Do You Help with Homework?

Looking over the responses most mamapedia's moms help with homework and that is what I would expect. Most are involved moms. There are so many different levels of learning in the classroom the teacher can't teach at them. The parent involvement sets the standards and expectations for their child. Looking over homework is teaching the child and the parent is learning what is going on in school.

I do what you do.
But I don't always correct things... because I want my daughter's teacher to 'see' what she is having trouble with.
But I always explain things to her... as well. And show her the thinking process for it.

My daughter is in 3rd grade.

I DO look over her homework because "I" want to see what they are doing in class and her own progress or what she is having trouble with. AND me and my Husband do assist her with explaining things... or even "tutoring" her on certain things.
That is what my parents did.... and what we do.
I see nothing wrong with it.
That is what a parent is.....

My Daughter's Teacher... DOES go over EVERY single students work. Daily... and she writes notes home. Daily. There are 26 kids in my daughter's classroom.
AND my Daughter' Teacher... WANTS parents to be involved... with their child's homework and progress... and she tells us to "correct" with their child, their spelling mistakes.

My Husband's parents on the other hand, did NOT help him with homework... and just left him on his own to do it. THEY did not even know what he was learning in school, nor what he was having trouble with or excelling in.... and they were hands-off, in approach. They did not even know... what he was learning in school. HE said, he found this very... not helpful... but his parents thought they were teaching him independence. But, it actually made him feel his parents were not interested in his school work nor him.

all the best,
Susan

You're doing great! Homework is for learning right? And that's what you're helping him do. My son is also in 3rd grade and I do the exact same thing. I do not give answers, but I do answer his questions and look over his work with him.

Children need their parents to help them with their work if they need it. It instills good study habits and helps them understand concepts and have a much better future in have academic achievement in their education.

So long as you aren't doing the problems for him, explaining everything in detail before he has a chance to try and figure it out, or harassing him to do everything perfectly, then it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job. It's okay if he doesn't get a 100% on every homework assignment, so long as the work is genuinely his, and he is understanding the work. Parents who don't know show any interest or concern are likely setting their children up for failure.

Homework is not a test to see if they got answers right, it's practice practice practice, additional exposure to the concepts, and absolutely a great chance for one on one assistance. I agree that teachers may not catch every wrong answer, although they want to know that kids are doing the work at home and if they are getting the ideas down. My son's 2nd grade teacher has talked about not correcting every wrong thing they do, primarily so as not to leave them with a sense of failure. So for writing she says choose one night where the focus is on getting the ideas fleshed out, another night of best penmanship, another of great spelling and punctuation. We should definitely be guiding them to do their best work, they are still pretty young to take full responsibility for it.

As a teacher and a mom, I love the fact that you are involved with your son and his work. It is important for you to know what is going on in the classroom and the areas where your son may be struggling. If your son is continuously making the same mistake on a math problem, for example, I would help him understand the problem but also make a note for the teacher to let him/her know that you assisted him with it. Homework is supposed to be practice of previously taught material, so if your son is still struggling with a particular concept, it is better to review it with him so that new concepts that build off of that one are better understood. Way to go, Mom!!! I think that you're doing what's right for you and your son!!! (I will be doing the same as my kiddos get older.)

I am like you...exactly like you, the kids at the table while I am cooking, I help when needed...check for mistakes and make sure it all gets done and put away...I find this time to be very beneficial to us both...kid gets to ask questions and I am there to ensure he understands what he is supposed to be learning...and I just love the time we share!

Why wouldnt you help? Your showing your child he should work hard and you will help him when needed If your child struggles with something and needs more help than usual you could write the teacher a not to let him/her know.

When my girls were in 3rd grade, I did the same as you. As they got older, I was involved with homework less and less. By grade 7, I rarely saw any of their homework unless they came to me.

One of the best compliments I ever received was from my daughter's 1st grade teacher, "If 1/2 the parents did just 1/2 of what you did with your daughter, my job would be so easy, this would be the best class in the world".

No way are you too involved. Your a great mom!!!!!!!!

I totally agree and help when needed with my kids. They are expected to try on their own and if they have a problem, I help or give a hand in HOW to do the problem. I usually give a different example, If a word is spelled wrong, I tell them which one and erase it so they have to rewrite it. I do know someone that thinks it is wrong to help at all. Her child is expected to do his own homework by himself, no supervision, no assistance. If he has something wrong, "he will learn when he gets his grade". So I guess some people think kisd go to school, come home, do homework and mom says hello. I don't know. It is totally right to be involved in your child's schooling, those are the kids that do the best.

You are NOT too involved. Though I question the value of homework (I am a first grade teacher) the one thing it does do is keep you connected to what he knows and what he needs to learn. Please keep doing what you are doing....its what a good mother does! It is not the school's job to teach your child everything, you're his parent but you won't know what he is missing if you don't take the time to look.

Good luck!

i get involved, i act as if im the teacher too, correcting and explaining. cant hurt right?

i am guilty.
i do, i sit with them. i ask them to read the instructions, and watch as they're doing homework. if they answer wrong, i don't point out the wrong answer, i rather say:
look over this page and make sure everything is correct. they go through and usually catch their mistake.
i sign everything.
then we sit, and they each read me a book. then we close the books and discuss what the books were about.
am i too involved? sure
but my parents were very involved too. it taught me responsibility and importance that education has. i hope my kids learn the same lesson.
i see nothing wrong with it. i will probably take a breather once they're in college but until then, i am here to help and make sure they stay on track
:)

When our daughter was in 3rd grade, I just made sure she had done the work. I did not correct it.. I wanted the teacher to see her real work. If she asked for help I would reread the instructions and then ask her what she thought it meant. I never gave her answers.

If I felt her work looked messy, I would ask her. "Are you happy with the way this looks?" If she said yes, I let her turn it in, Sometimes, she cleaned it up and sometimes she didn't.. I wanted her to receive her real grades, so she could see the difference it made when she put more work into it..

One thing that did happen is that she did have tendencies to go a little overboard. In 4th grade they were to make a book with 12 different pages.. Our daughter made 27.. She stressed herself out so bad, I had to ask the teacher to explain to our daughter that our daughter "did a great job, but did not follow the directions". That the teacher would read the 12 pages our daughter felt were the best, but she "just did not have time to read 27 pages from every student".

So I had to make sure we were not putting pressure on her to go overboard with homework being perfect. .

We have always told her just do your best. Do not worry about the grade.

By 5th grade, I never again asked her about homework.. I did give her a heads up if we had plans, so that she could decide how to get her work done.. In High School she had a hard time asking for extensions, since she took so many classes, but once the teachers explained, kids do that all of the time.. That also helped.

I always helped my siblings with their homework. (I was graduated, they were still in grade school...) I would be in the kitchen doing dishes or whatever while they were doing homework... they could ask me a question if they had one. I would make sure to explain HOW to do the problem... not do it for them. Usually, I would actually have THEM walk ME through the process, offering input where needed. The point of homework is to practice at home... If they don't understand the material, or are doing it wrong, doesn't that defeat the purpose?

Your right on...My son is in 1st grade he needs help assistance& guidance with reading following directions writing I will have him correct if he misspelled a word or letters & numbers aren't exactly readable.I'll read the directions for the homework assignment if he has questions i'll tell him but giving him the answer and not letting him think for himself no I won't flat out give him the correct answer.I give him my attentionI don;t do other things while working on homework that is too much distraction right now for his age & my other 2 children.There isn't enough teacher for as many students they have in a classroom we "parents" are our childrens teachers for life...

I think it really depends on your son's response to your help. If he likes it and is motivated by it, fine. But if he is feeling nit-picked, then your help is not positive and can be detrimental.

It really depends on what kind of kid your son is. If he seems stressed out by your "help" at all, back off and let the teacher do it. You don't want to give him a perfectionist complex. Perfectionism usually leads to failure.

Peg said it brilliantly. I agree with everything she said 100%

My daughter is in the 3rd grade. She does her homework normally in extended day and I'll check it over (not every answer, but kinda spot check just to be sure she "gets it") If she doesn't understand something or needs extra help she always saves her homework for when we get home so I can help her. I don't give her the answers but I will help her understand how she can find the answer. I teach her how to solve the problem until she gets it correct. I see nothing wrong with what you're doing.

Third grade is pretty young to be reaching for standards of perfectionism. I used to tutor and to grade H.S. English papers, and learned there were (more or less) two extremes in the universe of students…

… those who were perfectionists themselves, academic by nature, and thrived on finding and correcting every possible error. At their most extreme, some of these students were so dedicated to the idea of perfection that a any small error that slipped by was just about devastating, which obviously is way over the top, mental-health wise;

… those who were not academic, but usually had other skills and strengths and interests that were much more important to them, and did best when simply encouraged to do their best. Too much parental involvement would have been demotivational; poison to their interest in even bothering to try.

Of course, there are plenty of students who fall along the middle of that spectrum, but my point is that the approach is best when it fits the actual child and his needs.

One other thought that was once true, at a time when actual performance was generally higher for all students – a third grader really shouldn't have much homework. The rest of his life, play and physical activity, is important, too. If he's supposed to work more than maybe 20 to 30 minutes a day at home, the school's expectations may be unreasonable. I hope parents of elementary children who bring home an hour or more of homework every day will listen to a talk by educator Alfie Kohn at this link: http://www.alfiekohn.org/books/hm.htm

You are not over involved, you are doing what parents do. I always helped my children study by quizzing them with their spelling, and vocab words. Once my children became involved in sports, sometimes they were really tired at night, so I would sit down with them and not do homework for them but I did help them. My kids are now 25 and my daughter is 21. My son is going back to school for his masters, and my daughter is in her last year of college. Both were great students. I don't understand with the pressure on children today giving them a little help is going to ruin them. I like you cooked dinner while my kids did homework at the kitchen table. I looked at it this way it was a great opportunity for me to be on top of what they were learning and involved. I don't think when you are interested, and a part of your child's life you are over involved. If you were doing his homework then yes you are doing him a disservice but assisting is fine in my book. I think the parents who do not even know what the hell their kids are doing in school are doing more damage then any help we give could do. You sound like a great mom!! Your right, teachers are overworked, and classroom sizes are huge so sometimes one on one is necessary. Do what makes you and your child happy and don't let anyone make you feel bad for that.

I do the same thing. His education is important to me. If I allow him to do sloppy work and do it wrong, is he learning anything? Yes, it makes him angry when I make him correct or redo homework because of wrong answers or just plain sloppy, but I only have one child to correct, the teacher has 24 or more to correct. She doesn't always have time to give individual children the help they might need. If I let him get by with incorrect homework and sloppy work, then I shouldn't be surprised when he brings home a bad report card. I know my son struggles in school due to ADHD, but I still believe he can do better and I encourage it by making him do better work at home and making him study harder. I really think every parent should take more interest in their childs educations. Teachers encourage parents to get more involved with their kids educations.

My mom is a school teacher. She can tell when a parent is involved in the childs education and when a parent isn't involved or doesn't care. She has also had to deal with parents that blame theirs childs lack of education on the teacher while their little darling is playing, talking, and being disruptive in class and never has their homework done. Is it the teachers fault or is it the childs fault and the parents fault for not being involved and possible lack of discipline.

My boys are in a private school and it is costing me plenty. I could send them to a public school, but I am interested in a Christian Education as well as a Academic Education. You better believe I am actively involved. I'm not shelling out money for them to play around and flunk or barely pass. My boys are going to show some effort and do their best. I'm going stand behind them and encourage them and push them.

Your doing the right thing!!! Don't stop!!!! Keep it up!!!! Your a Great Mom!!!!!

I have a 3rd grader. She does her homework in the living room usually while I make dinner (close by, so we can hear each other). I read over her math homework first so I know what she is expected to do. Then she does the worksheet by herself, and asks me for help if she gets stuck on anything. I do not give her the answer, but I will help explain how she can figure out the answer by herself. When she is done, I check it. I make will tell her which answers are wrong, and have her correct them. Where I can see she needs extra practice, I make sure she gets it. The teacher has 31 students, I won't chance anything falling through the cracks. She has a spelling list each week. I study with her. Monday she reads her words to me. Tues she writes them down once, Wed I quiz her, she writes each word she misses 3 times, Thurs, I quiz again, and keep on any she misses until she gets them right. Spelling is a challenge for both my girls, but they see how 5-10 minutes of studying each night brings them very good test scores.

My older daughter just started middle school, and I am more hands off with her. I'm on top checking her planner and assignments online, and asking her if she has them done, if she's studied for her science quiz, etc. I still quiz her a couple of times each week on her spelling words, but I don't check her math, writing, and spelling on every assignment. Impossible. Most of that so far, she completes at school in class or in an after school study hall period, so I don't even see it. BUT, I do check assignment, quiz, and test grades online for her everyday, so I can she has had any incompletes or bad grades. So far, so good!

My son is in 2nd grade and I actually sit with him while he does his homework , he can't get on with it by himself and will just sit there otherwise (he has an IEP at school at he is on the autism spectrum and this is how they do it at school). I think if your son is able to read the instructions and start the work on his own , and just needs some help here and there then you are doing it the right way , you know your son and what he is and is not capable of....carry on the way you are and let others do what they want to with their kids.

This could go either way. I have one child that, yes, I would sit with him, or near him, and go over each assignment (after spending a lot of energy keeping him on track to begin with) and show him where he made an error, or skipped problems, or answered incompletely, or just plain didn't understand it, and then have him rework it, correct it, or complete it. It was a daily struggle and chore for both of us. For several years. Now that he is older (7th grade) it is not as necessary... but he still needs a lot of prompting and help to "study"... a tangible page or math assignment he will do, but "study" he needs someone to help guide him still.
My daughter, on the other hand, I NEVER stand over her, or read every question or problem. I spot check. But mostly I just count the questions and see if she answered... b/c she always has the correct answers and takes great pride in getting her work done well and on time. She is a straight A student (I mean 97, 98, 100, 100, 99 for her 9 wks grades) and a gifted child. It is totally not necessary for her to have that kind of oversight. If she has a question, she calls to me and asks. I guide her to understand it without giving answers. This happens rarely with her.

So much of this is dependent upon the child and how capable they are of being organized and not overwhelmed by the homework. You will get answers completely opposite, depending on what kind of child/student the parents responding to the question have. If I didn't have one of both varieties, I would think there was only one way... but there is not one way. It's what works for you and your individual kid.

I am a teacher on maternity leave and what you are doing is wonderful. I wish all parents would! Don't do the work for them, but be there to assist. Help them with material if they don't understand, but write the teacher a note explaining what was done.

I didn't have time to look at all your answers so far but just wanted to say that you are doing the right thing....I used to teach 2nd grade (SAHM now) but I gave homework to my students and REQUIRED that their parents sign it every night so I know that it at least touched their hands for a few seconds but really wanted the parents to take the time to examine their child's work and help with any issues they noticed. Some parents did work with their kids, many did not. Unfortunately, that was the kind of school I taught in :-( Anyway, my daughter is in 7th grade and I have to spend a lot of time each week working with her especially in math. She's in advanced math but just like I was at her age, doesn't pick things up the first time so I spend the time reteaching it during homework time to make sure she really grasps the concepts. So keep doing what you're doing, I think your co-workers are crazy :-)

Your co-workers either don't have kids or are not involved parents or they have children that excel in all areas in school.
I think what you are doing is being a good parent. You need to check his homework ..why would we want to send our children to school with words spelled wrong and crappy work. You are not giving him the answers plus he is still 3 rd grade.
My oldest is in 5 th grade. When he started 4th grade he would start his homework without being asked. Most nights he would do it completely himself but we would ALWAYS check it. He gets great grades on homework and all his test. All last yr in 4th grade he practically studies all most all year. He had 2-3 test ea week starting the middle of Sept and went to the first week of June. Anyhow even though he mostly gets A on his test we usually help him study. We want him to do good in life.
I don't believe in doing my childrens homework for them at all. We want them to think for themselves BUT they need us to review and bring in medicore work that they might of rushed thru.

Hi L. - I get involved about as much as you do for several reasons. I don't believe that my kids' education is solely the job of the teachers. If I can show them the right way to do something, I will. However, if I see a problem, I will ask them to double check to see if they recognize it on their own. I don't feel I am doing the work for them. I am helping them to see their mistakes and, hopefully learn from them. Also, I don't see the point in them taking their incorrect homework to school and receiving a lower grade when the same lesson can be learned without the lower grade. They also learn to check their work. Of course I can't speak for all teachers but every teacher my kids have had (2nd and 4th grader) has repeatedly emphasized parental involvement.

A bit longwinded, but that's what I think...

I think you're method is fine! I believe it is good parenting to check homework and help your child correct their mistakes and redo what is incorrect. Homework is for practice - it's not a test.

My son is also in the 3rd grade. As in your household, he also does his homework at the kitchen table while dinner is being prepared, and I do EXACTLY the same thing you do. I do not give him answers, but I am on hand to answer questions and to reinforce what has been explained in the classroom. I do point out if something doesn't look quite right, and I ask him to check it and correct it (if need be). I, too, point out the importance of him taking pride in his work and being sure it is done neatly; not always as neat as I would like, but if the work is correct, I do let that go sometimes, mostly because my son is not focusing any longer because in his mind he has finished, and it looks ok to him. He's actually right, he has finished, and I have to keep myself in check that it doesn't have to be perfect, and it is ok for him to get some things wrong. It's a learning process for all of us!

I have volunteered in the classroom, and the teachers LOVE it when the parents reinforce what has been taught. They love it when the parents ARE involved in the homework process; it shows the kids that homework is important and that their parents care. It shows the teachers that the parents care. You can definitely tell when a parent has not checked over the homework or when a parent is not involved in the process, and it is the child that suffers.

Don't get me wrong, I think the level of parental involvement that is expected nowadays is a little overboard, and it is an extremely frustrating process in our house at times; both for me and for my son. I also feel that the volume of homework my son brought home every night in the 2nd grade was overboard. It was actually more than a friend's 5th grader had each night.

Having said all of that, I have noticed (finally) some positive response from my son with regard to homework and the neatness, etc...

Now, when he gets older, I probably will not be as hands-on with homework, but right now, they ARE still little/young! I don't recall ever having homework in these very early school years. Times have changed, and I am trying, as are you, to raise a scholastically successful kid. If it feels right for you, keep doing what you are doing - don't bail on your son because a co-worker would do it differently.

Sorry for the wordiness...homework is a subject that comes up a lot in my neck of the woods. Hope this helps you. :-)
KimD

At my son's school, parents are requested to check their kids' homework and make sure it's done. I think for a 3rd grader, what you're doing is perfectly appropriate.

I have a 4th grader and do the same thing with him. I believe parents should be involved. That way you know what they're working on and know where they may need help (if any). Keep up the good work!

M.

I am a Mom and teach young children too. Personally, it is none of your co-workers business how much you help or assist your child with homework. Just curious why they are even concerned?. You sound like a good and very caring parent to guide your son with his homework. In our family education is very imporatant, husband and I are both university graduates and one has a Masters. We have always encouraged our daughter to do her very best at school and in homwork since it is really her "job" at this age. Our expectations are not all A's, but just for her to do her best. We did just what you are doing with our child until near the middle of the 7th grade. She was not given the answers to any of her homework problems by me or her Dad, but frequently we did ck it . We would explain a concept that she did not understand and often point out where we saw errors in homework. Then she would correct, if she chose to, on her own. We would sit down with her and quiz her periodicallt on spelling or vocab words too . On occasion she asked us to help her review textbook chapter material in a particular subject. Then my husband or I would skim the chapter in her textbook that she would be tested on and ask her questions about it. Instilling our daughter to do her best, she always wanted to do well on tests. In addition, by stressing the importance of doing her best on her homework, we helped her develop good study skills by having TV off and phone off at homework time. She was encouraged her to do her homework in a quiet place where she would not be interupted by other distractions in the house . Once she was in middle school where she chose to do this on her own. I think so many parents now-a-days are so disinterested, or "too busy" to sit down and help their kids with homework each night, this is sad to me. In our state, CA there are up to 32 per class with one teacher in grade school classes, so often if a concept is not fully explained or understood in the classroom, the child will not understand it come homework time. Keep doing what you are doing Mom. When your child reaches middle school age they will no longer need you to do so much checking of their work and they will be off to a great start in preparing for high school. Our daugther, now in high school, has always been an awesome student, well socially and athletic too. I think our families emphasis early on in her education and instilling the importance of putting her best effort forward in both her school work and homework has paid off. She has been talking about what college she would like to try to get in for several years. Hope this helps :D

I am an elementary teacher, and I think you are doing the homework the correct way. Believe me, his teacher will be thankful you are there with him and helping when needed! Way To Go MOM! Wish there were more moms out there like you...

My DD's teacher encourages parents to sit down and go over their childs homework with them each night. She says it's a great way of showing your child you care about their education and getting to see what your child is learning each week. My daughter is also in 3rd grade. I've noticed that I'm spending more time with her this year then last with homework because there's more of it now and getting more challenging.

But I love being there to help and I never give answers but if I have any tips or advice on helping her solve problems better, then I am more than happy to share. Keep helping your child as much as you see fit and don't worry about anyones negative comments. It's your child.

.

How many other kids do you have because I'm inspired by you. My kids usually work on their own and I help when they ask for it. With the kindergartener, I do quiz letters and such. The oldest will help junior high kids with math.

my son is only 11 months right now, but I plan on being as involved with his homework and school as possible. I was the 3rd kid and so by the time I got to school the novelty of homework help and spell checker, flash card help. It wasn't until last year that I was able to fully do simple math in my head with out to much thought and I'm 23. Sad I know. So my vote is to be involved but obviously not overly involved. I think pointing out mistakes is perfect amount. Not to much not to little.

You should absolutely be going over your son's homework with him, helping him when he has a question and pointing out where he needs to make corrections. I am a teacher and get extremely frustrated by parents who feel that helping kids with homework is not their job. The role of homework is to help students to practice what they have learned in school. Allowing children's questions to go unanswered or allowing them to practice concepts incorrectly defeats the purpose of doing the homwork in the first place. Helping your children with their homework also shows them that you think that you believe that what they are doing is important and that you value the progress that they are making. Showing that it's important to you will make it important to your child.

You're awesome!! =) Just the help you give with the homework will help your son TREMENDOUSLY in his over all school! A little one on one can be enough to make all the difference in the world. Why are there people out there who love to disagree just for the sake of arguing? LOL Good luck to you!

Hi L.,
I agree with your teaching here. It is up to the parents to get involved. Kids don't know unless they are taught and we shouldn't leave it up to the school system to teach our kids everything. It also shows your child that you care about them, but you are not going to do the homework for them. Congrats to you for being an involved parent and guiding your child to learn, grow, ask questions, and succeed as an adult.

I used to sit at the kitchen table every afternoon to do my homework while my grandma made dinner. She would help me and go over my homework with me. And she always had a snack for me! Sometimes she would put her curlers in while I worked, or she would play solitaire (the kind with real cards!) I have such fond memories of our little routine that I'm smiling just thinking back on it. That daily routine taught me wonderful study habits that set me up for success in college. I plan to have the same routine when my children are old enough. Don't let that woman tell you what you're doing is wrong. You're doing a great job, mama!

I agree that we need to look over our kids homework, but since I help my daughter with her homework I feel that she doesn't think hard and whenever she doesn't know how to spell a work she just asks me and expects me to answer, if I tell her to try to spell, she will say right away that she doesn't know or she will spell it wrong. Sometimes I tell her that she won't get out of the table untill she gets it right and she end up staying there for about one hour.

You just described my afternoons!!! I am doing the same thing you are and I sometimes wonder if it's the right thing. My mother commented once that I was too involved and compared the way we do homework to how my niece's do homework. I really loved that! My parents very rarely helped with homework because they had a language barrier but I wish they had tried. Although I was a pretty good student, it would have helped me in certain areas if they explained something in their way. They had no idea in what part of math, let's say, I was struggling with. Sometimes hearing the same thing explained in a different way, really helps. My daughter learns just like I do so, when she has issues with homework, I could give her examples or pose questions to her in a way that helped her understand. I am now noticing that my son learns differently and I have a harder time helping him understand certain concepts. I told my husband that he will need to try explaining in his way. To sum it up, I don't think that there is a teacher in the world that can possibly teach to all the varying levels of learning and that's where the parents need to step in and as long as you are not giving him the answers, I think you are doing fine.