Discrimination Against Mothers, and a Question About My Daughter Throwing Up ...

I honestly think if they are like that then you would not want to work for them anyway. If you really want to do it another way then I suggest you do a professional business page that gets "liked" and keep your personal page for your own personal use.

I know several friends who even have second accounts so they can keep their personal pages separate from their professional ones. One is an actress so she sort of has that right and another is a business owner and she has a page for her business and than one that is for her own name. She does not mix the two, she is not friends with herself so anyone seeing her friend list on her business page would not see her own name as a friend on there.

I really do not think it is their business to read about your personal stuff. That is much like forcing you to allow them to read your diary or journal.

As for the flea medication, as you described it, she should be fine. When in doubt, always call poison control (have box in hand) or your doctor to be sure. WIth my children's health, I always would rather waste a call than not be sure.

As for discrimination...it is illegal. Does it happen? Absolutely. Traditionally, companies would prefer a male because let's face it...he can't get pregnant and if he has kids, typically, the mother is gonna stay home with them when they are sick. Next preference would be a woman no longer in typical child bearing years (say 40ish). Younger than that, kids or not, pregnancy could be an issue....so you would have potential for maternity leave (possible complications having you out even sooner before delivery), out for childhood illnesses, and/or not returning after maternity leave. Although they aren't supposed to discriminate, and some do not, it can be something that is one their minds. As for FB, I would not necessarily "hide" your daughter but really your privacy settings should already be such that the general public can't see those pics anyway. Whether you make them completely private, family only, friends only, etc is up to you. Since you said you have allowed them access, does that mean you have "friended" them? if so, you could still allow your "friends" to see everything but still block them with a custom filter. Let's face it, do you want to work for a company that wouldn't hire you if they knew you had a daughter? Isn't being a mom a huge part of who you are?

**I disagree with the poster that said to say "there's no worry there" if asked about kids. That is like saying you don't have any kids and could be construed as a lie (grounds for termination). They can not legally ask you if you have kids. If you were to mention having kids they can ask "you mentioned having a child, will childcare be an issue?"...in that case you can say "there's no worry there" or "I have that covered".

as for the flea and tick medication? I would call the veterinarian to see if there is something you missed - if she has continued to throw up - I would talk with my pediatrician to see if she's allergic to cats and this is her reaction or if it was a one-time deal.

As far as the job? It is illegal to discriminate against a women because she is a single mother or a mother at all.

If your friend works that this company and is saying that and she's in HR??? she should turn them in....yep...be a whistle-blower...IF this is the company you are looking to work for? Why would you want to work for a company that you would have to essentially lie to in order to get the job??

As to facebook? You should probably make sure your settings are set to private instead of everyone. It's not their business what you do on your personal time.

CONGRATULATIONS on your bachelors degree!!!

It is NOT illegal to "discriminate" in hiring based on marital status, parenthood, etc. You can't discriminate in hiring based on things like race, religion, gender. You can NOT ask questions during the hiring process such as "Are you married?" "Do you have children/plan to have more children/who takes care of your children?" and you can not be discriminated against in terms of firing, salary advancement, etc once you are working there simply because you have a child, but it is NOT illegal not to hire you because they find out you have a kid. They can make whatever assumptions they want and they are not required to hire you even if you're more qualified than others if they think your family life will take too much time away from work. Sorry.
I haven't been in the corporate world in over 10 years. I work in public school now, so I'm far from the hiring process and employers checking facebook. I don't really know how many of them do that now. For your basic info, I would not list a marital status and I wouldn't have anything cutesy, but to have a picture of your daughter and caption it "Olivia at the pumpkin patch" is fine, and they may not even know it's your daughter, it could be your niece or godchild or whatever. I would also make sure that your settings are as private as possible.

Just addressing the FB question here: I read at least four human resources and business books each month (for my work) and I can tell you -- employers certainly do look at FB and any other social media or web sites out there where they can find you. Believe me, many employers Google prospective employees' names to see what they can find online. As for FB, there are some legal cases very recently about whether employers can legally ask you for private passwords so they can see your FB or other social network sites -- I believe the decisions on the legality of it are pending, but some job candidates go ahead and give access anyway. I would never do it, but then, I am not on FB or any other social media, partly for that very reason. And remember -- if stuff from your personal FB page gets linked to other peoples' pages, then somewhere, somehow, someone can find it eventually. What you have (pictures of your child) is very innocent but amazingly a lot of younger employees post insanely bad stuff like photos of themselves drunk, and that HAS cost people jobs. Your situation is much more subtle, of course.

All that is to say....if they ask you for your private settings to see your FB, I would not really want to work for them anyway, and it might be illegal (soon, if not already). If they don't ask, you can expect that possibly they're at least going to Google you even if they can't get into your FB page. Just assume it in all job interviews these days. Even if they don't do it -- assume they could, any time.

It's true that legally they can't ask you questions about your family but it's also true that you cannot read their minds and hearts and know if they're thinking, "Moms end up taking more time off than a man." If they say that out loud, they're idiots, since it would give you grounds for a great lawsuit, but you can't tell if they're only thinking it. I'd do what someone suggested and make your FB privacy-protected as much as you can.

I don't know why people think it's illegal to not hire you if you're a mother.
(Maybe this is something stay at home Mom's don't know?)
It's not - and in fact it's quite common place.
Your friend is correct.
There are whole studies on it and the 'motherhood penalty' has been well discussed since the 1950's.

http://www.theglasshammer.com/news/2010/02/10/debating-th...

Your best strategy is to hide and down play your family - take the pictures down.
It sucks but It's the way it is.
Employers don't want to think your job will come second because if you are a Mom they reason your child(ren) will come first.

I would call your doctor about your daughter's vomiting to ask the question, mom. Sorry that I don't know much about this stuff...

About your FB. I would do what your friend suggests. After you get the job and have passed the 3 month probationary mark, then "unhide". You are right that it feels so wrong to have to worry about it. But you have to do what you have to do.

Make sure to have a safety net so that you don't have to take off of work to take care of a sick child. If you have that covered, and they ask you about children, you can just pass that off and say "Oh, there's no worry there." And continue to talk about your qualifications. They aren't supposed to ask you if you are planning on having kids, but if they were to ask, just laugh it off and say something like "That's not part of my life plan!" and again, go back to talking about your qualifications.

Oh! And let me add this - don't talk about religion or politics on the FB that your company would see. You might find after you go to work with them that they have company policies that deal with info on your FB regarding the company. Make sure you read that carefully and adhere to it. People have lost their jobs fb'ing or twittering things that upset the company.

I hope you get this job! Good luck!

Dawn

I'm no genius, but if you hide the fact that you have a child on your FB page, and you get the job, wouldn't your employer and co-workers eventually find out you had a child and know that you deceived them? I'm surprised an HR person would tell you to basically tell a lie for which the truth would quickly be revealed. Sounds like bad advice, IMO.

Earlier this year I applied for many jobs and went on many interviews and never once asked about having a social media page. I don't think I'd want to work for a place who discredited my credentials based on a stupid personal page, anyway.

I don't believe in this discrimination against mothers thing... most of the women I have worked with have always had kids. The ones that didn't have kids were in the minority. It's not the 1950's anymore. I think if you don't get a job, it probably is because you weren't qualified or didn't interview well, or didn't have what the employer was looking for.

You don't really have to 'hide' your pictures. Just set your privacy settings, which you should already be doing (you don't want just anyone seeing pics of your kids!!). No one who isn't your friend will be able to view any photos other than your profile photo.

As far as the flea stuff, I have no idea.

FB answer only...

One thing to remember is to never post anything you would not be ok with the world to see.

As far as "hiding" something.... that sends the message of deception and if I knew a potential employee was deceiving me then I would not hire that person because that sends me a message that they are dishonest and may take advantage of me and my company.

Good luck with a marketing degree. not to be a Debby Downer but did you specialize in any specific area? I am ex corporate marketing and all of our teams were MBA's from high powered schools. Best wishes with the degree and don't be so set on specifics when you are talking to potential empolyers regarding jobs. Many people have to work the way up the ladder which starts at much lower salaries but, it is a job and your foot is in the door.

Best wishes.

Don't know about the cat beyond there is some bug running around that will make you throw up and then you are fine.

So far as discrimination goes it is ignorant to paint with such broad strokes. I have been with my company five years. I was hired just after my divorce a divorce they were well aware of. We have hired in that time at least ten pregnant women, five of them very pregnant, like seven months plus.

If you have the skills they need they will hire you. Having said that you don't have the best degree for the current market. My daughter just graduated with a degree in marketing and sociology so she has a leg up on you. She has no children, thank you Christine!, and graduated with a 3.9 and had six marketing internships while still in school. She was offered one marketing job that she turned down for a teaching position. Marketing is one of the first things cut in an economic downturn.

So since there are plenty of people looking for a job in marketing then yes, having kids lessens your chance of getting a job. The thing is though having kids isn't as easy to hide as taking your pictures off of Facebook. It is part of who we are and even if we don't mention them it does come across in the hiring process.

My advice is stop worrying about hiding things, deception is not really a trait I would want in my employees, and start working on presenting yourself as the best person for the job. In the end that will get you a job. The rest is just excuses to make you feel better about why you didn't.

You got enough info about Facebook problem.

As for the flea and tick, I'd call poison control just for piece of mind. For my dog, we were able to get a tablet that he could take, so we didn't put anything on his fur. Is it an indoor cat? Does it really need flea and tick prevention?

I wonder if they don't hire men who have their kids on facebook? I've never run into this (that I know of). But honestly, if a company is not going to hire me because I have a child, I don't want to work for them. Maybe it's just your friend's company? Which is hugely illegal.

I'm not a real facebook user. I don't post my kids or tons of happenings in my life. Mostly just fun things I find, and major things of interest. I figure nobody is really THAT interested in all the stuff that's going on except my immediate family. And even then...

Most employers are checking FaceBook pages these days as are law enforcement. You should not put on the internet ANYTHING that you don't want the ENTIRE WORLD to know!

Call Poison Control if you're in the U.S. 1-800-222-1222.

Not all discrimination is illegal. What it comes down to is that a potential employer can decline to hire someone and they don't have to give a reason at all. They can decide they're not going to hire the perfect-on-paper candidate because of a personality clash if they want to or because a less qualified candidate is friendlier, more outgoing, and is prettier.

They can even decline to hire you if they find out you have children and they make assumptions based on that unless they asked you straight out during an interview. They're not allowed to ask if you're married, single, a mother, disabled, whatever. Nothing private. They CAN ask, "Is there anything that would restrict you from doing the job duties listed in the job description? Is there anything that would keep you from attending work on a daily basis or arriving on time?" All you would have to give are yes or no answers.

When I worked in retail as a manager, I had to interview a friend of mine for seasonal work. The problem was she was 8 months pregnant. It was obvious. I had to tell her outside of my workplace before she filled out the application (she told me she was going to do it) that she needed to keep personal details about herself off of the application and her resume. That she needed to present her best skills , etc. I gave her the job description, most of which she could do 8 months pregnant IN ANY OTHER RETAILER. She would be required to stand for 8 hour shifts, possibly longer, not counting a 45 minute break. She would be required to carry heavy shipments of music boxes. She would be required to climb 12 foot ladders carrying several boxes at a time up and down those ladders to put away shipments and to serve customers.

When it came time for me to ask her if she would be able to perform all of the duties in the job description and she said "no" to three of the required job duties (cashiering and customer service were secondary) I couldn't hire her. I had to make sure I didn't ask her why. Of course we both knew why, but it was a matter of safety for her and the baby, and liability for the store.

When I found out I was pregnant, I had to find another job because I didn't feel comfortable climbing ladders and I could no longer lift heavy shipments. It sucked, but I knew the job requirements.

Anyway, obviously a different situation than yours, but I see no reason to hide the fact that you have children on your Facebook. Tighten up your security and if there are any embarrassing photos of you out there, delete them from your albums and untag yourself from friends' albums that have embarrassing photos. I personally set up a business profile since my personal profile has super-tight security. They know I have FB at work, and that one is private and one is for work and other business-related things.