Does Husband Joking About Sex Make You Irritated?

Can you come up with a 'phrase/wording' that doesn't irritate you so much?

I think you need to work on you and not be so sensitive about his 'expectation'.

My husband and I ask each other "Wanna fool around?" in and out of the bedroom. Sometimes the answer is "Hell yeah!" and other times the answer is "Not right this minute." It's all good.

So your husband suggests having sex with you rather than going to the gym and you are turned...OFF?
I get it if you're not always in the mood, or if you have other plans, but at least he's still into you. Enjoy it while it lasts.

You texted him from your bed instead of getting up and walking to where he was in the house and you are shocked he took that as an invitation to join you?

So you don't want to have sex with your husband and are annoyed when he asks for it? Is that what I'm reading?

Maybe he is trying to let you know in a light hearted way that he needs you.

You text him when you are both in the same house? I think their is more going on then your annoyance.. you seem to not really want him around you. And that's a huge problem.

I can get annoyed with my husband, but usually it's when I'm doing five different things, and we have to go somewhere, and he finds it funny to start something. It's like, really? Right now? Lol..

I don't get it. He's your husband. You already have sex with him. I enjoy my husband taking to me this way. I appreciate that he talks to me this way. He is showing me that he wants and desires me. Thank goodness. What if he didn't? What if he ignored me?
We've been married over 30 years. I feel very lucky.

What you DON'T seem to understand is that if the time comes that he stops trying with you, THAT'S when you need to worry. That's when he may have found another outlet for what he wants and needs. And you may be left behind. If you think that's a good thing, you're naive. Someone else won't mind sex jokes and sexual expectation...

I just heard a story on talk radio about a woman who's husband used to leave his dirty clothes on the floor. It drove her crazy and she had many conversations with her husband trying to get him to change his ways. One day he unexpectedly died. She ended up missing those dirty clothes on the floor. Some time later she remarried. She said she is a much better wife to her second husband than she was to her first.

I hear you but if you want to be a happier person change your attitude about it. I frequently ask myself how much fun am I to live with? When your husband says something like that just joke back about what a prince he is or tell him his attempt of talking sexy would be much more effective with a mop in his hand and a dust rag in his pocket.😉

My husband used to joke about sex, it was his way of trying to tell me he missed me and the closeness we get from sex without feeling like he was putting me on the spot or forcing a conversation he was afraid to have, a conversation about the fact that he was unhappy with the frequency of our sex life. His joking, however, often did make me feel put on the spot or made me feel uncomfortable, mostly because I also knew he was unhappy and that we needed to have that conversation.

We finally had it, we talked really openly about how our sex life, or lack there of, made us both feel. We talked about things we desired, and we started to find ways to compromise that worked for us both. We really listened to each other without judgement and tried to see things from the other persons perspective. He stopped nagging me about sex and I made the effort to say yes more often. I did not tell him at the time but I decided to try to say yes every other day because I did not feel it was fair of me to expect him to be fine with no sex life just because I wasn't "feeling it", how could I expect him to be monogamous long term with someone who never wanted to have sex? I found that after a while of having regular sex again (and finally feeling open enough to talk about my fantasies and try a few out) that I wanted to have sex more often, my libido went way up. Now our sex life it back on track and we feel more connected then ever. Of course sex is not the most important part of a relationship, but it is important for a couple to feel close and connected and for many of us that is found through sexual contact, and there is no shame in that, yet often we shame those who dare to voice that it is a need for them.

All that said, what works best for any couple is very personal, but this is what worked for us.

Rather than telling him that you find his jokes annoying, why not tell him what really turns you on?

My husband jokes like that. Sometimes I find him annoying, sometimes funny, sometimes obnoxious. I think it depends partly on my mood and how my day has gone.

I've tried to let him know what I really like about him and what things he says or does that help get me in the mood. And he's done the same for me.

Try to remember that he might seem like he's joking around, but if you say that there's an expectation and you don't want to, he's going to feel rejected. Now, that's not to say that you should feel obligated, but is there anything he could say or do that would get you in the mood? If you're the type of person that really does appreciate a schedule and is really bothered by spontaneity, is there a way to compromise? Maybe consider how you could fit him into your schedule?

Are you saying that under different circumstances you would be interested in having sex? Or are you saying that you just really don't want to have sex with him? Just something to think about.

Perhaps the fact that you texted instead of getting out of bed and talking to your husband face to face is a reflection of the communication between the two of you... it seems a bit at arm's length. Perhaps this sort of communication is reflective of your relationship? I don't know, only you do....

There is something special about feeling desired and valued by the person you love. Does he know you find him handsome and desirable? This is important in how partners perceive themselves.

I feel bad for the couples who wait expectantly for the house to be empty so that they can *finally* make love to their spouse. (I am in this category, we have a 10 year old son who generally falls asleep later than we do.) So, that's when mutual affection is a great balm: hugs and kisses and smiling into each other's eyes.... that's what keeps a relationship going when the physical can't or won't happen. Are you giving him any reassurance that he is the wonderful guy you married years ago?

Another thing that helps is to get out ahead of a predicted expectation. "I know we have some time alone tonight and I'm (not feeling up to it)... sorry." This works well when one is tired or crampy or just Not In The Mood. It sort of takes the sting of rejection out of it by being forthright and just 'owning' it. I'm also going to say that, for some women, deciding to just 'give it a go' because it's been a while can end up being a lot of fun. If one's partner is attentive, our bodies can be responsive and enjoy that time of intimacy. It's not about going against one's preference inasmuch as it's more like going out to a gathering or party that you aren't wild about, but deciding to have a good time anyway, because... why not?

I'm not always in the mood, and it's wonderful that my husband desires me enough to take that chance and ask, take the chance to risk a 'no' because he wants to be with me. That's something to take to heart.... how we respond to our spouses bids for attention generally is the prime indicator of success or failure of a relationship. Both parties need to feel love, desired and worthy of the other. Sex is part of that, but only one part of it, so be sure to let him know all the other ways in which you appreciate him. Otherwise, things just fizzle out.

Honestly, I would be flattered. He wants you. He loves you. I would talk about it with him...maybe you are someone who needs to know in advance and plan having sex? You say it's not the joke that bothers you it is the expectation. So what do you want from him regarding communicating about wanting to have sex? Are there only certain times of the day (evening) that you want to do it? Are you someone who wants romance first every single time? Besides communicating this to him why don't you surprise him some morning. Lock the door to keep the kids out and maybe put on some music to block sound.

Nicole,

You're complaining that your husband is a bad flirt? Your husband is NOT out galavanting and cheating. He's INTERESTED IN YOU and that turns you off? I'm sorry.

Does your husband need better flirting skills? Yes. But really? He wants YOU. Not some bimbo from the gym. He's interested in YOU and, while not the most romantic, he WANTS YOU and wants to have sex with you.

I wouldn't TEXT my husband why he's still home. YOU texted him from bed, right? Well - sorry - if he knows you're still in bed - he might see that as a come on - your attempt at bad flirting...it's the written word. What else is he to expect?

I don't know what grey-sexual is. I do know that I would laugh it off and ask him to come to bed with me....and see what happens....

"Expectation can kind of ruin intimacy. It's not super romantic." (margie g quote.)
this exactly.

If your husband is having to ask you or nudge you that you should have sex, it sounds like he is telling you something, and that is, that he is unhappy about the frequency of sex in your marriage. No different than a wife saying "oh, I wish you'd kiss me, just like Helen's husband kisses her..." Just like you should not need to tell your husband to show his affection toward you, he should not be stressing a need for sex. If he is, it shows this is an area that is lacking in your relationship and you need to work on it. Listen to him. He is subtly, jokingly, complaining, and you need to listen and take action.

The good news is, he is telling you, rather than saying "Forget her. She won't sleep with me, but Laura in accounting will, she is always saying how hot I am and how she wishes she had a man like me in her life!" so you have a chance to work on that aspect and make sex a more frequent part of your marriage. The fact he is being spontaneous about it should make it fun. Some of us wish we had a man who found us desirable. If there is one thing I cannot stand, it is scheduled sex time. That to me takes the magic out of things because then you know what to expect, and it becomes a chore to drop what you're doing every day, same time and get naked, but if I had a man that suddenly said "hey, I am skipping the gym today, because I want to make love to you, I want you badly" you'd better believe these clothes would be coming off and I'd be all over him! LOL.

I get EXACTLY what you mean. It is hard to put into words exactly how it feels. Part of it is that the joking is kind of a turn off and part of it is the expectation that I "comply" just because he had a schedule change that I should hop on the sex bandwagon. My husband does this all the time, too, and it makes me crazy :( I also had hormone testing and I have ZERO testosterone in my body. Not even kidding. The doctor was like "can you even HAVE sex?" I can take bio-identical hormones to make up the difference, but it isn't covered by insurance and it is fairly expensive, and it only lasts about 4 months before I have to do it again. I did it last year and we are planning to have another one this Spring.

I guess I'd double check those hormone levels again - just to be sure. Other than that, it has been my experience that there isn't much to do about it. My husband simply doesn't "get" that this annoys me - not because he doesn't want to, he just doesn't. I try to remember that and not make a big deal out of it.

Grey-sexual . . . that's a new one I've not heard of. Interesting theory, but I guess I'm not a big fan of "labels" to identify with. I feel like we have to have fancy names for everything these days :)

Good luck!

I think I know what you mean. My husband assumes if the kids don't happen to be home (rare occurrence that they are all out) then it's a given. It kind of irritates me because as you say, there's the expectation. It's not the humor that bugs me (my husband is very funny). I don't like the expectation. I don't like it from anyone, about anything.

Expectation can kind of ruin intimacy. It's not super romantic.

I had a chat with my husband and now we're on the same page.

I fell the same way! I completely understand I have no sex drive and I get mad at him when he ask me then I feel bad about it!

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I fell the same way! I completely understand I have no sex drive and I get mad at him when he ask me then I feel bad about it!

I get what you mean 100%. I am in my mid-40s and my sex drive has slowed way down the last year or so, so I don't have a *ton* of initiative in the first place. My DH makes those same jokes and I just feel pressured and obligated and like I can't say no. But, when he just outright says, "hey, how about we..." it doesn't bother me at all, even if I turn him down for whatever reason. I have told him that this very direct approach works better, and he has adopted it. Think about what WOULD work better for you and communicate that to your husband. Good luck.