Do You Ferber?

I really liked the "healthy sleep habits, happy child" book by weisbluth or wiesbloom. It takes into account a wide variety of sleep approaches and specifically addresses sleep issues w/ colicky children. If you do nothing else, I would read this book.

I ferbered at six months. I'd recommend you pick a night when you and your husband are both off the next day and let the two year old crash in the living room or in with you the first night. (This was the 2 year old won't be disturbed as much while your six month old is learning to sleep in his crib.) After you put him down, go and take a shower or sit outside and enjoy the evening or do something else to take your mind off of his cries. (Because, if you're anything like me, it will just break your heart!)

The first night with my oldest was HORRIBLE but it was only the first night that was bad! I picked a night when my husband was off the next day (and it wouldn't matter if the entire house was sleep deprived). I went through the regular night time ritual and put him in his crib. He cried his little eyes out for almost an hour before he fell asleep - and I was glued to the video baby monitor. He woke up a couple of times in the night and cried for 15 to 20 minutes before going back to sleep. I spent most of the night watching him and restraining myself from rushing in to comfort him. The next night, he went to sleep after only a few minutes of crying and bedtime became an absolute dream.

My two other kids were a bit different. My second oldest went to sleep in his crib without any fuss at all. My youngest would always fuss for at least five minutes even at a year old. I have a good friend who took five days to ferberize her stubborn little guy. He would shriek and cry until he actually started retching, so she took a gentler approach to ferberizing. She would stay in his room and pat his back until he fell asleep and gradually weaned him from the pats.

I don't think ferberizing is per se mean or cruel, but I think it should be tailored to each individual family and child. I personally don't think it's such a good idea to force a child shriek for three hours. When I ferberized my first child, I decided that 40 minutes was all I would wait . . . and I was watching the clock! My friend decided that 20 minutes was long enough for her extremely sensitive little guy.

When my son was very little he was very colicly and we thought he had reflu, so he slept on his tummy too, he did just fine, my pediatrician is old and is "not sure" wether or not position has anything to do with SIDS, babies can die either way unfortunately. We also slept him tilted up at his head with a cple of receiving blankets. Have you tried Hyland's colic tabs? or peppermint, they are both natural remidies that work AWESOME.

Hi E.,

I would say research the method you are thinking about.I would try googling the technique. We just used a basinet until ours was 3 months. She then slept in her crib until 18 mo. We then converted the crib to a toddler bed. I would just say if you are encouraged or excited about a new method, the baby will be too. The beginning can be tough, but the rewards are wonderful!

Blessings,

Katherine

My Daughter was nine months when I tried it. She was co sleeping also and started to be very agitated and was very uncomfortable for us to sleep with her. I followed her normal routine and I put her in her crib. She cried and I stayed with her a few seconds until she calmed down a little, I kissed her goodnight and left the room. The crib is in our bedroom. She screamed and yelled and cried of course. I didn't let her more than 4 minutes. She was terrified when i got in. I rubbed her back, gave her the pacifier, her lovey(this really helps if he has one) and try to calm her down and left again. then you increase the time between the visits.
It took us 2 nights, but I would never let her cry more then max 10 min.without going in. She gave up pretty quickly. I would never picked her up. I think it's a good idea to start now if you ever want to do it, because my daughter knew already how to stand, crawl and she was always standing, or on her tummy when she was crying, without knowing to go back an lie down. I had to deal with that too. So after six months I think is pretty safe. I would keep him in your bedroom until his trained (if you have room enough) and then move him with his brother.
I hope it will work, It really worked for us and I didn't want to try it at the bigining because I was afraid that she's going to hate me or something. Even the naps are a lot smoother and longer.

We have an 18 month old and are 8 months pregnant. We still co-sleep for part of the night. I have always cuddled, snuggled, rocked or nursed our daughter to sleep. What worked great for us was to put her in her own bed and when she wakes up the first time bring her to bed with us. This way we get some alone time in bed together and a few good hours of sleep before the blanket tug of war begins. The older she gets the longer she stays in her own bed. Our lactation nurse tells us someday she will stay there all night. Most nights it is 3 or 4 am when she joins us. Sometimes we get lucky and its 7 or 8 am. We have tried a few different times in her life to let her cry and it is awful. I can’t sleep knowing she went to bed unhappy and she seems to wake up more. We have no plans to not co-sleep with our second baby and in fact have just added a twin bed next to our queen to have more space for everyone. We love to wake next to her sweet face everyday. If you are looking for a book I have heard that The No Cry Sleep Solution has some great tips. Hope this helps and good luck!

Hi E.,

There are many other ways to help your baby sleep at night without letting him cry it out. Think about a few questions here: Why is your baby crying? (he needs something). Are there any other times during the day you would ignore your child's needs? If anyone else that you loved was screaming for you, would you just ignore them? If your husband needed something from you and it was the middle of the night, would you let him cry in desperation until it was convienient for you to answer his cries?

Crying for hours on end all alone leaves babies to feel that they are completely alone and deserted, and that the people who love them the most and who they are supposed to trust have given up on them. This is no way to start out your baby's life. I would strongly recommend reading "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by E. Pantley. She has excellent advice for getting babies to sleep at night, whether in your bed or their own, breast-feeding or bottle-feeding, with a pacifier or not. It worked for us and I have heard so many success stories from other moms. You can also check out some helpful websites on getting babies to sleep without crying or about the harm that crying can do to babies. naturalchild.org and mothering.com are two places to start.

Good luck, and I'm sure you'll find a way to get your child to sleep at night.

A.

I think 6 mos is too young to start ignoring a baby's needs. They cry for a reason. They cry when they are hungry, wet, sick, or maybe just scared of being alone. I believe in parenting a child based on his or her needs. Some kids can sleep fine on their own, even at 2 or 3 mos (or so I've heard!). Some physically need to be next to mom or dad to feel safe enough to sleep.

It's wonderful that you have been cosleeping this long, though I don't know why you are wanting to push him out so soon. You didn't mention any problems. Sounds like sleeping next to mom and dad is great for him, why are you in a hurry to stop? Are you getting pressure from relatives? We've had grandparents say it's bad to let kids sleep with their parents, but I trust my own instincts and we are all doing fine. (One grandma now bugs us because our son won't sleep with her (like her other GKs do) when she visits!)

If the crib fits in your room, start there. Set it up next to your side of the bed, maybe next to the wall and push your bed up to it so it's a tight fit. Lower the bar or take it off and you have a sidecar bed. You can start sleeping together and after nursing push him over into his own area. Then he is close if he needs you. If he seems comfortable in his own space, you can try with the bar up (you'd probably want to do that for naps anyway) and eventually move the crib across the room and at some point into his brother's room. Then when he's older he'll get into the routine of going to bed like big brother.

Just be sensitive to your child's needs. If he cries, pick him up. That is not spoiling him. Spoiling is when you ignore something and it rots. Be a postive parent and portray LOVE to your children and they will receive the message and reciprocate.

Hi,
My daughter is almost 2 and she sleeps through anything, I had her in the bed with me until she was 4 1/2 months and then asked my dr. if it was ok to Ferber, she said yes. I followed the method in my baby 411 book, which I highly recomend. Some moms thought I was crazy for Ferbering, but now they all tell me that they should have done the same. As mother's we feel guilty for everything we do. I would have never done this if I thought my daughter was being harmed. Remember to look into your heart and just trust that you are a great mom and that you know what is best.
Good Luck.

I have two children. One had colic and slept with us by six months I started putting her in her own crib next to our bed. I slowly moved her crib away from our bed at night until she was fine sleeping in her own room. he never got out of her bed until we came to get her when she was a year my son was born. my methood went down hill from there. she was easy to put in another room and didn't mind it. My husband felt guilty about putting her in her own room while the new baby was with us. so slowly she got into our bed. however she was good at sleeping in her crib that had the rail off and was butt up to our bed. My son on the other hand would not have the ferber methood, wouldn't have sleeping alone and would not have sleeping in the co-sleeping crib either!
Now they're both with us and are 2 and 3.
They sleep fine on the floor on their own matress but once they're in their own room they get up at night and cry in the night.

It really depends on the personality of your child and how much sleep you can get with them in your bed. I personally am a light sleeper and can't get a good nights rest anymore with them in my bed. I've been sleeping on the floor while they're in the bed ( the matress on the floor is much more comfortable)

This weekend we're talking about getting their room set up for them to sleep in.. :) :)

Have you thought about getting a porta crib and setting it up in your room. That way the baby can sleep in his own space without sleeping with you but still close enough to you that you both can get used to it. Also if you are going to ferber then he won't be so apt to wake the 2 year old when going to sleep. I have heard about the ferber message and sometimes I have to use it also. Although its not easy sometimes its the only way. If its possible I would try the porta crib thing, we did that with our daughter for a while... Also, start having the baby take naps in his crib, that will help him get used to sleeping in there without you. It will take time but it will be worth it in the end. I hope this helps you.