I asked a question not long ago about an ex-wife being on my hubby's facebook. I wasn't snooping but of course since it is public I look at his facebook from time to time as I am sure he looks at mine. I found out that she had "friended" him and I talked to him about it how it made me feel a little weird that she would want to be connected to him on FB. They were only married for a few years a long time ago and there are no children or other ties that would bind them together to communicate. Since I felt uneasy about it he did delete her of his friend list so they are not connected. That was about a month ago. Now yesterday she sends him a message via facebook about wanting to know if she can call him as she needs help with her sister. I guess my hubby's exwife's sister is having some financial difficulties and she wants to talk to my hubby about that????? The Ex is remarried and has one teenage son. Now he does know his ex's sister...If she is having difficulties why can't she call or email or call my DH herself. I don't have issues with the ex's sister talking to my DH or emailing him about financial stuff etc.
Ok!! I am like what the heck......You don't see or speak to my hubby in over 17 years...I am sure she knows they are no longer connected on FB and now she is wanting his help???? Ah....alarms and whistles going off!!! What is she expecting??? that my hubby has a superman cape and will fix it???? Sorry to be cynical and defensive but it sure smells more than fishy to me!! Your thoughts ladies??
Single women will be very bold when they dont have a man of their own to help them out of situations. If a man is nice to them next thing you know she'll want him to work on her car or fix a leak or unclog a toilet. It happens to my husband every day of the week. It's very annoying. I'd just tell him it's BS and the ex's sis probably doesnt even know she's asking for her... she sounds like a weasle if you ask me.
Your husband loves you, and he respects you, which he proved by deleting the ex-wife from FB when you expressed your concerns. He has no need of staying connected to her. Did he tell you about the message or did you see it on his FB? I guess that doesn't matter... I would just tell him to tell her no. If he keeps declining/ignoring her requests she'll get the picture. It may simply be that she knows your husband is knowledgeable about something that would be useful to her sister, and she doesn't feel weird about asking him for advice. If he can help her, why not? You say that they haven't been in touch for over 17 years and have both moved on, so unless there is some other reason you distrust her or your husband, I don't really see the harm in it. Also, as an aside, my husband and I both have FB pages. For me, it seems like a lot of people "friend" anyone and everyone they have ever known in their whole life, even if they never intend to go any further than that initial contact. It would be different if she was sending messages to him frequently, or commenting on all his posts. But if this one simple request is all she's ever done besides requesting he "friend" her in the first place, it's probably pretty innocent, and if it were me I would treat it that way until I could prove it otherwise. No matter what though, your husband should respect your wishes. I'm sure he's not the only one she could go to for advice, so if it truly makes you uneasy, just tell him to say no and that's that.
Yeah my first thought to that is a big resounding "H*LL NO". Sounds like she's trying to work her way back into his life by using the old damsel in distress bit. If it was me I would talk to my husband about it and tell him I am not comfortable with him talking to his ex-wife. He should respect your wishes. Like you said, if the sister needs help she can call your DH herself. Just remember, this lady is an ex for a reason.
I wouldn't have anything to do with her or her sister. Both of you ignore her and the sister and go on with your lives. This just doesn't sound like a positive road for you and your husband to be on.
I am connected with an old fiance of mine, and my first love, via facebook. My husband knows about them both, and has no problem with it. In fact, I had drinks with my first love this summer when I was home for a wedding, and my husband has invited him to stay with us next summer to come up and fish (they have never met). I talk with my ex finance on the phone often. He is ok with all this because he trusts me. Do you trust your husband? I would never dream of forcing my husband to pretend his past did not exist (he is also friends with exs on facebook) because the past is what forms us, and if it was meant to be with that person than it would have been, back than! We met with one of his exs for lunch in Germany, and it was nice to not only meet her, but to hear about my hubby when he was young :). I do not understand this idea that just because a love did not work out, that that person should be forever cut from your life, it makes no seance. We really are an insecure and untrusting society.
I totally agree. What does she have up her sleave....
I would suggest to your DH that he tell her to have her sister call. Other than that no contact with her. Or just ignore her all together.
LOL my DH had his ex girlfreind FB friend request like a week or so ago. I didnt even have to say anything he just ignored her. Some people have a lot of nerve. LOL leaves me scratching my head sometimes.
i'd just say sorry, no can do hun
whatever her true motives are, they are tied with strings. Exactly what strings isn't known but really doesn't matter. She wants something and the rekindled "friendship" is the means to get it.
You and your hubbie can decide no, or at the most to have her sister talk to him directly. And leave it at that.
Sarah B said everything pretty much that I was going to. I just want to add.. that she is his ex for a reason. Im sure you have nothing to worry about.
My first true love and I are best friends... nothing more! We broke up, stayed friends after a time apart. I respected my hubbys wishes and broke off all contact with him. Got divorced, found him again and the friendship took off again. He was at our wedding this time and is great friends with my hubby. I have been honest with both of my husbands about who he WAS in my life. All Im getting at here is that maybe your husband was a last resort for her to help her sister and maybe nothing more up her sleeve. But if any signs would show up that she wants more than an aquaintance/ friendship then yes I would put a stop to it at once. Even if its you telling her yourself!
Trust your hubby, he's obviously trustworthy. Go ahead and give him advice, but try to do it in a way that he knows he can make his own decision.
Just tell him there's really no reason she should be calling him and that's in probably very inappropriate for her to try to get him involved in her life again. He doesn't want to get sucked back into that mess and should just ignore the message.
I'm confused--does your hubby actually have expertise in finance? If so, he can tell her to give him the sis's number or email address, and he can call or email the sister dorectly--if it's like a potential client. Otherwise, I'd say the ex should be ignored.
First concern, HE didn't mention she "friended" him, you had to find out on your own. Second concern, she's asking for help, which obviously means they have had some kind of communication.....Ask him what he is choosing to do about her and her requests, as well as helping the sister (without giving your opinion.) If he doesn't choose to ignore her or the sister from eons ago, there is a reason. One you won't like. If you are still questioning your husband, which you are, or you wouldn't have written this question, go straight to the source- the ex! Call her-you have her contact info. You may be fishing for nothing, but at least you will know the truth. If you don't, you'll always wonder what was going on. By the way, I would never "friend" an ex....an ex means you loved them at one point. In my world, someone you love always has a place in your heart. People change and past love can easily be revived even if you don't go looking for it.
You can't control the actions of the crazy ex. You can't even control the actions of your husband. My thoughts are this It's only as big of a deal as you make it. Do you trust your husband? Is he going to call the ex or the sister? If not, shrug it off and let it go. No sense getting all paranoid.
Now, if he's trying to rush in and be Superman, you might have some issues. It sounds like he's a pretty good guy though, so I don't think I'd be worried.
My ex contacts me through email occasionally. It's weird, I don't respond and I always tell my husband. He trusts me and knows that it's a one sided thing. No reason to get worked up.
She is fishing for your hubby and I would spell it out in so many words to him. Sometimes guys don't see the picture until its' too late. He's thinking I'll just go help fix the computer, sink, stove, whatever and that turns into another problem then another. Pretty soon she's got him at her beck and call. Tell him this is how manipulative women act.
I had to spell it out to my son, he is 21. I had him watch his sisters and me with his own father. My hubby didn't know what hit him but we got dinner out at a nice restaurant.
It's definitely bizarre but I don't think that you have anything to be concerned about. It's been 17 years and she is remarried. I can't imagine that she is thinking about reconnecting with him after all of these years. Take a deep breath and talk to your hubby.
