Does Anyone Else Really Miss Their Kids While at Work?

Dear C.,

It is hard trying to do it all! I work full time also, but I"m a college art instructor, so my hours are very different from a 9-5. I actually love that I have a great job in my field and I love my time away from home. But I work about 30 hours a week, so it's not quite the same, and we live in the city. My husband works more traditional hours and really misses the kids during the week. I think you need to think about the care the kids are getting while you're away. I know we've provided fantastic help at home for ours, split between a younger family member and an amazing nanny. Then think about the example you are setting for your girls! I don't want my little girl to grow up thinking that she needs to depend on a man to take care of her. I try tell myself that she and my son are going to grow up seeing mom (me) as a highly educated, working woman and a devoted mother. I know the grass is always greener... but I have to also tell you that I did stay home for two years with my son (taught evening classes part time) and I am so much happier now than I was then. For me, being at home all the time was way too isolating and I had NO time for myself at all. Not that I have much more now, but even my el ride downtown is relaxing compared to taking care of two small children all day long! LOL. Try to focus on the positive and enjoy the weekends and time off that you have together. Times are tough and most of us don't have a choice. I know I don't, as I'm also the breadwinner of the family these days. If your kids are happy and healthy, no matter who is taking care of them during the day, that's really all that matters.

HI C..
Just like you I was the main bread winner, with all the insurance and other benefits.
After my first was born I went back to work and worked 3 years while he was little. I missed him so much it was extremely hard, not seeing him every day.
Once I got pregnant with our second and my daughter was born 3 years later, I said that's it. I'm not going back to work. I could not leave two of them, it was too hard.
I knew I would have to give up certain things, certain luxuries and live a little simpler life, but it's so worth it.
My husband makes enough to support all of us, we have food on the table, we pay all our bills without using any credit cards, our only dept is our mortgage. We don't go out to dinners, we don't go to the movies, or expensive vacations.
We don't have crazy expensive cars, just used cars paid for with cash, so no car payments...
For vacations we go camping. For fun we go to the zoo, museums, parks, pools etc.
We got insurance through the state - All Kids, there is a small monthly premium based on your family size and income, but it's a lot cheaper then private insurance or even cheaper then what I was paying through my work.
I do have to stay within a budget when buying groceries and I can't go shopping for clothes for myself just because I feel like it. No manicures, pedicures, expensive hair salons etc.

Leaving work was scary and it seemed impossible for us to be able to make it without my salary, but guess what, you make adjustments to the way you live and now almost 3 years later here we are, I'm still home with them, we're alive and we have another baby on the way, so it can be done.

Being home, seeying my little ones every day, spending every day with them and not missing all the little things they do and learn every day makes it all worth it. It makes me sad that I don't remember any of those things from when my first one was little.....
I get paid with hugs and kisses from my little ones and I wouldn't want it any other way....

It definatley is hard for me to work everyday. Since have my first son 6 years ago, everyday is a struggle. When I had him I cut my hours down at work, then I changed jobs. Now I just had my little girl 13 weeks ago and have made some job hour changes again so that I can see her more often. I cried going back to work. My husband says if he gets a promotion then I can quit my job but we'll see if that is enough money. I have a 2 hour commute also and it kills me. If only I has a job closer than I would not waste so much time on the train and bus. It is very hard but I need to work so I just enjoy the time I do hav at home with my kids.

I miss my son during the day too. I have to admit, I'm not as productive as I was at work before I had him, but luckily, my office is very understanding. I just think about how what I'm doing will help him in his future -- college, etc. And how he will appreciate that. I am also very happy with his attachment to me, so that makes it easier as well. Our time together is very much quality time -- mornings, evenings, weekends, vacations. We are moving to the suburbs in a month, so my commute will be longer then -- not too happy about that, but the neighborhood is great and we will be close to my parents and my sister and her family. Also hoping to be able to work at least one day/week from home -- we'll see. I will be going on maternity leave for almost 5 months starting in July, so really looking forward to that.

I know exactly how you feel, I felt the same way, but I found a proven system on how to fire my boos & actually got the nerve to do it too. I am a product of my mother working 16yrs a day only having sundays off, my mother had 2 full time jobs, she was a single mother doing it all on her own, the thing is that I found myself in the same situation, working 13 hours a day, even on weekends. I didnt have a great relationship w/ my mother, I love her to death she worked her butt off for my sister & I, but I didnt know her, I knew nothing of her childhood, her favorite food, color, the first time I saw my mom dance I was 17yrs old, we never had time to do fun things. I did not want my life to be like that w/ my kids, I read one of the responses saying as long as the kids are happy & healthy regardless who is caring for them I really think its not true(no disrespect) but it does something to the kids, inside. I started working from home part-time spare-time, I saw that I was doing very well & decided to fire my boss & it was the greatest feeling knowing that no more baby-sitters for my girls, no one else raising my girls but me! I learned some thing if your not happy w/ something change it, definition of insanity is doing something over & over thinking things are going to change, your kids need you to be w/ them, they need you to raise them, not the day care, not the school, not grandma, grandpa or aunt, you.
My kids havent been happier since I have been home, more home cooked meals, house is a lot cleaner.
I hope I didnt rub you the wrong way, just my opinion
have a great day ladies good luck on all that you do.

Since your commute is so long, would your employer let you work 4 long days instead of 5? Or, could you work from home one day a week but still keep your babysitter on that day? Or, could you move into the city? If you reduce your commute to 15 minutes each way, you could spend a lot more time with your kids. I miss my son too but luckily I have a very short commute and lots of time off, which helps. Once they start school, I think it will get easier for you. Best of luck.