Emotional Wreck. Need Help.

Hi,
I don't really have advice, but can offer some empathy! I have a 3 week old daughter and a 2 year old son and he is driving me a bit crazy with temper tantrums etc., especially when I'm breastfeeding her and he wants to be held. My husband is in gradschool full time in addition to working full time so he is rarely home. I'm off work till April (work part-time as a speech pathologist in a school) so my days can get long! My parents offer a lot of support, but I still find that I get emotional and cry a lot for no real reason...loneliness and frustration I guess. I'm trying to fight the baby blues, but sometimes it's difficult!

So, again, I don't really have advice, but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone! Raising a toddler and an infant is challenging in of itself, and it's even harder when hubby isn't home a lot!

Hang in there :)

Jenny

I have a 3-year-old too, plus a baby born in July (and a 2-year-old). I think if I had a day care life would be too tough!
Right now IF the kids all nap, I can and do.
I certainly can relate to the anger. What helps is getting out, but with a home daycare that's tough. Just seeing other moms is a great relief since you know you're not alone.

I am really concerned about you, S.. I am putting you on my prayer list today. It sounds like your stress level is way over the top and you have hormones trying to straighten themselves out on top of it, a lot of extra people around but no one supporting you. My bet is tht your 3 yr old is simply mirroring what she's seeing in you! 3 yr olds are incredibly sensitive, intuitive creatures. Also may be feeling neglected emotionally, which is your situation as well, of course!

First of all, if you believe in prayer at all, I'd start there. Second, I'd see if you can get an appointment with a therapist and ask her/him about a referral to a psychiatrist (they usually work in partnership with one) so you can be evaluated for medication if you need it. It may only be situational but, even so, meds short-term might help. You may not need them if you can get someone to listen to/support you, which will give you some HOPE, something that is in short supply for you now but is vital for your survival.

Third, make a list of what's stressing you and what resources you have, and see what can be done about any of them. Prioritize and tackle 1 or 2 things that are do-able immediately.

You are going to get through this but you have to stop, ask for help, evaluate, and take some action to stop this crazy mess you're in. Why do you have out of town company? Can you take a break from day care or hire someone to come in a couple of hours a day to give you a break or at least help? (My neighbor did day care and used to have me come over when it was just too crazy, so she could take a shower and re-group. I was just glad to do it.) There may be people in your life who could help but you don't ask and they think you have it all under control. NOT!! You may reach out and not get the help right away, but don't give up.
I went through something like this and realized I had surrounded myself with people who just weren't going to help me. I got into therapy and began to sort out my life. Actually ended up going back to school and separating from my husband.

Plese don't let your life spin out of control. Take a deep breath, ask God to help you, make a good list, evaluate, and get some help you can count on.

God bless you! I'll be praying for you.

S.,

you definitely need to go and see your ob-gyn, you may experience post partum depression and a little help would go a long way to make you feel better.
You 3 year old may also react to you feeling so many ups and downs, little ones are like sponges to emotions and well being.
You seem under a lot of pressure with little help, ask the family members still here to pitch in and take time to rest/nap you need it for you and your children !!!

Hope you'll feel better soon, take time to take care of yourself !

S.,

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a rough time right now. I will say that I can certainly sympathize ~ I had the hardest time in my transition from 1-2 kids, and it hit around the same time as you. My 2nd son was not a great sleeper, and add to that the increasing demands of a toddler, more laundry, divided time, etc, etc, etc. It was a LOT to handle, and most of the time, I felt like I was on my own too. I'm sure it doesn't help that you feel like you're flying solo with your own two (and the daycare kids too!).

I would keep doing a self-check on your emotions (maybe keep a daily journal of your up and down feelings) and look in to getting help if you can ~ do you have a way to get out by yourself or with a friend? Or can you have someone come over and keep you company? Hire a teenager to help clean your house? (sorry just shooting off ideas off the top of my head)
It might also be worth a trip to see your family doctor and see what his/her perspective is. There are medications available, but there are also therapists or counselors you could go see and talk to about all of your feelings.

All in all, know that you're not alone in feeling overwhelmed and frustrated and tired, and everything else when it comes to being a Mama. You're doing a great job!

Blessings,

B.

S.,

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. The holidays make it even harder generally. So much is expected of us then. What your little boy is doing sounds perfectly normal. Remember, he recently had a new sibling added to the family. That takes a long time to adjust to. He really needs the security you can give him. It's nearly impossible to do that if you're going through so many emotions at once. I'd strongly encourage you to talk to your doctor. There's so many options available to you now. One important thing, please make sure you get exercise everyday. Even if it's only a walk around the block. Exercise and sunlight have been proven to be really beneficial. Best of luck, S.

S.,

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I can relate. You sound exactly like I did after my second child was born. About 4 months later, I was an emotional wreck too. I cried every day and had a major tantrum (for lack of a better word) a couple times a week. I talked to my Ob and she put me on Zoloft. I had never wanted to take an antidepressant, but I was beside myself and nothing else I tried was working. It helped immediately! I was no longer crying and my frustration fits were easier to control. It helped me be a much more pleasant mom and wife to be around. I took it for about 4 months and was able to wean off it.

I'd definitely talk to your doctor, because there are options available that can help you be yourself again!

S.

Sometimes we all get to this point, but one thing would concern me with you so recently having your baby (PPD is one thing coming to mind as you could easily fall into it right now). Your son could be acting out due to lack of having your direct attention, as well as being sick. Not to mention, it falls with the age and phase, I think. My son falls into one now and again.
You sound like you certainly need some time to yourself to unwind - breath and just collect yourself to be the person and mother you can be.
You need some support from close friends or family as well - if anything, just for talking or taking your kids for small breaks.

S. - PPD can happen months after having a baby. My daughter was 8mo before I realized I was out of control and depressed and although I was trying to hold it all together like you describe I was angry and could not do things right. Talk to your OB. Also have you ever heard of the benefits of St Johns Wort which is sold over the counter and if you are not breast feeding SJW is a herbal suppliment that can be used to help with what you are describing. Google it and see what you think. Also talk about things call a girlfriend or a trusted family member and keep talking about things we are women and we like to talk that will help you too to remember you are not alone.

I think you have postpartum blues/depression. Your post sounds identical to what I wrote a year and a half ago. At the time my baby was 7 months old... not too late for PPD to hit.

I went to my ob/gyn and they gave me something to settle me down. I was bitterly angry all the time for no specific reason. I felt terrible for my 3 tear old who got the brunt of my anger.

There are homeiopathic things I have taken too if you are opposed to antidepressents from your doctor.

In my opinion.... do what works and keeps peace in your home. Also know that all of your problems won't go away...this will just allow tou to deal with them more appropriately.

PM me if you have any questions or want to talk. When I was going through this I felt so trapped and very few people could relate. I'd love to be a help to you.

You really need to talk with your doctor. If something medically is wrong no amount of "me" time is going to help. I was feeling really anxious all the time. I wasn't sad or anything but I felt like "nails on the chalkboard" all the time. It would only take a little bit for me to just feel like freaking out on someone. I wasn't sleeping well. My mom told me those were signs of depression. Not everyone feels "down". I went to my doctors and told her everything. She did check my thyroid and when that came back normal, she put me on an antidepressant (celexa) and it is wonderful!!! I feel back to the normal me. Hope this helps. good luck!

My first reaction is to get to doctor regarding postpartum depression. The first child I had I didn't have a problem but the second and third each got worse each time. Had to stay on the anti-depressant for at least 2 years. It effects everyone differently. My second reaction is way to much stress in your life, reduce your stress load. Extra responsibilities come with a second child, and no one can predict what they will be. Then on to your children issues. The more stressed you are the more stressed your children will be. Kids react to stress differently than we do, the littlest thing can stress them out such as rearranging furniture in a room. As adults we think nothing of it but to them it's big. Being 3 is already a stressful enough let alone having a stressed mom, a new baby in the house and the holidays let alone having visitors in his home. My suggestions would be spend some quiet time with him, we call it "mommy time". You will see how relaxing it can be for you and him. See your doctor to eliminate any health issues and change your expectations to reduce stress. Good Luck!

my sister was in the same boat a few years ago. I had her see Dr. Randy Tent(Novi) a chiropractor and naturalpath. He pretty much saved her. She was getting to the point of violence and really strange behavior. She had gone to other MD's who gave her antidepressants etc... that did not help. He told her she had almost no B vitamins in her body, he had her take a special kind(Standard Process cataplex B in a huge dose for 7 days then (like 25 - 30 piils, through out the day) just to fill her up then brought it way down. To this day he saved her. It was like a miracle. Good Luck

S. ~
I agree with the other writers.
I would suggest talking to your physician...ask him to check your thyroid levels. It's not uncommon to become hypo- or hyperthyroid after having a baby. Alot of those symptoms can be related to that....mood swings, being tired, etc.
Hope you feel better soon.
D.

Sounds like what I went through when my children were 3 and and 6 months old. Like you I was sleep deprived. Lack of sleep definitely is one of the reasons why you are feeling this way.

In my situation I was taking some supplements that were suppose to be natural and give me energy. I wont go through the whole story, but what happened is a couple of things. I needed something to help me short term so I went on an anti depressant for 6 months. I started taking supplements from a reliable company which helped put my body in balance. My husband and I went to a marriage counselor.

Is there any way your husband can reduce his work hours?

What about you going away on the weekend just with a sister or friend and relax?

Us moms put ourselves last so many times and we are the rock of the family. Know that you are the most important person in your family.

God's blessings,

M.

Stress really can suck the life out of us! I would suggest making sure that you are getting all of your B vitamins. I take an isotonic Advanced B-Complex that is a wonderful "regulator" for stress. I also take a natural anti-stress formula when I need it for those more difficult days.

You can get them from www.marketamerica.com/thevoiceoftruth

You want to be sure it's in a formula that your body will recognize. Ask me if you want to know more!

S.

I would talk with your OB. Your anger sounds like it could be a symptom of PPD. I felt the same way when my son was 4 months old - I was angry a lot of the time, and worse, was taking my anger out on my 2-year-old. I was also exhausted and had days when I literally could not get out of bed. After consulting my OB, I was prescribed Zoloft. The effects were amazing... I felt so much better. Not high or anything, just more calm and able to handle life. It was even safe to take while nursing, which was wonderful. I was on it for 3-4 months.

It could be that you're just going through a rough patch, but it would be a good idea to talk to your OB and get his/her advice.

Hi S.
I really want to say that I think just about every mom has been where you are now at some point. When you have a pre-schooler and a baby life can be very overwhelming, especially if you feel like you are doing most of it on your own.
I think maybe your three year old needs a little one on one time with mommy or daddy. My eldest son also went through a stage with the tantrums, crying screaminmg etc and it is very hard to reason with a three year old. Eventually (after being driven half crazy) the way I dealt with him was to send him to his room as soon as a tantrum started. That way I was not getting dragged into an arguement with him (which was happening too much). The time out gave us both time to take a breath and calm down. Just explain to him he is going to his room (or wherever you feel comfortable sending him) until he can calm down, he will not come out of his room until he stops the bad behavior. If it starts again, straight back to his room. it really does work quite quickly, they soon get the message that the bad behavior does not get them any attention.
He may just be craving attention because of the other kids in the daycare and the new baby.
And who knows, the other kids may act like your son at home but most kids are much better behaved for their teachers/carers than they are for their parents.
Also, do you have anyone to watch your kids so you can have some much needed time off. I never really used to go out, it was all about the kids. Until very recently when I decided to take a little time for myself. So, once a month I go out with my girlfriends to the movies, we make a night of it, go to dinner etc. It's only one evening a month but it is really nice to get out with the girls and be M., not Mommy.
If your husband is concerned about you confide in him, tell him how you are feeling and that you need more help. Tell him you need some "time off", help him understand how you're feeling so he can try to help you through this.
The only way to get help is to ask for it, let people know you need their help right now and get some time to yourself, it's not selfish to look after yourself. It helps you be a better mother if you are happy.
Hope you are feeling better soon, have a happy thanksgiving.

Having someone to talk to can really help and I have definately been there. It's so hard to work and raise children.
You mentioned you had the baby in June and you were fine except for being tired and now you are an "emotional reck" My question would be have you ever taken any type of break and have you ever been able to get any type of rest since the baby was born? Did you manage to get at least a month or so off without your daycare business to get yourself together? Two months is a long time to go without taking some time for yourself. Especially when you have been feeling crapy the entire two months. If you have been going nonstop it's only a matter of time before you just give out.
You may need to see a Dr. about your emotions and/or you may just need a break and sometime to yourself. I bet some time to regroup once or twice a month might go along way.
I don't know if this is reasonable for you or not but maybe you could find a college or high school student who could come to your house a few times a month to earn extra cash just so you could look forward to sometime for yourself.
We are only human. I work full-time outside of the home. there have been times when I've had a full-day off work (like thanksgiving) and my kids can drive me insane fighting, crying and just complaining. It is at these times that I cannot imagine being home all day with them. I would just totaly lose it. So, with that being said I think you just need some time to yourself for relaxation.

I reall don't have a lot of advice except that if you can find a few hours for you. Get out of the house, maybe on a Saturday or Sunday and take a walk, go to the movies, take yourself and maybe a friend out for lunch. I have some of the same feeling, one minute you are fine the next you aren't and when I have taken a little time for me that does help. PPD is such a hard thing and if that is what it is you need to talk to your doctor also but these other things do take a little pressure off and give you a small break. The behavior of your son sounds like a combonation of 2 things, first his age and second is there is a new kid in the house and I want the attention she is getting. My oldest daughter (almost 10) still has this issue if too much attention is given to the youngest one. Good luck and God Bless you

Ppd can start up anytime with in 2 yrs of having a baby but usually does in about 6 months or so.

Yes, It could be stress, but you yourself know that you are not YOURSELF... So go to the dr and at least make them aware of it.

Also... I do daycare and after I had my 3rd I tried to jump right back in... :-) Did not happen. I HAD to take a break. It took about 6 months of no outside kids to get everyone settled with the baby and new life that a baby brings into the house. I do not know the ages of your care kids... But if you have the ability to let the younger ones find other care for a bit it will give you less on your plate to deal with.

You need to look out for yourself FIRST. So if you decide to take a rest and only look after YOU and YOUR kids do not feel bad telling the parents to find other care. But if you do get put on some type of antidepressants you should let the parents know so they are informed and do not feel like your "hiding" it. It will more than likely be short term and blame it on the Post Partum Issues...