Etiquette Regarding a Mailed Gift

I think that you have to give new moms a little more time than anyone else.

When I had my baby, I had post partum and although I did get out the thanks yous fairly quickly, some took a little more time. And I can recall one cousin calling to see if I got the gift she sent and I found it annoying - I was dealing with so much already. And it had nothing to do with rudeness - I always send thank yous. I just couldn't get them out quick enough.

If you got the delivery confirmation than that will have to be enough. Hopefully she will send a TY soon - and if not. what can you do. Just let it go.

According to an article on ehow.com concerning etiquette you have a week to acknowledge a gift for a child except for a newborn. There was not a timeline listed for this occasion. The same article mentions that for a new bride they have 3 months to send a thank you card, so shouldn't a new mom have that same amount of time at least?

I would give it a little more time. Having your first baby is such a big transition. I remember some of my thank yous were a little late than I would have liked. I started the thank you out sorry this took so long.

At my house nothing is used until a thank you note is mailed. I am just that way. That includes numerous floral arrangements, food, etc we received when mubby was almost killed in a car accident years ago. I had a log of what came in and a note was out in the mail within hours. I see no excuse not to acknowledge someone's thoughtfulness.

That said. Is it possiblle the gift was delivered to the wrong address? You might casually inquire about the baby and mention if they got the gift.

We sent Omaha steaks to a friend in PA years ago and it was not like them to not acknowledge something. I asked about it, they never got it.... the steaks were traced to a neighbor a few houses down and that neighbor had a cookout with them claiming, LOL, that they never checked the address, right.

Best wishes.

I think she should have sent a thank-you by now, however I remember going to a baby shower and not getting a thank-you for 2 months, this mother had her baby a week before the shower. I never said anything (of course I knew she got the gift). Although its been awhile I would wait to say anything and give her a few more weeks. After that maybe a quick e-mail just saying that you want to make sure she got the package, she might have just completely forgot to thank you. We all know how our memories are shot after having kids!

I would just call/email her and genuinely ask how she and the baby are doing. Later on in the message or phone call, you can say something like, "I hope you got the package I sent, and I hope it fits the baby, or you've been able to use it" or whatever would be applicable to the gift. You may never get a thank you card, I received one once, it actually surprises me when I do get a thank you card now a days.

Hi.
I feel your frustration because I've experienced the same thing many times. In my opinion, the ONLY reason to inquire about the gift is if you were truly unsure it had arrived. Sounds like you have pretty reliable confirmation that it was received. Cut her some slack because that new mama thing is pretty daunting. She'll either send a thank you at some point, or she won't, and you'll make your decisions as to whether you want to send any future gifts.
Stinks to put effort into something and not have it acknowledged, I know.
Try to let it go. The aggravation isn't worth it.

I'd drop her an email of congrats as well and ask how the baby is doing. You know, you never know what is going on with people--she could be overwhelmed, depressed, the baby could have an issue, etc. It might not be "rude" just yet.....

I always send a quick email if I haven't heard anything within a month, just checking to see if they received it. I don't think it's too early to send a very short inquiry email.

Its nice to have sent a baby gift to her.
But not all people, write thank you notes... within 1 month of receiving it.
That is just the way it is.
Some people, don't even write thank you notes.
I have a great friend... who is a great person all around. BUT, she just does not write thank you notes. That is her. I do not take it personally... because it is not personal. She is just that way. But, she will, verbally, tell me thank you etc. And I know, that even if she does not write thank you notes per say... that she appreciates it. Because she is very appreciative in her character. I just know, that this is her one "flaky" part of her... and she does not write thank you notes. But it is not personal. And she always does remember my kids and special occasions in my family... and she is always 'there' as a friend.

All the best,
Susan

I think we sometimes forget how overwhelming a first child can be. My first born had her days and nights mixed up, a milk allergy, and I had the baby blues. Plus it being my first I had a LONG list of thank you notes to write and sometimes I could only get one written in a day and the same day a new package would arrive. It seemed as though I never cut down on my list as soon as I would catch up something new would show up. I was very appreciative of everyone's thoughtfulness and eventually they were all sent out within the first 2 months. Who knows what may be going on in her life right now. Maybe she will never send one and maybe she is stressing about how she needs to send one but is so overwhelmed right now she can't. Just give her some more time.

I'm sure sending out thank you notes is the absolute last thing on her mind. I remember what it was like being a first time mom, half the time I was lucky if I remembered to brush my teeth! I remembering stressing so much about getting out the stupid thank yous because I knew some people would be ticked off about not getting one. I don't think I actually got them out till my son was almost 3 months. O'well. IMO - taking care of my newborn baby and myself was WAY more important than writing a thank you! I say, cut her a little slack. And if she never gets to it, that is fine too. I'm sure she really appreciates the gift, but is just overwhelmed at the moment.

I think thank you's are becoming a thing of the past. I know many people that don't send them and I can usually predict who will and who won't send them out. It is rude but I don't take it to heart. I'm sure they appreciate the gift and probably dont know any better. My mother never taught me things like this, it's something I learned from listening to others complain. My younger sister got married and I noticed she hadn't sent out thank you's after a few months, so I invited her over for dinner and then helped her with thank you's. She otherwise may not have sent them out. Hopefully, she learned From this because she is pregnant right now. I will be throwing her a baby shower and since she lives out of town, I can't help her with th thank you's this time.

could you mention it to the grandparents. just off hand, oh I had so much fun shopping for so and so, i hope she likes the outift/books that i sent to here, will you be going to visit her soon?? that sort of thing. otherwise let it go, because the chances of it getting lost in the mail or being delivered with out her knowing it was from you are so small, all you would be doing is pointing out how rude she is.

Well, if she doesn't send a thank-you it is rude, but what are you going to do about it? Asking for a thank-you is about as tacky as not sending out thank-you's so you are stuck. Some people just don't do thank-you notes, you can't force others to have manners or etiquette. Just move on IMO and next time don't send a gift.

Let it go. You don't know what is going on with her (she could be depressed and/or really overwhelmed), I'm sure she would appreciate a phone call asking how she is doing. You can ask about the gift or not, but I bet she says thank you if you call her :)

I have dealt with severe depression since I was a child, thank you notes were always the last thing on my list (except when we got married because I had help with them). I tried, I really did. Often I would call the person who sent something on. Sometimes family stopped sending cards or gifts for my birthday, and I understand why. But because I also understand why people might be feeling overwhelmed during holidays/times of stress I never expect to get a thank you note, and I never hold it against anyone who doesn't send one, especially new moms.

One should always acknowledge the reception of a package/gift through email if that is how you have communicated in the past, and then send a "thank you card". Etiquette and manners have definately gone down the tubes and there is not excuse for it. I have had this happen as well and I have sent an email to my friend saying, "I sent a package on (list the date) and wondered if you got it. It is a special gift and I am worried that is got stolen or lost, in which case, I need to contact the post office. Will you please let me know if you got it?" Of course write congratulations and hope things are great, etc.

So I guess I'm rude, at least according to everyone here. I generally don't send thank you cards although I am very appreciative of gifts given to me or my children and I do my best to express my thanks in person, over the phone or sometimes via email. Over the years I've tried to send thank you notes - I buy them, I start writing them, I finish some. And then for some reason or another, they don't get finished/sent. Same with Christmas cards. I've spent hours and hours beating myself up for not sending thank you cards, worrying that the gift giver would think I was rude, etc. On the flip side, I give gifts because I want to, not because I "should" and not based on whether or not I'll get a thank you card. If my gift is appreciated, gives someone joy, or they can really use it, that's enough for me.

Yes I do find it rude.

I mailed out a baby gift to my youngest cousin and she had the thank you in the mail a week later. I was so happy that she loved what I got her. I also sent out a College Graduation gift from our whole family. Never heard a word back if they got it or not. So I did call and his mom said oh ya he got it thank you. I was a kind of put off. I sent my moms gifts out all the time to Florida for family members she likes to buy for. Grandchildren mostly. Never a call or thank you or just to say I loved the gift. So I stopped sending gifts to them. They are in their twenties. OH boy I got the call then when Christmas passed and they did not receive their gifts. All I said was well I never knew if you got them or not, no one has ever acknowledge nana for sending them out. So no more will be sent. I just did a vent.....sorry!!

I agree that Thank you Notes are a top priority, I also remember being totally exhausted in the beginning.

My main concern would be that she never received it. I sent a card to my dad and his new wife last week and they still not have received it and it is very unusual for us to not get mail to and from each other within at the most 3 working days.

Unfortunately for most the "thank you" note is becoming extinct. If I am unable to send a note, I try to at least call or thank someone over email. Not as nice as a thank you note, but still thanking the person. Like many said, she may be going through some post-partum things, or just too overwhelmed or busy. Maybe in another couple of weeks, give her a call to check in on how's she doing. And if there is no mention of the gift then so be it.

Sigh. I'm one of those "rude Mamas". When I married, we had our thank yous (along with home-made bread) out within the alloted three months. I highly value hand-written thank yous and have for my whole adulthood. Then motherhood arrived. It took me four months to send our thank yous for my son's baby shower (and I felt guilty every single day). I sent no thank yous my son's entire first year and a half (not for birthday or holiday or anything). I just fell off the face of the earth, etiquette-wise. Now that my son is two, I'm trying to shape up. I'm not excusing myself or your friend; I'm just explaining one "rude mama's" etiquette journey.