I kept hoping this would fix itself, but it doesn't seem it's going to happen. My mother and grandmother live about 2 1/2 hours away. We recently moved away. My mom has two dogs and my grandmother has one, so there are three dogs in their house. My problem is that my daughter is about to go stay with her for Spring Break and during the summer, but none of the dogs are housetrained. There is dog urine all under the dining room table, in the extra room where my mother keeps the toys, and all over the rug in the living room. It is very gross and I really don't want my daughter to play in all that or to stay there. However, it would crush my mother's spirit to know I feel this way. I have tried talking to her about it and she got very defensive and angry with me. My biggest concern is for my daughter, not my mother's feelings, but I do want to be tactful. Any suggestions on how to bring this up to my mother nicely, without giving hte ultimatum that my daughter can't stay with her until the dogs are housetrained? My mother has a lot of self-esteem issues and takes everything very personally. I don't want to offend her, but at the same time, I must talk with her about this... Any advice or ideas would be appreciated. Thanks in advance!
How old is your daughter? Simply tell your mother the animal urine is a health concern and your daughter can't be in the home if it in the carpet. If you have to blame her doctor. Lie and say the doctor said she has sensitive skin and animal urine will make her sick, give her a rash, etc.
Or just be blunt. Say "mom I love you but the pee is disgusting and my family won't be coming over until the situation is dealt with.
Ick. Are the dogs new? Or is this something that has been going on for a long time and your mother is unconcerned about it? Are the dogs old and incontinent? Does your mom clean up the messes as they occur?
I just can't see how your mother, in her right mind (and I say that sincerely- as she might be developing judgment issues due to age) would not understand that it is unsanitary and not a healthy environment, either for a child or for her and your grandmother. You didn't say how old your daughter is, but I am assuming that she is school age and not a toddler.
You MAY be able to "soften" the blow by saying that you are aware that SHE doesn't have an issue with it, but that you have chosen to hold your daughter to a higher standard and don't want her receiving mixed messages. I doubt it will make much difference how you word it. Either she will be offended due to low self-esteem, or she will choose to ignore your comments in the same way she ignores the deplorable condition she allows her home to stay in.
Perhaps a loan of a dog training book might be in order?
i honestly think, since this has gone on for quite some time, that you find a way to have them come to you than sending your daughter there. and then as time passes by you start bringing this up with your mother. it is not sanitary for her to be living in such conditions.
i wouldn't send my kids for a visit as their health and well-being are most important.
i do not like animals (dogs especially), and everyone who knows me, knows how i feel about house pets. so i never have to come up with an excuse as to why i can't participate in something. it's a given.
if dogs are untrained that means they will be unpredictable as well. i don't know your daughter's age but that's something to think about as well.
good luck
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That's terrible! I wouldn't let my daughter be there either! The thing that baffles me is that your mother thinks ok for an animal to be going to the bathroom all over her house?! Does she clean up after them??
Could she maybe come stay with you guys for the week? Or could you all go somewhere together? Either for the day or for the week? I dunno...I say safety first...it is your daughter!
It sounds like you're going to tell her your daughter isn't going to be there for spring break...be as gentle as you can.
oh dear i'm so sorry you're in this position - we were too, only it was my inlaws and my husband had to tell them that my son wasn't allowed over. it was a horrible situation and so ackward, but i'm sorry - our child is more important than his mom's feelings. he even had to tell her more than once. i guess she forgot (in the course of our week long stay in a hotel, in their town). it was awful. they have cleanliness issues in general, on top of the dog mess. i'm sorry, i think deep down she knows that it's not acceptable, so if she's offended it's really up to her to change the situation. my inlaws still haven't, and it's sad. not to mention inconvenient, as we always have to make alternate arrangements for places to stay when we want to see them (we live in kansas, they live in florida). but your child is more important. i'd have a problem with her even going over there, much less spending the night alone there. the only way i can think to bring it up is to be honest. "Mom, you know i love you and i want you to spend time with your granddaughter, but i have a real issue with the dog pee everywhere. you know it's not healthy. i can't have her over there unless it's cleaned up and the dogs start going outside. i'm sorry."
You could talk to her about your concerns of her daughter being around 3 dogs and that maybe they could stay in another room while she's there. As for the carpet if you can afford it, offer to pay to have the carpets cleaned. I'm not sure how old your daughter is but I wouldn't want my kids playing on the floor where the animals have peed. It is unhealthy and your daughter could get sick from it. When we visited my family, my dad had to keep his dog outside or in their room and away from the kids. He is a 100 lb doberman pincher that is very playful and I didn't want my kids around it. They understood and kept them separated so the kids could go to there house and we could have fun w/out the stress of the dog getting to rough. Hopefully she will be understanding of your concerns and comply.
This is tough - and i know it's easier said than done, but really, the health concern out-weighs your mother feeling bad. I am really close to my in-laws and my mother and they watch my son a lot, so this would be sooo tough for me to stand up, but i think you're going to have to. :( good luck!
I'm in agreement about your daughter being in that yuck! Invite everyone to your place during vacation and offer to pay for a dog sitter or for the kennel. I understand the problem completely, my mom once had 7 cats that used to urinate everywhere and it was so overwhelming to her that she just couldn't deal with it. So she lived in the stench and grossness.
I would also see if she would like some help getting the dogs trained. If she and your grandmother are anything like my mom, they'll never consider getting rid of them, so the next best thing is to get them trained and get the carpets and flooring sterilized and sanitized. You can help them with that. If the dogs are little, I know that there are piddle pads and places that pet stores have. My SIL has them for her chihuahuas since she lives in the country where chihuahuas are tasty treats for the coyotes. Honestly, I think it's disgusting, but if you're diligent about cleaning it up, most people don't even know.
Good luck with this!
S.
PS I love animals and have a big wonderful well-trained dog and just lost our beautiful (trained) kitty. In my house the pets are part of the family.
Can you afford to pay for someone to train the dogs...?
