Divorce and Custody

D.,

I have a very good friend here in Frisco who practices as a Family Law Attorney. Let me know if you'd like his information. His name is Jeff Domen. I wish you the best in these hard times.

J.

At one time SMU provided free lawyer consultation. Try calling SMU's law department and inquire. Good luck.

First of all, there is NO alimony in Texas. I would really go the counciling route, if at all possible. Individual and couples. Good Luck.

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your diffucult time. I am also from Calif and separated from my husband for a time. I went to see an attorney and you need to do the same. From what I understand who ever files first will have the upper hand. This is a community property state, so everything is half yours. Also, you can't keep him from moving back to Calif. I was told by the attorney I spoke to that if he does it looks better for you. If he isn't abusive and is good to the kids, then I don't see why you could ask for joint custody but with... i forget the term he used, but basically the kids would live with you, you decide school ect... however, if you move out you can only move to counties that touch the one your in and the same would go to you husband if he moves out. Anyway, this is just some things I found out, but I stress you go and at least speak with an attorney or two. Good luck and hope things get better for you.

without knowing the terms of you and your husband's decision to reconcile, it is hard to give accurate advice but i suspect by the fact that you were willing TO reconcile even after the fact that he considers you beneath him says alot. What that hints to me is that you may have made more compromises than you have already made(giving up career, etc) in order to save the relationship. Personally, if a husband really felt that his wife was lower than he on whatever level he's referring to, then he's got ALOT of issues. You are in a very difficult predicament. Either you spend a few or alot of more years trying to work it out and get him to completely respect you as an equal doing your part as a housewife and mother or you're setting yourself up for him to be able to file first. i dont know how much support you have(family, friends?)cuz if you did, you would definitely have options. Scary to be a housewife and mother w/o established career. Hard to advise. Me? i could never love a man that didnt respect me completely on every level, and i have not yet met anyone that has changed for the better. I jsut cant imagine someone saying youre beneath them even to a homeless person much less the mother of your children. That's pretty heartless and crazy since no one is above anyone on this earth. no one. I know the "Scrooge" turned into a loving giving soul overnight, but that is as they say "only in the movies" if you choose to try and save your mariage, i wish you all the luck and God's blessings. If you choose to strike out on your own, i wish you the same. either way it will be hard. i would prefer striking out on my own only because i have found that wives try to save the marriage out of fear of being alone and husbands reluctantly agree out of guilt just to eventually go back to the same old routine. some battles are just that, battles.
at least when you get your own independence you have won that. and yes he may remarry, but then so will you. but you need to regain your self esteem and really love yourself and become empowered first so that you do not fall for someone that truly doesnt love and respect you ever again. i can only suggest these things because i have been through the same crud over and over again, i would always think "never again" "this guy is differnt, better, etc" it wasnt until i read Harville Hendrix "Getting the Love you Want" that i began to not only understand why my mates were such jerks, but why i chose them in the first place. read the book, Half Price always carries copies for $3-$4. His books are on the shelfs of most counselors and is considered the "bible" of counselors. Hrville Hendrix is a regular guest on "Oprah" His book is supposed to help couples rebuild their marriages or at least help you figure out if worth salvaging and if anything help you from getting into this type of relationship again in the future.
You are much braver than you think
L. b.

You haven't done anything wrong. Being and staying true to yourself and who you are is the best thing in the world, which is what you have done, good for you. It's okay to have all the melt downs you need because after them, it's a human way of transition to a better you. If your MIL doesn't like that, well, you didn't marry her right? Every MIL is that way in my opinion. I not only had to put my MIL in her place, but my husband as well. Excuse my language, but I basically told her that she had done her part already and now she needed to butt out because he had his own family now and she had no say in it what so ever. I told him to quit being a titty sucker, that about did it. Haven't had a problem since. Take your husband out, rekindle your marriage, let him know that you still have it and he needs it.

D.,
I haven't been through your situation, but I have dealt with overbarring MIL. I sense that your husband will always consult with his mother unless, through couselling he learns why this is so wrong. I hope through counselling you guys will work things out...but the reality is he has information about you and from the lawyer that is sitting in the back of his mind. Therefore YOU SHOULD TOO! You actually have the upper hand. You are home during the day, so find a lawyer and see him during the day while he is working. Seek financial help from your family now to start a "just in case" fund. Maybe it's a savings account through an online bank, with the statements and ATM card sent to your mothers house. You get the mail when it comes. During the day, go make copies of your previous taxes, bank deposits, IRA, retirement accounts. Make sure your name is on the primary checking acount, not just the bill paying account. Don't let him isolate you, you need strong women friends now more than ever b/4. Be strong for your kids. Oh and btw, this website IS the place for this kind of advise. God Bless.

I don't have a lot of advice about the laws here in Texas. But I did have some thoughts. Make sure you NEVER say anything bad to your husband about his mom...it will just push him closer to her. Stay away from your mother-in-law. This is crazy and you are better off letting your husband talk with her. You be sweet and kind and he will see how crazy his mom is.
Blessings to you and I"m so sorry you are going through this.

You can expect to get up to 60% of all his assets, full custody and child support according to his income until each child reaches 18, also spousal support until you can either finish school or get a job.

Do not be intimidated and start by making copies of all financial assets, such as savings accounts, checking, retirement accounts ect. Keep a journal of day to day expenses you need for the house, groceries, kids clothes, activities, gas, car payments and so on.

If you go to see a lawyer expect the initial consultation to cost about $ 200 and the retainer between $ 5000 to 7500.

He would have to leave the home, you would need to change the locks on the same day as he is served.You can ask the court that he pay all lawyer and court cost but you will first have to come up with the retainer and then get it back at he end.

The reason I know all this is because I just saw a lawyer a couple of weeks ago.

Do not sign anything without a lawyer.

Best of luck, try couple counceling if you want to try to save the marriage. Do you belong to a church, talkt othe pastor.

I recently went through a divorce and it can be a bit confusing. First of all calm down, you have to be level-headed and realistic through this. My husband also said a lot of things to try and intimidate me (like he had hired a lawyer when he hadn't, or he was going to have me declared an unfit mother because I see a therapist, that my family hated me - it goes on and on) you just have to be informed and know what your breaking point is.

There are some great books. The simplest was something like "Filing for Divorce in Texas" $30 at Borders.
I am not a lawyer, but Texas law seems to be very reluctant to sever a childs ties to a parent. You would be granted joint conservatorship unless there are crazy circumstances. I do not believe that Texas law allows for alimony, but if you were to be the custodial parent you would receive child support (percentage dependant on the number of children). My attorney also told me that grandparents have no rights in Texas, but that said, you have no control over who he chooses to associate with while they are with him. Also most decrees specify where the parents have to live (mine is in DFW, some specify county), in my case I cannot move with our child from the area without a judges consent unless my ex moves first.
There are some great internet sites for info - just search "Texas divorce law". Please talk to an attorney, at least to get real legal answers to your questions.

If you have any business skills, go a get a position, and I know that it will come to your children will be in daycare. That can be a good thing, for them to intervene with other children. You go and get at job and this will inprove your worthiness, which your husband and his mother will see that you are not afraid to go out and try. There is an ocean of opportunities to make money and be strong for your girls, they need to see a woman mother rise. Good luck!

Firstly I'm sorry to hear of your situation. Divorce isn't easy no matter what state you live in. But your situation is not unique and many women have made it through this and you can, too.
In Texas, we don't have "alimony." We have spousal support (or maintenance) and is a little different from alimony. You aren't automatically entitled to spousal support. But given that you don't work outside the home and you've been the primary caregiver for the children, it's likely you'll receive some support. The court will look at things like you giving up your career to stay at home, your time out of the work force, etc. Spousal support is separate from child support. That's done on a completely different scale and involves a whole other hearing.
My best advice to you is to consult with an attorney now. You have the same rights your husband has. And with custody, even in 2008, women still by and large retain primary custody. If you have friends in the area who are divorced ask what their experience was and if they have any recommendations. Word of mouth is a great way to find an attorney. A good online source is the Texas Bar website. You can see which lawyers have complaints lodged against them, etc.
Meet with the lawyer in person and if you don't feel comfortable with them, keep looking. I would go in with a list of what you want to accomplish with your divorce - primary custody of the children, spousal support until you find a job, things like that. Divorces proceedings typically last around 6 months depending how much property is involved and if minor children are involved. I would expect a year of proceedings if you have a lot of issues of contention and compromises aren't willing to be made.
On the mother-in-law situation: If you have to speak to her at all I would limit it to only topics that are safe, like the kids are doing well in school, things like that. Any personal information you share with her, particularly in writing, could be used against you if the divorce were to happen. If you don't have to talk to her, I wouldn't. It sounds like anything you might say could fuel the fire.
Does you husband want this divorce or is he just that easily manipulated by his mother? Either way, you may want to question whether you want to be in a marriage with someone so easily swayed. It doesn't sound like this is a situation that will change and there is probably not much you can do to make her or your husband see the light.
I hope this was helpful. I'll think good things for you and your girls. Try to stay positive. My heart truly goes out to you.

Hi, I did not read the enitre thing but If my husband was talking lawyers and divorce you can bet i would have talked with my own lawyer by now.

I would see who is recommended and have a consultation with them.

HTH
AJ

I'm a single mother and had a hard divorce custody hearing. 1st of all calm down and try not to stress out. The court always gives the mother primary conservatory unless the father can prove that you are unfit. drugs, alcohol, unstable home. it doesn't matter how much or how little money you have. My ex in laws are very intimidating as well. Get an attorney and know your right.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Blessings
M.

Awww you poor thing! That sucks.
What Brigett said is all great advice.
Dont beat yourself up over this it happens all the time.
Texas courts are actually really good about taking care of the mothers and children. Dont worry about the hospital stay....everyone everywhere has problems. Bigger problems than that! Just take Weezy for example hehe. Dont be intimadated.
Dont worry about your kids. They will be fine.
Stupid mommas boy(sorry)He should not be talking to you that way. I say TAKE HIM TO THE CLEANERS and you file first! people change and you will find the right man. Remember...when one door closes another one opens. Good luck

Please find yourself a lawywer. Texas laws can be very tricky when it comes to some things but it is still a state that grants the mom in most cases the primary role. Honestly the state of Texas won't grant him primary custody unless he can prove you are an unfit mother. I considered getting full custody of my child but my lawyer told me that would be almost impossible unless I could prove to the courts that the my child's dad was totally unfit. In the end I went with me as custodial parent, but he has rigts as well. I take care of everything financially for the most part including insurance even though my ex is suppose to pay child support(which in my case is minimum) and insurance (he doesn't). It is never easy but you just have to talk to a professional and remember that you will talk to a lot of people for advice and everyone's situation is slightly different. Hang in there! :-)

D.,
Im sorry that I dont have a answer for you, but i just wanted to tell you to hang in there!!!!!

D.,
All I have to say to you is 'GET PRIMARY ADDRESS!!!' When I got a divorce 10 years ago - my ex husband and I decided that he would have 'primary address' but we would have joint custody so our kids would not be moved away from their friends and school - LITTLE DID I KNOW - that primary address means that the kids LIVE with him!! OH MY GOD when I found that out - after I signed the papers - I could hardly live with my self!! I look back now and CAN NOT believe that I was so stupid!!!! and NO ONE told me about this!! I have had to live with SUCH GUILT and I will continue to live with guilt until I die!! .....FIRST OF ALL... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TRY TO WORK IT OUT!! DIVORCE IS SOOOOOO MUCH HARDER THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW!! THE KIDS LIFE IS TORN APART AND HOLIDAYS, WEEKEND, SOCCER GAMES, BALLET ... WHAT EVER IS NEVER WONDERFUL TO ATTEND YOU ALWAYS HAVE THE EX AND THEN THE EX'S GIRLFRIEND(S).... I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GO TO CHURCH BUT I WOULD LIKE TO SUGGEST TO START ATTENDING AND GET SOME GOOD FRIENDS - A SUPPORT GROUP... HANG IN THERE!!!! IT WILL BE WORTH IT IN THE END!!!!!!!! IT REALLY WILL!!!

I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU AND PLEASE LET US KNOW HOW EVERYTHING TURNS OUT!!

B.

I don't know what the laws are in TX, but if there's a legal way to keep you, the kids, and dad in TX, then the grandmother issue shouldn't be too great unless she's visiting. I don't know if it's too late for family counseling, but if he's willing, maybe he'll find out he needs to cut the apron strings (that relationship is NOT healthy). As long as both of you can put the kids first as much as possible - reassuring them you love them, not moving them around a lot, etc., - you'll be in much better shape emotionally. (Trust me, I know - mom's been divorced 4 times). Take care, good luck!

D.,
First, I am sorry to hear about your situation. I do not know anything about the laws regarding divorce here in Texas. I just felt compelled to respond and say "chin up!! " Do not let this man and his mother intimidate you. You sound like a great Mom and don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise. If you don't have a friend to confide in...a lot of churches offer divorce support counseling. Even if you are not there ...get some emotional support. Do you go to church? If not, find one. It sounds like you are worried about the fact that you stay at home. Honey that is a very hard and demanding job. You did the right thing. Get educated, discover your options, and keep your calm. God bless!

As long as you are not a danger to the children, you will keep them with you. He can get joint custody, which is fine if he's not a danger to the children. If he is an alcoholic (or drinks in excess that you think is safe which was my case) or if he does drugs, or is not home most of the time to take care of the children in the evenings, then you can get a lawyer and file for sole custody with him having visitation rights. He just won't have any say in the major decisions of the childs' life. I got sole custody, but his dad still saw him, but only with my approval. Remember, if he wants a divorce, you file first and don't tell him. He'll then have to get a lawyer if he won't agree to your terms. MAKE SURE you get a Child Support Order and have his paychecks garnished. Otherwise you may not get it when it's due. Some men hold back child support if they pay it straight to you due to anger.....have it go through the courts or the Guardian Ad Litem FOR SURE! With the Guardian, they will automatically take him to court if he falls 2-1/2 months behind....my husband has been going to court for years because "he has 4 other kids he has to take care of" in his current marriage and quit his job 8 years ago to have his wife work while he is a house-daddy. And you can't get money from the spouse's income. So ask alot of questions. And you can also file and have the lawyer charge him for all the bills, since he's the one who wants out! Don't let him in on any of your plans, or he'll try to beat you to it. Act fast! There's no sense if holding on to a marriage that the other spouse doesn't want. Legally, you can't keep the kids away from his grandparents, but you can make it hard for them. Remember, you are married to him, not his mother. Get the upper hand on her by filing first. Mother=in=laws can be so vindictive. You won't lose your kids. Little girls need a mom at home, not solely living with a dad. If your family has money, get it fast and file for divorce. If you've been married for over 10 years and you live in Texas, you can get spousal support too while you look for a job! Child support and spousal support! And if you want to keep the house, he'll have to buy your half. More money in your pocket! I had a bad marriage and I wish he had money, but he was just as broke as me. I say if he wants to throw a wrench into your marriage.....take him to the bank honey! Good luck.

I am an attorney but I do not practice family law. You need to go see an attorney that can counsel you through this difficult time. Even if you are able to work things out with your husband, you will be much better off if you know your rights and be reassured that you need not fear him. Don't worry about the money; the attorney can assist you in getting fees paid from your husband's funds - in texas everything he makes is community property, which means it belongs equally to both of you. The fact that you are going to counseling is a positive thing, not a negative - you care enough about you and your family to go seek assistance in getting better. Many many people seek counseling. The kind of man that your husband is, it is little wonder you need some help to get through the day...I understand very much some of the things you are going through. You need to make yourself some friends, too and get some moral support. Consider joining a church and talk with the counselors there. And for goodness sake keep going to counseling to help you through this difficult time. I have recommended Irv Queal to many people and they have always been happy. ###-###-####. good luck to you and take care

D., my husband and I have recently attended the most incredible "training" seminars to be created! It is called Discovery and will no doubt improve marriage and improve your quality of life. Especially concerning your husband's relationship with his mother. This was a "redflag" to me. No married man should consult his mommy instead of his wife in any area regarding the marriage. And even though you said you wouldn't mind him speaking to his guy friends, really, this can be a betrayal as well. The person your husband needs to discuss your marriage with is YOU, or a trained, objective professional. Discovery can also help with the issue of you feeling so much pressure that at one point you even checked into a mental health facility. The first session is Discovery 1, this is when you work on yourself and disposing of all your past and present baggage. The next month is Discovery 2, this helps you with tools to keep living free of hang ups. Discovery 3 is to help you establish a purpose. Through this training, it is guaranteed you and your husband will change for the better but Discovery also has a Relationship Training in April that is amazing! And only one of you has to have been to Discovery 1 for both of you to attend. My husband and I were not in marital trouble and it has still made things 100% better. My friends that were near divorce say they can't believe the difference it has made.

Now, about the money, the trainings do have costs and fees (not much though) but there are scholarships available. So it may be possible for you and your husband to attend all of the trainings for little or no costs. Please see their website and at least call them with questions: http://discovery-training.com/

Good luck and I hope to see in the future a posts about healing!

I am confused. Are you getting a divorce now or not? You said his mom was pissed because he didn't go through with it. You being in a mental hospital for one day and going to counseling doesn't sound like enough to me for him to get custody of the kids. Right now if you'll are together and you don't have any temporary orders in the divorce case then you each have a right to the children. So if he wants to leave don't let him take the children because then it would be easier for him to get a temporary restraining order for him to keep the children until you go to court. Texas does have alimony but it is a limited time. It is really up to the judge if they want to order it. You being a stay at home mom it would probably be easier to get it but I think the longest time is 2 years. Good luck. I work for an attorney and 90 percent of our cases are family cases. If you want feel free to message me.