Hello! I am a Teacher that specializes in Behaviors. First things first, you need to establish that you are in charge. It's not easy once your child is old enough to realize how to work you. Be patient and consistent!!!! That is the key!!!
* What ever you say YOU MUST BE WILLING TO BACK IT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Don�t make treats that you are not willing to follow through with. The same goes with promises and positives. Always wait until you are calm and can think clearly.
EX) If you don�t clean your room you can�t come with us to dinner tonight. That sounds good and in the moment it just comes out. But let�s be real, you want to go to dinner and who would watch her. So then you try to back track or say next time, or you are lucky this time. All that you did was show her that what you say has no meaning. Who won that battle??? Instead say well your room is not clean, will have to think about your punishment and walk away from the situation so you can think and have a clear head.
EX) If you do ____________ than on Friday we will go to the movies. Well, guess what the car won�t start and now you can�t go to the movies. Children don�t understand that it�s wasn�t your fault. Instead say when you do ________ we will do something special this week. Then surprise her with an unknown activity and time frame.
�The time needs to fit the crime.
Talking back is a major problem, but one that will not be fixed over night. So you need to come up with a punishment that is reasonable and one that can be done every time that she talks back.
EX) If she gets an allowance, $0.25 in a jar every time she talks back. It takes a little time, but when there is no money left, she will catch on.
You can set up a consequence list together. She will feel like she has some control over the situation. When things don�t go her way, you can look at the chart and she knows what will happen next. YOU MUST DO WHAT EVER YOU SET UP EVERY TIME!!!!!!!!!
This worked great!!!
I helped my Aunt set up a marble jar for her daughter. She starts out with 20 marbles every Monday. When ever she talks back or doesn�t follow directions she will lose a marble. In turn she can earn a few marbles extra during the week. (Have a pre determined number in your head; don�t tell her, that way she thinks she could earn as many marbles as she wants.) Every Sunday night they count the marbles together. Then she cashes in her marbles for money. If she becomes upset that she didn�t have as much as she wanted you can remind her that she didn�t do her chores or had a rough week. Then talk about what she can do to fix the problems for next week.
When she loses a marble or 2, once everyone is calm talk about what happened and what can be done to fix the problem. Don�t go crazy in a mad moment and take all the marbles away. You then lose all credibility!!!!!!! It really works best to give a verbal warning, so she can have the opportunity to fix the situation. Say, do you want to lose a marble, or if you say that again you will lose a marble. Then if the situation continues she loses a marble or 2. Make her take the marble out of the jar. It is powerful; it puts it back on her!!! Make it a system that you both can live with. Look around the house for a jar or plastic container (clear) to hold the marbles. Let her decorate it with markers or stickers. Then buy marbles or plant glass beads (dollar store). If she picks things out and you do it together it is much more effective. The jar and marbles need to be kept in a safe place at home. No matter where you are you can remind her of the marbles. Just always follow through with what you say.
Remember you are in charge!!
I hope this helps. Good Luck!!
M.
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