Ear Piercing & Tat Request from My 15 Yr Old!

I would ask him to get a drawing of what he wants for his tattoo and show you. Then discuss it and put a date on it. Maybe for his 17th birthday or something. If he still really wants it (and only because it's for his father), then do it then.

I would let him do it. I would rather it B. done correctly and professionally then for him go out and do it on his own. Tell him if he gets a tattoo to put in a spot that is not visible to everyone. My daughter got a tattoo to memorialize her dad's passing last year. I know that he would have appreciated it. I know it is hard trying to keep it together. Remember to fight the battles that you can win. Take one day at a time and it will get better. I promise you.

I believe that he should B. able to decide what he wants on his body. However, you should tell him to wait until he is an adult and can pay for it himself since it is not something that you feel is right. His tattoo does not have to B. on display (back or chest) so that should not deter him from getting a job. Don't B. too hard on him though because you do not want him to sneak and get it done illegaly by someone that does not keep things clean. Also I do not think that the earring is a big deal. That is something that can B. removed and closed.

Although others might say "What's the big deal?", I agree with you. Piercings / tattoos seem to B. all the rage right now, but they can B. a drawback come employment time. Jobs are so hard to get right now - you don't want a single strike against you when you are competing with so many for so few jobs. If the piercing / tattoo artist is not very clean (sterilizing equipment, etc), you can end up with hepatitis, infections and any number of problems. What would his father have said about your sons request? If he wants to memorialize his father, he should do it by becoming the best success he can B. and feel his father is watching over him and is proud over his achievements. If he still wants these things when he is an adult, that's his choice, and by then who knows what fashion will B. the latest rage. Perhaps getting a job now or volunteering at a fire department or for community service would get his mind in a better place than worrying over fashion. I'd B. suspicious of his peer group, and try to get him with another group of people as much as possible.

A tattoo is an inappropriate decision for a child oto make. And if he gets one, I would call the police for the person who gives it to him. Make sure he knows how dangerous it can B. to not go to a reputable artisit - hepetitis, hiv, etc!! Emphasize that this is painful under the best conditions and if he makes a mistake it is painful and expensive to remove and tha the should have a job for a few years before he decided if it is a risk he is willing to take.

In general, I might take the apporach of not passing judgement, but saying you are unwilling to support him doing this until he is an adult. You can tell him what your principles are but also tell him that you respect that he sees things in a different way.

Personally, I dont' see a problem with an (ear!!) piercing. And it might B. a good comproomise. But he has to B. mature enough to take care of it so it doesn't get infected. And it can grow shut if he wants later.

In the long run, it is up to you, but how you approach him is important to engcourage him in the right direction and reduc eth eliklihood that he would do this when he is 18 too. He should pay for either thing when the time comes, including related doctor bills!

Another suggestion, but I don't even know if you could pull it off - find a tattoo artist and ask him to discourage your son. Someone reputable will B. able to tell him about the pros and cons, the correct age to consider this, etc. But YOU have the talk with that guy first!!!

I got my first tattoo when I was 17. I still love it to this day and a few years ago had it touched up (after 15 years it was fading a bit). I've had several more tattoos done since then and they all have deep meaning to me. I also have a few discreet piercings. I have no regrets.

That being said, I consider myself lucky to still love my tattoos after all these years. I have many tattooed friends, some of which made matters worse by getting a cover-up tattoo for one they regretted because having them removed is just too expensive and painful.

Although I was really too young when I got my first tattoo, my life was quite different from most people. I was on my own from the time I was 15 and was quite capable of making that decision for myself by the time I was 17. I don't believe anyone under 19 should get a tattoo. The reason I say 19 is the best age is because one should really know exactly what design they want and where they want it placed, THEN wait a FULL YEAR before actually having it done. This is not something anyone should even B. thinking about before they are 18, so 19 is really the youngest I think anyone should ever get one.

It's not likely your son will ever regret getting a memorial tattoo for his father. It's a very personal thing and has deep meaning and will likely give him strength during tough times that are sure to come, but 15 is way too young. If he has the strength of character to wait until he is 19, and still wants it at that time, it will likely have much more meaning to him and he will less likely regret it.

If he must have this tattoo, he should B. spending his time coming up with a design that will best represent the meaning he is trying to convey and he can live with for the rest of his life, considering the location on his body that will work best and not hinder his chances of getting a good job later on, and most of all thinking long and hard about whether the design will still have the same meaning to him 20, 30, 40 years down the road. If and when the time comes that he is ready to go through with it, he should spend more time still researching the dangers of having it done and interviewing potential tattoo artists regarding their sterilization practices and level of talent. Also, it goes without saying that he should B. able to pay for all this on his own.

As for the ear piercing, I agree with most of the other moms that this is a good compromise, as it is removable for inappropriate occasions and if he decides later on that he doesn't like it he can just leave it to close up with no permanent markings. My ears were pierced when I was a baby and at 14 i wanted to add extra holes in my ears. My mother would not allow it, so I ended up just doing it myself in the bathroom at home. Fortunately I never had any problems with the new holes, but I think that was just luck as I didn't really know the consequences of what I was doing at the time. Just B. glad he's not looking to have a face piercing done.

B. J:

Hello! I'm sorry for the loss of your husband. I think it's great that your son wants to memoralize him - however, there are better ways to do that than by getting a tatoo.

1. Plant a tree in his honor in a prominent space and put a plaque with your husband's name on it.
2. Start a scholarship fund or something that your husband enjoyed doing - your son can start earning money for the fund by doing different things - he can also ask businesses and such to help out.

I would take your son to a retirement home and have him check out some of the older people who have tatoos - he will find that they aren't as pretty or cool when you get older and the skin isn't as tight.

I would also stress to him that as long as he in under your roof, he MUST obey your rules and you said no. While you appreciate and respect the fact that he asked permission, he needs to appreciate and respect the fact that you said no. When he moves out at 18 - then fine, he's an adult but until then, your rule is no.

Work with him to help him find another way to memoralize his father - something that everyone can see instead of a select few. With God's help the two of you will come up with something that will work!

Continue to pray - God is there with you in this time of mourning, I know it. You will get through this.

God bless.

Cheryl

B. J,

I'm on the "discourage the tattoo" side of this. I have an uncle who has a blue blob on his arm from a bad tatoo artist. It was supposed to B. a cartoon wolf face - but the guy messed up and it's just a big blue mess on his upper arm. Can't tell you how many times he's wished he'd NEVER walked into the tatto parlour. Also - when my husband was 19 a group of his teammates in college all went to get tattoos together as a group. He went along and did it too. He tells me all the time he wants to have it taken off and it was the biggest mistake he ever made. He will never allow our son (only 3 now) to mark his body like that permanantly. As far as the ear peircing - my Mom made us wait until 16 (that's a big year for a kid) and made it our birthday present to go to the mall and get our ears peirced. At least something like that he can just take the earring out if he doesn't like it later in life. Maybe he can get a stud with his Dad's initials on it. Let him know that Dad's good advice is always speaking to him right there in his ear when he has a decision to make in life - and that he's always with him by remembering. Let us know what you decide. Blessings! S.

I am 38 and have over 30 tattoos. my son has always wanted one however I told him he must wait until he is 18. and boom. here he is 18 and ready. I thought waiting might change his mind. however I am taking him for his first tattoo so I can make sure he goes to someone nice/clean and get's a tasteful tattoo. however it is his body and his choice.
tell him to wait and in the meantime he can draw up what he wants and it may change from time to time.
ps. I do Bible Studies and pray too...tattoos and all!
God Bless!

I'm not sure I'd worry about the earring. My husband had two in one ear before we were married, but he took them out on our wedding day and hasn't put them back in since (17 years ago!). The tattoo on the other hand, I would discourage. In fact, I believe that they need to have a parent's signature to get a tattoo if they are under 18 (at least in VA), so you have some control over that until he is 18. After that, you can certainly tell him why you don't think its a good idea, but it will B. his decision.

My best suggestion is to stall and then compromise on the earring. Ear piercing will close right back up if he changes his mind; a tattoo is forever. The fact that he wants one to memorialize his dad sort of means that it's not something he'll probably end up regretting; you may want to talk to him about where/what/how big, and try to work with him on that part of it. something small and tasteful (I have 4 tattoos, so obviously I'm not entirely opposed, but i vehemently think that 15 is too young - EXCEPT that you said recently widowed. the main tattoo that I'm glad I got - the other 3 I probably shouldn't have - was memorializing a very dear friend that passed away).

anyways, earrings close, and are socially normal and acceptable. nose ring, maybe not, but earrings really are the norm for boys these days, and will close up without a scar. AND are a great bribe/compromise (and something that one of his friends will probably offer to do for him in a random 5 minute period, so you may want to give in to keep him from doing it on his own and reinforcing that he can do stuff like that).

The ear piercing has no true meaning and no significant value. As far as the Tattoo goes, especially if its to memorialize his dad, I say go for it. Of course research different palors and u have to approve of the design/art he chooses but i think its sweet and it may help him with what he is struggling with. U lost ur husband and he lost his dad and u r finding ways to deal with your lost so let him express himself and deal with it his way. It may bring the two of you closer together especially with u being there by his side. The earring thing can wait. If he came to you knowing you would B. against it, means he respect your feelings and wouldnt sneak off like his sisters did. Maybe he is trying to find a way to get closer to you too. i think you should B. open and what can one tattoo hurt? Im sure u love your son as much as the rest of us love our kids so B. open and willing to listen to him. He is hurting and grieving and this is not the time for him to B. let down again. His dads passing wasnt done on purpose but it is a let down in our lives. I got a tattoo to symbolize my grandmother and it took me years to get over the hurt and pain I felt but when I got my tattoo I felt like a piece of her was still living through me and i would never forget her. Everytime I look at my tattoo I smile and tell her I love her. As parents we have to sacrifice for our kids happiness. Please think about it. Think of how u felt when your parents didnt let you do something that was sooooo important (TO YOU) and think thats how he is feeling. Sometimes we have to let our kids make their own mistake and let them learn from them especially if its something that will NOT harm or hurt them in anyway. I have 9 tattoos and i love each and everyone of them. They all mean something to me and I have a GREAT job and 2 of them are visible in the summer time. Just B. open and B. there for him. In the end its your decision until he's 18 but why make him wait b/c your feelings about tattoos is not going to change. Make this decision w/ him not for him.

my parents went through the same thing with me i recently had a tattoo removed from when i was 16 i was dating a tattoo artist. i would tell your son the risk of getting a tattoo like hep C and the dangers of going to an underground artist but that is really all you can do besides follow him 24/7 or lock him in his room as for the piercing my fiancee has his ear pierced and his tongue so i can't say much i also had my tongue pierced as well i personally don't see anything wrong with them but that is just me well good luck with your situation and i hope it turns out ok
p.s. remind your son also that getting a tattoo removed is very expensive and annoying

While I don't have any advice for you that is really helpful, I very much wanted to reach out to you in empathy and understanding. I'm a widow, too, with a teen. I know how difficult it can B. to parent a teen without a father around to help.
You and I are in agreement about the lack of any good reasons for young people to mutilate themselves with needles; there are plenty of cleaner, safer and more attractive ways to express one's self. Frankly, I have never seen a talented tattoo artist; those who have the skills to create true beauty do so on canvas or walls and not on skin. Tattoos certainly are not about art.
Neither are they about the self expression and "statement" that young people seek to show through them. Ironically, what they do signify is willingness to follow the pack and fold in, like a mindless little sheep, to the latest trend.
If only speaking these simple facts had the ability to awaken the sleeping minds of the masses! But it won't do any good to say any of this to your teen, of course. He's still sleepwalking with the masses, following the pied piper whose song is a simple "everybody does it." My 15-year-old daughter is on the path right beside him.
Here is what I have said to her and what you might say to him:
"You are not allowed to make any permanent changes to your body as long as you are a minor and I am your legal guardian. When you are an adult, of course, your body is yours to mutilate as you please. I hope you will B. a bit smarter by then."
Good luck to you...You are doing everything right. You are praying and studying and loving your children. They may have their heads turned now and then by the lure of the ridiculous, they may even make some bad decisions here or there, but with a mother who loves them and seeks God's counsel, they have the power of love on their side, and they are not likely to stray too far. :)

My heart goes out to you and your family! I really like the idea of another kind of tribute. One thought is a book your son creates with his own artwork, pictures, stories. I use blurb.com for photo albums and love it, I can cut and paste diary entries, etc. (I'm not paid to endorse them, I know snapfish, kodak and others have similar software. I like Blurb because it is the most professional of the ones I looked at...some others are much more into stickers etc to reproduce a scrapbook style. A book can start at $20.) Other ideas are a camping trip where you tell stories about your husband, a woodwork project, go to a place like Art from the Heart and make or paint your own sculpture. Good luck redirecting this wonderful son! D.

Unfortunately at 15, your steadfast opinions against- will only fuel his desire FOR! I feel like tattoo's are an adult choice and an earring- not so bad and maybe an acceptable compromise. The lesser of the two offenses with regards to your opinions.
Tattoo's really are an adult choice and any reputable tattoo artist will NOT tattoo a minor. It's like serving beer at a sweet 16 party-it's just not done, at least by responsible and thoughtful folks. At 18- you are old enough to join the military, sign a lease on your own, etc. Agree to wait til then. Jeez, technically you cannot even drink alcohol til 21- use that- it doesn't make waiting til 18 seem so bad! LOL!
Have him use the next 3 yrs to research a truely quality artist. There are lots of people out there who claim they know want they are doing, but true artistic talent is few and far between. This is not like putting a sticker on. It is permanant, and although they have many procedures these days to remove them- they scar, are very painful, and highly expensive to correct stupid mistakes made by youthful folly. I am 44 yo- and just started work on my back for the first time. I have thought about it for YEARS, but never connected with an artist til now- it's a forever choice. You just don't want some schmo/hacker doodling on your skin. Let him B. interested, get him some magazines, let him watch the cable shows, and encourage his research, but again, it is an adult choice and it is one of those things like drinking, the military, and moving out, you have to wait for it like a rite of passage-then it is his choice and it is out of your hands. Appease him by compromising on the earring- it will close up if he changes his mind down the road. Pick your battle so to speak.

As a heavily tattooed woman, this is a little something I can actually give decent advice on...

With the piercing, look at it this way - it's not a permanant fixture, he can take it out for functions where you don't think it is appropriate, and he may get sick of it and take it out alltogether eventually. It may B. possible that once he gets the piercing you can probably talk him into holding off on the tattoo. If you keep saying no, it's VERY likely that he and his friends will get it into their heads that he can do it himself which is a very bad idea that can cause more harm than good if done improperly.

That being said, if he is still adamant about the tattoo the best thing you can do is get involved in the process. If he's going to do it behind your back he will most likely end up with a cheap tattoo from a questionable source that he may very well wind up regretting. A bad tattoo can scab and peel off, or may cause him to get a nasty skin infection that will leave an ugly, scarred tattoo. He can also contract a disease (hepatitis, HIV, Staph) if the person doing the tattoo doesn't use clean equipment. Also, if he is hiding it from you, even if he got it from a reputable source, he will most likely not take proper care of it thus resulting in the same thing.
If you are willing to get invoved, start by having him get a design drawn up so you can see what it is he's thinking about getting, then the two of you can work together to make sure it is a tasteful tribute to his father. Then my absolute best advice once the design is drawn, tell him to sit on the idea for 6 months at the very least. A tattoo should NEVER B. an impulse purchase. If in 6 months he still wants it, help him find a clean shop to get it done in and maybe even go with him. At this point, he'll realize how expensive the tattoo may wind up being and decide that it just isn't worth the money, pr he may see what actually getting a tattoo involves and decide he's too squeamish to get one.
Kids are impulsive, and usually don't take the time to think things through, but at least by getting involved you can help ensure he's not doing something he will forever regret. Not to mention, the more you say no the more he will want it. If you just say "ok, but I want to B. involved" he might just drop the entire idea until he's 18 and can go it alone.

Woe to the mommy who gets in a power struggle with a recently heart-broken teenage boy! I don't know if I like the replies that allow for no negotiation with this. Maybe you could tell him, if he still wants a piercing after 6 months, then you'll agree to it. If you're worried about him changing his mind after making permanent changes to his body, then making him wait 6 months will make sure he's really serious about it. I don't have a tattoo, and wouldn't ever, but tattoos are becoming more and more mainstream, and this one seems like it is a way to define his identity in a time of turmoil for him. Maybe you could tell him to wait until he's 18 because it's such a permanent choice (waiting will mean he REALLY wants it) and because it could cause his peers to beg their parents for tattoos, but offer your blessing for that time. Maybe even go with him to a few tattoo parlors so you can see what design, artist, and location he would choose. That might help you feel more comfortable with it.

Dear B., Please first let me offer my sympathy for your loss. I'm sure that each situation is doubly hard to handle on your own. I think you are handling the situation very well. You won't change his mind, but as his parent, you should have the final say. We told our girls, "not while you are under our roof; when you are out on your own, pay your own bills, and have your own health insurance, then you can make those decisions for yourself." Or, give him an age - 18, 21....whatever you feel comfortable with. Good luck and may God bless you. N.

I think it's sweet he wants to memorialize his dad. I have two tattoos memorializing my brother who passed away when we were 17. I don't regret getting them in the least because they mean something to me personally and deeply. I didn't get them until I was 19 and 20 though.

That being said, tell your son that you think it's great that he wants to always keep his dad with him in this way, but that you can't allow it while he's still a minor. Once he's 18, he's going to do it anyways if you don't let him, but at least you stood your ground. Until he's of age to make the decision for himself try to understand how he's feeling. Sit down with him and brainstorm ways to keep his father's memory alive that don't involve permanent (or these days semi-permanent) bodily marking.

I think it is his body and he will probably end up doing whatever he wants anyway. When I wanted to double-pierce my left ear as a teenager, I knew my parents would not approve, so I just did it myself. My son is only three, but I have already decided to leave these decisions up to him. Of course, I would offer him my opinion if asked. I think it's great that your son is even asking you! My 10-year-old nephew has his ears pierced. I don't know anyone who thinks that is a big deal. Oh, and my husband has his left ear double-pierced and he is a 44-year-old lawyer. I have never known anyone to give it a second glance. I can see being a little more concerned about the tattoos, but piercing, especially the ears, is just SO not a big deal. And I think tattoos are becoming that way, too.

When I was his age I also wanted a tattoo and my parents told me that I had to wait unti l iwas 18. About 6 months after my 18th bday I went and got my tattoo. I did get it on my back where unless I am wearing a tank top or bathing suit. I understand a tattoo is permanent, however I don't think they are really that big of a deal. I have one tattoo and my husband has four. My husband is in the army and until recently I was working for a non-profit company. Both of us have respectablt jobs and neither my husband or I have ever had problems getting respectable jobs with our tattoos. I think that the fact that he wants to memorialize his father is nice and if a tattoo is the way that he wants to do it then I would let him do it. Also know that the more you tell him no the more likely he is to go behind your back and do it any way. Also my brother has a tattoo and he works for the Coast Gaurd Academy as an athletic trainer and my best friend has 2 and works as a 3rd grade teacher. Honestly, now-a-days people just don't care if you have tattoos. I would just tell him to wait until he is 18 and to make sure he knows exactly what he wants!

As always, you've already received a lot of sound advice from the other Moms. I thought of two other points that I didn't see mentioned and wanted to share with you.

I'm just dealing with a preteen, but I've found and heard from others that the fastest way to deflate their latest urge is to B. interested and ask questions without shoot them down. You can still B. firm on your house, your rules and your expectations. Just don't shoot them down right away. It might B. worth a loving interested conversation - what led you to this decision, what have you read or heard from others about tatoos and piercings, what do you think of your sisters tattoos, how do think their sneaking tattoos has affected their relationship with me (you/their Mom), etc. My thought is that maybe for him, this is about feeling heard -about his dad, about his wishes, about body modifications. Again, you don't have to agree or condone, but I think listening without objecting would B. a good step.

My other thought is to encourage him to look into high-end temporary tattoos. I admit I don't know much about them, but I've heard that there are fancy temporary tattoo kits and designs. That way he can try different designs and locations. He might decide he likes that better or if it's a phase, it may run its course without actual needles.

You know your son best, so you'll know if these ideas will help. As a widow and a mom of a teen, you have my sympathy. As a mom of a 15 year old boy who has come forward to tell you something he knows you'll hate, you have my admiration. No matter how this turns out, it's very impressive that he has that much respect for you. Good luck!

My husband got both at a young age. He regrets his tatto (on his forarm and very visable) but the earring he has not worn in forever (he just put one in for our 3 yr old daughter recently to show her boys can wear earrings), but that is it. He has two other tats he got when older and loves those. I would say let him get the earring with an understanding of when it is appropriate to wear it and when he agrees it will B. out (family functions, ect). The tat, 18!!!!! Tell him when he is 18 if he still wants it you will pay for him to get a GOOD one to memorialize his father.

Hi B. J ~

My son started his "requests" for a tattoo shortly after his 16th birthday. My stand on this was - and still is - that it's an adult decision to choose to permanently alter one's appearance by whatever means they choose: plastic surgery, augmentation, tattoos or any other elective procedure. I explained that I was not comfortable making that decision for a minor, even if the minor was my son. I also discussed the risks (infection, hepatitis, etc.) of getting tattoos, another choice I wasn't willing to make for someone else. We had a mature discussion about him waiting until he was adult (age 18), considering all the risks, and then if he still wanted a tattoo, he could make an adult decision to spend his money on getting one.

I have to say I was hoping the attraction would wear off but shortly before his 18th birthday, my son came to me with a drawing he created for a tattoo. It was tasteful (as far as tattoos go :), small and had special significance to him. That showed me he had put some thought into it. He did get the tattoo - his birthday present to himself - and he had it done on the inside of his forearm, saying he could cover it with a long-sleeve shirt when he went for an interview (adult thinking, yes?).

That was almost 2 years ago and since that time while away at college, my son has designed and had inked 3 more tattoos with special meaning on his chest, between the shoulder blades and on an ankle. I can't say I am happy about them but I have come to appreciate his "art form" as an individual expression.

The bottom line is we can discourage our children all we want from behaviors and choices that we don't agree with but if they really want to do something, most of them will find a way to do it(we did, didn't we?). I believe it's far better to open their minds with questions and discussion, modeling behaviors of adult thinking and decision-making. I used to tell my son you get to make soooo many decisions when you become an adult, why not sit back, let someone else take the lead and enjoy being a kid just a little longer! :)

Good luck and God Bless -

C.

Great job, Mom! I'd thank him for seeking my permission. That shows he is a very mature young man. You can also appreciate his honesty. He is going to B. a wonderful man someday, and you're doing a fantastic job. I am sorry for your loss and understand his need to give tribute to his dad.
But there are so many other ways to do that. He could start a memorial fund. Build something for the house in Dad's name. If he thinks the tattoo would B. cooler, I'd probably ask him why and who is he trying to imitate. If he lies and says he just thinks they're cool, ask him who is cool and why? When he gives you some names, then remind him that he is indeed imitating and you thought he was a leader, not a follower.
It's tough being a parent. It doesn't matter what the generation is doing, youth always want to do something to distinguish themselves, to rebel. In our generation, it was a certain haircut. Another generation chose to wear their clothes loose and not comb their hair. This generation wants piercings and tatoos. All of it is a trend. Remind him that the choices he's making are longlasting and lifechanging. It'd B. nice if he could meet someone who got a tatoo as a teen only to reverse it as an adult. Why? Was it something the person regretted or did it hinder him from a future career? He needs to hear both sides of the debate, not just how cool they are from his sisters who are wearing tatoos. I like the project you suggested to him. That in itself should B. enough to slow him down.
I'd also teach about the possible side effects-- infection, allergic reaction, HPV, Hepatitis, HIV, etc. A lot of the tatoo salons are not sterile, and he has no idea of how his body will react. So, if nothing else, advise him not to sneak and do it anyway. If after his interviews he still can articulate why he wants a tatoo, he would have to wait until he's an adult.
If he still doesn't care, that is the mark of his youth. Some choose to live only in the moment and don't care about the long-term consequences. All you can do is teach him and you've expressed your thoughts on the matter. You took an action. He now has the choice to make. He could rebel or he can obey. Let's pray that he has a heart to obey.

I think your answer is simple - he can do what he wants when he is 18. It's only 3 years away and will give him time to think about what he REALLY wants to PERMANENTLY put on his body. That said, I have a tattoo in memory of the daughter I lost and it is a very personal expression of the love you have for that person. They are forever close to you, so much so you made them a lasting part of your body. I see where he is coming from but waiting 3 years will not make his love any less.

I have several tattoos so maybe I am a little prejudice on this issue but my normal answer would still B. wait until you are 18 so you dont get something you will regret later. However, since he wants something to memorialize his father I cannot imagine that would ever B. something he would regret and perhaps it will help him grieve or feel closer to his father. If you feel that he can or will do this without your permission then it would B. better to take him and over see the process to make sure it is being done properly in a safe and clean facility.

For the earring, I agree with you. I don't think guys should have them. My nephew asked my f-i-l 'what would you do if I got my ears piercd?' His response: 'Call you my Granddaughter, and buy you a dress!'.

For the tattoo, I can kind of understand. Did his father have a tattoo? What age were your daughters when they got theirs? I think no one should get a tattoo who is younger than 18. Your body is still growing and changing. The tattoo could become misshapened.

What about a pendant on a chain? Perhaps he could have a special pendant or keychain designed. Just a thought.
M.

My girls would ask me to let them get a tattoo, and I said no. I just didn't like tattoos on women. They would say to me, "When I'm 18 I can get one without your consent." And I said, "With your own money. That will B. your choice." Yeah, they got them. But it was with their own money, as I just don't like them. The earring is another thing. I don't think it's such a big thing. My son hasn't ever brought up the idea of an ear piercing, which surprises me. But I would probably have let him get it, if he really wanted it. But, if you don't want him to have it, don't let him get it. Your his mom. You're the boss.

This is coming from a younger mother...well, 28 y/o but anyways. I, honestly, like some mothers, think that an earring would ba laright if he wanted to get one. My boyfriend (and I both) weren't allowed to get our ears pierced until we were 13 and so, we waited. At least your son is 15 and now asking for one. As far as a tattoo is concerned, I'd adamantly say no, not until you are 18 and can sign and pay for one himself. Maybe between now and then, he will meet others who have had it done and decide not to. My younger sister (26 years old) loves tatoos but she waited until she lived on her own and paid for them herself. There's one in particular she has told me that she wishes she hadn't gotten where she did....on her hand and up her arm towards her elbow....because now, she has to cover it up every time she goes to a job interview...and she's a chef so those long sleeved coats in the more reputable restaurants are HOT while working...serves her right! Anyways, as a mother, I would at least compromise on the earring (to ease his "frustration" of you telling him no) but absolutely not with the tattoo...and hope your daughter's "sneaking" the tattoo doesn't rub off on him...don't most tattoo parlors require a parent to sign if you are under 18 anyways? (I know, who's to say they don't bring another person over 18 to sign for them?) I hope this helps you out a bit. Good luck! I am NOT looking forward to those days...I've got a while though...she's only 3.

I think you are doing the right thing in saying NO. If this is a rule in your home, you have every right to uphold it and he can make the decision when he turns 18. If he sneaks and does it behind your back, there should B. a consequence just as if he disobeyed with anything else. How would Dad have felt about it? Have you had that discussion with your son? Maybe Dad was not a fan of tattoos (or earrings) so that would not B. an appropriate tribute. Tell him the best tribute he can give to his Dad is to B. an upstanding young man who respects himself, his mother and others. Good luck to you. I do not look forward to the teenage years :)

tell him to wait until he is 18 and then let him decide. he will have 3 years to think about it. you need to respect the fact that he has a different opinion about tattoos and piercings and he needs to respect the fact that you are the parent and need to set some limits. good luck. don't forget that tattoos can B. removed and earrings can B. taken out (after he is 18). :)

Have you thought of magnetic earrings? My son approached me about those. I haven't looked into it much though yet. He is 14. My 18 year old has been wanting a tattoo but he has yet to save enough to get one. If your son is still wanting one, I would tell him that he would need a small one and that to remind him that as he gets older, looking for a job will B. hard if he has them all over and the content of the tattoo. Just a thought.

I would tell him he can get a tattoo when he is 18. I think that is a nice way to remember his father. Just make sure he puts it in a place that won't show unless he has his shirt off, that way he can still appear professional when he needs to. Tattoos are not a bad thing when they are done tastefully.

ok tell him this

he can have one, when he pays his own bills.
also tell him that most employers to day dont want to see tats because it puts off the customers. also have him speak to older people who have tats.

depending on the state you are in you are not old enough untill you are 18 or 21 to get one.

also get him to look into how to get the tat removed. and what it would take to get it removed

but yes do praise him on the fact that he is asking you but then dont B. surprised if he goes ahead and does it anyway.

i have one. i waited untill i was out of my parents house and paid my own bills ....

my sister in law has (had) over 20 tattoos. she is now the strongest advocate to just saying no to tattoos. When you are younger you don't realize how they will affect you when you get older. And they hurt like crazy and cost a lot to have removed (way more than having them put on and they hurt a lot then too). Not to mention employers reactions to having them. Tell him to wait. As for the earring, I don't agree with it, but at least it is removable.

i have friends with tattoos, two of my friends own a shop. i also have a friend getting a very painful and expensive removal procedure. anyone getting a tattoo, especially an important one such as this, should have it done somewhere with a very good reputation. many of these places won't do someone that young. have him work on drawing what he wants. that can keep him busy for a while and when he's a little older he'll B. very sure of what he wants and from whom he wants his PERMANENT body art.
as far as the earring goes. i say, why not? he can always take it out later. why let girls and not boys? i don't put earrings in the same class as tattoos.
just my opinion, good luck!

So, my advice is let him have the earing, he can take it out even now at special events or things were it's inappropriate. My husband took his out towards the end of college when he decided to start looking for jobs, there is no evidence and he has a great job. Letting him do this temporary thing may help prevent a tatoo, which I think most people end up regretting. Plus under 18, he's going to end up with someone sketchy since reputable places will make you have parental permission. Good luck and I'm so sorry for your loss.

Hi B. J,
I'm very sorry about the loss of your husband.

I'm curious? How would your husband have felt about either one? I'd have to say that I agree with you on both fronts. I don't want to upset my kids (who thankfully are not yet at the age of tatoos and earrings) and tell them they can't do something like that. BUT, they are under 18 and I'm still their mother and they still need to respect me. In this day and age, the respect is gone from a lot of households. Do we give too much? Say yes too much? I think we might, but I'm already guilty of it as well.

Compromise and go with the earring since it isn't permanent. The tatoo--tell him his father wouldn't appreciate it nor would he appreciate him going against his mother's wishes. Pardon me, I really don't know how he would have felt and don't mean to guilt your son. I just thought it might B. a good idea.

Good luck and God bless you and your family at this trying time.
M.