Is It Rude to Add This Message on the Birthday Invitation Card?

First, do you really want siblings to be at the party? If not, do not add the "sibling is at the parent's expense".

This is how I might word the invite: Julie's invited guests may be dropped of at 2 pm. We will be serving cake, ice cream and juice. Children should be picked up at 3:30 pm.

If siblings are OK with you I'd add: Siblings are welcome to join us at the cost of $12 per child.

Good Luck,

M

If you're doing this at a place then you do need to address this.

If you write the invitation out like this maybe they'll get the idea but I don't allow parents to drop off their kids and leave. It's not my job to babysit their kids. I am overseeing a party, not offering free babysitting.

"Hi, we'd like to invite Susie to join us from 2pm until 3:30pm at XXXXXX. If you'd like you can drop her off then pick her up. This is a very small party and we are only inviting 6 special friends. We hope Susie can join us on this special day. We'll be in the small party room".

it is confusing that way,

Just don't allow siblings at all. and you do tht by the first line.

Invited guests can be dropped off at 2 and picked up at 3:30
Cake, icecream and juice will be served.

Period
buy saying "invited guests" i would hope that would drive home the point of no sibs.

b ut if you had a past experience with a certain family, i might call them and let them know tht this time it's just for the big kids.

Sorry but this drives me NUTS! Why do parents think that the siblings are including? Ya know, kids don't always get to do the same things. Is it sad when big sister/brother goes to a party and little one doesn't? Sure but that is LIFE. GRRR! This is a big pet peeve of mine. Big sister/brother gets out of the car and goes into the party. Parent takes the screaming kid home. I just don't see why this is difficult.

You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you aren't inviting the whole planet. I would just say "the invitation is for Bobby. We are not able to entertain siblings at this party". Or something nicer. =)

H. is an interesting article about it:

"Siblings: Are They Automatically Invited?

As parents, we hate to see any of our children feeling left out of something fun, such as a birthday party. However, we have to realize that birthday invitations are meant for the invitee only (unless otherwise specified on the invitation) and possibly a parent. Imagine what would happen if every invited person to a party showed up with all of their siblings – the poor party host would run out of refreshments and sanity pretty fast!

With that said, many parents will bring younger siblings to parties if they are planning to stay at the party, too. This is why I strongly suggest sending out the invitations early enough so you can request an RSVP, preferably by email or phone so you can contact the person directly to make sure you know how many people will be attending. It’s a little more work for you now, but you won’t have any surprises on the day of the party.

While there’s no polite way to exclude siblings on the invitation, if you’re throwing a party and have to pay a per guest fee then you could specify “We are only allowed 15 guests so please let us know as soon as possible if (Name) will be able to attend.” In this way, you are letting the parents know that there is a limit on the number of guests you can have without specifically saying leave your other kids at home."

Need a little more info....are you having this at a location that is charging per kid? Or is it at your home?

It almost sounds to me like the party isn't very affordable as it is. You should never put yourself in a financial bind just to throw a party. I think you should rethink the whole idea and either come up with something you can afford in case there are a couple of extras or just do something as a family.

How about, "Parents, please drop off your 1st grader at 2 and pick her up at 3. We will be serving cake, ice cream and juice. "

Added: I can't quite figure out why one of your responders was offended? There is nothing wrong with a small party. What would you be teaching your child if you had a big party and could not afford it? That would be teaching her to live beyond her means. Some people.........

Well you could mention that the invitation is the for the named child. If the parents are trying to "bundle' the family for the party, then they will either let the named child come or keep child home.

There is no law that states that the whole family has to attend a party especially if there is a range in age and the birthday kid does not play or know them. Yes, it sucks but so does life. Not fair to everyone all the time. The sooner the kid(s) learn this the better they will handle "rejection".

Yes let them know when to drop off and pick up.

Good luck to you.

the other S.

PS There is also no need to send home goody bags. They have enough sweet stuff in their system to burn off.

Assuming that you are having this at a location where there is a set per child cost it is fine to put something on the invite like what you have. If you are hand writing the invites, rather than "FYI the invitation is for the invited child only" write "You are welcome to stay but if you would prefer you may drop Suzy off at 2 and pick up 3:30. Additional children will cost $xx at the door".

If you are including the cake, icecream and juice, be sure to check the wording (I think you meant "serve" and not "service".

If this is at your home, you should probably just include "You are welcome to stay but if you would prefer you may drop Suzy off at 2 and pick up 3:30".

Either way, be sure the invited child's name is listed on the envelope so there is no question on who is invited.

P.:

If I were to receive that birthday invitation, I would think it a tad rude. I don't assume both my kids are invited to a party unless I know the parents and we have a relationship. When I get an invite and it says "John" I know that only "JOHN" is invited. Those that assume siblings are rude.

The envelope should be addressed to the invited child ONLY

Jane Smith

The invitation should clearly state "Jane, you are invited to come join us at the Water Mine Park at Lake Fairfax on X date from 2PM to 3:30PM. We will be serving cake, ice cream and juice"

If you are concerned about others dropping off siblings - make sure either you or your husband are at the door to welcome the guests and parents - and then tell the invited child where to go and tell the parents you will see them at 3:30!

I would NOT put "siblings at parent's expense". Make sure they have your contact information and when to RSVP.

Good luck!

First off, there is absolutely nothing wrong with inviting a small group of friends. Who cares what others will think!

Also, maybe it is because I am just exhausted (I am a teacher and it is the last week of school!!) but it is kinda funny to me that someone is offended by your question asking how to word something so you aren't offensive.

Sorry! Got a little side tracked.
I agree with Wild Woman and some other folks. If you specifically state the invited guest's name on each invite AND specify a drop off and pick up time, I think you should be safe. If someone walks in with Suzy and her little brother, just say something like, "We are so glad Suzy made it. We will see you back here at 3:30!" :)

"Siblings are welcome to attend but I am sorry to say due to budget concerns on our end, that they will need to be at the parents expense" ...or something along those lines, I think is fine.

It is beyond RUDE for parents to EXPECT that siblings should be allowed to come at your expense, so don't worry too much about hurting anyone's feelings!

I don't think it's rude, given the economy, and people's financial situations ,it's completely understandable. I've never been to a Birthday party for a child where the whole family was invited ,unless the invitation specified that, or it was a family affair and everyone knew ahead of time,and usually everyone pitches in !
It's about the child, their Birthday, not a free meal or babysitting for someone else ! C. S.

The invitation goes to the CHILD, not the family. Put drop off and pick up times - that ought to be clear. When parents arrive, say "Hello, nice to meet you" (or "nice to see you" if you know them), make a little small talk, and then say, "Well I need to attend to the party. See you at 3:30!"

If you have someone staying to help you, make it clear that this person is a chaperone and not just a hanger-on parent. If your party is at a place with a specific activity (play space, arcade, bowling alley, whatever), put on the invitation that you will have excellent supervision.

The siblings are not invited - don't put down that it's at the parents' expense. Your daughter is not inviting the siblings to her party. Stick to that. If you have a farewell/see you later speech with a big smile and act like of course these people are leaving, there will not be a problem.

If anyone asks you if the 3 year old can stay, just say that it's really a small party for her special 7 year old friends, and not designed for a big crowd or other kids. Say that you know their 7 year old child will have a great time. Stop there. Don't keep explaining why you can't afford this or you wish the others could come but the parents have to pay. I commend you for having a normal-sized party and not a full-class free-for-all! Too many people are breaking the bank over these parties.

Also make SURE that your daughter writes a thank you note for her gifts. If people have the whole class, the birthday child gets overwhelmed and resentful about 25 thank you notes. But writing 6 or 8 notes is doable and important. It teaches your daughter about manners and gratitude, and teachings the guests that their presents and presence were appreciated.

Make sure you mail the invitations and put only the invited child's name on the envelope.
Then put "please drop off (insert child's name here) at 2:00 and pick him/her up at 3:30)
We will serve cake, ice cream and juice

I wouldn't put anything about siblings on the invitation at all, as it will make parents think that you're ok with them being there as long as they pay. Sounds like you'd rather keep it small and only have your daughter's friends. Siblings add extra expenses because you need more food and possibly extra goody bags.

If a parent asks specifically about bringing a sibling, I would just be open and honest. Say "I'm really sorry, but we need to keep the party small this year and can can only have (child's name). You're welcome to drop her off so you don't need to find child care for your younger one."

I don't think there's anything at all wrong with limiting the number of guests at the party. I don't think it makes sense to invite the whole class, especially by age seven when your daughter probably has an established group of friends. Invite only those kids that she wants there. Just don't distribute the invitations at school, so it's not as "in your face" to the kids who aren't invited.

My son turned six last week. His class has 28 kids. We invited nine of them to his party (including three that he was friends with before starting kindergarten). I saw no reason at all to invite the ones he doesn't play with. I made sure to tell him not to talk about his party at school so the others wouldn't feel bad.

Yes I think the wording is a bit rude, but I understand what you are trying to say.

I would hand address each invitation, on the invitation, not just the envelope
'Janey, please join us .... for Amy's 7th birthday...'

If you put 'siblings at the parent's expense', you should put the amount.
'siblings at the parents expense of $20.'

My friend did a Legoland party recently and at the bottom, the invite said, "Sorry parents, this one is for the kids only." Perhaps you can add, additional sibling entrance fee may be paid at the door (if you're having it at a place).

No just put drop off is ------ and pick up is---------. When did it become common for people to think it is ok for siblings to attend party. I raised four kids and that was never ever an issue. I guess things have really changed. If so done asks to stay with extra kid, just tell them that they are responsible for paying for that child. I can't imagine anyone would really expect a sibling to be able to day.

I also do not think it is fair to birthday child to have put up with kids that are not their own friends or their own age. It is THEIR birthday party.

The 'sibling is at the parent's expense' means you are ok with siblings coming along as long as the parents pay for them to be there.
I'd drop that last line.
When I plan a party for 10, I don't have room/food/goody bags/resources for 11 or more.
I never gave candy (or whistles or noise makers or things with lots of tiny parts) out in goody bags - just some little puzzles or small toys.

We never seemed to have problems with parents dropping siblings off along with the invited child but then we were throwing birthday parties about 8 yrs ago so maybe this is something new.

Not offensive at all. I too would just make the invite to the child only. I think it's more rude to assume siblings are invited. The entitlement mentality drives me nuts. No, the siblings aren't entitled to attend the party. What's wrong with living within your means. Most of my sons parties were less than 6 kids so no it never was the whole class. I just told him not to talk about it at school. Me, personally, I wouldnt even add the part about siblings parents expense. I think drop off and pick up is clear enough. And like others already said reiterate that at the door that you'll see them later. If I'm hesitant to drop and leave my kids I probably would just RSVP no. And I'm more a fan of this style party than these big elaboroate parties a lot of kids have in my area. A b-day party is a privilege, not a right. I always feel like my home made cake and water guns in the back yard is fun and the kids have a blast but I feel like other parents think I'm cheap. Oh, well, I'm not overdoing things for them. Have fun at the party.

Yes, rude. Most parents will know, especially if u specify "drop off".!

I am a teacher and often times we get pulled in to referee this kind of stuff. 1. Kids will NOT be discreet so invite the girls in the class and just cut down on the expenses. Bake the cake yourself, buy cheap icecream, no goody bags etc.

As for parents and siblings say, I have 3 chaperones already so parents can drop off your daughter and pick her up at 3:30. No siblings please.

Be frank up front as it will be better than mean, on the spot.

P.-

I think your message you want to add is absolutely FINE! I am so TIRED of these Parents showing up at parties with their intire Families, and NOT even ASKING if they can bring them. I was just at a party this past Sunday, and a Woman showed up with 5 KIDS!! NO KIDDING!! They ALL ate Pizza, as well as cake and Ice Cream. The Hostess looked like she was going to faint when she saw them coming.

So, include your message, it is fine!

The wording you have is off putting.
perhaps at the bottom you could add:

"(note to parents: the guest list is small, please tell you children to be discreet at school about the party. Parents are encouraged to drop off their child, we have plenty of supervision. If you wish to stay and bring siblings, the cost is XX per child and xx per adult. Cake, ice cream and juice will be served.)"

Then just have plenty of cake in case parents and siblings stay, that part is cheap enough. I'm not in that world of parties and classmates, but it seems reasonable to me that your daughter have a special party with just close friends without feeling obligated to invite everyone. I only see this as a problem if only a few kids are excluded.

I think Grandma G's was written well , especially if you really don't want parents or siblings along even if they pay their own way.

It gets complicated, I know. As our kids are growing older, it has been an issue because some of the folks we invite are family friends who may have a couple of kids and we all hang out together. Others are classmates where we don't know the sibling or parents. So it is hard to say "These siblings can come but those can't!" I like what you wrote. Maybe it could say "Siblings are welcome at parent's expense."

If I read "drop off" and "pick up" that means I do not stay. Maybe take out the exta wording so there is no room to error.

What type of venue is the party at? Sometimes if you have someone helping you like an aunt or grandma that does not know the families, enlist them to be the "bad guy" and say something at the door if they plan on staying...Jane, come this way to the party....oh, Jack is staying? you can pay for him over there at the counter.

I would drop the first line and just go with the rest. the first line sounds a little rude, but the rest is fine and is something the parents should expect, no one should expect that a sibling is invited and/or paid for.

One thing I did when we had a swim party is we met at our house then drove to the destination. That way they couldn't bring all the other kids. The invitation said drop of at (our address), pick up at (destination). Didn't have any problems at all.

I wouldn't let what Donna posted get you down. There is no reason at all that you should invite the whole class. As far as what you are trying to teach your child. All your 7 year old is going to know is she had a party and had her friends there and didn't have to worry about inviting children that may have picked on her during school.
I must say that this is new to me. I have always stayed at any birthday party my child was invited to, and had the whole family stay at my children's party, mainly because I am friends with my children's friend's parents. I have seen parents drop off their child at a friends house for birthday parties, even though they were also friends with the parents, and have felt it was rude to just leave them for other adults to keep up with when they have a lot of other things going on.

Did you mean "...we will serve cake"? "Service cake" sounds really strange.

I can't tell if you are having the birthday party in your home or somewhere else. If you are having it somewhere else, saying "Sibling is at the parent's expense" is okay. If you are having it at home, it just makes you sound really cheap and I wouldn't do that.

Did you change your post? One of the posters said she is offended by your question and I don't understand why...

Hi, P.:

If you cannot invite the whole class because of money, you really need to have a private birthday party for your child and your family.

What are you trying to teach your child?
People will look at you like you can't afford a birthday party.
You need to think about what it is you are trying to do for your child.

Quite frankly, I am offended by this post.
Good luck.
D.

Gamma G.'s post was great answer, I agree.
Um, not offensive so ignore Donna S's post.
P