I was listening to the radio this morning and they were talking about a new trend called E Weddings. Have you ever heard of this? At first I thought it was tacky, but people called in saying it's a good idea for people who chose destination weddings.
Would you ever "attend" an E Wedding?
Oh, to clarify, it's when say a couple are getting married in Vegas or non traditional place and instead of having guests there, they have it streamed live via skype. It is a private link and the guest recieve a code prior to the event to use to log in a view it.
They were also discussing gift etiquette and said the gift you give should be equal to the amount the couple pay for you to attend. WHAT?! I have never heard of this before. HOw do people even know how much you paid per person for your wedding. Only people whoi knew how much was paid for mine, was me (duh), my mom ( she paid for it). No one else knew, not even my then fiance, well I can't remember he might have known, but it wasn't something I discussed with him. We picked a venue that we liked and that my mom could afford.
So say the couple spent 150 per person and you and a guest attend your gift should cost 300 dollars. Why? I don't know that any one gift we registered for cost that much! Yes, you want the whole china set and yes, the entire set would cost that much, but it was peice mealed so. I never told anyone how much we spent.
Do people really tell guests how much they are paying? I haven't been to a wedding in almost 5 years, so I guess I'm not up on current trends. Heck, if that's the new policy I don't want to go to any! lol
Oh and at E Weddings there is a box to click to leave a gift via your credit card.
My friend provided a link when she married in Vegas. There was no discussion of gifts or link for credit cards. She just wanted to include her friends who didn't come out for the wedding. I sent her a card with 25 bucks. I don't think she really expected anything, except maybe a card and well wishes.
smells tacky to me, i always thought of destination weddings being more for wealthy second marraiges. and i know it's an unpopluar view but to me second marriages aren't as special as first marriages and should be more low key and understated, so no i don't think people that arent' close enough to come should watch and feel obligated to give a gift. The execption being elderly grandparents although i've seen quite a few "pull through" to be able to atttend.
is there a reception being held for the "viewing" or are people just in their living rooms watching?
huh, not for me. but i'm glad to know this trend is happening.
I think it's nice that folks can stream their wedding to people who cannot attend due to unforseen circumstances or difficulty or health issues.
But for any other reason, I think it's tacky.
I didn't tell ANYONE how much the per person cost at my wedding was. It's not their business. A wedding is a day to share in your love, not get expensive gifts.
Not in my family.
I don't know - there's just something about when a rite of passage becomes an industry that distorts the whole thing.
It's so much less about celebrating the union of 2 people in marriage and so much more about inviting guests to solicit funds.
When a wedding starts to feel like a massive group mugging - something is really wrong.
What ever the couple spends on their wedding/honeymoon is up to them, but it's not up to their guests to foot the bill especially when anyone can get married at the county courthouse for under $100.
The advice on a gift amount is just flat out wrong. You give what you can afford to and want to give. A wedding invitation is not an invoice, nor are you expected to "cover your plate" with a gift. How much the couple chooses to spend on their wedding and how much you give them as a gift are totally unrelated.
I like the E-Wedding idea as an OPTION. For example, "We're having a destination wedding and you're more than welcome to attend. If, however, attending will not be possible for you, please consider attending virtually!" I can understand (and even get behind!) that type of scenario. If it's "Hey, we're getting married, and we don't really want you to come, but we still want to 'invite' you so you feel obligated to get us a gift," then I'm not okay with it.
As per the gift "rule," I've never heard of that, nor will I ever abide by it. I give what I can. For my brother's wedding this past month, I gave some cash (not a lot, but some) and made a gift that is traditional in our family for the bride. Normally my grandmother would have made them, but she passed away early last year, so I did it. So, I guess what I'm saying is that even though I didn't spend a ton of MONEY on my brother and his wife's wedding gift, I think I gave something more important. What can I say? I don't think money should be the central focus of something like that. :)
E weddings are a great idea!
As for the gifts... That's ridiculous! It could also work the other way too... Hubby and I did a very simple wedding where we did the lot of the stuff like decorations and food ourselves. It was a beautiful backyard wedding, and I don't even know how much it cost per person... Not a lot that's for sure. But does that mean that our gifts should have been smaller than my BIL's gifts because he had a big extravagant wedding? That doesn't seem right
No, I wouldn't "attend." If I were curious about the dress, I'd watch long enough to see, but really wouldn't feel the need to watch the whole ceremony.
I attended an E-wedding in April. Kind of. I watched a little bit of it, because it was also my son's birthday. It was for a friend who lives in Texas and got married in Vegas...so yep, same thing. It was cool!
I didn't send any gifts.
Both of my sister's got about $100 worth of gifts from me. It's what I can afford at this point.
My older sister and her husband spent a small fortune on their reception, probably at least $75 a head. Their total bill was probably $3k-ish.
My younger sister did appetizers at a local restaurant she and her husband love, their total bill was under $800 I believe.
The one thing my older sister did that my younger sister should have done, is send out thank you cards. Other than that, I didn't value my gift price on how much they spend on me.
Hmmmm ... on the one hand, it's kind of cool, especially for those that live out of state, etc. On the other hand, I hope that the traditional wedding won't go the way of the phone call ... becoming more and more rare. I LOVE attending weddings, dancing, celebrating!
I've heard that gift etiquette that you mention somewhere, but pay no mind to it. I imagine most people don't, either. The only couple that I ever knew how much they spent on their wedding -- well, they spent 65K and they damn well wanted everyone to know it! It was absolutely beautiful, a fairy tale, but they put it on their HELOC and we all kind of laughed behind their back because we thought that was absolutely silly. No way in heck they received 65K worth of wedding gifts!
A lot of people want to be sure to "cover their plate" in terms of giving a gift. In NY, weddings are a whole other thing from the rest of the country (with only some big cities being almost the same). In NY, weddings are big and gifts (usually cash) are large.
As for the Skype E Weddings - I'd rather watch on my computer than miss a big day!
OK... E Weddings sound incredibly tacky. I would "decline" and send a VERY small gift because it cost very little for me to "attend". Really? If you elect to have a destination wedding, invite me and I may go or I may not, but don't send me a link just to get a gift. Very poor taste all the way around. I have had friends get married in far away locations (like Turkey) and then have a casual celebration when they know people would be able to attend.
Yes, most people "ballpark" the amount of their gift based on the formality and location of a wedding. No, people don't announce the "cost per person", but a black tie evening wedding at a country club costs a lot more than a backyard BBQ. Personally, I do not "gift" that way, but many people do. We give a gift based on a lot of factors, but the cash amount is different for family and very close friends (whether we attend or not) and acquaintances.
We do cash for weddings and something off of the registry for the shower.
If you can't afford for someone to attend live, don't charge them to skype in. Nobody should dictate to anybody they care about what their gift should be. They can say, "Instead of a traditional registry, we are using x site to fund our honeymoon" (the couple that suggested that to us are avid travelers and were combining two homes and did not need more crock pots). But they should NOT demand $$ from their guests.
So I like the "we'll stream the ceremony" part....but not the money grab dictate part. If you are not attending, then they shouldn't be paying anything. So does that mean you "owe" $0? :P
Oh NO! Another tacky PROGRESSION of life in the new millinium. I would not look, buy or participate!
Haven't heard of it but in theory sounds like a good idea in and of itself for for folks who is unable to travel for whatever reason(health, finances, etc) to a destination wedding or out of town relative's wedding.
As far as how much to spend, well, I have acquaintances who use that "formula" ...pretty tacky in my book. You give what you can...
My cousin and her now husband did a destination wedding in Vegas a few years ago. We were all invited to attend of course but for those of us unable to make the trip we were able to attend the ceremony via the E wedding link. I thought that was very thoughtful of them to include those of us incapable of travel due to small children, health or financial reasons.
I would have sent her a wedding gift even if we had not been invited to attend in person or through skype so to me that doesn't even factor into the equation.
I do not base the cost of a gift on the cost of attendance. I tend to think that's an antiquated practice that has long since died out.
Peace and Blessings,
T. B
