worn or dirty as some used clothes do and they were fine. We saved all baby items and they were good to use for the next baby usually. I won't say it didn't cost more but we didn't notice it too much maybe. I did breast feed the last kids longer and they ate table food earlier and that saved a lot of money for that baby food. I had a baby food grinder that was popular at the time. Another thing was that God just provided and a couple of families with money gave us very nice brand name clothes passed on from their kids when our girls were a bit older, parents helped out in special ways at different times like especially my mother in law made sure the kids got name brand clothes at Christmas ( important to her but not to me but I did so appreciate it since she was the oldest of 9 kids and felt that was a major thing). I didn't have a car then and couldn't fit all the kids in after the 8th was born so that's when we got the second car, a van. Then the kids did go more but until then they were home playing or at school, etc. more than running around and that didn't hurt them but would have been nice to have some lessons here or there besides piano. The boys played soccer at school and otherwise they had constant playmates. I would not worry at all and when you get those comments, you will I'm sure, about the size of the family or don't you know what causes this, etc., etc. just remember you are the one with the blessings and memories to treasure for life and down the road those precious grandchildren so don't let it bother you. I always felt like we chose to have children, some people choose to have boats, trips, more of everything so we don't make rude comments to them and say how material they are and yet they feel they can just say such rude and personal things to you at times about children. It's a shame. I will always treasure our 8 kids around me while we read before bedtime and all the ages loved it and there were so many special times like that with all of them. It makes it so worth it and the cost seems so little for the joy.
Congratulations. I was the oldest of 5 kids too and it was fun. I was 9 when my youngest brother was born and he was like a doll for me to love. I hope your other children will enjoy this little one too.

J.,
Congrats!! I am a mother of only three ;0) but I can certainly understand your feelings of panic...I felt it a bit with each child I had. You are blessing your children with a wonderful gift...a sibling and growing up in a large, loving family! That is a rare and wonderful thing! I am the 5th out of 6 kids. Please accept my sincere congrats and well wishes! Take a deep breath, know that once this little one arrives he/she will fit right in and you will wonder what you ever worried about.

There are tons of ways to save and stretch your cash...shopping at resale/thrift shops, coupons, watching for sales...find a system that works for you and roll with it!!

God Bless you and your family!!

First, hubby needs to get a vasectomy.
Second, check out the Duggars website:
http://www.duggarfamily.com/

I just gave birth to baby #5 in May and I too had some of the same questions as you are asking now. It is a bit scary at first especially when you are not planning on it but it all works out in the end. Financially, as long as you start preparing now it will be easier to handle. It just may require a bit more budget adjusting for things like diapers, wipes, formula (if you are no BF), etc. Of course I use coupons, shop the sales and make my own baby food (now that my baby is on some solid foods). We also don't get to eat out very much at all, including fast food but that stuff is not healthy anyways right??

My oldest was 9 and my youngest had just turned 3 before baby and let me say that ALL of my kids totally love and adore their baby sister. They are always wanting to hold her and help with her in any way they can. Of course we also included them in the before birth stuff too like doctors appointments to hear the heartbeat, ultrasounds to see the baby. It really helped prepare them.

Another question I always get asked is, "how do you manage to take all 5 kids places?" Well, it's honestly no different than taking 4 you just add another one. Having an 11yr old I'm sure he/she will be a super big help with outings like holding little ones hands, getting items for you, etc. That will be nice. As for household chores, my kids all know that having a large family means we all have to pitch in and do our part so they are all in charge of keeping their own rooms cleaned. My oldest 3 (all boys) are in charge of putting their clean clothes away (I wash and fold them). My 3yr old helps me fold towels and is quite good (she can't open her dresser drawers yet to put her clothes away) and they all help clean up the living rooms, etc. once in a while.

Well I hope this helps a little and if you have any other questions I would be happy to try and answer them either here or privately. Good luck and Congrats!

A.

you can do it! there are always ways to make your dollars stretch! i only have 2 kids, but i work from home to help. even if it is just a little money, it helps bring in that little extra and even an extra hundred bucks a month really makes a difference. (http://www.PerfectWorkForMoms.com if you want to check it out at all) also try putting together a meal schedule, so you are only buying what you need and not extras that might go bad. buy as much second hand clothing and stuff that you can! even for your older kids, check out once upon a child and platos closet. there are always ways to stretch the budget! as for stress, we are here for you! lol. vent away!

You'll be fine.

I have 9 kids, ages 20 down to 2. Our ninth was a complete suprise, and born only 11 months after our 8th (where we had intended on stopping). Threw me off w/ my carseat arrangements and such, but after having so many children, we were pretty well prepared.

Give yourself a chance to get over the "shock", and I think you will find, everything else falls into place.

J., First of all Congratulations on your newest baby to be. I don't have what I consider a "big" family, I just have 3. I don't have any real advice about money except that sticking to a budget and meal planning are what saves us, also I don't throw away any of the kids outgrown clothes, I always recycle them in some way, and have no problem shopping sales at the end of seasons and thrift shopping and garage sales ( the rummage sales that churches throw are the Best) what I really want to say though, is if any of us waited until we could "afford" a baby most likely lots of us would never have had one or two or more...but somehow it usually works out. Also I was worried about the age difference between my kids, I have a 14 yr old, a 9 yr old and our youngest is 2 and 1/2...the age difference has never been a factor like I always worried it might be...they are all extremely close and have fewer disagreements/clashes then most siblings in my opinion. I hope you have a healthy happy pregnancy and I think planned or not all babies are blessings!
B.

I also am married with #5 due next month. :-)

I don't really think of our family as all that "large," but I guess our society does tend to see it that way! I'm used to the comments--most of them well-meaning, a few rather rude--but I don't let them bother me. I wouldn't change a thing about our family! Give it a little time--you *just* found out, so you have some time to plan and get used to the idea--and once the baby comes, I'm sure you will wonder why you worried.

The only two suggestions I have to add to the other moms' awesome advice (except that ridiculous vasectomy comment--just ignore that one) is:
1. to accept any offers of help (your sister wonders how she can help? Ask her to do laundry or make dinner--or to watch the little ones while you do it), and:
2. to start teaching your kids to help out before the baby arrives. Give them age-appropriate chores (even an 18-month-old can start learning to put toys back in the toybox, with supervision), and teach them how you want it done, so when you are chasing a crawling infant, you don't have to supervise chores quite as closely.

Your older children can be a huge help with the younger ones if you let them--and they will learn a lot in the process!

Your kids' responses will likely be more influenced by how you present the news to them, than by how many there already are in the family. Well... unless someone has to give up their room (you know how territorial kids can be, lol). ;-)

But try not to worry too much. The best thing about love (especially Mom's love) is that it doesn't get divided between the children--it gets *multiplied*!

HTH!
--A.

Congrats. Dont worry about what other say. I have 4 kids and my 3rd child is severally disabled. So alot of people had say things to me and I would say what does having a disabled child have to do with me loving a 4th. When they would ask if I was done I simply said NOPE. Babies are blessing and have as many as you want. The only people who need to worry is you and your hubby. They are the only ones who matter.

Hi J.,
You will be unexpectedly surprised at how much #5 just makes your life that much more complete. I am 36 and pregnant with #6. My husband and I were going to only have 5, but when we found out #6 will be coming in June we have been through all the emotions and I now can't imagine not being pregnant. (He is scheduled for a vasectomy in January though)

As for finances, that too is always something that seems to worry us all and when baby #5 came for us - it just seemed like God provided exactly what we have needed. Nothing too much changed, the other kids still have been able to continue playing in all their sport activities and our oldest was even able to travel to New York to dance in the Macy's Day parade. We are just like everyone else when it comes to money - minute by minute...but somehow it will all work out. Enjoy this pregnancy! Take care of yourself and your hubby and all the kids will see what a great life they have with loving parents.

Sending up an extra prayer for you!

Congrats! I agree with almost all of the posters except the one that said your husband needed a vasectomy. That is something you and him need to discuss. The garage sales is a great place to find kids clothes and clip coupons. You honestly will be suprised at how much money you can save. Get the sale ads out & get your coupons out. You can save a TON of money that way. Good luck! 5 Will be great!

Hi J. as a mother of 9 beautiful children ranging from ages 22 yrs to 19 months and considering adding one more to our family. I have to say adding a 5th child will only be a blessing. You will not notice financially at all. Breastfeeding saves you over $1500 a year and is so much better for baby. Things just seem to stretch it's just how it works. Instead of buying expensive baby food just put whatever your having in the blender like green beans, or bananas or apples. Baby food is so simple to make but we don't think about it. Just feed your baby what you eat just blended up. It's all they put in the jars except they add all of the preservatives and things that really are not good for us to begin with. Your children will be receptive and excited about the baby. Kids love other children and especially babys. If they see you excited they will be excited. They will enjoy feeling that baby move in your tummy and going through the pregnancy with you. Hang in there and know that you will soon have another precious life in your hands and your children will love that baby greatly. Just drop me a line if you there is any way I can help. I wanted to add that freecyle is a great resource for baby clothes and items. There are a lot of people wanting to pass on good quality stuff on freecycle.

You can do it! I found that it is good to prepare yourself for the insensitive comments of others, but other than that, # 5 has brought such a joy and unity to our family! I also have the age range (14 - 2 years) and teens and toddlers at the same time has it's challenges...but amazing rewards, too. My youngest gets so much mothering from his older siblings and is so bright because of it! Of course, the money aspect has its challenges, but just take it one day at a time. Your older ones may or may not need time to adjust to the idea, but they will embrace it in the same way you model! Enjoy! Good luck!

Hi J.,

I'm the very, very lucky Mother of 5 wonderful children, 3 boys and 2 girls. Please try to stop worrying and just accept and enjoy what is meant to be. 5 kids are a handful, yes,but you do what you need to do for each of them as they need it. Does it cost more, of course,but you won't notice it. My biggest adjustment came with #3 child. Since I only have 2 hands, I felt that if I could handle 3, I could handle most anything. My oldest was 16 when my youngest was born. He was a wonderful babysitter and he now has a family of 9 children. All I can tell you is that I'm incredibly blessed to have 5 children and I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would have 5. But it works, just like everything else that works when you work at it. It's not easy and you will be pulled in all directions, but it will work. There are times when we all get together and start talking about when the kids were little and the things that they did. A certain situation comes, up and I don't remember what they are talking about. It occurs to me that there where so many things going on at one time that there really are batches of time that I just was too busy to remember. But that's OK because I have 5 people who remind all the time what I did right and what I did wrong. But all in all I must have done most of it right because we (my husband and I) have 5 of the most remarkable, wonderful, generous, warm, talented,enterprising and loving kids who have married the same kind of people and have given us 14 and still counting grandchildren. This will be OK, don't be nervous and stop worrying, it is obviously meant to be. You and your Husband are very lucky, blessed people!

First of all, congratulations! Remember that EVERY child is a gift from God. There are no mistakes. This child has a purpose in coming into your family! I am a mother of 7 and I love to hear about other larger families. You don't see many of them anymore. I feel that the biggest challenge with a large family is to keep things on as much of a routine as possible. When the kids know what to expect and how things are going to go, things seem to go smoother. It gives them and you a sense of comfort. Most of my kids are between 5 and 13, and I also have a 22 year old from my first marriage. Having the older child helps me keep things in perspective. The time goes by soooo fast, in hindsight. It helps me to remember to not wish the hard times away. I try to cherish every step (and step, and step, and step, and step) in each childs life. Another challenge is giving each child enough attention. You can just simply get drained after so many needs require your attention throughout the day(not to mention there your husband is at bed time!). I have to conciously plan to spend some time with each child. The quiet/well behaved, ones can get lost in the shuffle if you let them. Just try to remember there will be a time in the future that you will miss all the business in your life right now. You don't want to look back and have regrets about anything. I try to make sure that I keep my life balanced with some time for myself, even if it is going to work. I get what I can. It gets easier as the kids get older. You are blessed to have this opportunity! Really, not everyone gets the chance to have a large family. It is a GOOD thing, not something to dread. You may want to hook up with a local MOPS (mother of preschoolers) group to help you with the process. They are a great support. A lot of other moms with kids. Good Luck with your pregnancy and again congratulations!!! Enjoy your family:)