Discipline and Behavior - New Castle,PA

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K.

Never never never hit, pinch or bite him back, or make him bite himself. These measures are totally unnecasary and actually not that effective b/c in a way you're just reinforcing the idea that those are okay to do when you're mad or upset (Mommy did this to me when she was upset with me.) Consistently reacting (or not reacting) in the same way did the trick for my child. She went through the whole hitting in the face and laughing when I told her no thing, too. It was funny for her to get a reaction and also to see that little old her could in a way control mommy by getting me to do something that was to her funny. Eventually I decided to stop reacting all together and ignore the behavior and it stopped. She also gets into things that are always off limits - she'll even say "no, no, no" as she's reaching in the toilet or going for the outlet, etc.! My reaction to that is a consistent "no" and an explanation as to why and then a redirection to something that she is allowed to do. For example she loves to climb onto the dishwasher door, and when she does I always tell her no, that's not for sitting on and I get her stool and sit her on there to watch as I load dishes. Now when I tell her no, she'll get her stool herself. Sounds like your son probably does understand that it is something that you don't want him to do, but he is still a little too young to understand how to apply that and to exercise that kind of self control. Also, it's sooo fun to to get mommy to do things! Another thing my daughter tried was temper tantrums, screaming & throwing herself on the ground, biting my leg if she wanted me to pick her up while I was cooking (and therefore wasn't safe for her to be up by the stove) or when she wanted something she couldn't have. Again, the only thing that worked then was ignoring it. Feeding into it only make her think that it worked. My husband and I would just leave her on the floor and walk out of the room. She would stop after a (long, sometimes) while and start doing something else after she realized we weren't reacting. Eventually she stopped doing this all together. It's exhausting and frustrating and even embarrassing if they do it out in public, but patience & consistency is the key and he'll come around!

In response to the biting. Never would I bite my child back. When he bites take his arm or better yet his wrist and gently but hard enough to make him bite himself, push his wrist into his upper teeth. Then reenfornce and say, "When you bite mommy it hurts see your biting yourself doesnt that hurt?" It takes a couple of times but if you do that everytime he bites you he will get the pictute and stop. We still do this with our 3 yr old son whenever he decides to bite. He stopped biting unless he is extremely angry and sometiems will resort back to bitting. My son is a hitter and he actually laughs at you as he hits you and it really hurts. He has been diangosed with Destrucive Behavioral Disorder and has sypmtoms of ADHD, but is still too young to be diagnosed with it. Good luck! If you ever need to talk about anything feel free to email me.

I have a 16month old girl, and I honestly can tell you that being consistent is the numero uno way. When your son bites, hits, screams, and whatever he will do to get attention is to be stern and tell hime what he is doing wrong! You are doing a great job anyways, because you are not flipping out...GIGGLES.I however think timeouts are ok to a point. I have only had to place my daughter in time out once when she was about 15 months old. I placed her there for a minute. Probley not even that.At that age, they are not just going to sit there, so everytime she went to get up, I sat her back down, and said your behavior got you here, so you will sit here until it is time to get up. When time is up, you go get them. Remind them why they were in time out(very important to state that the behavior was bad, not them)Huggs, kisses, and drop it. You have to take care of the incident/behavior/discipline as soon as it happens. Dont wait even just 5 min.

My youngest son is 20 months and he stomps his foot everytime he doesn't get his own way. We just walk out of the room when he does it. If your son hits you just ignore him for a couple minutes, don't make eye contact or talk to him. Just walk away and leave him by himself for a minute or two so he knows that kind of behavior won't get him any attention. That usually does the trick.

You say that he knows "better", but in reality, he's just curious. He wants to know if you rresponse is going to be the same today as it was yesterday (or 20 times yesterday). He wants to know how YOU respond vs. his grandmother or aunt. He's just exploring his world and trying to figure out what is and isn't ok. I agree that punishment (especially physical) is too harsh at this age. As silly as it sounds, you just need to calmly explain each and every single time why the cupboard is off limits ("I love you and don't want you to get hurt, so I want you to play in this cupboard with Tupperware instead of that cupboard with glass bowls."). At 14 months, he should still be fairly easy to engage in a different activity such as trucks, musical toys, etc.

Is it possible he's also doing these to get your interaction with him? I ask because the only time my boys ever seemed to do that type of thing was when mommy was "too busy" with something else, be it a phone call, watching a movie, making dinner, etc.

I would not bite him back, after all, isn't that what you're teaching him not to? I would do a brief time-out, or sit on the sofa. Even put in his room for a moment. Let him know you are angry or hurt. A time out does not have to be five minutes. A minute per age is pretty good as it's not the time but the fact that there was a consequence for what they did. Yes, in their own way, they learn that at that age. Not in a grown-up way, but if you take him and put him on the sofa for a couple of minutes after he does this, it may work.

Hi M.,

My son was the same way at that age and it was very trying to say the least! What we did was if he hit, pinched, etc. we would take his hand firmly (not tight, but enough to know you're serious) and look him straight in the eye and tell him "no, we don't hit" in a stern voice (not yelling). I know you said that you've tried that and it doesn't seem to work, but you have to remember to be consistent. If you provide the same consequence for those actions every time he does it, he will learn that it is not okay to hit people. Your family also has to be on board with you about how you choose to discipline your son. The more consistent my husband and I were with telling our son "no" and "we don't hit", he would attempt to hit us and stop mid-swing and look at us before putting his hand back down. For us, it came to a point where we just gave him a "look" when he was about to do something like that because he always looked at us first and he knew we meant business and that he should not follow through with his swing. Good luck and I hope this helps!

your son is trying to figure out his role in your world. Living with your family will complicate your parenting techniques, maybe asking your mom what she thinks will make her feel like part of the child rearing and not defensive. Talk about this with them when you're not upset.

Do not bite, hit, or pinch your child back. Your child will interpet that as a game and it won't help with the behaviour. You son doens't know what he's doing is wrong. What he knows is that when he does it infront of you, you react and pay attention to him.

If he does something undersirable say stop and redirect him to something he's allowed to do. It takes patencie but he'll get it.

About the biting, pinching and hitting: My theory is Young children dont understand that they are hurting you. Sometimes you have to show them. Like take biting for instance, if it wasnt an accident, nip them back NOT HARD. Not to leave marks but enough that they pull away. Say "That really hurt mommy and this is why" They will pull away and ask them "Did that hurt? That is why mommy doesnt like when you bite." This can be the same with pinching. I dont know how to handle hitting tho cause you cant go around beating your child lol. If anyone has ideas for that let me know.