Do You Expect Parents to Attend Childrens Parties?

I have always preferred the parents not staying. It just becomes too busy, too overrun with warring parenting styles.

It's my party, let me do things MY way! :) & I always had friends/family to help.

It's only been the past 5-10 years that this has become so prevalent. & I need to stop here or my typing fingers will get me in trouble as to my opinion on "why" so many moms "need" to stay. :)

I never expect a parent to stay, if they do I am okay with it. If they don't that's also fine.

I also budget for extra kids and adults. I know that sometimes siblings are going to have to come along, and since I think the more the merrier I don't have an issue with it.

Honestly, I am really laid back about a lot of things. Really the only thing that get's on my nerves about children's parties is the lack of RSVP'ing people do. I mean I really don't care if the whole family wants to come...just let me know.

I don't expect it now because I know better but when my oldest was in 1st grade we had a skating party for her at a roller rink. The rink is open to the public and we invited the class. I could not believe all the people who just dropped off their children and didn't even stay to help them get their rented skates on. Seems crazy to me. Now I would simply not have a party like that again. I either have them at home or have it in a place with a private room.

At my daughter's preschool parties, yes, I expected and hoped that the parents would stay. One parent sent her nanny with 3 other sibs to the park where we had the party and before I knew it, she took off and left all four kids! I was kind of floored by that one (all of the other parents stayed).

At our daughter's last party (7 years), I specifically put on the invitation that parents were welcome to stay, but that we would have enough adults on hand to supervise should they want a couple hours of 'me' time to themselves. I had one parent stay and that was fine.

I think it really depends on the location, age and situation.

Before elementary school, parents will always stay. After that, it depends on the location of the party, but it's usually a 50/50 shot parents will stay, so we always budget extra for food for them.

As kids get older, fewer parents stay, if any. Our son turned nine last year and every parent just dropped off. I think by that age the overprotective urge is over and parents have lost the thrill of attending every child's party out there. I know I'm more than happy when I can just drop off at a party.

It depends on whether or not I know your child, you, and the adults that will be at the party. It depends on the age of the kid. It depends on if the party venue is secured, or not. It depends on a lot

Personally I WANT parents to attend our parties. I don't want to have to worry about your kid wandering off or what to do if he misbehaves, especially if we don't know very well, or at all. I work full time & would love to meet my DD's classmates'/friends' parents because I rarely get the opportunity. We plan to feed families, not individual kids, because that's just what we do and we want everyone to feel welcome.

DD got 6 year old party invite from a classmate whose mom I've met/talked to maybe twice & it was a drop off party at someone's house. Sorry, but DD had "plans" that day. I can bet that not many kids went to that one. Things are different now.

There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. Whether I stay or go depends on a lot of things.

If it's a swimming party, I'm staying. My girls aren't comfortable enough yet as swimmers, and I won't trust anybody else to watch my girls as closely as I would while in the water, and how can they? It's a birthday party. More importantly, why should I expect them to?

If the parent of the other child is a friend of mine, I'm most likely staying, unless it's a slumber party or something (which my girls are too young for yet, so we havent had any of those).

If the party is at a venue like Chuck-E-Cheese (shoot me) or something, I'm staying. I'm not leaving my kid unsupervised at a place like that.

When we have hosted birthday parties, parents just ask if I mind them leaving their kid with me, but most of them stay (and my girls are 8 and 5 now).

I don't find it distracting to have them there at all. The more the merrier. Also, I always bring my other daughter when one of my daughters was invited. Most of our circle of peers knows that my girls come together, lol. Same for my girls' friends. We pretty much know who has a sibling and who might be tagging along. Most of the parents double check to make sure it's ok and I always say yes.

My daughter has social anxiety. She often asks me to stay. If she wants me to stay, I do. If she doesn't, I don't. If the hosts aren't okay with that, they've never said so, but my daughter's preference comes first. But I think we see a lot more parents staying at parties in this day and age because they're almost always in some public location instead of in people's homes. If your party has 20 people running around chuck e. cheese or skating in a public rink, I'm going to stay. I have been in a skating rink when there was a man in the women's restroom. I have been in bowling alleys when strangers were being rowdy and eyeing kids that weren't theirs. I will be staying -- I won't be eating cake or interfering, but I don't expect the host parent who is busy with kids and other parents to effectively watch my child in a public place.

So, not to be rude, but I don't really worry about what's written on the invite -- if I feel I need to stay, I'm staying. And if that's not okay, then my child doesn't need to come. But it's never been a problem.

Huh, you know, that's an interesting question. I remember when I was young and even when I was 5 parents didn't stay at my party. But it does seem to be something that happens quite a lot these days. Maybe it's part of the helicopter parent thing.
I know the parties he's been invited to (and the ones we've thrown) have included parents attending and bringing siblings if there were any. There isn't anything written on the invitation about it, I guess just expected at this age?
My oldest is 4, so maybe we're just getting out of the "parents attend" age.
I'm curious to see what parents of older kids have to say. What age do parents stop attending kid parties?
I do know that a friend of mine had a party for her son turning 7 and didn't have parents attend.

It all depends on the parents whether they stay at partys or not if not specified. I have had a lot of my oldest sons friends parents drop them off without coming in to meet me which to me is CRAZY but that's me. I wont let him to go any partys that I don't know the parents. With my youngest I wont leave him unless I know several there besides the parents. Cause if something happens to a kid the parents of the birthday kid will focus on getting that child taken care of. Like one time my oldest went to a skate party. I found someone to take him since my youngest couldn't go. The birthday parents said they could take him but I told them the other parent would. I am glad cause the birthday boys sister fell and broke her leg at the party and they had to take her to the ER. If there were not other parents there they could have not taken her till all the guest were gone. Also I know around here if the party involves water they usually ask for you to stay that way there are more eyes on the kids. And I agree with you if you expect the parents to stay you should include siblings. I am fortunate enough that where I have my partys it does not matter how many come so I specifically put siblings welcome that way the parent knows upfront. And don't have to even think twice about it.

I think it's just expected here that up to about 4 or maybe 5, depending on the child (kindergarten, basically), the parent will stay at the party. And if the parent stays, the siblings will also stay. Once the kids start actual school, they become drop off parties.

I'll tell you, the most exhausting party we ever had was our son's 6th b'day when he was in K. We invited the whole class (beginning of school year, new school, didn't have a group of friends yet) and 13 came. None of the parents stayed (truthfully, I didn't know what to expect, I thought maybe some would stay and some would drop off and I didn't specify in the invitation). So it was my husband, myself and fourteen 5/6yr olds. It was awful. The kids had a blast, but I was so tired when it was finally over. Looking back, I could have used another pair (or two) of adult hands to help out.

Anyway, it's a personal choice. Up until around 4, I stayed at parties because that way, I could 1)help out the other parent if needed and 2)I could be there to guide my own child on how to act at a party *while actually attending a party*.

It is a cultural thing.

Here, where I live, per kids' parties, *I* tell the parents they can stay or just drop off. That is how it is done here. It also depends on the age of the child.
BUT, depending on how many are attending, if it is a big party... then *I* as the Host, make sure that there are enough Adults, to help supervise the kids, too, in addition to myself. This would be: me/my Husband/Grandma or whoever else.
IF a parent or parents decide to stay, they are welcome to. But they have to say this in the RSVP. So that, enough food... is there to accommodate the guests.
Per parents who stay at the party... It is not "expecting" them to "help supervise the party." They are not "working" at the party. They are a parent. As a parent, they are there, and having fun too... and usually are focused on their child as well, AND engaging in the party too and with their child. I, am not "making them" supervise the kids nor the whole party.
Here in my city/locale... everyone is just helping. It is not rude, nor is the Host, "expecting" it.

Per Siblings to parties: ONLY the invited child is invited to the party and/or ONE other parent. THAT is what *I* do. I SAY ON the invitation "Johnny and 1 parent..." is invited to Max's Birthday Party. Please RSVP by Nov.1st, via my cell phone or e-mail..." (And I list my contact information). I also state in the invitation, if it is a drop-off party, OR if the parents are welcome to stay. It is no big deal.

Personally, I find it rude... when an attendee, despite the invitation details, brings the WHOLE family/siblings. BUT, if a parent has no one to watch her other children, then they call me and ask if all the other siblings can attend, too. BUT... they do not EXPECT... that I also, spend extra money for their entire, family. They KNOW... that the party is for my child and HIS or HER, friend.

AND then, there is OUR budget, per parties. SO we limit the amount of kids that are invited. My kids, fully understand this, and besides, they personally only want to invite their closest friends.

IF a party is at a venue/water park/play center etc., and depending on the age of the child... then some parents like to stay. Fine. OR if not, then the Host of the party, makes sure that there are adequate Adults at the party, to help supervise the kids. And this would be, family members.

When my son (now eleven) was younger, most of the parents stayed at the party. Now that he is older, he usually has sleepovers so of course that has changed now. Even when we have had parties at other different places, most of the parents leave and then come back to pick the child up when the party is over or we take them home. Now if my son just wants to go out for a meal with his friends, we always invite the parents. Some attend and some do not, their choice. We also don't invite too many children so we can have some control. :) I also think that it is very rude to bring siblings to the party if they are not invited. And I have no problem telling them that (in a decent way of course). If they want to bring siblings, they should ask you ahead of time so you can plan for it.

For children under 5, yes. It is common to have a parent stay with the child. Sometimes more than one parent comes. As they get older, parental supervision is not needed. Sometimes parents stay into early elementary school or if the venue makes it convenient to stay. It depends on a lot of things. Once SD got past 6 or so, it was pretty much a drop off party. Many pools locally require extra adults so parties at swim venues may legally require a parent. Generally the parent who stays is there for his/her child or children and may help out with other kids, but is primarily there to supervise their own. So you aren't making them babysit anyone else - they are a guest as well, but when children are small, they may be taking the burden off you or allowing a shy child to attend the event.

Many times the age range doesn't easily allow for siblings (or the numbers don't). If the sibling cannot be included, then they have many choices - not attend, attend just one parent, leave the other kids with Grandma, etc. How they manage their kids, as long as it doesn't involve you, should not be your concern.

it depends. i know in our school the parents all get along and we hang out, so birthday parties are fun for us as well. That being said there are times that i drop off and run errands, but i do take my child in and make sure the party parent knows my plans in case they need to get a hold of me. :)

Yes-especially if they do not know your entire extended family helping supervise the children, the party is in a public place with dozens of other children, and the children are preschool age.

A lot of parents feel better staying with young children at parties. Especially if the child is uneasy by themselves or 5 and under. If you want parents to stay I think it's fine putting it on the invite. If they can't they could always talk to you about leaving the child. About siblings... I think siblings should be able to stay if a parent has to. Of course, a sibling should not stay at a party if the parent is dropping the other children off. I had a parent ask if they could leave 2 children at a party. I told her if she wants to stay it's fine.

The only time some parents stayed for my daughter's bday party was when she was about 4 or 5 years old and we had her bday party at McDonalds. We pretty much had her daycare class there. Two parents stayed and helped (totally unasked by us; they volunteered), and we had the grandparents there that weekend to help.

I could see a bday party for very young children--4 years and younger--as having the parents stay. But then I would have to wonder about having a bday party with other "friends" when those friends aren't old enough to play together and enjoy themselves without mom or dad being present.

I feel too much is made out of bday parties these days: the themes, the money spent, the huge numbers of people invited, the expensive goody bags (goody bags! We NEVER had those when I grew up. The stuff is either totally cheap or very expensive. I can't see giving something back to the kid that came when it's supposed to be the bday girl or boy's special day. That never made any sense to me.). It's almost like the spotlight isn't really on the bday girl or boy--or the spotlight is overly emphasized.

And unless we specifically told a parent that the sibling could come--or we invited the sibling as well--it is generally understood that just the child invited is the one who comes. We did have a parent at the last minute ask if a sibling could join the celebration because some family emergency came up at the last minute. That was unplanned/
unscheduled, so we said yes. But the problem can quickly become that that child isn't the same age/isn't friends with those children and thus, doesn't feel part of the bday celebration. Luckily, in this case, this sibling did know the other children, and everyone got along well. But as a general rule, only the child invited is the one who should come. The siblings will get invited to their own bday parties in their own time.

Otherwise, the few parties my daughter has had that involved inviting some friends over (never more than 6 at any one party) it was always just the kids. The parents dropped them off and then came back and picked them up.

But I have heard of other parties in my area where it seems to be the norm for the parents to also stay. I never grew up going to someone's bday party where the parents were also there. I think of a bday party as a chance for a child to learn how to interact and be on good social behavior at someone else's house--by themselves, without their parents present-- to celebrate an event that isn't theirs. I feel it is a healthy part of growing up to have children experience these types of occasions by themselves. I see way too much overparenting these days. And of course, some kids just aren't able to handle themselves. But I don't think a parent should stay with the child. If the child can't handle their behavior by themselves, then they shouldn't interact/be on their own (like at a bday party) until they can.

Attending a bday party was seen as a very special priviledge when I grew up, and we knew we needed to behave if we wanted to go to another one. I still see both having a bday party and being invited/going to a bday party as being a special treat, not the norm. If my daughter couldn't handle herself by herself, then she wasn't ready or old enough yet to attend a bday party by herself.

I think too many children these days are granted priviledges and rights that they don't deserve and/or haven't earned.

In my experience, parties for the under 5 year age children are expected to stay. Age 5/Kindergarten can go either way. Age 6 is a drop off, no parents staying kind of thing.

At that age (pre-school) yes, i would expect the parents to stay at the party with the child.

I went to a 5 year old birthday party last weekend and wondered the same thing. I stayed for the party, but it got me wondering as I'm not sure how to handle my son's 6 year old party next year. There were a ton of parents and most of them brought younger siblings. It was crazy! How are you to budget for food if you don't know how many people will actually be attending?

I expect parents to stay at my son's party - we always have a pool party and if your kid is going in the pool - you are going to stay. I also do not expect people to bring extra kids unless they ask. I would never attend a function with uninvited guests unless I checked with the host first. It would be rude.

Up to a certain age, most parents do tend to stay at the party. That seems to end with preschool though. After that point, it's understood that it is a drop-off party. My 10 year old's birthday party is tomorrow, and I could see a few of my girlfriends staying (because they're my girlfriends and we have a great time together, with the kids playing as our "excuse" to hang out ;). But parents I don't know well? No, it would be weird if they stayed.

With regard to siblings, we have been at certain schools where it's understood that siblings are invited, no matter how many and what ages they may be, and other schools where it's understood that ONLY the child listed is invited. I don't think that's regional so much as it's cultural from one school to the next.

My personal opinion? When I was a little kid (and my younger brother too), parents didn't bother coming in unless they wanted to drink a margarita or something.....BUT the big difference then was all the families knew each other already. We lived in a neighborhood where it seemed most the parents were approximately the same age, with the stereotypical "2.5" kids, everyone played at the same park or community pool, my friends were on my sports teams and all their parents went to the games and knew my parents. When families know each other, it's easier to drop them off. Today, I make a specific effort to at least introduce myself to my son's friends, because it's different. Not knocking people too bad, but when I go to my son's kung fu classes, 3 to 5 parents show up in a full class of 20 kids, and all but me and ONE dad actually watch the class and pay attention, and talk to each other some. Everyone else has their noses firmly planted in their iphone or ipad and never look up. In soccer, it's the same. I volunteered and was a team leader / chaperone yesterday at my son's field trip. 5 classes of 25 kindergartners in each class on a trip, and there were teachers, assistants, and FOUR parents that showed up. So we don't know each other the way my parents knew my friends' parents (even though they didn't necessarily hang out together, they knew each other). I think that makes a big difference in the "why" and "how" this trend came about.

I know that I didn't have parties with children except a neighbor girl and my cousins when I was very young, nor did I get invited to them......the very young magician and bounce house type stuff where 20 kids show up is fairly new to me too: in the past 10-12 years, I'd say. Perhaps because more parents have to work and more children are in daycare so they know more people earlier? Usually, the parties with lots of kids that weren't related or "screaming distance" were reserved for school aged children.

For us: we personally don't send our children to someone's home without knowing them at least a bit. For the couple parties that my son was invited to (age 4, daycare stuff) where we went, the invitation was for a birthday and bbq. That made it adult-friendly. I phoned the mom to RSVP, ask for ideas on gifts (since I didn't know the child), and she said "You and your husband are welcome to come". I brought a gift and a side dish, we had fun too. The host parents facilitated the party, with the parents' permission I was the "designated photographer" and emailed them the snapfish.com link for that album, we parents hung out and got to know each other while the kids played. It wasn't a big deal.

Other parties we've attended as a family, they were neighbors and family friends. The men hung out around the grill and drank soda or beer and talked "guy stuff", the moms were spread out around the kitchen and living room talking and playing OR helping facilitate the party, the children were outside in the backyard or playing games, and it was supposed to be like that because we were ALL friends with EACH OTHER.

For my own children: my little guy who's 2---we didn't have real parties for him yet-just family stuff, but we've invited my friend who has a 2 year old to come play at our favorite place and then had a picnic. Last year my 5 year old's party was tons of fun. I asked that same friend with the 2 year old to stay and help because she's my FRIEND, and her 2 and 5 year old boys are friends with my 2 and 5 year olds. She's the only one I asked to stay, but during RSVPs, I let the other parents know they were welcome to drop off their children and do some shopping or whatever, OR stay, it was their choice. 2 parents originally planned to leave, but ended up having fun and stayed for the whole thing. My husband made 2 friends that evening, and still does guy nights with them but he met them at that party. The neighbor was just about to leave when our surprise guest, Darth Vadar, came in....and she ended up staying too. She found it awesome to watch her son's reaction to Vadar just walking up like that (they had to fight him off), and I think that with parents working a lot and there being a ton of scheduled activities for so many on weekends, sometimes the parents just want to watch their kids in their "native habitat" and sit back and watch how they act. Time is short, it makes sense to me, I won't complain. I always make enough food for all siblings and parents. If we have leftovers, that's ok. I don't expect that parents will keep coming (especially if we don't know them well) now that my son is about to be 6, but I don't mind them. A party is fun for all as far as I'm concerned. We haven't had a party where we had to pay for adults/chaperones. Except once: a pirate cruise. But that wasn't a birthday party, and we just paid for the 2 parents we invited. :P

We did send my 5 year old to a Christmas / Polar Express party where they came in pjs, made cookies, ornaments, played, then got in their sleeping bags to watch Polar Express in the living room. My friend was hosting the party and was like "this is a big kid only party, and pick up is 10pm" and I said "Awesome", and that was it. We put the youngest down to bed and had a date night at home, lol.

I know this is a LONG answer, but just wanted to answer your question as best I could: for us, it's not a helicopter parent thing but a social thing. We don't invite people we don't like, I suppose? We won't invite an entire class when my son is only friends with a few of them. We go to parties because we're familiar with them or want to get to know them....if we don't know someone at all, or don't WANT to know them better, then we aren't going to their party either. No harm, no foul. And yeah, kinda recent. Not overnight new, but a shift in society: less parents know each other personally, more children are involved in more things (daycare, preschool, a million activities, the trend that some people think they have to follow in inviting the whole class instead of just the ones you want), more parties at younger ages, less family time so some parents want to be around to watch their children play in a less structured environment, or some parents actually being really good friends or wanting parents with the same age children and it's a social event for the whole family since we go to bigger churches but no less people, lots of events but everyone is stuck playing on their little gadgets, etc, etc. People are social creatures and I think the evolution makes sense. I won't be bothering to go to a bunch of parties now that my child is school-aged unless it's a family event (you get that idea while rsvp'ing, which is also looking like a lost art) or I want to know the family. But again, the parties I give are for everyone (open, optional to leave or stay but I do request an rsvp and will contact you if I don't get one in a timely fashion), but we keep the invitations down to actual friends (or someone we think needs a friend), not tons of kids I can't handle on my own.

My kids both went to daycare and when there were parties at young ages, parents always stayed, very few were house parties. Parents never expected to be entertained or fed. We just kind of hung out and chatted, I made some really great friends this way and we're still friends today even though no one really lives close and our kids are in high school!
I guess for the most part those parties were 2 hours or a little more, so why bother going home and just come back.
Once the kids went to elementary school parties we didn't stay. We lived close enough that if there was an issue we could pick them up. As for skating we would never leave until they had the skates on!

Unless its little kids no I wouldn't expect parents to stay.

It depends. This year we are having her party at a bouncy place and I expect parent to stay and supervise their kids. They have to sign a waiver for it and it also states that the kids need to be supervised...

If it was a smaller number of kids at my home I'd be fine with drop off. However often the parties turn out that the kids run off to play and the parents huddle around the snacks and enjoy the conversation and get to know each other better. NONE of the parties we attended this year were drop off, not even the ones at peoples homes.

I think next year or the year after (K/1st grade) we may see more drop off parties.

Good luck

Sherri,

My oldest is now in 1st grade. We always specify on our invitations that it is ok to drop off & pickup or parents and siblings are welcome to stay and play too! But we normally have parties at home so paying per person is not an issue.

I prefer to give parents the option of doing what they are comfortable with at this age. My daughter is now 6 and has only attended one birthday party without either of us. This party was for one of her dance troop friends and was a dance party held at the studio we attend. I was very comfortable with the environment and number of staff on hand and therefore felt ok with dropping her off and running errands for the 2 hours before pickup.

We are NOT comfortable with dropping our girls off for parties of school friends and such where we really do not know the parents other than school interactions. We have no way of knowing the home environment, safety precautions, if they have guns in their home, etc. (To be perfectly clear I fully support everyone's right to bear arms, and have numerous weapons myself. I however, know how we keep them unloaded and locked in the gun safe which only my hubby I know how to access. Unfortunately, not all people are as stringent with safety and keep loaded weapons in their nightstands.)

We never take our other child to a party unless it is specified on the invitation that siblings are welcome. If the invitation is for the "B" family we all go. If invite is addressed to our daughter, then one of us takes her and the other stays home with the baby.

I find it terribly rude that people take it upon themselves to bring uninvited guests. It puts the hostess in a very awkward position of not having enough food, drink, or party treat bags. I also find it inexcusably rude to not RSVP to an invitation in a timely manner. The hostess needs accurate head count to plan a menu, entertainment, and purchase treat items.

Usually most parents and siblings attend our parties but we have had an occasional drop off/pickup. My husband usually sets up his dj equipment to provide appropriate child party themed music. We have plenty of games and such to occupy the kidos. My sister and BIL always attend and help us to "host" the parties so it is fairly easy for the four of us to make sure the children and parents are entertained and fed well :) The parents usually gather on the deck to socialize while the kids are partying in the yard. The parents always enjoy the party just as much as the kids do. We usually have anywhere between 25-60 people attending the parties.

Actually, now that I'm really thinking about this, most of the parties we've attended at least one of the parents stays with the child. I don't know that this is a "regional" thing as much as a "times have changed" kind of thing. My parents didn't attend parties with us when we were growing up back in the 80's but the world is a much different place then it is today. Or perhaps the same "bad things" did happen back then but without the internet parents just didn't know it was going on. I think most parents these days are just more comfortable being there to oversee the environment their children are in especially when the friend is just a school or sports team buddy and not a family friend they've known for years.

Peace and Blessings,
T. B

Elementary age, I think it's best for parents to stay unless it's a sleepover.
High school, the kids often bring themselves to the party, so it's a moot question.

I don't plan on spending the day yelling at other peoples kids to stop doing stuff. They have parents for that so I assume at least one parent will be staying.

Plus when a child invites kids from school to a party these parents don't usually know the inviting parent enough to pick them out of a line up so why in the world would they trust their child with this person?