Don't Know What to Do - Brooklyn,NY

I've had 4 c-sections. Yes, it is very scary but the end results is wonderful. I have a wonderful little boy that has brought so much joy to my home. I really didn't think I was going to make it through this last pregnancy. I was much older plus I was having so many complications. I just had fatih and the support of a great husband and great kids. After this child, I had my tubes tied. The doctor recommneded it.

Just have faith and everything will be fine.

Dear B.,

You sound like you have a great way with kids and have gotten into a nice routine that works for you. You should speak with your doctor and see if there is something the Doctor could do to ease your fear. Also speak openly with your husband and ask him for more help. Try to talk about the worst things that have you troubled. Remember that you succeeded in bringing your first three children into the world and look how well they and you are doing. You have had good care from what you say in your last 3 pregnancies and that should help you cope a little better.
My mother had 8 children. When I asked her how she coped she said "one day at a time and if that was too much to handle, one hour at a time or even better just do whatever had to be done in the moment I was in." I was the 8th child and she and I were very close.
Try to find all the positives a new baby can bring and dwell in those thoughts. Good luck and best wishes, you are a lot stronger than you think you are.

Dear B.- I suggest you begin a project of reviewing and making books of baby pictures of your other children. This has often helped mothers making the transition to receive another chid they had not expected.
Your options are to put up the child for adoption, or to receive this child into our life.
Whatever spiritual practice you have can be a source of assistance.

What option do you have of finding a new, holistic practitioner to be your ob or midwife? Perhaps you can find someone who KNOWS how to control hypertension through nutrition and meditation in pregnancy. It may be possible to have a natural birth. I suggest you call a local midwife to hear some opinions on this. My midwife has told me how to eat for my blood type which really made a difference in my gestational pressure. Best of luck, AM

i have no advice, just that everyone I know who has had an unplanned pregnancy has been OK, eventually. It will be hard, I'm sure you can do it.
I don't know if that helps, I just read what you wrote and though you might want some encouragement...

First of all, relax. I know it's easier said than done. But try to relax.

Let me ask you...is it the fear of having another c-section that scares you? Is it having the hypertension again?

I've been through both myself. All 3 of my kids were born c-section and the hypertension turned to toxemia, so they were all emergency.
However, my pregnancies with my boys were much different than with my daughter. I was scared and excited at the same time when I found out I was pregnant with her. But, I ended up having a wonderful pregnancy with her!
My doctor told me that each pregnancy is different and that just because you have hypertension with one, doesn't mean you'll have it every time.... I had it with 2 out of 3.

With my daughter though, I did end up in the hospital about 4 days before I had her.... i made the mistake of hosting Thanksgiving dinner at my home and it shot my BP up sky high because of it. But up till that point.... no problems. I didn't even gain weight with her, till the last couple of months.

Talk to your doctor. Let them know you are scared. Ask for reassurance over this. There are many things you can do to prevent the hypertension from happening again.

Drink a lot of water... a lot! Cut way back on salt.... and watch for hidden salt in foods. Stop drinking any caffeine and especially drinking any soda pop.

If you are afraid of another c-section.... ask your doctor what you can do to make it easier. I know it's most likely that you will need to have another one, but your doctor should be able to help you with it....easing into it this time. You can be prepared from the beginning.
If you had an epidural before (I know how much these hurt to have done, but the last one was so much easier for me), see if he has to do it that way again.
Let your doctor know all of your fears and ask him to help you ease through them. Ask a lot of questions.... and don't be afraid to do so. Your doctor is there to help you.

Last of all, I want to say to you.... congratulations. This could be a huge blessing to you and your family. remember that this is a tiny miracle you have, and only you can take care of it and bring it into this world. This is a gift to you.... a wonderful gift that you will cherish forever.
I know you are scared.... as I said, so was I. But, once I realized how precious this was, I also understood that it was exactly what I wanted, and needed..... my daughter has been a huge blessing to me. She is almost 10 years old now and she brightens my day everyday.

Dearest B.,
Boy, two years ago I could've been you! I wasn't feeling quite as desperate but pretty darn close! We had our first 4 babies in 4 and a half years and we decided we were done! 4 beautiful boys and we were happy. I sent my husband for the big V and he chickened out....needless to say we used other methods(I am too sensitive to the pill) and the week after I donated all my baby stuff(crib/toys/clothes/maternity clothes)I found out I was pregnant with #5!!! I am right there with you on how you're feeling, I was content had my rhythm, I was looking forward to the youngest(who was 2) going to pre-school in the fall and having a little time to myself...well we have our 5th son and I couldn't be happier, so what I put off growing up for a couple of years...he is almost 3 years younger than my 4th and I didn't want kids that far apart, but you know what it's FINE...for every one thing I could complain about there are 100 reasons why my life is better now. We've had a tough couple of years, my husband lost his job the day before I delivered Wyatt and they refused to let us add him to our insurance, we started a business and lost our home and life savings and we had to move upstate to accept help from my in-laws, but having our children(all five) has made it okay. We are on the up swing now and I think I understand now, not everything goes according to plan, but it doesn't mean it won't turn out okay. I can't help you with your c-section worries(I never had one, talk to your doctor) but I can promise you that this baby will fit in with your family, you're a pro now....besides maybe having to buy a bigger car(if you don't already drive a van)not much will change on the home front...this baby will fit in and you won't regret it...trust me I've been there, Best of luck! C.

Dear B., I feel your pain as I went through the same many years ago. I also do not believe in abortion and at the time I also had a very bad marriage. I prayed and I will pray for you. For me it turned out that I was not pregnant after all. Our bodies do change every few years and that could be why you are late. I understand your fear but for me I would not play God. I do believe that if you have another you will also be sent the strength and courage. You could someday say How could I ever have Not wanted this baby? Be strong and trust in the Lord. Grandma Mary

If you don't believe in abortions and wont go up that road, then I tend to think you need to start working on coming to terms with having a 4th child. If you don't come to terms with it, this child will grow up feeling your resentments which will only over flow onto everyone in your family without even you realizing it.....

Talk to your doctor in great length about your fears in terms of having a C-section and your husband in terms of the support and help you will be needing from him...
Decide together what you will need....maybe daycare, maybe a mother's helper several times a week, maybe someone to come in weekly to do your house chores....Only the two of you can decide what you can afford and how best to deal with it all.....

Also look for a local support group...sharing with other Mothers in the same boat can be very helpful and getting out of the house can be good for you as well.

Be good to yourself...Try to think positive....and try to remember children are a blessing.

.....and for the future, find out about better birth control methods...

My suggestion is have the best pregnancy you can. Realize that things are about to change and that's ok. (If it isn't right now, it has to be.) Look at this baby as a blessing. You weren't planning for him or her but maybe he/she will be the one who cures cancer or helps end hunger or develops some new life saving procedure. Then talk to your doctor about getting your tubes tied (triple knotted and burned as a couple of my friends have said LOL) during your last c-section. Then you won't have to worry about BC of any kind. :)

B.,

What does the doctor say? Is it safe for you to carry another via c-section? I had three by c-sections for the same reasons as you, and my doctor wasn't too happy about the third because I had a lot of scar tissue. She suggested I get my tubes tied for health reasons. If you have no other health issues, welcome your new baby and then have your tubes tied right afterwards. Things always seem overbearing when you're in the moment, but it will work itself out. Know that God gave you this precious gift and will see you through it.
Congratulations!

B.,
This child will probably be the best one yet! It is a blessing from God.
J.

It sounds like you have your hands full. Have you ever watched the TV show "Jon, Kate plus 8". You may get some inspiration, for sure. Jon and Kate have a set of twins and sextuplets - 8 kids. They get a lot of letters telling them how much they are encouraged - one inspires the other.

I will tell you, it will all work out! After you have this child ask your husband to get "fixed". It will make your sex life much more enjoyable and it will remove all fear of any more surprises. My husband got a Vasectomy and all was well, no complications.

D.
I'm 60 years old, been married to the same man for over 38 years, have two grown sons and one daughter-in-law. I would have loved to have 4 children.

It will work - have faith. You need to believe you can do it. I don't need to tell you what I went through in order for you to be OK. We all have our crosses to bear and obstacles in our way - but somehow - someway - we seem to make it. You will too! Life is not easy - if it was it would be boring. God will only give you what you can handle - have the faith that you can handle it. Keep your head high and look for all the happiness this can bring!!!! And remember above all things YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!

Children are blessings from God. And he will provide a way for you to make it through. Though you may have some tough times. I dont know your faith, but keep praying and think positive.
Think of all those women who cannot have children. Consider yourself lucky. Maybe this time you'll get a boy.

I wish you peace. It will work out ok.

I have a dear girlfriend who had a 4th surprise seven months ago by c-section (her 4th). All went beautifully and she recovered perfectly fine. To see her now one would never suspect she's had 4 kids! The baby is a delight, looks just like Daddy and they wouldn't change a thing!

Your hormones are probably raging right now. Give it some time and you may find peace with this little surprise.

Best of luck to you.

Hi B.,

The only thing you can do is try hard to relax and prepare for the 4th baby God thinks you need to complete your family!

You don't believe in abortion(good for you, IMO), so ask for some help with your other 3 from friends, family, neighbors so you can try to keep your BP in check.

Talk to your OB about your concerns...they are there to help.

We would love a 4th child! A big family is special, embrace it!!

Best, best wishes to you and your family.
J.
PS - at my 3rd c-section, I asked about a 4th, he told me to go for it...so talk to your OB about that, also...IMO, there is some bad advice out there about 4th sections.

Mamasource is awesome, but talking to your dr. is best.

I'm so sorry for the stressful situation you are in. I can't even begin to imagine the fear it sounds like you're feeling. I am definitely not in your position - we've been trying to get pregnant with my first (his second) for 22 months now, (which is a lot of diappointments all in a row)... but I wanted to offer a little support, not sure if i'll help or not.
You've had a lot of good responses and i haven't read them all... but I do also want to commend you for chosing life for your child. I know there have been a few responses otherwise but i believe that a soul is purposefully made... and how blessed you are to be the one to bring this soul into the world!
It sounds like you need some major support, does your husband know the extent of your fears? If he doesn't seem to be able to understand or give you support in this area, you need to find it somewhere - other family/friends, a support group of some kind, a religious leader (depending on your beliefs of course).
And you NEED to have a health care individual you can trust! I'm sure that's one of the scariest parts since you've had difficulties in the past pregnancies!
Either way you need to be able to be on the same page as your hubby. Adoption is always an option. Sounds like he might not be interested in that route but maybe you should at least seriously discuss it if your feelings are strong about not taking in a 4th child. There are many families (mine included!) who would love to take over in raising a brand new bundle of JOY!
And if your choice is to keep and raise that baby, i'd be willing to bet in a few years you'll be looking back wondering how you ever lived without him/her!
Good luck and you'll be in my prayers! :) Keep us posted!

B.,
It sounds to me like you are pregnant weather you like it or not; I am with you, I don't believe in abortions. I have 5 children and will tell you that I felt the same way when I got pregnant with my 5th, but it didn't last long. Right now you are in shock and you children are much closer than mine are (girl 25, boys 23, 21, 12, and 9), but once the shock wears off and you hold your baby, you will love him/her as much as you love the girls. Besides maybe this time you will have a boy and then the girls can baby him. My daughter dictates to her brothers constantly, but they are all so close. I am here for you if you need to talk.
Hugs,
T.

Hi B.

Yes, unplanned pregnancies are scary. I also have four children and never for a moment regret any of them. My four were born by c-section and I had very little trouble (thanks to a marvelous doctor and wonderful staff at the hospital/office.)

Having your children close in age is a challenge but you'll do fine. You're still in the swing of things and a fourth child is not as daunting as it seems! My last two are 26 months apart with the others just about two years apart (the largest span was 2 1/2 years between #2 & #3.)

Now, since you don't believe in abortion, you're going to have a lovely baby in seven months or so. Please remember that even though you have three young children, you have to take good care of yourself so that the hypertension doesn't spring up too much. Take walks with the children, make helping mommy a game so that they are used to it before your next baby arrives and make them a part of the process as well. They'll be such good helpers for you!

You're going to be fine even though you don't think so. My first child was born when I was 35 and I had my fourth child at age 42 1/2. She was my reward baby and still is today, with an easy personality and sweet disposition. The other three were a challenge in many ways especially in school, but my fourth is eager to learn things and just goes with the flow. I hope you have the same results I have had!

Best of luck -- and since your husband wanted the fourth, by all means lean on him to help you get through the trying times! Hopefully he's involved with the kids already so it won't be a big change for him to be the main parent when you need a break.

R.

I really hope you are saying that you feel like jumping off a building in jest. Please, please, please get some help from someone, a leader in your faith community, a counselor, family member, MD, whoever. This is a very stressful situation for you and it is not necessary that you handle it alone. Talking to your MD about your concern with the 4th C Section might help ease your mind, or at least let you know what to expect, what are the risks, and what are the benefits to you. Enlist people in your family or circle of friends to help out around the house before and after you have the baby so you don't feel so overwhelmed with four kids. You have a lot to deal with and I hope that you have some way to deal with the anxiety before it gets too out of control. Best wishes.

Hey B.,

What ever you decide make sure it's something you and your husband agree on! Did you ever think of adoption? Would that be too hard? Maybe a close relative or friend if you want to keep close ties. That's a hard question... take some time for yourself if you can. I give you lots of credit for having 3 children all under the age of 5! You must be physically, and mentally exausted!! Sounds like you need some time for yourself or some time with your hubby to figure things out!! What ever the answer your looking for I hope you find it! No building jumping though.... maybe some froggy leaping with your girls!!??

Hi B... While no one can give you the answer you are looking for, I believe we are all here to offer you support in whatever you decide to do. It is a hard decision. You don't believe in abortion, so thats not an option to you. Someone else mentioned adoption; that's a choice, but could be truly difficult. Someone else says taht God only gives you what you can handle. I'm not real religious but I do believe that. I wish you the best in whatever you and your husband decide. good luck

I know what you are going through. In 1990 I was told that I would never be able to carry another child..too much damage. In 1992, I got pregnant with my third child...Surprise. After him, I was told that I was not physically capable of having another child, but I refused to get a hysterectomy at the age of 22.

I was on Norplant to regulate my periods and got off of it in Jan. 2005. June of that year my Gyno told me that I was "sterile"...ran the tests on my ovaries and tubes..they were shot. I had one period from Jan-October 2005 that lasted two days.

Low and behold three weeks before I was to start the police academy, I got pregnant. I thought I was going through perimenapause instead..I made them do the test again..positive.

My fiance's at that time was estatic. He said that she was the only thing in his life he did right. (That ticked me off a little)I was freaking out thinking of all the things I couldn't do for another 6 years, my rutine would change, there was 13 years difference between my son and the baby, on and on.

Now I have a beautiful 2 year old daughter whom I love to pieces. I had it rough at first since her "father" didn't stick around throughout the pregnancy and was only around two months after that. I feel like a first time mom sometimes. I had forgotten alot from how my oldest children were (21, 18, 15yrs).

All I can tell you is to hang in there and remember God has a purpose for every thing that we think is out of order or not in OUR plans.

Be thankful you have a husband who will stand by you and that God chose the two of you to raise this child.

Nanc

Hello B.,
I'm new to MamaSource and was drawn to your plea for advice.
I praise God that you have the conviction not to abort your baby! Now that the initial shock of being pregnant has passed, I hope you are able to look forward to the blessing this child will be in your lives.
We can never know how our decisions will impact others down the line; this child may find the cure for cancer! This child may be the President some day! This child may be your greatest comfort in your old age.
This child is here - conceived in love - and you sound like a very loving mom already - push your fear aside and make room to love another child!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her 5th child - a surprise - and she lives within VERY modest means and is preparing to welcome him to the family making all the necessary changes to the home to accomodate another little one! Sometimes the surprise of a baby is the best surprise of all!
I personally went through 6 1/2 yrs of infertility before having my twins - they are a true blessings, but I am unable to have more children. The pain of losing that choice is the reality that I live with - gladly raising the blessings I have been given.
God Bless you and your little ones - all 4 of them! You will be just fine!

Hi there B., I just quickly browsed through the responses and most of them are great. I just want to add that things will work out fine. Have confidence in Divine Providence. I myself have had 5 c-sections. And this was because of how each of my babies were positioned, breeched, and not because "once a c-section always a c-section." I would have had a 6th child but I miscarried instead and that was really really sad. I can relate to the doubts you have about the future and how you will manage, etc. And that's because we tend to want to be in control. But the fact is, we are never really in control. So trust, be generous, and most of all, love. I will definitely include you in my prayers. You can do this!

B.,

This baby would be a gift unexpected or expected. Take it with strides. Talk to your dr. to see if it would be possible to have a VBAC. Maybe they could work with you to help control your hypertentsion also. My husband and I are not financially ready to have our 4th, but we feel that children are a gift from god and we are going for it. You'll be fine.

B.,

This must be a hard time. When I got pregnant with my daughter it was very unexpected and I was in complete shock. I too do not beleive in abortions and as much as I knew I was not ready especially financially to have a child I took it as life running its course. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we dont know why they happen the way they do but it only makes you a stronger person in the long run. Just take it one day at a time. I really think you are going to be fine. Good Luck and let us know what you decide.

Bev,

some thing similar happened to me,
I have 3 boys and i carried to 4 months with twin girls when i misscarried, it was horrible. i wanted my babies more than ever then.

Don't confuse fear, with desire.
Exhaustion, with love.

Realize that no one can live this life for you, what other people say doesn't matter, people make comments because they are jealous, bitter, and selfish.

Sure its one more, but each child brings a diffrent dynamic to the picture.and once they are here its like they've always been here and they all seem to just FIT.

the little ones can help now, by the time this baby arrives your gonna be diaper free, and half of the troop will be in school. much easier than 3 at a time. lol

plus if its a boy, they are much less needy, no hair to comb, simple outfits, just a few cuddles and food.lol

I know your tired now, but trust me it doesn't end just cause theyre older,

You do want this baby, your just scare or what people will say, and that you won't be able to do it.

your tired but you will love this baby.

believe me, get excited, enjoy this pregnancy, its probably your last.

thinking on my twins, i wish i could have enjoyed that pregnancy, because my hubby has since had a vasectomy. and now i wish we could get pregnant.

good luck I will say prayers for you

m

Like the last response, I also wasn't going to respond thinking you had more than your share of information to digest...I just had my fourth c-section 5 months ago and we are all doing great. But the point of my response is simply to comment on the last persons advice on VBACs. With 3 prior c-sections no practitioner worth their training, be it MD or midwife should offer you a VBAC at this point. It is way too risky - a statistically unfavorable chance of uterine rupture leading to oxygen deprivation to the baby and possible brain damage or death. I think you need to decide if you want a 4th child, period. How the baby gets out into the world shouldn't be your concern at this point. Follow your gut as to what will be right for your family - and if you decide to continue the pregnancy do not worry about the 4th c-section.

dear B.;

i saw that you got a lot of responses so at first i didn't want to add to the din, but i see that there is a real missing piece here in what people have said to you, so i do want to throw in my two cents.

but first i want to urge you to follow Andrea M's suggestion of seeing a midwife or holistically centered practitioner; you do NOT necessarily have to have another C section. sure, it's very likely, but it's also likely that you could have a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) with an experience doctor or midwife who can help you prepare for it. i agree that taking care of your health right now shourd be your first priority.

another thing i would like to add is that you might consider seeking out some emotional support that is more objective than your own family. obviously you and your husband have different feelings right now and it may be too hard for him to consider your concerns over his excitement; this is normal, but not helpful to you. perhaps you could speak with your pastor or find temporary affordable counseling through a women's services center in your area.

lastly, i think this needs to be said; B., we all must sometimes change our beliefs when our lives change. it is certainly reasonably to have firm beliefs about terminating pregnancies, but those beliefs change for many women when unplanned pregnancies occur despite thier best efforts. in the US, women have all kinds of choices, and one of them is safe, private pregnancy termination. if you feel that your well being, and that of your family, depends on maintaining the number of children you now have, then you have more than enough reason to choose not to continue with your current pregnancy. it really, REALLY, is up to you. and you are the only one who knows what's best in this situation.

one person wrote to you that God wouldn't give you more than you could bear; well, i don't believe that's necessartily true. i don't think God has time to evaluate everyone's situation. and i don't think God wants women to forgo making thier own decisions. another person said a baby is always a blessing; this is also simply not true. some families simply don't have the personal or other resources to sustain more children than they already have. and no one should have to apologize for that.

with great respect and sisterly support, i wish you luck;
J.

Hello B.:) I have many friends that had 4-5 c sections (kids are less than 2 years apart)and they are all doing fine.
Sounds like you have all 3 girls, so of course hubby wanted another one.....trying for a boy:)
Wish you the best!!!!!!!!!There are many women who have done it, you can do it too!!!!!(I believe God does not give us more than we can handle).

My mom had a saying, "know that all the things that you go through in life serve a purpose so embrace all the events as part of who you are and your purpose". Since this pregnancy is going to happen, embrace it, don't get stressed out about it and please don't ever regret it. I believe in karma and enviornment and it's effect on the unborn child so try to celebrate and honor the new addition to your family. please take care of yourself and try to stay healthy.
Good luck and peace,
L.

Hi B.,
Did doctor say you can't have this baby because 4th C-section is too dangerous or something? I know someone who went through more than 4 c-sections and survived. It may be good idea to discuss with your doctor and find out what to expect with your situation instead of worrying. I felt the same way you feel when I found out I was pregnant, I didn't want to start all over. It was even more tempting because my 3rd one was starting kinder and I really wished that we could move on. But you know what? I had the best time with the 4th one. You never know what this baby can bring to you. Anyway, condom is a not good idea. If you really don't want 5th one, you may want to consider more secure contraseptive.

You might want to talk with your Dr. or a therapist on this topic.

Dear B.,
As a 43 year-old mother of seven children, I can relate to the stress and emotional tug-of-war you are experiencing. Two of my children were completely unexpected and my husband and I both struggled for several months to come to terms with God's will that we have another baby. We, too, don't believe in abortion and in our hearts KNOW that God has a plan for all of us, including our unborn children, but it IS hard to give complete control over our lives to God and to trust Him completely. I remember feeling like I could never be a "good mother" to that many children and that I would be doing a diservice to them.
Everyone always says that "God won't give you more than you can handle." But that doesn't mean that He won't allow us to suffer or to struggle because that may just be what we need to help us to grow in holiness and our ability to love. It isn't always easy having lots of little people relying on you for everything BUT it helps us to become less selfish and focus on serving others in a very direct way. You are doing God's work and serving the littlest among us whenever you feed, dress, read to, or cuddle your children. That is your road to holiness. Mother Teresa grew in holiness ministering to the poorest of the poor in India. Your job is basically the same...you just have a different territory.
God loves you. He knows every hair on your head and loves you with a love that you cannot even imagine. Think about the great love you felt when your first child was born and multiply that over and over again. I was so sorry to read the comment where the person said she didn't think God was concerned with all of the details of our lives. I think that is the farthest from the truth. You know that you want only good things for your own children and God wants only good for you. We cannot always understand His timing or why things need to be a certain way but He is LOVE and wisdom and this IS His will for you.
Don't beat yourself up and please be patient with yourself. Life is a journey and our purpose is to grow in our ability to love God and others for his sake. Your love for this baby will grow and it will be there when he or she is born. It took a while for me to come to terms with those pregnancies but let me tell you, when you come out on the other side, you will have a wonderful sense of contentment and joy that isn't very present in most of the mothers in our culture today. When you are able to love God enough to say, "Your will, not mine" your life will never be the same.
The media sends us messages on a daily basis about taking care of number one etc., etc. and it has resulted in a very selfish mindset for many Americans. People are always looking to be "happy" and when their spouse or job doesn't make them happy they start looking elsewhere. The truth is that happiness is fleeting. Just ask the Hollywood or sports stars. Real joy comes in knowing that you are living the life God wants you to. That doesn't mean you won't ever feel overwhelmed with motherhood or yell at your kids, but as a 43 year-old mom with a daughter heading off to college and a 3 month-old baby, I can honestly say that I've never felt more joy and peace. Having a large family IS a wonderful blessing and the greatest gift you can give to your children is another sibling. My second youngest son, who is 4, just said the other day that he wants me to have another baby. I'm at a point that I can gladly say "sure" to God but it has taken me a long while to get here. I pray that you will find the kind of peace that I have found as well. God Bless you and I will keep you in my prayers.

I feel your pain,I would be confused too, but God won't give you more than what you can bear, step back take a deep breathe and think of all the positive things can happen to you because of this child. There will be negative thoughts but don't dwell too much on them. This could the next Minister,the next President, doctor etc; he could change lives in the future.
So pray, pray pray. Seek God's direction. and if you have your husband's support and help it will be easier. I hope you also have friends and family to help you with the kids because you need time for your self. If you are in Brooklyn i'll even keep the children. I've been a u-pre K teacher 21 years at the same school.
Be prepared that finance problem might arise but you have been dealing with it so far, continue to trust God. i'll pray for you. God Bless you in making your decision. You are a GREAT MOM.

B.,

I am in almost the exact same situation as you. I have four biological children and a step son who lives with us. My youngest is 18 months. I have had one vaginal delivery (the first) and three c-sections. I wanted to VBAC for the second two c-sections, but it didn't work out. Now I found out I am pregnant again, and I'm not wanting to have another c-section, and my husband does not want another child (he's 46 and feels too old).

We are completely out of space, but I know that we will work it out. I laugh when I see people on HGTV who are pregnant with one other child already, living in a 1200-1500 square foot house and they are buying a house because they couldn't possibly fit another child in their "small" home. My home is less than 1000 square feet, we have 3 bedrooms and 5 children, and one of our bedrooms is about 8X8...small. Anyway, my point is it can work.

I know how you feel about the c-section, but my friend just told me that she knew someone who had 4 c-sections and then did a VBAC for her 5th, so I'm going to find out if the docs will let me labor, but it all depends on the size of the baby, because unusually large, off the chart head size is the reason I had to have my first 2 c-sections. Then I thought I was done having kids with my 4th and so I scheduled a c-section because I didn't want to labor for 17 hours and then end up in surgery. Now I am regretting that decision because after she was born it was obvious I could have had a VBAC with her (she had a normal head size, like my first).

Whether or not you believe, God has a plan for each and every child, and this baby you are carrying will be a wonderful addition to your family. Don't worry if it is a boy...boys are actually easier than girls, so it will be a breeze if that is the case. It will all work out and after you won't know what you ever did without the baby. I know that is how I always feel.

Take care and enjoy your pregnancy.

D.

Hey Bev, First let me congradulate you on your little blessing. I know this may seem tough or even impossible but everything happens for a reason. Although you may not realize it now you will one day understand why this baby was meant to be. As for your fourth c-section not a big deal I know women who have had five. And hey let the doc tie your tubes after this one if you don't want anymore.

Dear B. R:

Hi! I can understand you very well. But please whatever you do don't jump off a building or anything similar to that. Even if it is an expression of how down your feeling.

I was in the same predicament over 13 years ago. I too don't believe in abortions, so I had my 2nd. child which seem to me
like it was my 4th or 5th, because my son, was too much to handle. Still is quite difficult in many aspects.
But while I was pregnant of my daughter I started doing pre-natal yoga exercises to help me with not only back problems which started at 2 months pregnancy but to help me with an
easier labor and birth.

To my surprise, at about my 5th or 6th session when centering my focus on the baby to speaking to it with my body's inner voice, I truly didn't want this baby to feel rejected, especially when it wasn't even born and was developing inside.
I told the baby (which I felt would be a girl this time; but I really didn't know) that it wasn't that I didn't love it, but that I wasn't planning on it at this time, but that I was doing my best to do what I had to so that it could develop properly with much love and that I would accept this responsibility along with its' challenges. B., while I was saying these things I felt the baby move and it was as it was speaking to me, I understand mama, I know you'll love me.
God granted me the peace, the acceptance and the serenity that I needed. I also thought that He is in control of everything that happens in our lives, if He has allowed this to happen it is definitely for a reason. I named her Tahis
it is really suppose to be spelled, Thais but I even wanted the spelling different- the h is silent and it is pronounced
Taa--ease; it means "lovely bond" and that is what I have with my daughter. Don't miss out on a real blessing that God
might have in store for you. My daughter has always been there for me as I have been there for both of them.
After you have your baby then you can tie your tubes or cut them or take measures to avoid this from happening again. Lets not think of the past or worry about the future. Let us think of the now! You have the power to make this present moment a wonderful experience. Please see if you can get these books: The Power of Spoken Blessings by Bill Gothard and The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
May the Lord bless you with wisdom and discernment in making the correct decisions in your life and grant you the peace,acceptance and serenity to not be afraid. God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, love and of a sound mind. If you believe in Christ, then know that there is another verse besides this one I just gave you that says,
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
(All things, B. not just some things.) Please let me know if my advice served you with some comfort and ease.
Hope to hear from you. God bless you always. R. C.

All things happen for a reason. This 4th child will be a blessing too and after a short time you won't remember a day (or want a day) without baby #4. Thank God for your blessing and then get your tubes tied during the c-section if you are trully done having babies. I lost my 3rd child to miscariage and would love to have it back. Your other three are very young and you have your hands full but according to 2 friends and my sister (all have 5 to 7 children) by the time you get to #3 a fourth is easy. They say going from 1 to 2 and 2 to 3 was hard but by #4 they didn't see a huge difference in work only in love! Love multiplied Not divided!!! God Bless and enjoy and find a mommy support group. It will help to have other women to talk to about your fears, joys and challenges! A.

there is nothing for you to do, spirtually they say that the soul choses where , when and to who they wish to be born to, so you should consider it an honor that these children want to come through you.
stop wasting your time stressing a situation that is going to happen, nothing takes place that is not suppose to. enjoy the fact that you can have babies and just love them.
i know i have 7
D.

B.,

I am so sorry you feel so unhappy at this time. This should be a joyful time so I bet that makes you feel even worse. You could put the baby for adoption...but it doesn't sound as though your husband would agree with that. The only other thing I could tell you is that sometims things happen for a reason. Maybe this will work out to be a blessing in disguise. As for the c-section part, I can understand your worries. I had two myself, and would be worried a bit too. I have heard of many women who have had several and it has all worked out fine. I'm sure you will too. If you can be open with your husband and share your feelings, that would be helpful. The two of you could work it out together. If not maybe you should talk to a professional. They could help you sort out your feelings. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, hopefully you will be able to make the best decision. keep posting if/when you feel like you need support. That's what we are here for.

Did it scare the hell out of you when you found out you were having your third???? I know it scared the hell out of me, but then he was born I knew that I wouldn't have it any other way. It's normal for you to feel the way you are feeling, but everything falls into place, somehow it always does. And when the baby is born you will love that one just as much. You will see!!! You will just have to add a new one into the pattern. And instead of feeling like you want to jump off a building, jump into your husbands arms and cry a little, but look at your little ones now...they are a miracle and a blessing. As far as the hypertension/C-section, you will be in good hands I am sure with your physicians. It's okay to go through all the emotions, but in the end you be happy you did it!! I hope this helps in some way!! Good Luck!

Well, don't jump off a building at least! If you are feeling that depressed and overwhemed get a referral for counseling first.
I can relate to feeling overwhelmed by and stressed out by finding out you are pregnant because I am pregnant now with my 2nd. We were planning a second baby and I was just surprised because it happened a little sooner than planned--but I was still feeling totally overwhelmed and anxious about it. Between the 1st trimester hormones and not sleeping because of the anxiety I was a wreck for at least a month. then somewhere between month 3 and the end of month 4 something shifted and started feeling better about the situation (though I am sure there will be difficult moments). Also, I know you don't believe in abortion...but you might try giving yourself permission to think about it as an option (even if you would not take it). It might help you figure out your own feelings about this pregnancy. BTW, I think women should have the chance to make their own decisions about abortion...but I am not sure I could ever bring myself to have one.

Anyway, good luck with whatever happens.

Hi B.
You sound overwhelmed with the thought of having a new precious baby come into your lives. I am guessing that the statement of just found out, has not given you time to get over the shock. It is almost always a shock to find out, and therefore those stages of emotion come into play.
It used to be that MD's didn't want you to have too many C-sections because of dangers and perhaps you have heard that. Well, talk to your OB about those thoughts. OB should be able to calm them with concrete facts. He did mine when I was having my third c-section.
As for having a pattern with your girls at those ages well that might change in a week, never mind 8or9 months so put those thoughts aside. Will the oldest be going to K. by then, and the youngest may even be potty trained. You aren't starting over. You are continuing. I am so glad to read that you know that is a real life within you. Each child comes with their own love, and your love for it.
Let me tell you however what starting over is.
When my boys were 13 and 18years, I was having some "female problems", I was so tired. We were moving, and my husband was changing jobs and to top that off our older son had just left for college out of state and our younger son had a serious head injury on the soccer field. Not the most prefect time to even go to the OB, but I knew that 39 was early to be in menopause but I knew that was possible, and if that was not the case I could have a serious problem. So I did go to the OB. They of course did preg. test. I was pregnant. Now that in itself is starting over.
That was early Nov. by late Nov, I was bleeding, and our son was in the hospital having a spinal tap. It was then that I had an Ultrasound to find out that I was not just preg. but preg with twins. Let me tell you that is starting over.
Those twins are now 18 years old, and heading for college. I homeschooled them, and I can't imagine what life would have been without them. I know have friends that are at least 10 years younger than me. Some of my sons friends have children as old as the twins, or close. My older friends are doing the senior citizen thing and although I am now 58, I still do not feel old enough for that. I dress young because I have kept up with the current things, and we are only now having our first grandchild.
I think that is because both of the boys saw that although they learned in school that preg. was a natural event, they saw that I was in bed for 19 weeks bedrest, on meds for preterm labor, and that things didn't always go according to the book. The girls were 3 weeks early but weighed in at 5'11" and 6'8", and I would not have had it any other way. Our pastor always prayed there was a time to be born and it isn't now. I held onto that. I heard alot of neg. comments, most of which would not have had them, but I had a friend who said "I can't imagine anyone enjoying new babies at this stage better than you would" I held onto that comment.
I want to tell you "you will enjoy this new baby just as much as you have enjoyed your first three because that is the way we were designed. Jesus Christ thought that you would enjoy, be able to handle, and wanted you to have another nothing would have stopped it.
We have friends who didn't want more so she took care of that, and still they had a 4th, and then he took care of that, and yup they had a 5th. They had alot of trouble with the ins. co. because after all they had paid for 2 babies after 2 sterilization procedures.
Well, That is my experience.
Relax and enjoy every moment. Talk to this baby. Expect help from hubby, and let him help. Don't get upset because he doesn't do it your way. His way should be fine. If you can't do that, get out of the house, the room for a while. He will handle it, or he will be glad you have to do it all day.
God bless you and I hope you enjoyed my starting over story.
God bless your family and especially God bless that new life with love, peace, and joy that just radiates to all.

K.
SAHM, married 38 years, 4 kids(all by c-section)37years, 32 years and the twins are 18 years, homeschooled the twins, and probably old enough to be your mom. So I always try to put a plug in for talking to your mom, or his if they are around. They will probably appreciate your letting them in on your true feelings.

Dear B.,
Please don't jump off the building. All will be well. I too, was in that same situation, more than once. I finally decided to get my tubes tied. I have 5 and really only wanted 3. I also had a heart condition that was only aggravated during pregnancy,so imagine how I felt. All I can say is that the Lord never gives us a burden we can't bear. Look for the good in this situation, children are truly a blessing.