Do You Read Your Child's Diary?

Privacy is a priviledge in my home, if my son earns it then he gets to keep it. I am the parent that would remove the door from the room if I felt it needed. I have no qualms about giving him his space to have with out my snooping but should I feel it is appropriate I will read on, snoop on and parent to the best of my ability.

I respect my daughters right to her privacy, but she is well aware that if I suspect any dangerous or illegal issues that I can and WILL search her room and whatever I find is open season. I do have all her pass codes for her computer stuff, and I do go to her facebook page several times a week and she knows it, but that's the condition of her having one.

absolutely not. My children are allowed to their own thoughts and they can share them with me or not. I know my kids feel comfortable enough with me to share the really important stuff with me and they always come to me with problems they can't quite figure out on their own.

My mom always thought it was her "right" to know anything she wanted to know. Even after I was an adult. She even went so far as to run my credit report from her work one time. Was I angry? Nope ... I was in a flat out rage. I had always hated it when she invaded my privacy as a kid ... when she did it to me as an adult ... well that was nearly the end of our relationship. I didn't speak to her or go see her for almost a year ... and I lived less than 2 miles from her .... I was that mad. So I swore that I would NEVER do that to my kids .... EVER.

Would you want your mom or kids to read YOUR diary? I'm guessing the answer is No you wouldn't.

I do not think you are justified. She needs to know that her diary is not private. I am a mom of kids older than yours. She is entitled to have some private thoughts and not to tell you everything. Now, my teens know if I suspect any drug use or suicidal tendencies, I'll do a room search. I don't think social interactions at school and liking boys is a reason to break her trust. Once she finds out, mom, you will not get that trust back and she will tell you NOTHING. Don't risk your relationship with your daughter. Don't do it again. You read the diary without suspecting that something terrible was going on in her life. Shame, shame. If you are going to read her diary, then you DO need to say something to her. This is not the way to stay involved in her life.

My youngest (12) is the only one who has kept a journal (as far as I know) and like you, I stumbled upon it and began reading one day. Huge mistake. It was SO personal, and I really felt like I was violating her deepest privacy, what an awful feeling :(
I would only purposely do it if I was concerned that my child was in danger (drugs, sex, a bad crowd, etc.) and I mean if I had VALID reason to be concerned, not random "what if" thoughts. As a mom, you know when something is "off" with one of your kids, and that's the time to snoop.
This is a good wake up call for you, though. Many moms are convinced that their children share everything with them but of course that isn't true, even in the best/closest relationships. I'm sure your daughter is a normal, healthy girl with a private inner life she does NOT want you to know about and that's okay! Moms aren't supposed to know EVERYthing, a girl (or boy) is entitled to her private thoughts and opinions and a diary or journal is a safe place to do that. Give her that space :)

This may not be a popular answer, but if I had reason to be concerned, I would definately read. If it was just sitting out, I MIGHT read, I don't know. My kids are too young for me to say for sure; I'd like to say I would not read it unless I was concerned....but I don't know for sure yet. Let's just get them writing for now. ;)
BUT NEVER EVER throw it in his/her face, or try to embarass them or make them feel bad. My mom did that to me, or she'd make me sit down in front of her and watch her read all the notes my friends or boys wrote me. I wasn't doing anything wrong, so it was humiliating to me. I would NEVER do that. Besides, trust is so fragile, and so important. Just as a little insight to what's going on, but then handle it with respect and caution, would be my advice.

yeah read it...don't ever tell.They can have privacy,when they move out...if I would suspect anything wrong or I'm just curious, I would so read it and I have.Will tell her, when she is married with children :)

I would never violate my children that way. Since when are our children required to tell us every thought, every feeling, every emotion???

If I ever suspected drugs, emotional distress, or problems that they weren't sharing, I would ASK them about it and TALK to them. But I know myself, and I know I would feel guilty and 'dirty' if I read their personal diaries.

I don't think you should tell her, and please don't read it again. You're entering into a very sensitive and difficult stage of her life - the LAST thing you want to do is alienate her and have her believe she can't trust her mother.

My DD is not old enough yet and I fully plan on not only periodically checking her diary, but also her email, facebook, cell phone and whatever else they may come up with in the next ten years.
I personally I feel responsible to know what is going on in my child's head, and yes, I would hope that she tells me, but I will not rely on it.
I will not read her diary to get all the juicy details of her intimate thoughts - but rather skim over it screening for anything that may put her at risk. I don't intend on telling her or "getting her in trouble".
I am very progressive in many aspects of parenting... but I do think there should be some limits and one of them is an expectation of privacy. I simply don't believe that young children and teens should have an expectation of privacy and that they may earn this by making good choices as they grow up. Would I read a 17 yo's diary? Probably not, especially if she has a track record of making good choices and I didn't have any concerns about her... but periodically checking up on a 9/12/15 yo? Absolutely.

I'm not sure I agree with the idea that our kids have to tell us everything they think or feel or have their privacy violated and their innermost thoughts read by their parents.
I can see it in certain circumstances, say I had reason to believe my child's health or well-being was in danger, but otherwise I think that kids are entitled to private thoughts. How would your daughter feel if she found out? How would you justify your behavior to her? And would that make her more or less likely to trust you enough to talk openly with you in the future?

Not there yet but I do not plan on reading it. My son is entitled to his feelings - and it is perfectly ok for him to express negative feelings and disrespect for DH and myself in his diary. He is also entitled to his privacy. I will have no right to read his diary.

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Nope, not unless she gives me permission.

I personally feel, our daughter deserves her privacy, just like we do.

IF I felt there was a problem with something going on with her and I was worried she was in danger and was not being open with me, I might consider it.

I always had her passwords on her computers. I had total access to her room, but I wanted to model the behaviors I expected her to follow. She very easily could have gone through my things or looked at things I left out in my room, but we just do not do that.

I will never, I would never. It is a huge violation of trust IMO. If I suspected drugs I may go threw drawers (it is my house after all even if it is his room) but to read ones diary is to invade their inner most thoughts, and IMO is inexcusable.

I probably will when mine are older. I saw a great comedy sketch by Bill Cosby about kids not needing privacy or locks. Everything in HIS house is HIS business type thing. It was funny, but got sort of serious regarding stripping rooms for guns and drugs etc. Bottom line, I think you HAVE to snoop if for no other reason than to make sure nothing dangerous is going on with them or their friends. I might only do it if I'm concerned..or maybe just because. Not sure yet. And I'm pretty sure I'll hate doing it and it won't be easy. I'll have to make a pact with myself to never tell or meddle unless I see something serious/dangerous.

The flip side of the moms who are so mortified that you snooped: wouldn't it be worse if your daughter was sleeping around and involved in risky behavior when you thought she didn't like boys, and you didn't know it, because you "respected her privacy"? It happens. A lot. Of course IDEALLY we all know for sure that our kids are safe and wise and danger free with great friends, so snooping is just rude and pointless. But it's often not the case. If my kids have secrets they would rather die than reveal, they better hide their diary or keep it on their person!

I was a bit older.... but I used my diary more as an "i wish i was" journal. They may not be her actual true feelings... she may just be working through "stuff". For example, I was going through a breakup and I started a diary/journal to him / about him. It was all the stuff I wish I could say, but not stuff I REALLY wanted to say to him. Most of it was just the chance to be over-the-top melodramatic because I couldn't be that way in person.

If she ever finds out you read her diary you may do irreparable damage to your relationship - unless you have instituted a policy that says you can. To me, I want my daughter to have a place to work through how she feels that she knows is private and safe... or to say what she wishes she could do.... and then make a GOOD decision in real life.

I'm not there yet with my kids, but this is how I'd hope it'll be when the time comes:

They are entitled to their privacy only if it does not involve their health or their safety. I would emphasize that to my kids. Secondly, they may not bathmouth about me or their dad in their diary. I want to encourage my children to speak to us when they are unhappy about anything and work it out through communications. I want them to know that it's NEVER okay to speak about their parents negatively or curse "at" them (the very people who birth them, cared for, and provided for them) even if it's to their diary. It's DISRESPECTFUL and UNACCEPTABLE. They may share about how they felt sad to have been reprimanded or that they had a bad day with mom and dad, or even how they think it wasn't fair that they had to be grounded etc. That's okay to express. But no..."i hate my parents" type of "talk".

I hope to raise them to be the kind of children that I won't have to worry about ever reading their diary. So far, I feel that my husband and I are on the right track.

...just my two cents.

I just couldn't do it. It's wrong. Unless my child came up mising, and I rally, REALLY believed that something in their diary would lead me to where they were, I couldn't do that to my child. You need to keep in mind that when a kid writes in a journal or a diary, it isn't always things that are true, or have actually happened. Sometimes they write about things that they WISH had happened, and make it sould as if they had already happened. OR worse, they write about things that could have happened to someone else, and they write it to sound like it may have happened to them. These are supposed to be places they can write freely, without worrying about ANYONE ever reading any of the content, so why does it have to be all factual? One of my friends growing up used her diary to "become" the person who she thought she wanted to be in school. She was always picked on and not all that popular, so in her diary she wrote about all of the things that she "did" and the boys that she went out with. ALL FICTION. Her Mother found and read it, and she was grounded for almost 6 months. All because of her huge imagination and unhappy life in school. It was actually really sad. I just don't want to ever rely on something like that to know details about my own child.