Discipline During Church

I think you are expecting too much from a 19 month old. I am not saying not to try to teach her, but you must give her time, it will take a while! Take some toys or coloring books to keep her busy.

As a director of Children's Ministry and someone who loves kids I have a few ideas! Considering that you are at a church that praises the Lord with gusto, you don't necessarily want to quiet her to the point where she doesn't enjoy church or understand that Jesus wants to hear her "praise" - even if it sounds like babbling. So here are some ideas:

Pack a quiet time bag. Include coloring books, washable toddler crayons, toy cars that don't make other noises, stuffed animals, and other "quiet" toys. Hand it to her when it's time to be quiet and then pick her up and sway wtih her or whatever when you start to close the service probably wtih some songs. Have hubby scoop up the toys and put them back in the bag for the following week. She might not be perfectly quiet this week but she won't be yelling.

Whisper when you talk to her, she'll realize that you're being quieter....

Giver her a sucker! Suckers or crackers, but suckers work best and yes I realize she's a toddler but a sucker won't hurt her and you'll be watching her the entire time, and feed her during the alter time.

Pray before church, on the way to church ,and ask God to help your little one enjoy worship, know that He loves her and is excited to have her growing in her walk with Him and that she's quiet during the times she needs to be.

Smile at those people who are staring at your loud child, pray for them, and be confident enough in who you knwo God to be in and the value that Jesus places on kids to gently share with them that you know your little one is loud but you're so thankful that she's excited to be in church!

I would steer clear of too many swats or time outs because she's just little and she's seeing everyone around her excited about the service and the Lord - just what you want. While her responses might not make the big people happy, I doubt that God has a problem with it so try to keep it a little in perspective. Still encourage her to be quiet but I wouldn't stress too much about it.

She's still pretty young. She will learn as she gets older. Our youngest was a little over 2 before she could sit through church and even now both she and our 3 1/2 year old can still cause me to give them "the look" at least twice during the service. But don't worry, the important thing is that she is growing up with God and it's better that she's there than not. If people are starring or giving you looks then they aren't very Christian because God wants our kids in church. Everyone just needs a little patience and understanding. It'll get better in a few months and you could try to encourage some coloring. Don't give up...it's too important.

This is tough because at this age (my son is 19 months too) they are exploring their boundaries and yelling is fun. I have read several books/articles that states that hitting or swatting their behind only teaches them that it is okay to hit, so I don't try to discipline this way (no judging here).

I am not sure that at this age they can sit through an entire church service and be expected to be quiet. Shame on the folks who stare because I am sure they have had thier own children in church before - God gave her that strong voice and she wants to use it! It is too bad there is not a nursery, perhaps you can start a co-op where every other week some parents volunteer to sit out of service and watch each others children.

I have tried to bring my son to service and he is just too "wormy".

Good Luck and God Bless

She is not going to be able to grasp when it is okay to make noise, and when it isn't until she is able to fully 'get' the message during the service. Right now she is totally confused b/c sometimes it is okay to talk and sometimes it isn't. Punishing her for it is just confusing her more. You know the appropriate time to speak up b/c you understand the message from your leaders and are interacting with them...she has NO way of knowing that.

If you have no nursery, maybe this is the time to start one. God has very creative ways to show us where we are needed!

~L.

I take my 18 month old to church about every other week. I try to bring lots of things to keep him busy. But, there is usually at least one time when he gets real bored and yells out or wants to take off. I try to save something special to distract him for these times. It helps to have my husband and I switch off making sure he is entertained too. Most of the time just cookies and juice keep him occupied. And, we sit in the back so one of us can take him out if it gets bad. We have taught him what 'shhh' means and he actually has fun putting his finger to his lips and saying 'shhh'. I think the more you take her, the more used to it she will get if you keep showing her each week. She is just too young to understand yet, and I am sure everyone around you realizes that too. So, just try not to stress too much about it. It is great that you are going to church.

HUG I grew up in a pentecostal church too...I eventually learned the cues to be quiet. It's hard for any 1yr old to be quiet for too long. Heck it's hard for any kid period to be quiet for too long :-)

Have you tried giving her something to occupy her mouth? I remember sucking on hard candy or chewing half a stick of gum (I was older though LOL) Maybe some goldfish crackers, or cut up fruit?

Time outs typically don't work if the child doesn't yet grasp what they did to "deserve" the time out. And IMO Swats/Spanks don't work period...just teaches the child that it's ok to hit.

She's very young, but when my daughter was little and she started acting up, I would simply whisper in her ear "don't embarass yourself in public"..."we'll talk about this when we get home". It worked great for me. If she continues, it really isn't fair to take her to church and disrupt the congregation.

I personally find it rewarding to go to church and listen to the teachings and get something from it. If I have to try to make a 19 month old try to be quiet...well, then basically I am just going to say that I went and then spent my time with a wiggly kid in my arms...what was the point?? Have you ever thought of trying a new church that allows you to be fed by the teachings and also offers a great nursery for your daughter? Mars Hill Bible is incredible for doing just that. It is a little bit larger...but the teachings are great and so is the nursery. You actually get to go to church and do what you went there for...to be fed by God's Word and Worship the Lord. I hope this helps. Have a great evening.

I have dealt with the same issue before with my son. He's six now, and we still deal with it (although it's much easier now). I definitely think you should stick with it. It's great to see that you've gotten so much encouragement from the previous comments. I do like to sit in the back with my little one in case we need to make a "quick getaway." I know how embarrassing this can be, but I imagine that most people are far less disrupted by her outbursts than you think. It's possible, even, that she's making the service more memorable for them, and they may retain more from the message. Unfortunately, there may not be anything that serves as a quick solution to your problem, but just hang in there and God will see you through.

It is difficult for a child so young to understand how to behave in church. Sitting through a 45 minute service for a young child can be a long time, even for some adults, it's hard. Personally, I did not take my daughter weekly to church until she was around 4 years of age because I did not want to deal with the anxiety of bad behavior or disturbing others. I know that's not always possible though. If I did take her when she was little like for holiday masses, I would usually sit way in back of the church (quick exit if she got bad) and also made sure I had something for her to do like color, favorite toy, or have a kids book handy/snack available. Those things usually work.

hope this helps!

Can I recommend a great biblical parenting book? It's called:
Shepharding a child's heart.

Been there, done that. Keep after it. You are training her and dont give up. Some weeks are going to be good and some weeks will be awful. I had three chilren under 5 by myself in worship. You are teaching them by example that worship is important and a joyful noise from the back of the church isn't the worse thing that has ever happened. Maybe it woke an older member up!! Don't give up, don't quit going. Remember Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me". He never said they had to be absolutely quiet.

Also in time, you're children will be more respectful in school programs, concerts and other adult activities.

I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old. Our church does have a nursery, but often volunteers to staff it are scarce causing us to bring my 3 year old into services. We have "church bags" that each child uses. I have a pretzel snack, sip cup of water, and crayons, color books, paper, small quiet toys for them to play with--like a mini etch-a-sketch and mini spirograph for my older child. I change the contents periodically so they do not get bored with the bags. I also keep tootsie pops in my purse, so when it is time to really sit and listen they are preoccupied with eating those, and not making noise.
Good luck, and God bless that she wants to sing her praises to the Lord!
K.

M.,
One of my oldest church members says, "an empty chair makes a louder noise than a crying child." This has really helped me embrace little ones in church, loud or not. Luckily, we do have a nursery that my two year old goes to and our daughter is in Sunday school.

But, if your church members don't understand the noise at her age that is on them, not you. I do understand though how uncomfortable you feel. I think at this stage in the game your daughter is too young to "get it". Try bringing really fun toys that she rarely or never gets to play with at home otherwise, being loud is more fun than playing with the same old toys from home. Also, if there is no nursery, are there other moms that you could take turns with watching kids in another area? I don't know how connected you are to your church so if it doesn't apply just let it go... but if your church is not meeting your needs as your "family unit" has changed could finding another church be the answer? Good luck
M.

I have found a few pieces of advice that work wonderfully for us as a family. My husband is a Pastor, so I fly solo on Sunday morning and I often joke that even though he's working, I'm working harder alone in the pew with our 22 month old daughter!! We're expecting #2 so I'm trying to get our daughter to be a little more independent in our church experience, but I still am very much involved....here's what has worked for me:

1) Decide on your expectations...what parts can she be moving around, doing an activity not totally quiet and what parts do you want her sitting and listening without making noise.

2) Come prepared. We have a special "church bag" she would love if she could do some of those activities everyday, but we keep them special for Sunday mornings (and the occasional weekday service). Soem of the "tricks" in our bag are an aqua doodle, color wonder markers, loads of lift the flap church books, other church books (that I can sit her on my lap and whisper in her ear on a difficult day, or she can look through a normal day). I try to keep coloring books and other materials christian themed, but the aqua doodle is Sesame Street. I also switch out another toy now and again depending on a surprise...we have a magnadoodle, etch a sketch...finger puppets...a few other random things. Lately she's been into stickers and using the pencils from the pews...I keep a notebook for things like that.

3) This is the best piece of advice yet!! We found a "special treat" food that she only gets on Sunday morning. It used to be the dehydrated fruit bits from Gerber, then raisins, and now...fruit snacks. She gets those only when she is sitting on her bottom facing forward during the sermon. This is when I want her to sit quiet and not distract others around her...so she only gets them when she's sitting quiet and facing forward. She starts asking for them as soon as we enter church and I tell her...not until (whoever is preaching) stands up to talk...this works great!!

4) We also sit in the front so there are less kids around to distract her and she can see what's going on. If she gets to loud I take her out, put her in a time out and then we go back in when she's ready to listen...I do NOT let her play when she goes out of church (only in the evenings when it's past bedtime...then she gets to play b/c it's too much of an expectation).

5) Finally...I explain what is going on in the service, I tell her we're going to sing next, do you want to sing with us? I ask her to fold her hands when we're praying...I explain that we need to be quiet to let God listen to the Pastor (usually daddy)...and I tell her when it is time to say sorry to God for all our mistakes etc. I think just a simple explanation can go a long way...I whisper in her ear a simple explanation of what's going on...

Good luck!! I think it's great that you get to worship as a familiy. This is a great experience for you child and for your family...just think, it will pay off, and sooner than you think. A child has to learn how to behave in worship services and it's easier now than when she's older...I've had loads of parents tell me they wish they'd done it earlier and not put their child in the nursery. Blessings on your worship!!

For discipline issues with my 4 year, our developmental ped. has given us the best advise...consistancy. I was using all different from time outs to whatever but I would only try it for a short time and it didn't seem to work. We now do time outs consistently and it only serves as a punishment for 2 offences: hitting and throwing. He understands for those he has time out and we have to do less and less of them now. So good luck...if this helped any.

You can not expect a child of that age to sit for that long and know when its appropriate and do and not to do things. Our church does things slowly when it comes to church. 2-3 year old go to class before worship, 4-K stay in church through announcements and some singing then they have all the kids go up front where the children's minister has a child's geared short 1-2 minute "talk", then 4-K leave for children's church in a classroom, 1-3 grade stay in for a few more songs, communion, guest intros etc...then they leave right before the minister speaks.
A. L Single working mom of 3 boys