My mom just posted a link on my sister's FB wall (I know, FB) about wanting her to come on the Gettysburg weekend with us and it would be FREE for her. She has no kids, doesn't pay rent, just paid her car off, and only has to take care of herself. Her boyfriend (who isn't rich) pays the rent and bills and his stuff too. So I made a joking comment asking if I could get the same post on my wall. My sister IMMEDIATELY writes back that I already got my weekend. Um, no. We went to visit my sister but stayed in a hotel that my parents used their Marriott Timeshare points for - no money to anyone. And my parents wouldn't let ANYONE pay for anything all weekend. Funny how my sister saw it as free for only me. My mom also dropped about $200-300 worth of Halloween decorations off for her, I get my mom's old ones she doesn't want anymore.
I make almost twice as much as my older sister, own a home, and pay all of my bills on time if not early. She lived with my parents rent free when she was my age (28) and was behind on all of her bills to the point that I was getting her debt collectors phone calls. My parents help us all when we need it, as most families do even if it's not financial, and I just resent the comment from my sister.
Just wondering, do your siblings (grown adults) still try to go tit for tat with you? I notice things, but I don't make comments outside of statements to my husband, and now a question on here :).
I will be the first to admit there is some jealousy here. I think it's because I never TAKE thinking I won't give back. My parents WON'T take any money so I can't pay them back. But I did cover the cost of dinner which was pricey when we were all out this past weekend, and my hotel room when my brother got his for free. I think it's because I moved out at 20 and have had very little help, but struggled TONS. No vacations for years, barely making it on food, pink slips, etc. Whereas my siblings run for help at the first sign of trouble and get it. Oh, and this same sister just got back from a trip to Puerto Rico because she thinks she deserves it but can't put her name on a mortgage because her credit is bad. So it's jealousy and annoyance. I work hard for what I have, yet I see most of my siblings (3 of the 4 of them) get by doing as little as possible and getting help from my parents to still have the same luxuries I have now. Frustration is all :). I will def let it roll off my back, but I told my mom we weren't going because I looked at my budget and it just won't handle it.
Let me add that my sister (30) is also insanely jealous of my kids and my sister's daughter. She even told my mom to stop buying things for them...it's a "me me me" kind of world for her :o).
Yes, but my sibling competes with me (and my daughters too) for attention & praise not money or material items. I try and overlook it and not let it get to me too much, easier said than done though!
Why would you be angry by her response when basically, you started it by posting that comment "Wish I could receive this comment"? Joke or not, sounds like she was offended because she couldn't "hear" the humor in your comment. Just a thought :)
mom, take a step back and look at the big picture. I'm telling you this to give you perspective, not to put you down.
YOU were the one competing. YOU were the one going tit for tat. YOU are upset that she gets new Halloween stuff while you get handmedowns. YOU are jealous that she gets off scott free, while you are expected to pull your own weight.
There are unresolved sibling rivalry issues at play, but I'm not sure she is the only one that is experiencing them. Is there some way you can come together and talk about it so you can put this out of your life?
My pastor told a story this weekend of how jealousy started to creep into him watching a friends church outgrow his. So he said he had a choice to pluck it out by its roots or allow it to fester and grow. He decided from that moment, whenever that church or pastors name was mentioned, that he would praise them. He praised them to thier face and in other circles. He prayed for them to prosper and grow. He said that decision had blessed him and our church 10 times over. That church pastor he had decided to praise rather than be jsouls of, was the single largest contributor to our building fund and that pastor had invited him to pastors meetings and sent his staff over to help our church reorganize and grow. You can allow this to fester and grow to come between you or you can pluck it out by the roots and have a good realtionship with your sister and mom.
No, but while a certain sibling does get a few extras, I don't keep track or worry myself over it, I also don't ask or expect anything from anyone. You should let it roll off your back since it will likely never change. It also sounds like you have a bit of internal jealousy going on here, which is likely founded, but you probably don't see it.
If they do, I don't notice. I prefer to be independent, which means doing for ourselves. It also means not having to listen to "suggestions" about how we raise our kids, live our lives, etc.
The "help" is not worth it imho.
Do they EVER! I swear my sisters and I still argue like were kids. As a matter of fact I have one that isn't talking to me right now becasue of a religous thing! It is beyone frustrating. There are still the "your the favorite" things that goes around and bla bla.......we always joke about which one isn't stressing out our poor mother! But seriously, yes, they drive me nuts......never ends...........
YES! I am constantly annoyed by my brother and all that he needs. He was in the army and is now inactive with a wife and a daughter. He pissed all of his bonus/salary army money away on new huge TVs, upgrades for his truck, etc. Now that he is out of the army, he is learning civilian life - that you have to pay rent and buy your own groceries! My parents paid for them to have cable and internet for over a year!!! And NOT cheap cable either!!! DVR (multiple) and everything!!! Meanwhile, I had decided to quit working to stay home with my baby, hubby and I cancelled internet. My parents offered, but we refused saying it was a sacrifice we were willing to make for the lifestyle we chose.
I notice things in both my family and my hubby's family. I don't say anything because I am not a confrontational person, but my hubby and I do talk about each other's gripes!!
Maybe say something to your mom - mainly about the halloween decorations. It isn't a big deal, but just let her know that it bothers you that your sister still takes advantage of their generosity.
I think some families get along GREAT - I know I have asked my SIL if she ever argued or had rivalry issues with her 3 sisters...she replied NEVER. And, I believe her because she is just that way. HOwever, she is the ONLY one I know who has never had issues and honestly, I don't think it is possible to "grow up and out of" family dynamics!! :-) You might notice things now that you are older, but clearly your sister is still stuck in her place and isn't interested in changing any time soon! :-) (I wouldn't either if I got all those handouts!)
I have two siblings and in all honesty I do not feel jealous of either one of my siblings. I feel my parents do their best to treat us all fairly. I do feel sometimes they give my kids more attention than my sisters because we live in town and my sister doesn't. I do not try to rub this in my sisters face and neither do my parents. I HOPE very much so she doesn't feel hurt by this.....
However, my husbands family does EVERYTHING for their youngest son. Don't get me wrong, they have done tons for us too and for my husbands oldest brother. But they go above and beyond for my husbands brother. My husband has numerous stories.... Oh and they constantly talk great and wonderful things about only his children to everyone.
we only compete in a joking way. A couple years ago my sister and
I were watching americas next top model, and she told me I could never be a model because I am not tall enough (my little sister has been taller then me since she was 11 and I was 19) I told her she wasn't thin enough (I was a size 4 and she is a 10...she is not overweight in anyway she has a very athletic build and i am very petite) She said "Well I have prettier eyes.' I said "We are sisters we have the same eyes." She said "Yeah but they look better on me." lol My sister still lives at home because she is 18 and in college, so we don't really compare what our parents buy for us. If I was to really think about it I think the most money pry doesn't get spent on either one of us but on my son (my mom's only grandchild at the moment)
Yeah, we generally keep track. My parents live on the other side of the world. My sister lives 15 minutes from me. So when my parents come to visit, we divide the time they spend in our homes down to the minute. Childish, we know, but we love our parents and want as much time as we can with them. From a financial perspective, we don't need to keep track. Our dad is super "fair" when it comes to his kids. I got $x amount to pay for my wedding in 1994. In 1997, my sister got the exact same amount - adjusted for inflation! So financially, whatever my parents do, we know that in the end it's all even. But try to take away my TIME with my parents, and you'll have a fight on your hands!
Yep...my mom keeps it going...telling each sibling what the other one does...for example one of my brothers bought my mom a car a convertible BMW. My sister is always giving my mom things as well as complete access to her beach house. I am the only one that lives out of state. I hear it all and find it disturbing how my mom compares, but it is not going to change as she has done it my whole life. A few years ago my sister tried to send her kids to my house for our parents to watch hers while they watched mine. I said not while I'm gone, please send them when we are home. Her kids get lots of grandparent time as they live within an hour of one another. They came to town and stayed at another place during our trip. To be honest I am still annoyed that it happened, but even more so that everyone kept it a secret excluding my children who told me. They were also encouraged to lie to us by my mom. I keep hoping that everyone will grow up, but I know that I have to do what is right for me. And that is what I do.
I have 4 siblings. I'm number 4 of five.
Us older 4 don't compete. We are all very close.
Now the youngest of the family, who is 21, is ALWAYS trying to compete with us older 4.
Funny thing is there is no competition and none of the older siblings think of it that way.
oldest sister, 30, big hairstylist in Los Angeles.
next 29, stay at home mom, married, 2 kids and one on the way.
next, (the only boy) 28, is a professional dancer, actor, etc in Los Angeles
Then me, 25 engaged, 2 kids, own a home, own a car, etc
My little sister, 21, has NO money, can't hold a job, has SERIOUS relationship problems. Always running to M. for help.
No one in my family is "rich" All the kids, minus the youngest have been on their own since around 17-18. We got to where we are by working hard. My little sister thinks things should be handed to her. She is always trying to "one up" us older siblings.
I understand wanting to be like your older siblings, my my younger sister does everything in a covert, nasty, harmful way.
She continues to try to damage the rest of us so she can feel "better"
No....not really...
We've kind of grown out of that phase.
I find it best to pay our own way and NEVER borrow money.
That way, Thanksgiving dinner tastes better for me.
ETA: The GOAL here (in this mad, mad, mad world) is to be self sufficient, right? So, guess what? You win! The idea overall is to be a law-abiding, self-supporting adult that doesn't *need* to run back to the 'rents for Halloween decorations! It's a GOOD thing that you've struggled and have worked for what you have!
I'm not sure if this is your sister competing with you vs you said something that made her defensive. And in general you don't have a lot of respect for how she's living her life. You're doing way better and she knows it. In a way, there is no competition... You win hands down. It seems like one of these situations where you can't change her or your parents so you decide how you want to handle things. ie: the personal satisfaction from not mooching off your parents or you decide that things should be more equal financially so you start demanding equal treatment. It's up to you. Until your sister feels more your equal, I'm sure she'll be defensive and the best defense is a good offense. :)
Yes, and so do their spouses... My oldest sister does a really tit for tat along with my younger sister's husband. My baby sister will just make comments, and my younger sister will not say anything, but her husband sure does...
I'll be honest with you all, I'm the one that my parents help out the most. So I know I have no room to ever compare... however, I do see all that my parents do for everyone, even when my sisters go off on my parents. I guess they shouldn't have had 4 daughters...
