Do You Think This Is Rude Behavior?

Very rude and I probably would have said something since you paid for the food and could have easily used the water and juice boxes.

She asked.
You could have said no.
That would have helped with the distance building.
It would have been more rude if she just took the food.
If you know you've got a 'taker' working you over, you learn pretty quickly if they get anything from you, you are an easy mark and they'll come back for more until you firmly cut them off.
Chalk it up as a learning experience and don't fall for it next time.

Tacky and rude.. I usually always offer people to please take left overs.

Instead of telling them to pack it up, I kind of dole it out so people are not so embarrassed to load up stuff. Even when I cater, I ask the clients about left overs.. "Do you want all of the leftovers, Or would you like me to make 'to go plates' or do you want me to take all of the leftovers? "

I noticed people love the prepared leftover plates.

If this behavior drives you crazy (and it would me) , then yes, continue to distance from her. She did not need to hog all of the food.

Yes, that is extremely rude . . . my goodness. It's one thing if she pulled you aside and said "look, we are in dire straits and I would truly appreciate any food that you're going to throw away." It doesn't sound like she did that though. It sounds more like she's one of those super-frugal people who doesn't mind taking advantage of a situation. Of course most frugal people aren't like that.

Good call on the distancing. Wow.

Wow. Yeah, I'll have to agree that her behaviour was pretty icky. I probably wouldn't have said anything, either, though.

(I am imagining this woman pulling baggies, and maybe one of those little fold-up shopping bags, out of her purse.)

And I would probably also be distancing myself, too.

In the future, though, if you DO happen to be hosting an even that she attends, and she asks for leftovers, I would be sure to say, "Certainly; let me pack up a couple of things for you."

Rude? Yes, of course. But what's done is done, and just chalk it up to the fact that maybe she needed it more than you. And if she didn't then that is on her.

Consider it your good deed for the day.

Well.....she asked :)

Yes it was rude. I wouldn't have said anything though.
Were you surprised? LOL

We have people in my office that does this often. We call them the Vultures.

Every company sponsored event that has food or beverages, every potluck dinner, every holiday party, these women will not only not bring anything or be a contributor, but they will come in, make themselves a HUGE plate of food, then they will come back when everyone is gone and take everything else.

I once saw a women taking half a ham to her desk. When I asked her about it she said, and I quote, "it was leftovers so that means everyone has had their fill, right?" Awesome huh? Comes from the same person who takes all the magazines home cause "if you didn't want someone to take them, you shouldn't have put them out there".

HUGE pet peave. My apologies for the soapbox. I'm done now.

So to answer you question...RUDE.

Sending good thoughts your way.

It may seem rude, but depending on their financial situation, she may be trying to take advantage whichever way she can. Not saying it's okay, but maybe that is the type of thing they need to do to get through the week. I guess the question is, if she had not taken the food, who would have? Would you have taken it, and would it have been eaten at home, or would it have just eventually been thrown away or gone to waste?

My MIL is like this. She grew up very poor, there was never enough money to go around, and to this day she still has to rely on government assistance. We don't see her very often (she lives out of state), but when we do, she is grabbing freebies everywhere we go. Going out to eat, she will take a bunch of extra napkins, ketchup packets, sugar packets, etc. and then use them later. She's even done it staying with us at our house and we're like, "Ummm, we have ketchup, lots of it! Got plenty of napkins too!" It's pretty embarrassing, to be honest. I don't think she really realizes how it might look to other people. She's pretty clueless when it comes to the social niceties that most of us are fully aware of. But I think at least some of it is how she grew up, how she had to raised her family, and that mentality that she is stuck with.

So sure, I can see how it can look rude, and to some degree it is, but would I have said anything? No. If you wish to keep your distance, that's okay. If it's not about finances and her trying to stretch their pennies however they can, then sure it's rude. But what is done is done, and now you know better to maybe not associate with her so much.

Yes, I find it tacky.....if not rude. My SIL does this. We hosted an engagemet party at our house for my stepson. When the party was over, she asked if she could take some leftovers. We said sure. Next thing you know she was taking full 2 liter bottles of soda. :) I guess I just kind of look at it as, "I guess you need them more than me" and let it slide.
I do distance myself from her though as it can be too much at times.

i think it's kind of amusig and funny=)
I tend to think the reason we love certain people is often the same reason they drive us crazy in the long run
For example
I love my quiet friend who listens and gives advice and is calm but at times her being so quiet and introverted drives M. bonkers
i love my friends who are loud and fun and a little crazier but at times they can be too loud
i love my friends who are so passionate about the world and views and love and everything but also sometimes that the same passon that drives M. crazy
I say you have to take the good with the bad. Sure don't let people walk all over you, but if this is J. a small character flaw don't write her off for it. I'm sure if you look hard enough you can find annoying traits about evryone you know, yourself included=)
I don't see it as taking advantage, she asked, quirky and a little tacky yes! But some people are socially unaware of standard rules and ethics at functions. Some people are socially handicapped or unaware so to speak. They are also the people you LOVE because they are so laid back and J. enjoy life without worrying about others thoughts.

IDK thats J. my opninions. People tend to write off way too many people IMO. Sure if you find yourself unable to enjoy her and her family distance yourself for both of your sakes, but if shes the kind of friend you love being with for the most part that has odd quirks that drive you nuts, love her for them and laugh about it to your husband after

She asked and you said to go ahead so really not rude. I lived in Central America for several years and it was culturally acceptable to do this. Even at parties in my own home guests would routinely pack up all the leftovers and take it home. It was so normal that no one would ask permission first they would just ask for tinfoil to use.

She asked, you consented, you offered... I mean, if there was an issue, you should have flat out said no.

HOWEVER, yeah, it's pretty tacky to help yourself to THAT much, especially since you asked EVERYONE if they'd like to take some.

And knowing how she is, I would have especially said no to begin with.

But then again, she may not know she's taking advantage, may not know any better. Maybe she thought she was doing you a favor and giving you less to clean up.

Neither you nor she are mind readers. This could have been avoided altogether if you'd both been more precise and to the point blunt about where you were coming from.

Me personally, I would have joked about her husband eating enough food to feed a small army ;)

Rude, yes, I tend to fix the plates myself for guests when offering left overs.

That is rude, especially taking the water and juice boxes. Those are something you can use for lunches.
You should have thanked her for making up plates for all your guests --haha.

Yes, its rude and regardless of her financial situation, she shouldn't of just helped herself to all of the leftovers. I am a pretty passive person and probably would've of just stood there with my eyes wide open. But if I had the courage I would say something like, "leave some of the leftovers for the other guests". Idk, I would continue to distance myself from her, she seems pretty selfish and inconsiderate.

I am completely astounded by this! YES, it is rude. Probably one of the rudest things I've ever heard. I don't know if I would've said anything. I probably would have been rendered speechless!

Yes, its rude and no I probably would have not said anything either. LOL I see why your distancing yourself.

I probably would have pulled her aside and suggested to her a maximum amount to take, asking her to leave some for everyone else to take some. Of course, I don't know her or your history with her, but maybe she is just an opportunist and not someone looking to get over. It makes for social awkwardness, but is it really WRONG for her to be on the lookout for an opportunity to benefit from something, as long as she's not bringing down others? It's a turn-off for you, and you deal with it by not spending much time with her. That doesn't make her a bad guy, though, just not your cup of tea. I would probably be inclined to criticize her behavior. Then again, I have been criticized. Sometimes I find myself standing back so others can benefit, and I notice that nobody is digging in! "Well, if they're not gonna take it...." Sometimes it takes that one person to show others that they are welcome to join in, and that one person will get harshly criticized for it.

Beyond rude and SO tacky. I would have pulled her aside and said enough already, we have other guests who would like to share as well and just embarrassed the he$$ out of her in front of everyone.

Of course she knows this is rude and tacky but she is counting on you "being nice" and not saying anything.

I would most certainly cut all ties with this user.

When I have had parties and leftover, I make the plates for take home very generously for everyone to share.

Well, you did say that she could. You just didn't expect her to take so much. She probably thought it was okay since you said yes. I suppose you could have said food only and no drinks.

In the future, either say no or that you'll make a plate for her.

Yes it is rude but I wouldn't have said anything. It usually falls on deaf ears anyway so why waste your breath.

woah...she really has a set of "cajones" on her doesn't she?
That's rude! I don't know what I would have said, but I know that I would continue to distance myself from her!

I think that since you know she takes advantage, you should have specified a limit. Otherwise, while she could have left some for others, she did ask and you did say go ahead.

She was rude, no mistake about it. Kristina had a great point about portioning out leftovers for guests yourself. It's a great way to avoid this predicament in the future!

Normally when I offer guests to take food home they decline. For her to ask makes me think she NEEDED it. This economy sucks and while the food may have gone bad at your house, it may be the only food they get this week.

Either way, defnitely rude with no explanation.

AFTER READING YOUR SO WHAT HAPPENED:

Did you partake in the steak and lobster or were you omitted from the event? If you did attend, I would remind you lunch mean vs steak and lobster prices??? need I say more?

If you don't like her or her habits, just stop seeing her ... no gradual ... just drop her. You may be doing yourself and the woman a great service. She may think your events are kinds of cheap too. One never knows UNLESS you actually have a face to face sit down. You may be missing out and/or she may be missing out.

Blessings...

If some of your other guests wanted to take you up on the offer, I would have said something like: "Hold on there, others would like some too".

I don't know if this mama is rude, selfish or perhaps desperate and in need. She did ask and you said nothing. For your own soul, I would perfer to think that she needed the food.

I don't blame you for distancing yourself from some on who is just a "taker" and never a "giver". For this "fellow mom", you might send her a list of food banks in you area.

Blessings....

It is rude but you never know what is going on at home. Many, many people who were donating to food banks a few years ago are using them now. Many people are hungry but look happily middle class and are working so hard to keep up appearances.

Also - different cultures have different norms. At Jewish weddings, it is expected you will take home the table flowers. This floored some non-Jewish friends the first time. It's what you grow up with.

It is shocking-but I bet there's an equally shocking back story-why exactly is it your responsibility to feed her family? Are they that down-and-out? Maybe you're kindness is really helping out the children-I hope so.

Oh my, clearly she feels a comfort level with you that is not reciprocated!

Teehehe, yeah, that's pretty presumptuous on her part.

;)

Yes its rude no matter the circumstances!

If she needed some food like other claim then she should have pulled you aside and asked and explained in private... since she didn't then I assume she is just looking for free meals!

Next time leave her out of it.

When I allow guests to take food home from parties, I always have a "one container per guest" rule so that it's fair. I supply either plastic bags or those throw-away Gladware plastic containers and whatever they'd like to take has to fit in ONE container. If something is off limits I remove it before anyone takes anything.

You might want to try this tactic in the future. Then if you know someone is really in need, you can offer them an extra container discreetly.

Wow, yes SUPER RUDE!! She should be ashamed, sounds like she has no pride.

Umm, yeah, I would have flipped. It floors me to think that some people think that it's ok to do things like that! I dont think i would even ask in a situation like that unless it was offerred to me. but i wouldn't take juice or water...that stuff can me used eventually by you...the food will get old quickly. ugh, sorry you have to deal with that...some people just don't know how to act!

OMG -beyond rude! I would never have anything else to do with her -what a MOOCH!

Yes, rude behavior! And those who say she's in need, seriously? I've been in that position of being in need but there's also greed. What if there were others who were in need? Doesn't sound like someone in need. Sounds like someone greedy and that's just rude. I would have asked her "Hungry? There are others who may want some too." I mean, you're the one paying for it and were nice enough to offer it up to your guests so those guests should be kind a take a small portion.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

Wow! Yes, very rude!

If it comes up again pack a few things for her yourself and say others may want to take some too. Yes sounds rude but more selfish to me.

O yes! So very rude and ridiculous and some people are just like that. Heck, my husbands aunt and cousins will come over for a cookout and not only pack nearly all the left overs, they use my Tupperware to take it home in! Ill go to put something away and have nothing left! Talk about making me mad and its family!! I was taught to not take more than my share but some people aren't obviously!!

I wouldn't have taken so much unless the host insisted. I don't think she was rude because from your post, you only told her that she could have some leftovers, but didn't specify how much. I would consider it rude if you had told her to make 1 plate and she made 6 anyway. I would think she was rude if you asked her to give some back and she refused. It may not be that she is taking advantage, but that you are laying yourself out as a welcome mat--- in that case you can't get mad when someone wipes their feet on you. Best wishes.

Wow! Yep that is seriously rude!!! Frankly, I never personally do this. My MIL does however send leftovers with us when we go there for holidays. I let her either fix the containers or have her tell me what to take. I never do this with food at work either. Since we are a family of 4, I would essentially have to do what your friend did to get a meal out of it. Since I would never take that much, I just eat what I want at the event and let that be it.

Well, I think she would be off my associate llist. You say you have been trying to distance yourself now is your chance.

I would have said something about the number of plates and such. A plate or two but not enough to feed the whole family. This food was on your dime not hers.

Good luck with this.

The other S.

I have to assume that you already know this is rude and just want to vent... who wouldn't!?! As for saying something, I'd like to think that I'd be quick on my feet and tell her "Oh, thanks for packing up some take-out containers for everyone" as I slid her cartons down the table to the other moms. In reality, I'm sure I would have just stood there with my jaw on the floor like you probably did ;)