Dear L.,
I am a Mom with three boys from a previous marriage and inherited two more with a second marriage. My eldest now 20 has severe ADD my second has a mild case and the youngest has LD and is on an ISP at school. The youngest from the second marriage has an anger issue that stems from early childhood with bio mom.
As to the issue with your boy and ADD, I did not have any of the kids on meds. I tried them but there were bad side effects and poor sleep habits so I took him off them and dealt with it on my own. Plus my girlfriend had her son on them long term and now he is on a liver transplant list and has a colostomy bag at 22yrs old.
ADD kids I find are highly intellegent and need stimulation and the ability to work with their hands. When it came to school work a quiet place to work was ideal, even if it was a poster board (the three sided ones) that they could hide behind and not see what was going on around them if you are cramper for space. With other kids around it is hard but if you can implement the same for them there is no finger pointing.
They also have to scheduled, for example, waking, breakfast, school, after school snack, homework up into half hour segments (get up stretch but NO T.V. total ZONE for them) also I found more of a natural diet is essential. There is something in the preservatives that worsen the ADD, at least in my case. Fresh fruits and veggies as snacks and natural juices, lots of water. bed time rituals are great too, shower pack up everything for school and when it comes to school organize each class with a different color folder with matching notebook, mark one side of the folder HOMEWORK and the other COMPLETED HOMEWORK, organizational skills are a must!
LOTS of outdoor exercise, walking with you or dad or family member healthy for you too!
Hang in there, once you get a system down things will run smoothly for you and the rest of the family. I am a survivor of this, not saying that everything was peaches and cream but it worked for me.
Best of luck
Jennie
You and your spouse on the other hand have to have strict rules and guildlines, if not this will eventually turn into behavior problems when they hit puberty (hormones and boys are not a great combination) stressing different and non violent ways in handleing situations are and should be talked about ALL the time.