Do You Bend the "Rules"?

We bend the rules. Later bedtime on non-school nights, snacks, etc. I don't think it's a big deal...as long as they know it's an exception to the rule!

Yes... rules are made to be broken. I try to approach it more as an award system. You helped me clean the house today, you deserve a special treat.

I'm a rule bender =-)

My kids are pretty awesome 95% of the time too so on weekends when they been exceptionally good they get to eat dessert before dinner! They know it’s a special treat when that happens. They have never asked but when I start saying “Wow I’m so proud of you guys ….” They start to get a big smile before I even get to “you get to have dessert before your dinner!”

It’s the simple things in life….

When LOVE is the rule, who needs to bend it?

yes.

There is no such thing as a 100% well behaved kid. Or a 100% well behaved parent. People, both young and old, aren't perfect.

I go by the 80-20 rule and if things are good 80% of the time, that's success. Be very proud of your ninety-five-percent'er.

Heck! I'd say that rules aren't perfect either. Rules are CREATED and are an outward action to inward principles. FE, *why* don't you allow eating in the living room? The why is the principle. The rule is how to keep the principle intact. (And if you can figure out how to keep your "why" AND eat in the living room.... s'all good! )

Yes, we bend the rules occasionally. If it is a rare thing, then it is a treat. Be clear tha tif you are asked repeatedly, you will say no. Your child may test you a little, but my kids are pretty good at knowing that we do things one way and Mom is nice and allows exceptions ifthey don't push their luck.

Definitely! and I say that because I'm one of those strict mamas who loves order and fun and have a well behaved kid. I love picnics in the living room, early bed time equals an additional book, treats at holidays, rainy day maybe a movie day.

Rules are for self structure. I think it builds confidence, predictability. Treats are the flexibility and creativity within that structure. I don't discipline by rewarding good behavior, I think being in relationship with my child she's a great kid. To me bending the rules at certain times allows for spontaneity, again, creativity and like you said flexibility.

Mental Health: neither rigid nor chaotic.

Jen

Rules... no. We'll change rules as the situation changes, but we don't bend them. They're in place for durn good reasons, or they shouldn't exist.

HOWEVER... yes, we get very silly and change our ROUTINE all the time. We do treats quite frequently. Special is special... but we don't have to bend rules in order to do so. :) I may well be arguing semantics, but it's an important distinction to me. There are rules and then there are habits and routines. Which in a Jack Sparrow kind of way... routines are more like "guidelines".

Of course, we have very VERY few actual rules. <grinning> The whole quote "The more laws, the less justice." is what informs my placing of rules. And as kiddo gets older, they do change. Just for example:

In the beginning.. it was no hitting. Now... it's "When is it okay to hit? When you're defending yourself, somebody else, or learning how to fight." Same token ... there used to be a rule "No using the stove". Now the rule has changed to "Only using the stove when an adult is helping."

Yelling is a rule that hasn't changed: "It's okay to yell, when? When there's danger, or you're far away."

Sure -small rules like that were made to be broken now and then! It's fun to be flexible sometime and great fun for your kids! Truly make it a special occasion though -not something that's happening all the time. Some of my best childhood memories are from when my parents would do something like that -so unexpected!

I will bend the rules a bit as a specal treat. If my Son hasworked hard or dont extra little thing over the week I will let him sat up late on frieday night, or watch tv in his room, or eat in the living roon (on a tv tray). And some times jsut because I feel like it We will put a blankie in the living room floor and picnick, jsut because its fun.
However, if its asked for I will remind my boy that those are all little treats and he has to work for them. I would rather treat him wiht things like that then go to the store and get more stuff. I think it teaches him that if you want something extra then you need to work for it. Of course my son is 8 so you would have to make it something that your sweet 4 year old could do.

Have fun mommy!!!

of course, we call things like that 'special treats'

Yes, you can bend the rules if you make it about EARNING that privilege.

As for eating in the living room, we turned it into an event -- put out a big sheet and played "living room picnic" - it saved the rug and still let everyone eat there. So it's not bending the rules, it's creating a separate structure.

every now and then i'll let my kids eat ice cream for dinner (my brother-a health fanantic hates that, especially when i have my neice-his daughter), or just run amuck all weekend long as long as no one is getting hurt or fighting, stay up as late as they want on friday nights as long as they are quiet enough for me to go to sleep and we have no plans the next day

let kids be kids, if they have to constantly "follow rules and do chores" they are missing out on their child hood and are really no more than household slaves :) sometime i join in on the child like games :) nice to pretend i'm not pushing 30

Yes I do that, no problem.

Oh, we bent the rules just last night. Normal bed time is 8pm on a school night, but RUDOLPH was on! I let them stay up until 9pm to watch it with (it came on at 8pm) even though we do have a DVR. We made sure to do story time before and they brushed their teeth during the last few commercial breaks so they didn't have to miss anything. And yes, sometimes we eat at the coffee table on a lazy Sunday morning or when their dad is away (he travels for work) and it's just us. My vote is that it is modeling flexibility!!!

Sure. It sounds like you sometimes relax the rules and have fun. Enjoy your child, those can be special times/treats.

We don't have a whole lot of 'rules' in our house. We let our son know what behavior we won't tolerate and the appropriate way he needs to behave. We have a very well behaved 4yo and it is fun doing fun things with him and for him. We are laid back so he gets to do lots of things other kids can't do quite often but if he misbehaves, then his priviledges get taken away and he knows it.

Do I bend the rules? HECK YES! Who wants to live in a rule-bound, totally inflexible world?Children have a hard enough time accepting the world when it does not go as expected. Teaching your child flexibility will prepare her for when things go diffrently.

Besides there is no harm in staying up late once in a while, having a fun camp out in the living room one night, having a picnic in the bedroom for dinner, or watching an extra video with a big bowl of popcorn. Those things are fun. They are good things to do. Teach her that it is ok to have fun outside the regular rules sometimes, and she will grow up a happier more well adjusted child.

Remember, if she can never break the rules now, what will she be like as a teenager when you have less control over her??

If my husband were answering the question, he would say "NO!" Never bend rules---makes the kids whine-y and manipulative.

I don't think of it as bending: I think of it as "incentives for good behavior."

I allow extra TV or extra privileges for good grade cards, good reports from teachers...etc...

The best suggestion I have is to be very clear and limit the types of incentives you have. If you have a lot of possible incentives, they are going to push the limits.
Incentives can change as they kids get older...but just don't have too many or they'll think everything is an incentive.

Heck yea. What fun is life if you cannot occasionally to something taboo like stay up late, eat dessert before dinner, etc.

I think moderation is always the best way to go. When rules have some flexibility, kids have nothing to rebel against.

Rules are made to be broken, right?? I definitely let me kids slide sometimes - it's necessary :o).

Yes we do!!

We really didn't get to do that much as kids, so I let my kids do things like eat at the coffee table, have ice cream for dinner, stay up later, just silly little things that make life interesting & fun!!