Discipline and Behavior - Buckeye,AZ

Don't let your oldest pick on him. Remind them that you all are a loving family and that kind of behavior is absolutely not tolerated. Teach your 5 year old to ignore it. Do not allow him to hit back. When he gets mad at school and hits, he will get in trouble, so don't let him lose his temper and hit at home. My two sons fight a lot too, and I really have to be strict about keeping their hands to themselves, no matter who starts it.

I've got 4 children ages 14, 13, 7, 5 and I homeschool them so they are together all the time. They will do subtle things to pick on the youngest one and he can get pretty whiney and frustrated. I'm pretty strict about this and really try to stay on top of it. I tend to discipline him for constantly whining but have really started disciplining my older ones for not being nice. I'll keep extra close tabs on what is going on and put them in time out and take away TV and XBox etc. all of them. And I stress, in a nice way, how important it is for them to care for their little brother. I tell them they should look out for him since he is the youngest and how would they feel if they saw other older kids picking on him etc. It seems to help but I have to keep a close eye because they can be subtle and it would appear that my 5 year old is just whining for no reason. Good luck!

I wouldn't make the two oldest play with the 5 year old. Would you want to hang out with teenagers? I think a teenager would be annoying to hang around with right now because they are not my age. I think it is similar for your older kids. Instead, find some other kids his age. I wonder if the older ones are picking on him because they are acting out in anger at having to hnag out with him. The less they have to hang around him, the more they will enjoy when they do. All the roommates I ever had to room with in college were better friends if we didn't hang out together much.

The 5 year-old must be acting out because he is not feeling liked. I'd spend as much time with him individually as you can to show him how much you love him. Then I'd find friends for him that want to play with him. Also, teach him to laugh along with classmates that tease him. They won't get the desired response and will eventually quit.

Yes, I agree with the others that teasing should not allowed. The angle I came from is that there is enough of that out in the world and home is the one safe place that everyone can feel loved. I repeated that over and over to my kids. I wanted them to want to be at home.

Why does the 5-year old have the problem? Personally, I'd be all over your two oldest about their behaviour towards a young child! I'd make them apologize and start playing with him in an appropriate manner! As far as your 5-year old in school, he'll be with kids his own age who will want to play with him, so I'd encourage him and wait to see how he does. Don't get it into his head that he has a problem. He's reacting to the meanness of his siblings. Discipline the older kids, encourage the younger one and see what happens when he starts school. Good luck.

Hi M. -

This is really about him acting out his feelings - as I am sure you are aware. The problem is, he may not realize how his feelings are affecting his behavior. Sit down with him, eye to eye level, and see if he will explain how the behavior of his older siblings makes him feel. Ask him if he would like to tell his siblings how it feels and then have them sit down and listen to him. As I've explained to many a mother of 5 year olds, they are still little sponges on 2 legs. They soak up and express back out the energy of those around them and usually the expression is in a negative manner.

There are herbs to support him emotionally, as well as flower essences, to help support the inside while he is working on the outside.

Let me know if I can help any other way.

Blessings,

M. M. Ernsberger
Holistic Healthcare Practitioner
Certified Clinical Herbalist
Certified Master Hypnotherapist
Certified Life Coach
Services for Children & Families
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School is a very stressful environment for even well-behaved kids. Just remember all the petty insults, issues and pecking orders that we all had to cope with. Because we had no choice we had to go to school and deal with it over and over. At least as adults we are free to leave a really miserable workplace.
If there was any way, could you visit your kids at school during lunch, or maybe just the youngest? He might really benefit from being able to "download" to a trusted adult. (If not you...another relative? ) Other cultures..Italy, rural France..the kids go home for lunch with the families. It truly keeps family important and allows for some "downtime" from the stresses of peer interaction, esp unsupervised peer interaction.
You are right to suspect that your son's defensive attitude could head him into problems. If you really want to see how bad it could get, see "Hold On to Your Kids" by Gordon Neufeld. It is at the local library, or paperback.

The problem with sibs picking on him only adds to his frustration, no relief at home after returning from much of the same at school. It is most important that he knows the adults in his life are his vacation from all this torment, filled with unconditional love and acceptance of him.
I would try to re-establish some harmony at home too...trying to appeal to the older kids' (esp 12 year old) sense of responsibility ..a big part of growing up. They need to take care of their youngest family member. They are not toddlers...and can comprehend this. Unfortunately, the constant age segregation of our public school system (grades)leaves kids unfamiliar with working with or around kids of other ages. Being responsible for another child is not "natural" in such an environment, but if you look around the world, most cultures put older kids in charge of younger siblings (for limited amounts of time) with good results. Maybe some inspiring stories about families/kids surviving together...like The Box Car Children (I forgot the author)would be helpful.