My daughter is almost 14 months and she's beginning to test us. She has started throwing food from her high chair tray, biting, getting into the trash can, and climbing onto tables. She knows this is not allowed and will say no no while she does it. I've tried a few things but sometimes I feel like I'm telling her no all day long.
I'm really looking for a book that has a strong section on child development and psychology as well as examples and ideas that will carry over through the different developmental stages. I want to be very careful not to damage her self-esteem or creativity but I also want to teach her to make good choices and to know that whatever choice she makes has a consistent consequence.
Thank you for your recommendations ladies; I'll keep them all in mind while book shopping. Thanks especially to Donna for reminding me about this "Also say the behavior you want not the one you don't want. Example-say "walk"...not "don't run"...say "food goes on your plate..or in your tummy" not "don't throw your food". Its a retraining your words but a much more positive way to talk to your chld his/her whole life!!!" I knew this as a teacher but forgot about using it on my own child; it has already helped a lot! I read the Supernanny book and didn't think much of it; it's not detailed enough but she did mention that children my daughter's age just don't have impulse control and thinking about that every time my daughter gets into something has helped my patience with her.
My favorite is Love and Logic- they have one called Love and Logic Magic for the Early years (or something like that). It gives great, practical advice that really makes sense and focuses on birth through age 6. I think the most important thing is consistency and not "losing it" as I am unfortunately prone to do.
My two favorites:
1. Kids, Parents and Power Struggles by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (lots of great ideas and explanation of behaviors)
2. The No-Cry Discipline Solution by Elizabeth Pantley (lots of real life examples, great section on anger)
I like love and logic also...we use it for our 5th grader students. I also wanted to say I soooooooooo understand! I have a 16 month old son and he is constantly doing things he KNOWS he shouldnt. He will climb up on the coffee table and look at me and shake his head no like...I know, no! But, he does it anyway. He pulls the poor animals tails and giggles in delight even though I spat his hand. We have started time outs which are horrendous. He screams and cries and I dont know if he gets it--our dr. suggested it.
Part of it also is just that they are still so small and curious. Just be consistent is what Im trying. Never let them get away with it no matter how many times they do it. GOOD LUCK!!!
I actually read several and try to combine the different approaches. I didn't really find any one approach that I totally agreed with, but in reading a few it gave me a larger knowledge base to work with. I really believe that certian things work for certain children. There is no single plan that will work for everyone everytime. After getting several recommendations, I went to Half Price Books and found them there.
The Strong Willed Child by James Dobson
The Strong-Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson. It's been a bestseller for decades. It's a classic----it really gives the parent the confidence to deal with their stron-willed child. Dr. Dobson is the leading Christian family psychologist today and has written many books but this one is probably is his biggest.
Best thing I ever read was "How to talk so children will listen and how to listen so children will talk" the whole series by these authors is amazing. They changed the way I dealt with my kids entirely.
Basically the most important thing is less words and more action. At 14 months when she does inappropraite things put her in a time out area--maybe a playpen with no toys or whatever....for like 1 minute or till she quits crying. No long times in time out-they forget why they are there. Eventually she will get the picture you are not going to interact with her or tolerate the inappropriate behavior.
As my son got older-if he misbehaved in a store--we went to the dressing room and he had to sit in time out for a minute or two while I pretended to write a note or look at clothes or whatever till he calmed down. At first it takes lots more time but after they understand what you are doing, in the longrun its less arguing "no" etc.
Also say the behavior you want not the one you don't want. Example-say "walk"...not "don't run"...say "food goes on your plate..or in your tummy" not "don't throw your food". Its a retraining your words but a much more positive way to talk to your chld his/her whole life!!!
Last--use humor with your child! Remember to have fun. Not ever sarcasm but when they are upset about wanting an drink when out are in the middle of traffic..."me. too, when I get home I am going to get the biggest glass of super duper cold tea...oh I think my glass is going to have to be about 1 foot high so I will have to hold it up with both hands...how big is your glass going to be? Oh, as big as the swimming pool?....etc"
Two things have been amazing for our family:
1. DVD___Dr. Harvey Karp's "Happiest Toddler on the Block"
you could read the book but will need the DVD to understand fully.
2. Love and Logic. Lots of resources online, can take classes---let me know if you need a list of classes...I have a list that L&L emailed me 1.5 years ago or you can call and they have an updated one.
Love and Logic is hands down the best parenting style out there. Start this style now and your children will grow into confident, independent thinkers that are responsible and caring. My children are 9 and 11 and I get compliments on their behavior and manners everyday.
