Does It Really Matter Who You Surround Yourself With?

Yes, I think so. My sister hung out with a bunch of druggies and alcoholics. She was driving drunk and even lost her license over it. Finally the main couple in all this got a divorce and she stopped hanging out with them. All her drug use and drunk driving stopped.

I think there is a lot more to it than just one bad kid, ruining a child. I think it all depends on the child. I had a bunch of friends that were pot heads too, but I never had any interest in any of that. After a while I outgrew them, but my best friend then is my best friend now. So we kinda out grew the other group together. Had it not been for her, then things might have gone differently. But I would like to think not, I would like to think that my personality is strong enough to resist.

Birds of a feather flock together. Find your birds.

I believe that if another child (with bad influence) was able to come along and change "all the work you have done", there was something missing in the child's life that they found appealing in the "bad child" (acceptance, friendship, admiration, adventure, as a few examples).

I also believe that it does matter who you surround yourself with as if you surround yourself with people who have different values, then some of these values may become "acceptable" to you as they are now the new "social norm" and depending on how much people want to fit in, they will be more willing to accept little things as ok that before were not ok. But this goes back to filling a need as well. Why would one want to be around people on a routine basis that is not reflective of their own values.

I disagree @ 'you can raise your children to have the best morals, but another child is a bad influence'... etc. Some kids are raised by horrible, drug abusing parents, but turn out just fine. How you are raised and who you hang out with reflect very little on your personal character and who you CHOSE to be as an adult.

Yes, I understand about peer pressure, and you teach your child right and wrong. Ultimately, it's the tools you've given them and what they've taken from your lessons which determine whether they cave in to peer pressure or not. IT'S STILL THE CHILD'S CHOICE.

My parents raised me pretty well... but I was a screwed up kid. I had to learn from my own mistakes before I realized my parents had been mostly right all along. I even told my mom that she couldn't have done anything differently, she's a great mom... but I had to make my own choices. Life is trial and error. You can only guide your kid but so far before letting the baby bird fly out of the nest on it's own.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

My kids school is filled with kids with bad upbringings... you think my kids come home and act like that? No way! They are who they are, and no negative influence has effected them thus far. Through positive reinforcement on my part, my kids know right and wrong. What they decide to do with that knowledge as they age is up to them. If anything, I hope my kids have a positive influence on those lost souls.

show me your friends and I'll show you your future...
birds of a feather flock together...

yes, WHO you hang with influences your life.
However, you can show your kids morals, integrity and values - but if they are hanging with the wrong kids - peer pressure can affect that...

My brother, sister and I were raised by the same parents but each of us have totally different paths...no, none of us have been arrested or drugs, etc. but our paths are different in subtle and not so subtle ways...

No, I would no seek counsel from someone who is having the same life challenge as me...i would seek counsel from someone who has BEEN THROUGH something similar to me and how they got out of it.

Yes, the people we associate with have the same core values as we do - some have different paths to get to the same place - but overall - our core values are the same.

Ditto Rachel.....and some other thoughts.....

Environment is only half the battle, genes play a big part as well.

Plus, no two children from the same household have the exact same parent. Parents learn, grow, evolve, get tired, gain determination. We don't parent two REALLY DIFFERENT children the same way, you know?

The ultimate outcome of one's childhood is the result of many many layers of factors. It's not as simple as your statement, unfortunately. We all wish it WERE that simple!

:)

That statement does not make sense because raising your children correctly means that they are the ones who effect change on others. I know of at least three kids who were headed down the wrong path that my older daughter helped to correct their course. This is just my opinion but those that run into trouble tend to be the parents who subscribe to do as I say, not as I do. I have always lived the life I taught my kids. :)

I will say the people I really consider friends tend to be like minded. It does matter because I wouldn't be able to keep my tongue around people I completely disagree with. Let me clarify, my friend have differing opinions on things, politics, religion, etc but their core beliefs are the same. By core beliefs I mean right from wrong. It does not matter what your politics are, or religion for that matter, stealing is stealing, lying is lying, those are core beliefs.

As my momma always said you are the same as the company you hold. Meaning whatever friends you have and the things they get into over time you will eventually travel the same road. It's not meant to be a bad thing per say because if you surround yourself with friends who are positive well then you will move n to do great and positive things yourself. However if you surround yourself around a bunch of drugee's guess what will eventually happen?
As humans we fail and that is why I try to teach my children according to God's word and try to teach them to put their faith and trust in HIM because he is faithful and he will never ever forsake them. Whereas humans will-it's within us to do so whether we realize it or not. It doesn't matter if someone else's child comes to my child with their bad influences or not. I have trained them up and placed God's armour upon them-oh they will fail but then again maybe they won't fail and actually end up being a mentor to the other person's child??! I don't want my children to fail and I don't want them to be influences by the worldly things in life but my most valuable weapon is prayer. God has my back ;()) and he also has my children's backs too.

It does make sense to me. My two brothers and I were raised by the same parents, same environment. My younger brother and I are responsible, productive members of society. My older brother, at age 17, found a group of friends who were into drugs and generally wanted to be parasites of society. None of them had jobs or wanted to work for a living, all of them have entitlement issues and hate people with money. My brother fell right in with them and has been living that way ever since, despite years of heartache, discipline, counsel, guidance, on the part of my parents to try to pull him away from it.

Question 2- NO, I would not seek counsel from someone who is struggling with the same issue. I might seek fellowship from that person, but not counsel. I would seek counsel from someone who successfully overcame it. This is a common theme in a twelve step program for recovery- you should have an accountability partner (who walks WITH you) and a sponsor or mentor (who counsels/guides you).

Question 3- Generally the same. I prefer to surround myself with people who will support and uplift my basic morals, values, beliefs. I would not, for example, be close friends with someone who is not a christian.

Question 4- See Question 3.

Yes it matters! My husband and I were having this conversation last night! We always told our kids "you are the company you keep". Most of our friends have the same core values as us.

Our son was going down the wrong path. Because one of his friends screwed him over we were able to step in and guide him to a better one.

It ABSOLUTELY matters!!!!! In answer to your questions...

1. Children are like sponges, they pick up stuff from everyone. I think as children mature, they can be come resilient against the negative influence of other kids. But they have to be VERY confident in themselves and committed to doing the right thing. And even the most strong child can cave if surrounded by temptation. My family is from Michigan, we moved to Kentucky when I was 12 and my brother 10. We were home schooled for elementary school and went to a boarding school sponsored by our church for high school. My brother decided he wanted to attend public high school for his Jr. and Sr. year. He is the only one in our family with a Kentucky accent. He wanted to fit in SO BAD he permanently changed the way he talked. People can instantly tell if you were "born there" and we were considered "foreigners" because we were from up north. I think my brother was able to disguise that fact completely.

2. Yes and no. There is wisdom in a multitude of counselors. And not that you canvas everyone you meet. But a multitude of people you trust. I'll use addiction as an example. Someone who struggles needs to surround themselves with people who are not addicts, can encourage them to do the right thing and not enable them to continue in addiction. However, they also need support from those who have been there, because that type of accountability (say in a AA meeting) is more helpful then from people who have never had a problem. It would not be helpful to hang around a bunch of addicts who were not trying to overcome this. My question about the person who is "still dealing with the same issues" is this: Do they want to have victory or freedom from it, and are they pursuing it and changing their life so they are not surrounded by temptation? Will their influence uplift you or drag you down?

3. Absolutely. I do not confine my group of friends to be of the same Christian denomination, however most of them are. We understand where we are coming from, and encourage each other to make the right choices. Especially when it comes to our marriages and child raising. I have friends who I love dearly, but would NEVER ask advise from or share personal struggles with because we do not share the same values. I love them because of our history/relationship, but they are not confidants. Without the same world view, how can you have more than a casual acquaintance?

4. It does matter. I limit the time my children spend with some friends who are not behaving appropriately. I understand some parents have a harder battle with strong willed children. But if I don't see that the parent realizes and is seeking to correct this behavior, then I am leery of letting my child spend lots of time with their child. My daughter (4.5) picks up so many things from other children already and she is not in pre-school or day care. People you are friends with will affect your thinking and world view/values/morals. It is impossible to override that. So surround yourself with the people you want to become like.

I know this is a really delicate topic. And if you choose to leave certain friends behind, or limit contact, it will be hard to do and painful for them. However you ultimately are the one responsible for how your children are raised.

1)it makes sense to me, but only for the coming of age years. I think kids coming of age need influences in their friends and peer pressure is rampant! From personal experience and from what i have seen people out of their teen years will go their own way despite their friends.

2)No, i would likely seek counsel from someone over the hurdle.

3)No, everyone i know is wildly different from the other, my bunch is eclectic as they come. As my husband grandmother says so sweetly when coming across someone unusual "it takes all kinds to make up this world"

4)It does matter when it comes to absolutely disruptive behavior, but someone having different or no goals, or a different outlook on politics, child raising, God etc...I welcome the differences.

The best thing our family ever did, and we fell into it through a very painful time in our marriage, was to join a good church and surround ourselves with solid people. Of cource, not everyone in any church, is solid, but there are more there than out in this crazy world. Yes, it matters a lot!!

I would say the answer to #1 is a resounding YES. I feel I raised my kids with values and morals. But when they're at school, they sometimes are easily pulled in with others you wouldn't want them associating with because of less than stellar habits and values. Yes, it happened with my oldest. And he still doesn't seem to always get it either.
3. Most of my viewpoints are my own. Most people I hang out with don't agree. Most of those viewpoints are about health (conventional vs alternative medicine). I only ask respect, not to force me to change. I don't force others to change. I do offer a viewpoint for consideration.
2. Maybe. Sometimes it lessens one person's difficulty to deal with an issue, when someone else talks with him/her. You can bounce ideas off each other and console each other.
4. yes it matters who you surround yourself with.