I am having a dilema that I am not sure how to handle. I have been seperated with my daughters dad for over a year now and I have had a boyfriend for almost a year. When we were first together my daughter really liked my boyfriend and always wanted to see him... she goes with her dad on weekends and spends a lot of time with his mother her grandmother. For about 2 months now her behavior is becoming violent and angry.. she is saying random weird things like.. its all about you mommy, and that I am mean and that I am only nice to my boyfriend.. she has said some rude things about my boyfriend that would only come from someone elses mouth. My ex is jealous and wants me back. When I ask my daughter why she is saying the things she is sayiing she says she heard it from her mammy,,, his mother. Everything is from my mammy. The things that my daughter is saying about my boyfriend are very specific and about what he does for a living.. hes a chef . She calls him names all of the time..
I feel like she is feeding my daughter with lies and manipulating her to not like my boyfriend and we are very happy together. We do not live together and she really only sees him like 1 day a week.. he is great to my daughter but she is starting to really be rude to him.
has anyone every experienced this before and how do I go about finding out what is going on? Do i take her to talk to someone? She is 4 1/2 years old.
What is happening is I am getting rude judgemental responses when I am just asking for advice on how to deal with the situation. I know that mammy is filling her head. I am not asking for opinions on how to live my life. I am asking for advice on how to deal with a grandmother badmouthing me and my boyfriend. Did I forget to mention that her dad has a girlfriend too. and that he is an alcoholic and that he kicked me out while I was pregnant! You do not know all of the details so please do not judge. I did not ask to be judged so if you want to judge me do not answer the question please. If you would like to be understanding and lend advice for how I should handle this please do so. I surely will seek advice elsewhere.
Um...she's 4.5.
No child should have to deal with "mommy's boyfriends" at all.
Keep your boyfriend(s) separate from your child. Please.
You're a mother first.
Even after your SWH update, I stand by y original advice. Your daughter does not need to be dealing with another man/mom's relationship. Just because your ex, the alcoholic (read: poor choices, unclear mind) has a girlfriend, that doesn't make it right.
Wow - I'm shocked at some of the responses. You need to call your ex and set up a sit down with him and Mammy alone - leave your daughter with a sitter. Tell them that what they are doing to your daughter is unacceptable and won't be tolerated. If it continues you will go back to court to get supervised visititation for them. Plain and simple - don't fight or argue. You know what they are doing and it's wrong. That being said, make sure you take the high road and don't say anything negative about your ex to your daughter. Just let her know that sometimes people change and have problems that can't be fixed so in order for everyone to be happy they need to live apart.
My parents fought my whole life and I wish my mom left my dad when she was younger and might have found someone else to share her life with. Instead, I grew up in a hostile enviroment that has effected every one of my realtionships as an adult. My mom constantly bashed my dad and the sad part is I already knew everything he had done (also an alcoholic) so all it did was keep the hostility and anger in constant motion. Very unfair to children and the only thing I resent about my mother. So as the mom you need to protect your daughter from Mammy and dad. At 4 1/2 she's only reacting to what she is learning so if your boyfriend continues to treat her well and you dispell the myths when they present themselves - she will figure it all out. Good luck!
You need to have a chat w/ your ex and his mother together. Explain that you don't talk about them in front of your daughter and expect the same respect.
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i would just explain to your daughter, she is not to talk to you or you bf or any authority figure for that matter with disrespect PERIOD. i am not in the place to go along with these comments about you taking your daughter around men you are dating, i did that to, but my daughter was VERY young and probably doesn't remember most was still unfair to her. when she makes these comments, ask her gently, who told you that, or where are you hearing this from so you can get to the root of the problem without making her feel guilty. if his family is talking negatively about you in front of her you can hold that against him in court, he nor you (not saying you do) should allow ANYONE to talk negatively in front of her about the other parent......most decrees default to have this listed
just food for thought, be careful about who you do and how soon you do allow any men to meet your daughter, children cannot pick as easily as adults can who to attach themselves to and who not to, if she gets too attached to a man you may not work out with it will tear her up until she's old enough to understand AND if she remember's them she'll ask you later and possibly bring back memories you'd rather not visit.
also if it's listed in the decree that no one else is to talk negatively about the other parent and they still allow it, you can hold the opposing party in contempt of court....as long as you can prove it
good luck
If you can, limit any exposure she has to her Mammy. You could talk to her dad and let him know you are aware, from your daughter, things Mammy is saying to her. Don't be threatening or accusatory about it, just matter of fact. Keep it open and simple in your explanation and go from there. Also, speak with your daughter about appropriate behavior and how words can hurt. Ask her how she feels, just in case she is regressing in her acceptance of your BF. Try to get a honest and open conversation going regarding you and your BF. You didn't mention if you and your BF live together. If not, reduce any time w/ your BF around your daughter until you get a grasp on this.
