Discipline Ideas?

I'm reading a book right now called the Kazdin Method for parenting hte defiant child.

you might find it helpful.

i'm in the middle of it and it has a lot of practical tips and advice. it's all research based methods and advice. i got my copy of the book from overstock.com but i'm sure you could get it on amazon.com or something too.

Are you consistent with him? Do you walk away and put your foot down when he fights? Does he get to spend time with you doing something besides fighting?

I am not saying you are doing anything wrong - I have no idea what you are doing, obviously. Just check those things, and don't allow him to say he is a bad kid. He made a bad choice. He's got to work on the peace also, and if he kills himself because you made him take out the trash that is not your fault.

Insist on the respect. You need that. Let him see that you remain calm while he is freaking out. Take a break and go pray or whatever you do to calm down, but try not to let him see you crack. Deliver the consequences calmly and let him be the one that suffers for it. Laugh at him for being so dumb. A little suffering at 9 can help avoid a lot of suffering at 20. Let the natural consequences kick in, and if there aren't any make some that make sense. Rewards are great, use those too. Make a chart to track what days he is respectful and what days he isn't. Have him evaluate whether or not he was respectful towards you.

Last of all, take a break. Get out of the house, go running, blah blah blah. I have no idea how to raise a 9 year old. My oldest is 3. I think my husband acts like he's 9 sometimes, and that's a little scary when he gets a hold of the car keys. I'm still trying to raise him. Tell your kid to shape up or I'm going to come kick his butt (not literally).

First, I would stop yelling. I know it is hard, I have had problems with it too. Try couseling, there could be a deeper reason for his behavior, this is a good way to figure it out. You could also try vinegar or lemon juice, white distilled vinegar. My sister gives her girls this when they talk back, yelll, and scream. We decided to try it because our son can get pretty disrespectful. He tasted it once, now all we have to do is threaten it and he shapes up. I know it sounds cruel, but it won't hurt him, it just tastes bad. Try giving him a room just for yelling and screaming, to get his anger out. Call it the screaming room, it can be a closet, or the garage, or whatever. He can yell and scream in that room all he wants. Sometimes we need to vent and get away, kids do too.

Hi M.,
Parenting is very hard, and so is being parented! Try to change the way you talk to yourself in your own head. You are and can always be a good parent. You have to make the choice everyday, with every word to be a positive influence in your child's life. Give yourself a break for whatever has happened in the past and move forward, committed to doing better. Follow those books or techniques that you liked. Stick with it!!! And don't be afraid to go to your son and say you are sorry for how you have acted. It will help cut the tension between you and will teach him to do the same thing with you when he gets a little older.
I try to ask myself, "Am I treating my own child, who I love, worse than I would treat a stranger or the neighbor's child?" Take a deep breath. You can do it!!! Throwing in the towel is not even an option. You love your little boy :)
Take care,
B.

Something is going on if he thinks he is a bad kid. You don't need to put up with the lack of respect but something needs to be done. Have you thought of counciling over the summer?

You could also, try taking him out alone and talk to him about what you expect and how you don't like his lack of resect of you. Where is he in the age order? If he is in the middle. He has the middle child problem. The oldest and youngest get all the attention and he might not be getting enough attention. Try doing things special with him. Things he likes to do. By taking time with him, it will help him realize you value him as a person.

You might also read the Birth Order Book. It gives you insight into how the different ages interact with eachother. It is interesting.

It doesn't look like there is a man in his life. Have you thought about Big Brother's Program for your boys?
Excuse my rambleing, just a few thoughts.
C. B

M.-- Unfortunately you are in a bad cycle. Our kids learn by our actions. So if you yell, he will yell. What are some of the things that make him so mad? Can you take him alone somewhere-- say out to lunch and just have a heart to heart? Are there some big boy responsibilites that you can give him and him alone so he feels like he'a an important part of the household? Is there any way you can give him more choices in his daily life? Does he get to choose his own clothes to wear, for example? Can you assign him a dinner night where he picks a recipe, helps you shop and then does most of the preparation? This is something I do with my kids and they feel so proud of what they've done. Is there some other activity he wants to try outside of the house? Like karate or swimming? Get him busy! Tell him you won't listen to him when he is yelling. Don't lose control in front of him-- give yourself a time-out and come back to him a little later. Best of luck to you.

First off, stop the yelling today. You can control it. I have heard it put like this...If you were stopped by a police officer you wouldn't yell at him/her. You are the adult, and you have to act like one or you won't ever get respect from your children. Having said that, here's what I suggest. Make a chart, and on one side you will list the behaviors that your son does that you do not like, such as arguing, yelling, hitting, telling lies, whatever they may be. On the other side, or in graph form, make a list of the things your son likes to do, such as going to a friend's house, movies, video games, computer, you get the idea. Put them in order from least to worst behavior, and from little loss to big loss. When your son does one of the "bad" behaviors, without saying a word, walk over to the chart which you would have placed on his bedroom door, or in the kitchen, wherever he can see it, and mark off one of his privileges. Make sure he sees you do it at that moment. Do not argue with him. He will lose that privilege for as long as you determine, a day, a weekend or a week. Remember to explain this chart to him when you make it. Your yelling will stop, and his arguing will stop. Just don't forget, do not have any discussion about crossing off a privilege. It should only take once or twice of losing something he wants to do for him to understand how he needs to behave. I do this, and it works!