Your Opinion Please Re Church Today

I agree with you. How are the kids supposed to learn how to behave if we put them in a room where they can be loud? My priests have also mentioned that the "crying room" is silly. I had one deacon even say to put them up in the front row so they can see what's going on. They might behave better even. Fidgeting is normal. I still get fidgety once in a while! If she was screaming and yelling, then yes, I would leave.

Mom's keep in mind that while children are adorable blessings,they can be a distraction in a place where noise and fidgeting are not expected. I used to be a mom with little ones and am now a mom with older ones. I knew that my little ones didn't always sit well so I did not take them to places that required them to do so for long periods. I was always prepared to take them out when they were tired and fidgety. Yes I got looks sometimes, but that is going to happen when you bring small children into an adult environment. Now that my kids are grown, I do find my patience to be shorter as I am no longer accustomed to little ones. I don't make faces or berate the mom because I understand. That being said, it can be annoying. Don't assume that someone is grumpy or mean because they request silence in a place that's supposed to be silent. Too many moms allow their LO's to jump and play when inappropriate. It makes it hard to tolerate even little distractions. I say keep taking her though but expect the looks.

I guess my questions to you is, what do you actually expect your daughter to gain from an hour in mass?

Listening and praying are pretty abstract, adult ideas, at least beyond the first five minutes. Kids are pretty concrete thinkers, and gain access to abstract thinking only gradually during their grade-school years.

In our religious community, kids are asked to sit with parents for the first 15 minutes, IF they are capable. Then they quietly file out and join the children's program, which does not require them to sit for a full hour with nothing to do. That way, other worshipers are able to meet the needs that bring them to the service, without undue distraction.

You have no way to know what the challenges were that this other woman was dealing with. For all you know, she'd had an exhausting week dealing with children. I think it's safe to say that her needs were not being met. And adults need consideration, too.

At 2-4 years, kids just don't have the internal resources to have quiet sitting be meaningful or useful to them. It's rather like a long time-out. But watching a couple of generations of young ones, it seems uniformly true that when they are exposed to church services in appropriate doses, they learn well how to behave. By adolescence, most of the children in our church participate like little adults, even though they weren't required to do so when younger.

You need to wait a year or two before taking her. She has plenty of time to learn, and is really too small right now. Many people, myself included, look forward to Sunday services as a time of peace & quiet reflection, and squirmy toddlers really take away from that. Is there no church nursery? That's where my 2 year old is during church. I would def sit in the quiet room if I had to take him to services. In a few years he'll be ready to learn how to act in church and to actually act that way!

And America has not become "adults only" - if anything everyone expects every place and everything to be made accommodating to kids. We need to remember that just because we've chosen to breed doesn't mean everyone has, and it's not a crime to not like children or being around them. Maybe places should offer "kiddie church" so the rest of us can have some peace with our worship.

Hi thanks for posting this. I think different churches have different attitudes about kids being in service. Your point of view is exactly like mine.

I can only tell you my story. I try Sunday after Sunday to share the service with my son, he is 1.5 years. Some Sundays go better than others.

I know how hard it can be to go to church and feel like you are not being supported. I want to go to grow spiritually, to worship, to support and be supported by like believers.

I remember the day that I thought my son was doing well. Occasionally he would blurt out a loud word. I was starting to gather up my stuff, thinking nursery time was coming when , a few pews up I got this STERN and ANGRY stare from an older lady. I just felt so sad and alone at that point, and I remember thinking " I don't even recognize this lady", which made me so sad as there was I time I knew everyone there by name ( I used to head the ministry that identified and welcomed newcomers to our church). Her angry glare came to my memory many times in the following weeks.

I remember a few weeks later, our head Pastor made an announcement to our congregation stating that we should welcome children in church and accept that sometimes a child will be mildly disruptive, but how can we expect them to learn if we don't give them a chance? He encouraged everyone to give their support to parents of young children.

I can remember the times (before I had a child) when I felt a child was disruptive in church. I know I gave some backward glances sometimes. I wish I had been more gracious.

When our Pastor made the announcement, I just thanked God. So I now know what the accepted stance is at my church. It probably isn't that way in every church.

There can be many distractions in church and it takes discipline to stay focused. Spiritual endeavors take discipline.

There are even adults who have a hard time staying focused. The lady next to you today sounds like one of them.

I also think that if someone is looking to blame someone else for their not being able to stay in a church service, then that person is really using an excuse. You come to church to learn about God's will for your life, not to exert your will on others; but sometimes when your heart is troubled you get angry at the littlest thing and you can't receive what God has for you.

I think you are doing a good job.

Hope I wasn't too long-winded! God Bless!

I've taken mass in Rome (many many times), with the Pope once (massive Easter ceremony). Kids cry, scream, kick, run around, laugh, giggle, play... and the adults, if ANYTHING, smile at them. They are there to worship god and to learn how to worship god. In order to learn, one has to "mess up". And being a child, they're going to be childlike AND "mess up" even if they're trying hard. But religion is taken as a joyful and reverent affair. And children learn by emulating their elders as they're able to. They're not "sent away" so they don't "disturb" others.

Why on EARTH, and WHEN did America become "Adults Only"???

You probably were sitting next to a person that is easily distracted by fidgety kids. BUT- It is annoying even when they are quiet, it catches your eye and then you lose your concentration while trying to listen to the speaker. Personally, I dont think small children that have to be continally hushed or re-settled by a parent should be in the pews, theater, etc.... When they are old enough and mature enough its easier to get them to remain still even tho they are bored out of their minds. It's not something you can start teaching at 2yrs old... best started at about age 4. (you can however practice it at home, I'm just saying practicing it at church is probably not the best place to do it) That is just my opinion. There are always exceptions to the rule of course.

I am all for helping them get used to Mass, we did this too. While this lady clearly was not nice to you, and I would have handled it differently, I might have gotten up and moved to another pew to avoid the distraction. I would have done so, not because I do not like children, but because I have hearing loss, and the visual distraction, knocking of feet and shoes against the pews, and constant rattle of a little one who never sits still is enough background noise to keep me from hearing the Mass. PA systems, and the like, are very difficult for those of us with nerve damage, and I would have moved to a quieter spot where I did not have to work at tuning out your daughter (even if she were not talking-trust me, it is very difficult to hear with some forms of hearing loss when you a close to this rustle, boom, bang, crunch of cheetos, wispers, feet tapping, getting up on the kneeler, then jumping off...) I know a few spots in church where I can hear well, and when we happen to scope one out, and have a particularly distracting child near by, I can get agravated too, but I don't say anything, I just move to a less desireable spot at the next convient time in the Mass. The only time it seems inappropriate to move is during the homily, so maybe she did not notice until she had no out. I would do the nice thing, and cut her some slack, though she did not cut you any, because that is what we are called to do. And yes, avoid sitting near her again, and be aware that all hearing loss is not obvious! I think I look pretty young!

M.

I'm Jewish, but my husband is Catholic, so I've spent a decent amount of time in church.

At my temple, there's a little note where the prayerbooks are kept at each seat that basically outlines acceptable behavior for people who may not have been to temple before. One of the things mentioned in there is something along the lines of "We relish having children worship with us, and delight in the way they move their bodies in song. In order for families to worship together, we remind congregants without children that we accept the normal rustling and whispering that children make. We ask, however, that if children become loud and disruptive, that you remove them to the atrium in consideration of the other worshippers."

I like the cards a lot and think they really help set the tone. Perhaps, if you are comfortable enough in the church, you can ask for something similar to be posted in the newsletter.

Good luck.

In my honest opinion you should sit on the back row, with no one, or very few, people nearby when teaching a child to sit during church. I worked at home with my kids, practicing sitting still for a few minutes at a time until we had worked up to longer periods.

My church thinks they should sit the whole time and we don't get to have a cry room in the back. Many of the parents in my church will take their kids in and out and in and out of the meetings and it is very very distracting to those of us trying to listen and feel the Spirit. I have sat and counted one parent take their kids out over 10 times in an hour. That's very distracting. They need to go out and stay out. Whether in a cry room or just walking around in the hallway/foyer.

It sounds like you were trying to be respectful but when it comes down to it the people who came to church didn't come to watch your "big girl" fidget and play. I know how you feel but I have left church with a sore face from clenching my jaws and keeping my mouth shut and not telling someone that they are disturbing my church experience.

Please work with her at home and as she gets older of course she will be able to sit longer and better.
))))))))))))))))))))
Just a thought...how would you feel if you were sitting beside a couple of women who constantly whispered to each other, talking about fashion, what they ate at lunch on Wednesday, what they are going to cook for lunch, etc...on and on and on. Would you want them to be quiet? Of course you would. Just because kids are little doesn't mean they can get away with being distracting.

We have a 3 year old that is not able to sit or be quiet so we sit on the back row by the doors and take him out as soon as he gets fidgety. We eventually go sit in the mothers room where there are a couple of rocking chairs for breast feeding. There are speakers and you can hear the service. It's not distracting to anyone and we can still listen in.

Why isn't your little one in sunday school? That's age appropriate; mass isn't. It's not about whether or not they're behaving - your child is not having fun or learning on their level when brought to mass.

btw, there will always be people who are "put-off" when children are brought into adult-centered arenas.

Let me ask you this, when you and DH go the movies on a date night do YOU want to be the one who sits sits next to the couple bringing a baby/toddler? Doubt it...no one does. Same principle here.

(:

It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job with this. I like how you are teaching her and from your description know when she's had enough and needs to go out. It really sounds like you've struck a balance and are doing her (and her future pew mates, theatre mates, etc...) a big favor. I'd say ignore anyone who is like this woman.

I agree with you. My church is much more kid-friendly. We have been known to stop and chuckle at a little one making joyful noises. We do have the youngest go in the back and play during the longer part of the service (there are there in the begining until after "kids corner"). They don't have to go in the back and no big deal is made of a bit of noise or movements. We've all been there.

Sounds like the woman next to you was just in a crabby mood. Most people realize that children don't learn good church behavior without actually doing it. Remember, if your daughter was THAT disruptive to that woman's communion with God, SHE could've gotten up and moved to a less distracting part of the sanctuary.

That said, you may want to consider sitting in the last row (or in the back) until your LO can sit with a few less fidgets. Plus, it makes it easier to "escape" if you need to. Another idea...nicely warn people who choose to sit next to you (particularly if there are many empty pews, that your LO is still learning good church behavior and may be fidget-y. At that point, if they choose not to move then they get to deal with her fidget-iness with a smile.

Don't let it get to you. You're doing a fine thing, teaching your children to behave in church. Too many people don't.

Good luck!

I have the same problem at my church. I give them coloring books and crayons throughout the service. I agree that if you always take them out, they will never learn to behave. I also agree that you should try and sit by younger people with little kids and/or near the bad so that the grumpier, older people that forgot what it is like to have little kids can sit in the front.

Your right that she needs to learn how to behave when in church , seeing as this is a regular aspect of your life. I think you were unlucky and was sat next to someone that either sees kids as a nusance or was in a bad mood anyway , those kinds of people are everywhere , I was had to endure an 8 hr flight with my 3 kids with a person like that behind me....what can you do!

Our parish priest loves kids and encourages them at Mass. My daughters & I enjoy seeing little ones -- and the occasional quiet game of peek-a-boo. Like you, I brought mine to church almost from birth and would do it again. On the other hand, I agree that, just because I chose to have children, not everyone has to like having them around. For Mass, I would bring a child's book of prayers (not that they could read it, but the pictures were entertaining) as well as a couple of crayons & coloring book -- anything that helped us get through Mass with as little disruption of others as possible.

One other thing that helped keep my children quiet: sit up front. I used to sit at the back so I could quickly & quietly scoot out if necessary. Then, I realized that they couldn't see a thing -- which encouraged their boredom & misbehavior. When I sat as close to the altar as possible (though, at the end near the side aisle, so we could still make a break for the back if needed) I found they were much more engaged -- and quieter. Also, a promise of a treat if their behavior merited it didn't hurt. ;-)

Good for you for living your faith & working to make sure your children understand! Prayers to you and your family, that you may continue to explore God's Word together. And prayers to the woman you disturbed, that she may find the peace she seeks in church and in the smile of the small children she may see there.

I think the lady forgot she Christian and God loves all his children, even the little ones. I think you are doing fine! Keep it up! My church also has a room for kids. I never liked it. The kids are running around, miss behaving, not what I taught my kids. It's hard with little kids in church. I gave up. It was too stressful trying to keep four young kids in line, so I didn't go, except for Christmas & Easter.

you just happened to sit next to a grouch. does she have children or grandchildren? i bet if she did she would be a little more tolerant. i agree with you that kids should be in church with the grownups (if possible) to teach them how to "be" in church. otherwise how do they learn? if they get sent to a fun room full of toys every time they make the least little bit of noise, what are they going to learn? obviously if a child is refusing to sit still and quietly (i even allow my son to whisper to me and he does great. expecting a small child to be perfectly quiet is totally unrealistic) they should be taken out, but i have taken my son to the restroom for a stern talking to, or even to the car in worst case scenario. i won't take him to those play rooms. but i don't think you are out of line. sorry you were made to feel that way - i have been there!

My grandma used to get us different kids books about different saints to flip through our church does not have a quiet room and even then I don't think many people find small kids disruptive they know they will make noise but I think most find it refreshing to see young families with young kids at church rather then not going.

Hopefully it was just that one person with that opinion and if you make sure you are clear of her next time you should be fine. Our church is so open to having kids in the service that it is actually encouraged for just the reasons you stated - to have them get used to it and learn the traditions. It isn't realistic for them to focus on a lengthy sermon, but you could have her hold a hymnal, help you find the page numbers and in the down times give her a pen and a piece of paper to keep her occupied.

Our daughter does not sit still, even at almost 4. She does her best, but at that age, it's very hard, so we instead work on being quiet. She takes 1 stuffed animal, and will sit on the kneeler, or on the pew, or the floor, and sometimes talk quietly to it, but no one around us seems to mind that she is up and down, as long as she is quiet. We recently started her on a class called Catechesis of the Good Shepherd, for 3 1/2- 6 year olds and now that she's learning a little more about church, she's gone to 2 classes so far, one about the liturgical colors, and 1 about the altar, and it seems that she's able to sit a little more attentively, making the connections about what's going on.

Try not to let other people make you feel bad about it. I also hate to take my daughter to the room in the back, because I dont want her to learn that mass is play time, like the children who are in there, playing with toys and whatnot.

I am sorry that you happened to sit near someone who was less than enthusiastic about a child in church!!! I have 3 ( now grown ) daughters and they were in church with me every single sunday. Our church does have a nursery for children under the age of 3 that the children can go to and be cared for by the nursery workers...and I did take advantage of that a lot of the time. I didn't have the advantage of being able to sit next to my children during a big part of the service because I have been either the church pianist or church song leader for most of the past 25 years...and so I had to teach my children to be respectful and quiet...or at least get them to a point that I could "freeze them " with a glance from the piano or the podium...lol. I never did understand the theory that we can allow our children to play in the nursery until the age they turn 3 or 4 or 5... or whatever age the cut off is...and suddenly expect them to know how to behave in "adult" church!!! I agree with you that they need to learn...Sunday by Sunday what is expected of them...and learn about the faith that is so important to us and to them !!! Next time....sit a little further to the back of the sanctuary...and then you won't be so worried about her being a distraction!!! Could you bring some quiet toys to distract her with?? Colors and a coloring book...a cloth doll...a couple of books??? Maybe that would help.

Just to give a small argument for the woman who left -- my DH needs quiet and stillness or he can't concentrate. He's too easily distracted otherwise. So, it's possible that the woman couldn't pay attention to the service.

In our church, there's an unofficial "child side" where the families with fidgety kids sit and the other side is calmer and quieter. So in that instance, the lady should be sitting opposite of where you guys were.

I think its good for kids to be at church. I also think that having books or quiet activities is good because their attention span is so much shorter. I would want to take steps so that what she's learning is not that church is boring and uncomfortable.

As far as needing to train her at three -- well you're not training her to sit in a school desk because she needs to learn that, or training her to drive a car.... Kids grow and what was hard at 3yrs is a breeze at 8yrs even. Not because they practiced but because they are so much more mature. Is her grammar perfect? Are you sweating this? It's age level for the 3 yr old to be fidgety. Maybe do part in service and part in the quiet room?

I believe that the point of church is to learn about God, to learn how to use his teachings in your life and to worship in song and in fellowship.

While I don't frown upon children in church, I do understand how bored they are! Many churches don't talk in a way a child would understand, and some sermons can drag on. Of course your child is bored! They don't understand what's going on, and their attention spans are about one minute per year of age. All you are teaching them is church is a boring place where you have to try your hardest to sit still and the man or woman in front talks and talks about stuff you have NO IDEA about. Doesn't make it very appealing! I was forced to sit through Catholic mass and even when I was old enough to listen and understand I resisted because I had been conditioned to feel that church was boring.

I think sending your child to religion classes and following the word of God at home is the best thing you can do to help your child really understand and live God's word. Isn't that the point? Don't they get fellowship in religion class? What are they REALLY getting out of sitting in church with you other than learning how to sit still and be quiet? Are they truly absorbing anything religious that they can use in life?

I love churches that have "children's church." The children join the adults for the songs and the prayers. Then they go to another room where the same message is given to them in a way they can understand and use in their life. The rejoin for communion and such. What a wonderful way to spread God's word!

I think children by third or fourth grade can sit through church and get something out of it. Under that, I think you're just getting them to dislike sitting in a pew.

That's just my opinion, take it for what it's worth.

I think you answered your own question when you said that the bishop wants kids in the service and that the 'cry room' is not to be used as a nursery.
Keep bringing her, but please bring something for her to do. She's two, she's not going to sit quietly for the whole mass and it's unrealistic to expect her to. At this age the lesson you want to teach is to be quiet, not necessarily to sit up at attention for an hour - if that's your goal you're bound to fail, it's just too much for a two year old. Bring some crayons and a small notepad and let her color when she gets bored; or bring a board book and let her read it.

And is someone makes snide comments to you about having her in there just smile sweetly and whisper, Oh - but the bishop assured me he wanted her here!

I know I am a little late in answering but I would continue to do what you are doing.
I agree with your thoughts of how else are you supposed to teach your child to behave in church if you don't allow them in???
I sit in the back for this reason b/c I KNOW it is unrealistic to expect a young child to sit that long. I figure people know this and if they accept it then they sit by us.
Good luck!

I didn't read through all the responses/...

My children are 3 and 5 and they always stay with us through service. Always have. I firmly believe they will never learn how to behave in mass if they are always shooed away. What has worked for us is no snacks (so messy, so expected, and they whine when it's gone). They each have a a "busy" bag that they bring with them.

In it is the following (age appropriate to their level)
- crayons/colored pencils (a church employee told me once crayons are best b/c they are easy to clean up)
- paper/religious coloring books (they are in church, it's not play time)
- a child bible or bible storybook (only for my youngest)
- my youngest also gets a quiet toy, usually a small doll form a happy meal.

I get the coloring books at the dollar store. I keep a small stash and I rotate them out every 4-6 weeks so it's new. Our church also provides a work sheet that has puzzles for older kids and a coloring page and we always grab that.

We also sit near the back (quick exit for tantrums), near other families (especially preteen girls as or babies as both will entertain my daughter).

I think you have to shrug it off, even though I know it bothers you. She probably didn't like kids, or was having a bad day, or is just a whiny person. I was raised Catholic, and I also moved a lot so I have attended a LOT of different churches. Children are often in the Mass. In fact, only a few churches have children's rooms, so I think most of us just accept that there will be some child-issued noise in the service now and again.

We now attend my husband's church, and children usually go to Sunday School during the service (something that isn't usually done in the Catholic Church). This summer, though, our church had an intergenerational service where there was no Sunday School and children stayed for the service (although daycare was still provided). My 18-month-old son was sitting with us and being really good, except that during the various musical interludes, he would get out of his seat to dance a little bit. As long as he wasn't bumping anyone, I let him do it. I like to see him get into the service, and didn't see how he could really be disturbing anyone.

Two elderly women were sitting in front of us. They kept turning around to glare at us (even when our son wasn't dancing), and it got to the point where my husband was visibly angry. Then, a particularly joyous song began and my son began to laugh and clap as he danced. One women leaned over to the other and whispered loudly (obviously intending us to hear), "They need to get him out of here!" My husband was furious, but in the end, I decided to take my son outside to the hall because otherwise I would spend the entire service uncomfortable and defensive. My husband moved to another seat so that he wouldn't have to sit by those women.

The kicker? The subject of the intergenerational service was "Appreciating our Church's Youth." Some people are just easily annoyed.

I know you have a lot of respones already but I just had to say I'm on your side! I could have written this post!!! I have this discussion with myself and my husband every week! We don't have a nursery and our Sunday school is after service so we're in the same boat. I totally agree about the quiet room...of course she wants to go there b/c she can play with toys and I don't take her to church so she can play with toys!! My kids are 3 and 1 and there are days, let me tell you. I always feel like people are giving me the evil eye, and there is one man in particular who makes no excuses about it either, but I happened to be talking with some ladies last week and they all giggled over my kids and made me feel a lot better. I think it's probably worse in your own head, at least I try and tell myself that, but just keep at it, hopefully she'll get it!

This is a hard question to answer, I see both sides of it. I have 3 kids and have always attended church with them every Sunday.We have a nursery where they can go play which is the best place for toddlers. I also have a home daycare and sometimes have an extra child with me. It is VERY distracting when little ones are moving around too much, and she is too young to learn to sit quietly in church. I suggest you sit near the back, have her be as quiet as possible, and when it gets too much, take her out. How much do you get out of the service when you are trying to distract her, and being a toddler, she won't get anything out of the service at this point, perhaps other than enjoying the music. Maybe you need to find a more family friendly church that has a nursery option so you can focus on the service and your little one can also listen to Bible stories and look forward to going to church. I love seeing babies/children/toddlers in church, but we need to remember their attention span and what is best for everyone.

.

my church is very tolerant of young children. i try to be considerate. when my kids were younger my oldest NEVER gave me any type of problems at church..now my second child..ugh. he did get loud on occasion. The church we attended at the time had a children's room. Just do your best..be considerate but realize some people just get worked up easy.If my middle was not being well behaved I would leave church. One of my pet peeves are children that are not well behaved in some typ

I have two thoughts: I usually find the parent's whispering more disruptive than the child's behavior, and I am wondering if you the parent are getting anything from the mass message when you are spending so much time directing your child. Also, you can play "Church" with her at home, the same way you play "Restaurant" or "House", etc...role playing is a great teaching tool:) Food for thought:) Good luck!

if your daughter acts as you describe then i see no problem with what you did. id make sure to sit at the back and stay away from the crabby lady

We just went through the same thing. But our kiddos are much younger - almost 2.5 and 10 months. My hubby actually ended up taking our 2 year old out, but I stayed with my 10 month old. He was being great, he was making some noises, but just baby noises, not screaming or crying. I was really nervous, as we were visitors in our families church and I didn't want to offend anyone. My SILs aunt, who is a nun, told me not to worry about it. That we have to bring our kids to church, they need to learn how to act, and if other people have something to say about it, they should probably examine their beliefs!! Haha, I was shocked when she said that.

I absolutely 100% agree that if your kiddo is causing a scene or is having an off day, then the right thing to do is to take them to the quiet room/nursery. But if your toddler is playing nicely and every now and then talks a little too loud that is fine. They have to learn.

Here's how my mom did it. Although it may not be the best way. I was the youngest that attened the entire church, and the Sunday School thing was a very horrible experience for me. The Sunday School was held during the same time as the service for the adults. After a few weeks the woman who ran the Sunday School told my mom I could no longer attend. I was the only kid sitting in the service with all teh adults. Soooo, when I wouldn't sit still my mom would have me do a page in children's christian workbook. Eventually I got old enough to sit still and not need those little breaks. I honestly wouldn't be bothered by a little girl fidgeting, I would be more focused on the services. Guess this woman is easily distracted. Good Luck.

My son is the same age & I feel your pain! Our church currently does not have anything for that age group, so he has to stay with us. We tried sitting in the back but that actually made it worse. He does better if we are closer to the front and he can see what is going on. We started bringing a bag of toys and dry snacks, but we try to make him wait till after the songs to get the bag out. I never take my son out as a punishment unless he is being disruptive - kicking the seat, whining, etc. A kid that young just can't be expected to sit still for an hour or more. We're still working on whispering during church. Most people think it's cute and aren't too bothered. If people give us dirty looks, I just assume they either never had kids or they forgot what it's like. Don't give up!

I have a three year old and we don't go every Sunday. But when we do, I bring books and stickers with me (and snacks) so he has something to do while we are there. I have yet to tackle Mass with my 3 year old and my 6 month old (other than his baptism). :) I would say keep doing what you are doing. Ignore the grumpy old lady! Just bring a few more things to keep your little one occupied.

We are going through the same thing right now with our 2 year old! I firmly believe that taking your child to the 'cry room' as our church calls it is only when they are causing a disruption and I mean a major disruption. Going to the cry room should be because they are in trouble - and not a reward!!! And to me, it doesn't sound like your daughter was disruptive! I am Catholic and have heard the saying that being Catholic we are pro-life and this is just part of being pro-life!!! That made me feel better about my son's behavior in church. I wouldn't worry about the cranky old woman, and yes, I would definitely not sit with her next week!!! Good luck, and good for you for taking your children to church!!!!

My son is just about to turn 3 and I consider it a total victory if he stays quiet during church. At this age you can't really expect them to sit still or follow the service for an hour. Their attention spans are just not that long. I bring him a coloring book and crayons and some small quiet toys that he can play with throughout mass and usually a snack. This keeps him occupied through most of the time we're there. We also keep him in between us so he isn't wiggling next to someone who may be bothered by him. So I think your daughter is doing just fine. I agree that the "cry room" should be used for particularly fussy times only. She's learning by example the way to behave in church and wouldn't be able to do so if she was in the cry room.

I'd make sure that I sat next to that same obnoxious woman EVERY WEEK going forward. Screw her.

It sounds like you're Catholic, or something close to it, where mass is a more formal thing. It's funny, for as much as religion preaches about being accepting and kind, etc... that community, as a whole, is relatively intolerant. This is not at all meant to be an attack on your denomination. (I was raised Catholic) Just more of an observation.

I think you're right, that if you want your kids to know HOW to sit through church, doing it is the only way that you can. Take them out when you need to, and some days will be better than others.
If other people don't like it, and especially since the Bishop says that the back room is not a play place, then they can just suck it up. That's life. They can leave if they don't want to be around your kids - espescially if they're not being disruptive!

The church I attend now (different denomination) embraces kids. Our sanctuary is loud, kids go to school during service, and they are always welcome. No one lets them scream by any stretch. But it's very common to see little ones running around during our service. I feel very comfortable taking my little ones there, which is the main reason I selected that church.

Screw everybody else, and teach your kids as you would!

As long as your daughter was not excessively loud or disruptive during the service don't concern yourself with people who are intolerant of children. You are always going to find people who think children don't belong - in church, in the store, in the waiting room, etc. When my daughter was little, we used to make sure we sat on the end near the back so I could leave if she did get disruptive. I think it's a good thing for children to grow up going to church every Sunday. And it's important for children to be in the service. Children are part of the parish just as much as everyone else.

I read all of the posts and I realize that kids can be fidgety and distracting at church BUT I'm sure God wants the GROWN UPS there and if it means you bring your kids than so be it. Also the preachers want you there so they can get the tithe to keep their church open as well, if all people with fidgety kids didnt come to church they wouldnt be able to afford to teach and keep the church open. It's about God and money, two of the most powerful things on earth.

I think the women was out of line. How are we going to teach our children how to act if we don't put them in specific situations? Keep bringing her.

"She put her feet up on the back of the pew in front of us and I immedaitely wispered she had to get her feet down and stand nice. I repeatedly told her she was a big girl and should stand and sit nice. I told her she had to be quiet so everyone could hear the mass. One time she tried to climb the back of our pew but when I caught her, she stopped and stood next to me quietly. "

She WAS being disruptive, and you cannot expect a 2.5 yo to sit still that long. You should have taken her out. The fact that someone not even next to you left should tell you that she was being disruptive.

Sorry, probably not what you want to hear, but I would have been upset with you too.

I would have loved to sit next to you. I have not problem with little ones
that move etc. We cannot expect them to be completely quiet. If they
speak in a low or normal voice, so be it. She is 2 1/2 y.o. If she was
yelling etc. you are right, then take her out. I have a problem with the
parents that think it is ok for their little one to speak loudly, yell and
disrupt the service an do not do a thing. Some of them even think they are
cute doing it!! So kudos to you.

Keep on doing what you are doing. We never took our children to the "parents room." It seemed like a play date for them. I did exactly what you did. Took them out of mass when they became too disruptive. I did allow them to quietly look at books that I brought from home.

We used to tend to sit in the back for a quick escape as well. I have found out that the kids enjoy sitting towards the front better. They can actually see what is going on. I would point out candles, singers, flags, statues, shapes, objects on the stained glass windows, etc... They would begin to notice when things on the alter were changed. They are 4 and 8 now and sit at mass like little angels, participating when they know how. Although they still do say "do we have to go to church?"

As for the rude woman that made a comment to you, maybe tell her that you are going to pray that the Holy Spirit will give her the grace to cope with such situations :)

Sounds like she was being disruptive, because she was putting her feet up on the pew and attempting to climb it. When my boys act up, I take them into the hallway for a few minutes, then go back into the meeting when they calm down. It's really good to remove them to not disrupt others, then I can bring them back so we can still enjoy the meeting and teach the children to behave properly.

Your daughter is still very young and has plenty of time to learn to sit quietly. Bring a little snack or coloring book or doll or quiet puzzle for her to do as well. One thing you can do, is have a quiet hour at home during the week to help teach her to sit still and quietly and reverently for practice.

This past Sunday, a mother had 3 kids with her and they were very disruptive the whole time and it was very hard to hear the message, and she didn't take them out at all.

The other children who were being disruptive, just because people weren't showing signs of anger doesn't mean they weren't being distracted or annoyed, especially since she was 5 rows in front of you, so no way you could tell how people around her were feeling.

I had to smile when reading your question! ;) There are times that my husband and I wonder what we are there for, because we couldn't even remember what the meeting was about! (we have a 2 1/2 yr old and a 8 month old) But we are 'training' our children and they will eventually understand what is expected of them. We encourage children to learn and worship with the entire congregation, just as the Bible shows was done both in pre-Christian and Christian times. If my oldest is tired and I know he will be disruptive, we sit our 'circus' in the overflow room, but he is still expected to sit and listen and I use this as training time without having to 'take him out of the hall'. We also try to take him for a short walk- back to the bathrooms, get a drink of water, have a snack- every 25 mins- our service is about 2 hours. That keeps him still and quiet while in with the congregation- we also try to sit near the back to distract as few people as possible.