Eating Question - Eden Prairie,MN

If they truly are hungry, they will eat...I really respect that you aren't teaching them to be plate cleaners. Children won't eat any more than they need. I wouldn't worry. I always leave my son's plate for a bit to see if he'll come back for more. He goes back and forth between picking and eating like a grown man.

Hi M.-
I have a picky eater 4-yr-old. But with a twist. He will eat things if someone else makes it but not if I make it. Talk about a complex I have! Anyway, we have instituted the "no thank you" bite. He has to have two bites before he can refuse to eat something. He also does not get dessert unless he has eaten everything (or almost)so...if he has really not eaten much then I save his plate. Later on when he complains he is hungry then I tell him to eat what is on his plate then he can have a dessert. This has worked quite well for us. When I was trying to bribe him with TV or some other item it would become a tug of war. Now he knows that he can say no but, quite often, he finds out he likes what I have made....

I have had the same problem with my boys. now ages 3 and 5. they are also very skinny and would rather eat nothing. I talked with my pediatrician and she continues to say dont make it an issue. if they are hungry they will eat. Just always offer healthy food and when they are ready they will eat. I did however start paying more attention to snacks and avoiding them. Another note is even if you are not feeding them in between meals, if you live in a neighborhood like mine they go between all the neighbors homes with all their buddys and they were getting ( and asking for) food and snacks. I found the neighbor mom doesnt have any issues with popsicles at any time of the day or night and her children are allowed food any time. this was easily solved my letting her know I was trying to get them to eat better. they are still picky eaters, but the foods they do like they are eating more of and are slowly trying more things. and the occasional hungry night leads to a huge breakfast. I grew up in a house were I was forced to sit at the table even in the dark until my plate was empty. Kids are very stubborn as you know and this only led to sneaky ways to get around trying foods that we all eventually end up loving. hang in there, dont make it such an issue. good luck. one more thing my pediatrician said that helped me is to always remember their stomachs are the size of their little fists, and it really doesnt take much to fill them up. This made me realize that 2 chicken nuggets might actually be enough and in a society of over eaters its ok to stop when you no longer feel hungry.

I have a four- and two-year-old and mealtime at home and even out and about is very pleasant! I'll tell you what we do:

I agree with Cody that you DO NOT have to fix something special for them. If our kids don't eat what they're given then they must leave the table and play quietly until the rest of us are finished with the meal. We don't make a big deal of it.

In my house we give the children *very small* portions of each dish that they must finish before they eat anything else or have seconds of a favorite dish. If they don't eat, the plate is covered and saved until the next mealtime. No matter what, we only eat at specified times (nothing in between - we eat three meals and two snacks per day) and if they didn't eat all the food from the previous meal, they have to eat that before getting anything else.

We never stray from this and they know the ropes very well at ages four and two. A normal, healthy child will not let themselves starve - it's against their instincts.

**NOTE: We DO require them to drink a children's nutritional product every day no matter what, too. This way, even if they have an obstinate day when they don't want to eat, I know they have gotten the nutrition they need anyway. They're then only short on calories that day. With the help of this extra step, my children are lean but have very good tone and color.

people may say im nuts but this is what i ended up doing- and my two boys werent really even picky. i had same rule about trying everything if they didnt like it they didnt have to eat it. i usually introduced new things at same meal as something i knew they liked.

here goes- 7 days in a week. oldest picked two meals, youngest picked two meals, mom got one , dad got one and sat night was always pizza. no two meals could be repeated during the week which meant they could never pick pizza. and i traded which child got to pick first each week. rule was, if you picked it you had to eat it. if not you could choose pbj or cereal.

it worked out great for me. i even went so far as to do this 3 months ahead. i shopped for everything and at the end of each week calendar wrote what fresh items i needed to purchase for the next week.

now mind you- i was a stay at home mom- both kids were in grade school by then. it took me 3 weeks to get it all organized for a 3 month period. but they were both very busy with extra activities so it helped us stay focused. and i looooooved not having to worry what was for dinner each night.

the pizza thing-- we would have frozen one week, order out the next. we picked sat night because it was so busy getting baths etc ready for sunday. later it was changed to tues because that was scout night- very caotic.

i did that for just over a yr. besides that before and after i pretty much did the short order cook thing. not to any real extreme. it had to be simple stuff. but i can tell you now they are 18, 20. both healthy as horses and willing to try anything new. they will eat everything served to them when invited to someones for dinner whether they like it or not. they have suprised me with the things they like now because of that, that they use to not want to touch.

hope that helped!

I would like to suggest the cookbook The Sneaky Chef by Missy Chase Lapine. I am using that right now. It sneaks healthy nutrients into typical kid favorites.

I also would suggest that your boys be "in charge" of what's for dinner at least one night a week each. That could mean selecting a meal from 2 choices for the younger two boys, and selecting a food from each food group for the older boy. Then have them help prepare it as much as possible. I know this takes WAY WAY longer, but my own son who is only picky about certain things, will eat half a batch of fresh blueberry muffins (or whatever!) that he "made himself" when he normally won't touch them with a ten-foot pole.

You can also enlist their "help" in the grocery store, when deciding between 2 choices for what brand to buy, or what fruit to get, putting items in the cart etc, and at home, putting items away in the kitchen. The more involved the kids are in the process, the more invested in the results (dinner!) they are.

I'd also check w their doctor to make sure they are not becoming malnurished or truly underweight. He might prescribe a multivitamin.

Best luck and hugs to you :)

Dear M.,

I'm going to buck the norm here....I can't believe all the advice you received to fix them what they want...are you running a restaurant or a home? This is why the children of the world don't think they have to do anything they don't want to...because they always get what they want.

I believe you are doing the right thing...fix it, and if they don't eat, they will eat when they get hungry.

My children eat almost everything I fix, and have for all the years I've cooked for children. They all have their favorites, and I try to make sure I only fix their least favorites (usually some kind of vegetable) about once a week, or less. When I know it's not their favorite I only give them a very small portion. I don't give them big portions of anything, but they are always welcome to seconds. I always want to make sure that they are capable of eating what I give them because it makes them feel so big when they clean their plate....and we make a big deal out of it by clapping and saying, "Way to go!"

Good eating habits are like everything else...practice makes perfect. You need to be consistent and follow through. I, also, believe that parents need to practice good eating habits, too, and make good examples for their children.

C.

M.,

I also have three kids and I can say that for me, they will eat when they are hungry. If mine choose to not eat what is prepared then they get nothing the rest of the night. It sounds like you might already be doing that. I wouldn't worry too much about it my doctor's have always told me that when they are hungry they will eat. Good luck.

Try to eliminate their afternoon snack, maybe they will eat more dinner because of hunger.

You say they're picky eaters...that means they must eat something. As much as you might hate it, start serving only the foods they'll eat, and don't worry so much about variety or nutritionaly balance right now.

So, if they only eat yogurt, pbj, or mac n' cheese, make only those things for breakfast lunch and dinner. Rotate the few things they like, or find creative variations. I'd also invest in one of many cookbooks where they have recipes for several of the top kid favorites, but ways to hide fruit, veggies, protein inside, like mac n' cheese with cauliflower hidden it.

My kids are pretty picky. I had really good success with making all their meals look like hors d'overs trays. I made home made mini-quiches (really loaded them up with finely mulched spinach, sausage, bacon, or ham, and cheeses, and the kids were wild for them, not knowing there were green veggies in them. I made alot of "tea" sandwiches using fun shaped cookie cutters (dinos, trains, trucks) but finely minced up the meats and veggies to make a spread. Once again the food culprits were disguised and presented in fun shapes.

It's a lot of work with picky eaters, but it can be done. To also ensure they're getting vitamins and minerals, invest in pediasure and a good multivitamin.

Last but not least, I'm not surprised my kids are picky...I was a picky eater too. For me, I "couldn't" eat. I felt awful when I did..and after many horrible nights with my parents force-feeding and threatening me, my doctor eventually discovered I had food allergies complicated with an underdeveloped stomach. I strongly recommend having your kids checked out by the ped just to be sure nothing else is going unchecked under the radar.

Once the doc figured this out, my mother served better meals, and I was no longer sick all the time. I did finally eat better amounts of food, but will never eat "normal" as I have many food issues.

Just some "food for thought".

Hi M.
I would just let them make the desion they will not starve themselves. When I was haveing issues with my daughter. I started writing down everything she ate and relized she ate alot of heathly snacks before dinner which made her not hungry for dinner. I also had to limit her fluid intake before meals or she would fill up on them and not food. Good Luck:)T.

My son too is picky ... VERY picky... I know your pain. I just go with the flow and try to make a balanced meal out of the things he likes. I have been able to expand his tastes to others slowly. He is now 6 and I would say that up until now his range of food was limited. I totally agree ... mealtime makes everyone miserable when its a battle. We have used the philosophy that mealtime is social time. The only rule that we have is that if he hasn't finished dinner no dessert. We have even been able to get him starting the one bite rule. But again this didn't happen until he was 5 (it was one of the things that "you do when you are 5"; just like now that he just turned 6 "you can't eat the same meal twice a day is now a rule".) I have also noticed that snack time at school has helped. Hang in there...

As a mom of 4 it is almost impossible to cook something that everyone will like so our rule is try it and if you don't like it you can make yourself dinner but it has to include all 4 food groups. Peanut butter and jelly, apple and milk qualify. We went for about two weeks with everyone opting out of dinner and making their own meal but then the novelty wore off. This was 5 years ago. Now most of the time they eat even if they don't care for the dinner because they don't want to make their own. I assisted the littlest with making her own alternative dinner until she was three. Oh, and they have to pick up after themselves also. Good luck.

We've had this issue as well--I decided that it is more important that they eat something than what I am serving (my son, especially, is quite thin) so they can choose to eat what I am serving, or they can have yogurt or string cheese. That way, at least they're getting some protein and calcium. They will often try what we're eating now, although that has taken time, but don't always eat it. I wouldn't force them to eat what you're serving if they aren't interested--that will only create negative food associations. And, seriously, how do you MAKE a kid eat?

Good luck!
J.

I really like the book "How to Get Your Child to Eat, But Not Too Much", found it to be really helpful.

It has been my understanding that kids will eat when they are ready,My children whey they were younger would do this very thing. They are not going to starve themselves. Our concern as parents is obvious that we are concerned if they are getting the nutrition they need. Children, teens, and adults should be taking some sort of supplementation. You can find our more about what your children should be taking by going to www.lifebeginsagain.usana.com and click on Usanimals. To educate you and your children and have fun doing it, go to www.woogieworld.com as well. This is a very fun interactive website designed for families. Tell me what you think. Thank you for listening. S. Jean Bloomington, Minnesota

I remember being a "picky" eater as a child and those memories have influenced how I interacted with my own children and how I now interact with my grandchildren around food issues. There are no rules because it's crazy trying to enforce them. I do encourage trying new things but I leave it at that. I try to have a variety of healthful snacks available now so that if my grandchildren don't like what I fix, they can choose something for themselves. It also helped to have both children and grandchildren go shopping with me and pick out some of their own food. They seldom refuse to eat something of their own choosing (although canned artichoke hearts didn't work for any of us).

About your mom, she is not going to damage your children but she no doubt does things differently at her home. Unless she is doing something which is dangerous for your them, let it go. My granddaughter eats entirely differently when she visits me. She eats stuff that neither her mother or father have in their homes. She loves grits and ramen noodles and cold tomato soup and a variety of things which I don't typically keep on my shelves. But she seems very comfortable with these different food experiences. And she likes to go grocery shopping so we use that time to try foods which might be new to both of us.

Because she has food allergies I AM very careful about certain items, but those are the only rules in place and I am glad that her mom doesn't impose a list of do's and don'ts. Again, it is helpful and healthy to be a bit more flexible.

Best wishes

I think its great the way you are already handling it. I have a 12 year old who was a very picky eater. We are now broke because we can't keep enough food in the house! :) Seriously, he makes very healthy choices and understands moderation. He is very active and has a great slim, muscular build. Don't revolve life around food, if they are hungry they will eat, but you are not a waitress/chef.
Kids your age really don't need to eat very much. At the most, one good meal a day. For our two year old, I make a smoothie in the morning. A cup of yogurt, banana, berries, carrots, and o.j. He loves it.
Just try not to stress over it. You really are doing the right thing already.

Why not try letting them take turns picking out what you have for dinner, and make a rule that they can't have the same thing for dinner more than once a week. That way you get variety, your kids eat, and you don't make yourself or them miserable in the process.

I would do a few things and some great ideas combined that you have gotten here. And the peds say they won't starve its very true--- just fill your fridge and pantry with good foods & snacks.

1-Limit any snacks and sugary drinks at least 1.5-2hrs if they are starving offer veggies and fruit only. They will either eat something healthy or actually be starving for dinner.

2-Don't make just what they like BUT sneak things in. Like the peds told me to add extra eggs to pancakes,french toast. There are a couple great cookbooks out about sneaking pureed veggies into muffins and everyday cooking.

3-I make them eat the amount of bites that they are old. I also talk about certain veggies being for eyes, hair, muscles etc. They are boys tell them they need the muscles for wrestling, soccer, football whatever they are into.

4-Like someone said forget to put drinks on the table so they can't fill up on them.

5-Boost/ensure extra protein is all my smallest one drank for a bit she was teething and just wouldn't eat a whole lot.

6-Lastly I "forgot" to buy cereal and my kids either had to have oatmeal or scrambled eggs with ham and cheese for breakfast it killed the huge bowls of cereal and 2 pieces of toast that they would fill up on.

7-I took my kids on a couple field trips science museum has great exhibits about eating for energy and the grocery to see how they put out the fruits and veggies. I also involved them in picking out the veggie for dinner ie carrots, corn, green beans... They liked to break the fresh ones to cook.

I think I might have tossed a pizza party bribe in there that if everyone helped set & clean the table and ate their bites m-th then we would have fri pizza and it worked.

Good Luck its just a phase but don't forget you can help it not last as long

Mom to 13, 6 and 2yr olds

Some children are just picky and others really have an issue with textures. My girls have Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) and eating has been an issue for us. I have learned that forcing (my kids and all of my friends who've had similar trouble) never works. It just places a feeling of resentment on food and can eventually lead to a ill formed relationship with food and possible eating disorders later in life or a resentment toward a parent. These things have helped us and some friends whose kids do not have SID. Before meals do some facial exercises (ans watch yourselves in a mirror) like a lion roaring face, a fish face, a hooting owl, a hissing snake, a surprised look and then pushing the tongue around inside a closed mouth (like poking it into the cheek on left side, then right, then inside the upper lip then lower). This gets the sensation points inside the mouth ready to handle most textures. We also then take a toothbrush and swipe up and down the inside of each cheek 10 times, along the gums upper and lower to the count of ten and each side of the tongue to count of ten and the softly swipe the roof of mouth to count of ten. Sounds cooky but this also does something to the points of sensation in the mouth that might otherwise reject a texture but now may be able to accept it. It has worked wonders with my girls 2 and 4 and my 4 year old who would only eat 4 things a year ago with eat many different meals now and is always willing to take 2 tastes of something new. We ahve also spent some time doing food play (yes, this too sounds counter productive but hear me out). Make something like mashed potatoes or even use yougurt. place some on a cookie sheet or we gave each child a plastic shoe box sized tub and then instruct them in play with a small toy or two in the food. We used little plastic animals that they preferred to play with but matchbox cars or trucks, dinosaurs ect will work great too. I might say, hide all the animals. Then dig them up with your bare hands. Then make tracks, or paths or (plow roads for cars) with the toys. Then hide your hands, squish the food between your hands, let them explore it. This should be done at times away from the standard dinner time. But again something about being able to expelore the texture, smell, feel, etc of foods outside of dinner time makes it more inviting. And don't be surprised if in playtime they pick up some and taste it. This too worked wonders for our picky eaters. It is a bit messy...we started doing it in a room with tiled flooring and then in nicer weather have done it at their picnic table in the yard. Kids love to explore, and make messes and be the ones in control of the food. This will peak their curiosity about the food and they will be tempted to taste it. Hope this helps .... we also in the meantime ordered a meal shake from our chiropractor by Metagenics called UltraCare for kids (it is a meal in powder form that you just add to milk, soy milk, juice or water and it is formulated with all the vitamins, minerals, healthy fats and protein a child would need in a meal for good health). It comes in vanilla and banana cherry flavors and my kids loved it. They called it their special cocoa and still ask for it sometimes. Hope this helps you....I know the frustration of picky eaters. You are diong the right thing by having them at least try stuff and not making several different meals. Keep up the good work and I will pray for your boys to become great eaters! I am a SAHM of 2 beatiful girls 2 and 4 and they, along with my wonderful husband of 7 years are the light of my life.

As long as their lives aren't in danger, I think you should just let them choose if they want to eat or not. I'm sure one day that will change, and you'll have a hard time having ENOUGH food in your fridge for them! But I'm sure they are fine for now. Even doctors say not to worry about it. If they are hungry, they will eat.

No child has ever died from not eatig a meal... unlike teenagers... children will not starve themselves to death... to look "good". Keep the house full of nutritous snakes and if they don't eat at dinner... stick to the nothing else the rest of the night... just say the kitchen closes after dinner... (this maybe harder for you and your husband to live with then the children). One of the big reasons many of us adults have eating problems was that we were forced to eat when we weren't hungry... "clean plate club" or because eating was a constant battle... the body knows what it needs if we don't fill it full of junk food first... Stick to what you can control... you can't force them to eat, but you can close the kitchen... enforceable statements are the only kind I suggest... another thought (your sons are a bit young for) during my divorce my sons and I instituted one night a week which was FFYS... Fend For Your Self ... where they could make something they liked for dinner as long as they cleaned up the kitchen... I have one the loves meatloaf and porkchops and one who hates them... so sometimes one son gets to pick the main course and sometimes the other... it never hurt either of them to skip part of a meal.

I just want to say thanks for posting/asking this question!

My daughter turned 2 years old a month ago and has pretty much dropped meals all together (picky/not hungry) she would eat a few health snacks a day maybe a few chicken nuggets and that would be it... I was getting frustrated but all the advice has helped me!

Thanks to everyone who gave advice and thanks M. for posting this question!

The best way me & my sister have found is that if they do not eat it for one meal, they get it for the next meal. Only one or two meals is usally skipped & then they stop fighting it & eat what is in front of them. You need to stick your guns though & not give in or the techniquew doesn't work.

Once they go through the process once or twice ususlly just the threat of having to eat it at the next meal is enough to ge tthe plates clean.

good luck

M.,

Despite parents worries, children won't starve themselves to death. The only time I have seen a child intentionally stay hungry to the point he made himself sick was in defiance of parents who tried to force him to eat. I wouldn't force them.

But I wouldn't become a short order cook, either. If they don't want to eat, that's fine. Don't make a big deal of it. Are they filling up on snacks or having big meals at other times?

We had some problems with our kids not eating dinner. We cut out snacks almost entirely (only when there is a 6+ hour gap between meals due to a schedule change) and cut back breakfast to a normal size. Granted, they have snacks at school, but not at home. At breakfast, they were eating several waffles, multiple bowls of cereal, a couple pieces of fruit, toast, bowls of yogurt, multiple cereal bars, etc. all at one meal to make up for dinner the night before and to fill up so they wouldn't have to eat dinner again that night.

If you are concerned about the kids weight, increase the healthy fat in their diet. Add trail mix to their lunch, give them 2% milk (or even whole if you have to,) cook food in olive oil, thicken up the peanut butter servings, etc.

Good luck,
S.

You should definitely not force them to clean their plates. This will lead to overeating later on, and an unhealthy relationship with food. I would only give them a tablespoon of food at a time, until you know that they're going to eat it. That way it's not going to waste.

Also, it's great that you ask them to try a bite of everything, but if there is a food you already know they absolutely hate, I would not ask them to keep trying it. My parents did this with my brother; he hated green beans. Every time we had green beans, he had to eat 2 green beans. He grew to have such an emotional reaction to green beans, that once, at a family function, when he was eating his required 2 green beans, they came right back up and he puked. My parents finally realized how cruel they were being.

Even if they don't eat a whole meal at suppertime, they are learning good manners by sitting at the table and joining in family conversation. Make them sit there until you and your husband are done eating, and then they can be excused.

Also, you only mention "dinner" as being the problem, so I wonder what they eat throughout the day? In many countries (France and Spain come to mind), lunch is the main, largest meal of the day, and then dinner in the evening is much smaller. This is how we eat in our home, much of the time. So I guess I would look at how they are eating overall, not just at that one meal.

Also, you could have your kids help with the meal prep. Your 5 year old could wash off vegetables or help with simple food prep, and set the table. You could ask your boys for advice on what to cook for dinner. I'm not saying you become a short order cook by any means, but you could say, "Should we have turkey sandwiches, or spaghetti tonight?". If they don't like the 2 choices you present, you pick one and they live with it.

We have to choose our battles, and meal time is not one I have ever chosen to fight. Makes my mom and sister crazy, but there is no sense in it. It is only my son and I, so most nights I ask him what he wants for dinner- and I fix it- if I dont' like spaghettio's then I have a salad. Or some nights we just eat Peanut butter sandwiches. I am not saying cater to each ones wants- but one night a week give each boy the option to choose. You may end up with chicken nuggets 3 nights in a row- but it beats them not eating- AND my momma always said- they will eat when they get hungry- good luck to you!

Also the one thing I found with my son- he is always thirsty and would drink and fill up whether it be milk water or koolaide- so he gets small drinks not large ones and he doesn't get a drink until he is half done with supper.

I'm no nutritionist nor child psychologist so I won't give an opinion on what you should do. But I am wondering if they're filling up on crackers or something in the afternoon. My kids are constantly offered crackers and cookies everywhere we go and it interferes with dinner unless I step in.

Afternoon snack at my house consists of something like a banana OR yogurt OR half a cup of raisins OR steamed broccoli OR frozen soybeans, etc...

Good luck, sounds pretty stressful!

I have always done, you have to eat as many bites as your age.
It worked like a charm, even for my nephew who is the pickiest of all. Just let them know you expect it of them up front and when they have taken that many bites, that is when they can "be done."

Hi M.,
I think many mothers have this problem to some extent so hang in there its a hard thing to battle. One thing I have had luck with is using TV to help. There are many food TV shows on and with the ability to record I have found that when I watch some of these shows with my children we can talk about what they think looks good to eat and they make it. My kids happen to enjoy Sandra Lee's semi homemade. There are also many websites and magazines that offer recipes that are kid friendly so that you can have easy recipes that they can help with. One I use is a free one Kraft sends out at the beginning of each season. If you get them involved in creating the meal or even decorations on the table they find mealtime to be more fun and eat a little more. It takes time but I find all my children have been more likely to eat a meal that they helped make. Also there are many ways to sneak the healthy stuff into a fun looking meal by finely chopping or pureeing the veggies. I had a friend that would ask the kids if they wanted a snack and would give them tiny plates with parts of the meal on it which they would eat on the coffee table without a problem because they loved the idea of snacks but not sitting down for a meal. Sometimes you have to be sneaky. I know with my daughter we used to have her eat at least as many spoonfuls as her age before she could be done and even at 3 that really got her to give things a chance and she ended up liking them by the next time we had it. Hope some of this helps! Good luck! -S.

I'd let them make the choice. Kids won't starve themselves. I went through a huge battle with my son when he was between the ages of 2-4 1/2. It was miserable. He'd literally sit there with a bite of food in his mouth for two hours before I gave up and sent him to bed. It just takes time. I'd say limit their milk/drinks before meals as that will fill them up, also make sure the space between afternoon snack and dinner is at least an hour and a half. Once I started spacing meals/snacks better, my son's habits about dinner took a huge turn. Good luck! I know how frustrating it can be!

As a former picky eater myself - until I hit 30 :) - my advice is to have them try a bite of whatever you're having, then let them have something you know they like. When I was young I had all sorts of issues with textures, smells, and looks. I couldn't stand grilled cheese until I was 16, still can't handle steamed clams (which the other 6 members of my family always loved) because they are just toooooo slimy! I could barely, just barely, manage to eat jello. I still hate raspberries - they're just too gritty, like eating sand.
Since my husband was and still is a very picky eater, my son came by it naturally.
I always have my son try a bite of whatever we're having (unless he's got that look on his face), then offer him something he likes. He lived on chicken nuggets and salami sandwiches for a number of years.
Hope this helps.

Eating is one of the very few things kids have control of in their lives, if you make it become a battle I'm sure you'll start to see other behaviors change and battles about other things as they try to gain some control back. As long as they aren't underweight don't push the issue, they'll eat when they are hungry.

When our kids get to Kindergarten age (and can be somewhat reasond with), if they have persisted in being picky, I set the food in front of them (being sure to to give too much) and they sit there until it is gone. No cajoling, threats or incentives. Just "eat" and then I ignore the issue. When the table is cleared, they sit there until they are finished, regardless of how long it takes. They have been repeatedly admonished that the Bible says to eat what you are given and to be thankful for it. Any more talk, we have found, just incites anger and resistance. A cool, objective approach, and the natural incentive of hunger, wins out every time. I still have a couple of picky ones, but their resistance is slipping and victory is just around the bend. :)

SAHM of seven

I didn't get a chance to look throught the other responses so I hope I am not repeating anything. I also have three boys ages 15 months to 7. My 7 yr old in particular is extremely picky. He also has sensory issues so part of the eating problems are textures. I decided I didn't want to make food a huge issue. We already have too many nutritional issues in this country. So what we decided is that at every meal we put bread and peanut butter on the table. If they don't eat what is made for them they can make themselves a peanut butter sandwich. I tell them I don't run a restaurant so it is up to them if they don't like what is made. This way they are getting protein and I use a whole grain bread so they are getting good carbs. It has worked very well for us. I also added a nutritional supplement to their diet. The supplement we use is in a powder form (chocolate or vanilla) and just goes in their milk. They get all the nutrition they need in a day in just 1 serving (but they still need more calories.) So that way I feel they have their nutritional needs met. If you want more information on the supplement I can share that with you.
Good luck with the boys!
~M.

Hi M.,

I think my question for you would be, "Are your boys getting snacks/drinks btwn meals?" If they are, I would recommend eliminating them so that they are hungry for dinner.

What I'm about to say is only based on personal experience, but what I do with my daughter is give her a small plate of food (usually what we are eating), and if she doesn't eat it that is completely fine, but she doesn't get any other options. Many times, she takes one bite and says she is done. That is fine, and I make no issue of it, but she does not get more of anything else. I do allow her to eat snacks, but they are healthy so I know she isn't filling up on junk.

When I was young, my parents never made me eat what I didn't want to eat. What I appreciate about that now is that food just was not an issue. If I was hungry I would eat what was given, but I didn't have to eat it if I was not interested or not hungry or didn't like it. It was never a battle, just a matter of fact. I cringe when I see or hear a mom or someone pleading, bribing - or whatever- with their child to eat or try something. I wonder if it builds in the child an unhealthy relationship with food. So bottom line in my mind is, give them nutritious options and don't cater to their desires (at least in an extreme sense) when it comes to food. They can take it or leave it, and if they leave it, they will probably be hungry for their next meal...or maybe it won't be till the next day, but they are learning that when mom offers a meal, if you don't take it, it may be awhile before another opportunity arises to eat.

Blessings, J.

I think you are on the right track. My sister does the have to stay in your seat until you eat so much and it tend to just cause stress in her house. I am luck since my little girl who is still only 18 mo is not picky. My only suggestion would be to maybe take there favorite food and do the sneaky thing and puree some veggies to add to it. Otherwise keep doing what you are doing... kids that age, when they are hungry they will eat, as long as they are healthy and your doctor isn't concerned... keep it up.

I have been taking care of 7 boys now, living with them 4-six year olds, and 3-eight year olds due to my new job. I've been doing this 6 months, so I'm kinda like a parent to 7 new ones that I have to watch and care for as a guardian-very strictly. I monitor health with all of them.

I have some boys that are the same way. I'm told over and over to not make it too big of a deal, but on the other hand, the boys are rapidly melting away and there is nothing to them. Some things I've done to help my boys-find out what they do like to eat--if that means making that more often or having a little of it at most meals to make sure they are eating something-might want to try it. In our house, we have a no-thank you list. They pick like 2-3 things they really don't like, and I replace them with something else in the food group. Also, I add things like butter and sugar to some things to add calories to some foods to help them a little. Another thing you might want to consider is having them drink whole milk if they aren't. In addition, maybe Carnation Breakfast drinks (mix with whole milk), which can help. And finally, if there is concern over are they getting the right vitamins, you might want to check with doctor and order some pediasure for them and have them drink that a couple times a day. Yes, I also have a time-limit at the table for meals as it used to take 2 hours for most meals for some of them, now we have a rule of 45 minutes if they eat everything on plate, they can pick any dessert in the house (including from a candy bin) or they get my pick if they finish before 60 minutes, but at 60 minutes they clear. Unless it's pediasure or something like that. Hopefully this will really help you. If none of this works, and they aren't doing better--I would consult with doctor, and also school counselor (there might be issues in school that you are unaware of like bullies, high pressure due to sports, or something they've seen). Keep all your options open, and your listening ears tuned into them. Actions speak louder than words. Hope this helps.

I am not to this point w/my little one but I'll offer something short since you have lots of great advice! I would not force food because that can create negative realtionship w/food and possible later life food issues or eating disorders. I would however keeping serving and encouraging them to try it. My mother in law said she never forced her boys but would ask them to at least try 1-3 bites of something they did not like so at least they got some exposure to the food. Also if you are concerned about missing out on nutrients you could always puree fruits and veggies and "hide" them in foods they like. THere are sveral cookbooks on this geared for kids. However, I think I would still continue to offer the actual veggies and fruits this way they can get use to eating and you don't have to hide them forever!
Good luck!

Hello, M.! I am the mother of three sons myself. Two of them are grown and out of the house, and my youngest is a strapping 6'4" sixteen-year-old. I had a similar problem when they younger and my solution was pretty simple. I offered them cereal if they didn't like what I cooked. The cereal had to be iron-fortified and they HAD to drink their milk up. They could also have pb&j sandwiches and a glass of milk or juice. Fresh fruit was also an option. This works out because I knew they got their calcium, iron, and vitamin C - plus they definitely had something in their bellies. It's hard to please the picky ones because they just don't want to try something new. I didn't force them to taste the dish. If they were willing to try a small bite, that was fine with me. If not, well, it was their loss! *smile* I believe it's healthy to encourage choices, so that was my approach. It is frustrating and can be quite a challenge trying to make sure your kids are getting enough of the right foods. My meals (I thought) were pretty boring -- no peppers or onions, no spices, no mushrooms, nothing "unfamiliar", etc. All my children are experimenting with different food on their own now, and they seem to be making the right choices. My older sons are 6'2" and 6'3" so the extra milk seems to have done its job! All in all, I wouldn't worry too much about them being picky. You just have to be a little more creative with your meals. (Even then, we went through a lot of milk and cereal, I'll tell you what!) Good luck with everything. I sure hope this helped. You have a beautiful day!!

It has become a control issue for them and for you. I don't think they will starve if they go without dinner, but they probably aren't getting enough vegetables since that usually doesn't come with breakfast and seldomly lunch. Maybe if they had two bites of each item then have seconds of their favorites. I too had the rule that if you don't like supper, I hope you would like breakfast better. It worked with my kids since there was enough varitey in the meal that there is bound to be something that they would like enough to get full. Vegetables were a favorite of my kids so I didn't worry about that much. If they are getting snacks later on, it undermines your suppertime routine, so make sure you don't back yourself into a corner that you either have to let in or deal with crying kids come bedtime. If nothing else, keep the meal in the fridge and warm it up when they are hungry later on.

I think you're doing the right thing now, which is encouraging them to at least try what's on their plate. My pediatrician told me from day one that kids will eat when they're hungry, and I find it to be absolutely true. The key, then, is to make sure the food you're providing is healthy and balanced. I was a very picky eater in my youth, and to keep mealtime sane my mom didn't fight it. I quickly learned I could go without dinner or lunch because snacktime always included cookies and Cheezits. Guess what the bulk of my diet consisted of?

Take care!

My child was a great eater until she turned 6. Now it is a struggle to get her to eat. What I found works best is to have them help you cook the meal. When she helps she generally will eat supper then. It will take you a little extra time to make supper but It is worth it. Now even my two year old wants to help when we make supper.

i think you have it right by telling them to eat or leave, they won't starve themselves so stick with it and they will eventually start eating

You mention dinner being particularly hard. I find with my 2 boys that by dinner they are getting more tired and do not eat very well. I have to try to get in new foods and healthy things at lunch. They have a better chance of trying things then. Dinner for us is just trying to get them eat the things they actually like!

I would try getting your kids involved in the food prep. Sometimes if they help make it, the will be more apt to eating it. Also, give them a few days a week of their favorite foods. If parents are constantly trying to get their kids to eat new foods, it can be tough. If they love mac and cheese, let them have it one night a week as long as they try some new foods the other nights of the week. Trust me, the phase will pass!

M.,

I too, am going to buck the system. I think the reason many children are "picky eaters" is because parents serve them only what they will eat and then, when introducing a new food, the child doesn't want to try because they have been catered to in the past. I am not saying this is what you have done, but I think this is a pretty common practice.

That said, here is what I do with children in my care that come to me labeled "picky."

When I know a child likes a particular food, for example grapes, I will put a 2-3 bite portion of meat or main dish food on their plate. I will also put 2-3 greenbeans, and maybe 1/4 of a piece of bread and butter. Then I will only put 2-3 grapes. The rule in my house is that you must eat everything on your plate if you want seconds of anything. Sooner or later, and usually sooner, they will figure out that if they want more grapes, they must eat everything else. When we are successful at that round, next time I increase the portion size by one bite. This goes on until they are eating normal portions of every food. If I see that they are regressing, I cut back to only a few bites of the things they like.

This has worked with EVERY picky eater that has ever come to me for care (in childcare for 20 years) and it will work for you too, but you have to stick it out. I should also mention, when serving meals, I don't offer milk right away. It usually comes halfway through the meal. Be very matter of fact about it and praise the child who is trying everything on his plate.

On a side note, I also do fun things with new foods to get them to try them. For example, we eat diced beets with toothpicks. I will tell the kids "stack two beets on your sword!" and then we will count and laugh and poke and then before they eat them we yell "En guarde!" (with a french accent) or "Bombs Away!" We have made teepees on a ritz. I cut a circle of cheese to fit a Ritz "let's lay down the fur on the floor for the teepee." Then we stack baby carrots cut in half lengthwise with a little peanut butter at the top to stick them together. I tell them "stack all of your sticks to make the frame for the teepee." Then I give them a piece of ham and tell them to "cover their teepee with the cloth." Then we eat our teepees.

I also give them a TBL of peanut butter, 5-6 carrot sticks and some raisins and we dip our carrot sticks in the peanut butter and then stick a raisin to it and eat. If a child wants more peanut butter or more raisins, the rule applies, they have to eat everything before they get more of anything. Most of the time, they don't even realize that they are eating or at least trying everything.

Food can and should be fun. Never force a child to eat but make it so they want to. Very importantly, limit juices (I rarely serve juice) and low-nutrition snacks.

Good luck!

C.

I would stick with the letting them choose. If they are truly hungry they will eat what is in front of them. My 8 year old is my pickiest eater. Once the boys were old enough, we told them that if they didn't like what we were eating, they could make something for themselves. Also, make sure they are getting a daily vitamin.

Lisa (mom of 4 boys)

This is what we did:

1. Start off by giving them small amounts of whatever you are having. Don't make anything special. Don't get stuck being a short-order cook. You want them to get used to eating what everyone else is and not be catered to.
2. Let them sit at the table with you and eat or not eat. They need to get used to sitting at the table and learn this is the time to eat. If they eat, great. In the words of Dr. Phil, "if they are hungry they will eat." If they don't eat, put it in the fridge.
3. Bring out their plate of leftovers the next day for breakfast, lunch, or dinner (or all of the above, as long as it takes.) Decide a reasonable amount or number of bites you want them to finish and tell them, "This is good food. It is not garbage. You can eat your regular breakfast/lunch/dinner when you finish this first."

Our kids get it now. They eat when we do and what we do. The only time they don't is when they've just had a snack (our fault!) Good luck!

My professional advice is don't force it. You said they don't eat dinner. Do they eat lunch or breakfast well? Most kids will eat one good meal a day. Also are they getting too many snacks or snacks to close to dinner. Space food 2-3 hours apart. That includes drinks, besides water.

I would recommend the book "How to get your child to eat" by Ellyn Satter.

I have seen how this can be a big challenge. My brother's family is in a similar situation. For my daughter, if she is hungry she eats, if not she doesn't. I don't force food or start the games. My sister-in-law has battled with her son and recently stopped (her doctor recommended). They no longer have issues. My thoughts are if they are hungry enough, they will eat. Our bodies take care of themselves. If in need of nutrients, cravings and hunger will be inevitable. Best of luck.