Discipline - Arcadia,CA

You may want to go to Amazon.com for books on Prodiy & Advanced children, Indigo & Crystal Children.

Be well.

N.

Have you tried one of those leash things? I always forced my kids into a stroller. But, I think a "child Harness" would work well for you.

Its not too late. You can become an oak tree that you child will know is firmly planted and a force to be reckoned with. Have you ever read "Boundaries With Kids" by Drs. Townsend and Cloud?

Hi G.,
Imagine someone says to you, "No!" right now. No what? No typing, reading, sitting at the computer, sipping coffee, no what? It is an abstract concept to small children. Better that you redirect the behavior. If you let him out of the cart, give him a direction, something to do like hold onto the side of the cart, or look at a book in the cart. Toddlers need a replacement behavior that is acceptable for you. Yes, it can be exhausting, however you are going to find yourself with a young child who is looking to get away with anything in the future when you aren't looking just to try and not guess what the No means.
Good luck, Wendy

He is trying to engage you in play when he looks for you to chase him. Bring Dad or Grandma or someone else shopping with you, and they can roam the aisles and play with your son while you shop. Or go by yourself.

He is not "training" you - he is discovering his world.
Time-outs are ineffective and please don't let him scream in the cart and have a tantrum - it is really inconsiderate and disruptive to other patrons.

G.,

I totally understand your position! But, I have to ask you, do you explain to your son what 'no' means and why? He's getting what he wants and Mommy is 'playing long' in his mind because 'no' doesn't me a thing to him.

Our Family Therapist explained it to us in no uncertain terms, 'no' could mean anything to a toddler without reinforcement. It could meaan, 'go faster' or 'i'm gonna get you'. Unless you reinforce that 'no' means 'that is dangerous' or 'that is not okay because you are making a mess'...it's wasted breath.

She told us to start with redirection and explanation. "No, J that is not SAFE. Let's play with the blocks this way" and then show him how. If the behavior persisted repeat and explain that if he can't play with the blocks the right way he would lose them for 2 minutes.

I do 'toy timeouts' and we have a box in the closet with an egg timer that he puts his toys in until the timer goes off. It works for us because my kiddo hates losing his favorite stuff. If it's totally out of hand (which is hardly ever) the toy gets put away for the rest of the day.

For behavior in stores...this is tough because you want to get stuff done, but you have to start setting a precident now. With my son, I will tell him he has to pick up his mess. Our therapist said to sit on the floor next to him and show him how to pick it up. Bring him back to the mess until it's cleaned up and then leave the store. Once in the car explain that that is 'not okay behavior' and tell him why. He may laugh and giggle, but keep a stern voice and solid firm tone. If he knows you mean business, he'll get it with repitition. The thing is no matter how much he laughs, sit there and keep a stern look on your face. Do not giggle and don't crack...once he's done with his little game he'll see that Mommy means business.

One tantrum with my then almost 2 year son, I sat for nearly 10 minutes and waited for him to quit acting silly. Once he did stop, he listened to me and my words and then we agreed that next time he would behave. We kissed and hugged, and honestly I thought we'd never get through that period but, talking to your kiddo is very important. Today my son and I talk about his feelings, and he can even tell me that he's mad at me or that he's sad about something. I'm so happy I listened to my instincts and followed sound advice.

I know it's tough now, and your son seems to have the upper hand but it's never too late!!! Just be consistent and be confident and don't forget the love!

You will get through this and it will be okay.

sounds like he wants your attention- try taking him to playground before shopping, use a substitute word for NO, like, lets pick it up! and try feeding him in your lap, to be close-

It's never too late to discipline but I think at this age he's just being a toddler. He's bored in the shopping cart and doesn't understand the need to go along with it all. I'll tell you what I did with both of my children and some people frowned upon it and possibly you will too, depending on your beliefs, but I carried Tootsie Pops in my bag at all times. Whenever I had to do a long grocery shopping trip, I'd put my child in the shopping cart, fasten them in, and give them a lollipop. Those suckers take a good 10-15 minutes or more to eat and it keeps them completely occupied. As long as you make sure you're brushing their teeth really well, the sugar is not a problem. Toys never worked for my kids as they'd either get bored right away or they'd want to buy the stores toys. Now that they're older, my kids still want a treat during shopping trips but it's moved on to things like chips or fruit snacks and as far as I'm concerned, a little treat here and there to keep everyone happy is well worth it.

Hi G.,

You need to be in charge for many reasons with one being your childs saftey. Simply keep him in the cart or fastened in his stroller. If he fusses then fine, just continue your shopping and he will learn. All three of mine did. I also told my kids that if they wanted out of the cart they had to stay right beside me and if they ran off then they would be put back in the cart. I followed through and shopping became quite easy. You need to follow through and your son will learn. Yes, he might cry, scream ,etc., but don't act bothered or upset by it. Just continue shopping. You can also reward him for good shopping behavior when he's first learning.

19 months old is not too late to start disciplining him. If you don't do it now, imagine what you'll have to deal with when he's older. It isn't fair to any child to be left without discipline. We all need to learn boundaries, rules, etc. It's a part of real life! Besides you'll be surprised at how much easier life will be for you!

The leash idea is also another great option!

http://www.mamasource.com/request/recent/96824/1246948816/6

Please read this link, from Mama Source. It is pretty much the same issues.

All the best,
Susan

I would also recommend the book "Your 1 Year Old" or, "Your Two Year Old" which you can get from www.amazon.com
Great book series for each age of a child.

Hi G.,

As frustrating as this behavior can be, it is very normal and age-appropriate.

You have 2 choices: You can choose to create a power struggle between you and your son, in which either he is in control or you are. Alternatively, you can move away from the struggle (saying "No" and ineffective time-outs) and, instead, get to the cause of the problem.

Children act out as a way of communicating with us. They don't have the insight or the vocabulary to express what it is they are feeling and what they need. As parents, we need to learn to decode our children's behavior so that we can teach them ways to express themselves that are productive rather than disruptive.

If I can be of further help, feel free to contact me. www.GilaBrown.com
Good luck,
G. B., M.A.
Child Development Specialist & Parent Coach

G.:
My kids are a little older now but I remember those days. As for throwing food off the high chair tray, my kids loved to do that and watch me pick it up over and over again. It is just a game to them. Especially the sippy cup. I would no longer pick it up. I may tell them. I'll pick up the cup 4 times and then I can't pick it up anymore.
Shopping cart, there is a great book called Bebe goes Shopping and I would read that to your child. When I went shopping I would try to get them to help. My kids are a year apart so can you imagine. I would also open boxes of cereal and let them have some to stay in the cart. My friends would often find a treat at the beginning of shopping and tell their child, you only get this treat if you stay in the shopping cart. I also was lucky because my husband and I could switch off on shopping or we would do really small shopping trips or the whole family would go. Have fun. I've been there and imagine if you had twins or triplets. That is what I would do when I began pulling my hair out in these situations.

my son was SO like that still can be..i had to teach him fear..we would go on hikes and he would take off..so i started showing him shows like Prehistoric Planet..and Scooby Doo..i would yell out "dinosaurs!" and he'd come running back or "Zoiks!" like Shaggy & Scooby always say! lol! hey..sounds silly but it worked..now that he's talking ..he's 3.5 and understands i explain to him why its dangerous..like if we're walking where there are cars i say "hold my hand b/c i'm bigger than u and cars can see me better" i also got him a shopping cart and he goes shopping in the kitchen..i think he learned this at preschool b/c they have a little pretend market..
but now when i take him shopping i have him help..and when he starts getting nutty i say..."i really need your help Helper..please pay attention"
I call him "Helper" when he does things for me..he likes this..and if i call him that he always helps
hang in there mama..things change as they get older..right now i would try to shop when someone else can watch him..it's still something i do when he's at preschool..he goes 2 afternoons a week or when he's with his dad or grandma..
try the Prehistoric Planet method..haha..i swear it works! just say "dinosaurs!" and just watch..my son used to run off ..i'd call that out and he would make a U turn right back to me. ....AND now he knows a lot of dinosaur names..and they are a hobby to him.

Sounds like my youngest, and no I don't let him get away with it. He WILL sit in the cart if I put him in there. If he screams? So what. Yes it may annoy others, but if you give in, next time he will start at that scream, because it worked. I never leave the store because of my kids behavior, that is again allowing them to control you. You have to let them know that you will do what you need, no matter what they do. When I am in a store with no cart, like a clothing store, I need to watch the little one (he is 3 next week) as he does wander away. I do not chase him though. When I know where he is, I just give it a few seconds of him not being able to see me, and he will get scared and come back. Then I explain why he has to stay with me. Sometimes, when I need to go somewhere else, I just say "Bye" and start to walk away. I always know where he is, ans keep the corner of my eye on him. That makes him come running fast!
The food thing......Oh boy did we go through that. Take the food away. He is old enough for a timeout. Take it away for 1 minute (1 minute per year) and then tell him to not throw food, and give it back. When he throws again, repeat. It will take time, but he will get the point. At this point, it has become a game of "if I do this, Mommy does...... and it is funny" But taking their meal away, isn't so funny to them. During time out, don't talk to him, or respond to him. He will scream, cry, throw a fit, but ignore him. Then when the timer goes off, and he heard it go off, calmly go over and ask if he wants his food back. Tell him, to keep it on the tray/plate, and the give it back.
please don't think it is too late. It will take time, and patience now, but you can get it under control. Do it now, instead of trying when he is 15. As a former teacher I know about the kids who run the show, and when I am in a store and I hear a screaming kid I just love it when the parent does not give in. i have actually thanked people before for not giving in- even though their kid is screaming their bloody head off. They will learn.

G.!!! I was experiencing the same with my 17 month old daughter a few months back. I had a GREAT postpardum doula who helped me through it. She explained first and foremost that this is a phase where they are testing boundaries and searching for independence...as well as thriving off of reactions from us! With the shopping cart and store situations she simply said to me "A., she's just being a toddler...you're going to need to adjust your schedule for a while to avoid putting her in these situations. Do your grocery shopping and errand runs at night alone when your husband can watch her." After a while of thinking about it, it made perfect sense. And I did just that! The only time I went to stores with her was Toys r Us or somewhere that was kid friendly and fun for her. She is now 18 months and we have started going to Target once a week for 10 minutes at a time and she's MUCH better. I give her a snack in the cart and by the time she's ready to get out we are heading for the exit.

As for the food throwing, my daughter did this way back and we conquered it by telling her "that's not nice". We used the "not nice" term for all bad things that she did or that people did to her so she knows very well what it means. After we said "not nice" then we'd ignore the next food throwing. If she did it again we'd say "all done!" with a smile on our face and remove her tray. But she'd have to sit there with us until we were finished eating. We'd explain to her that she didn't have to eat but she did have to sit with the family during the meal.

Best of luck to you!! I hope this helps a tad :)

A.

He is running the show. You have to let him know that you are in charge and have a stronger will than his. Are you going to stop putting him in his carseat because he doesn't want to go in? Probably not, right? So stop taking him out of the shopping carts. My lil girl does not like to be in shopping carts either. If I let her out I end up chasing her. Or stopping and telling her "let's go" every two seconds cause she got distracted. Use the safety straps on the cart and make them tight enough so that he can't stand up. Bring lots of distractions...special toys, favorite snacks, etc. Tell him from the very beginning what you expect from him and why. I tell my daughter, "honey,mommy needs you to sit in the shopping cart and behave while we are at the store. The grocery store is too crowded for you to walk by yourself and mommy doesn't want to loose you." You can also make a shopping list with pictures and tell him you need his help to find eveything. #1 thing to do is to not let him think you have lost control. Be firm. Be consistent. Don't give in to his demands. And always make sure he knows who is the parent. Trust me if you let some things slide cause you don't feel like battling, you will be sorry. Because it won't get easier as he gets older it will get a lot worse. You have to stop his behavior NOW. You can help minimize melt downs if you go to the store while your child is fresh and fed. I know that this is not always possible so just be prepared to have a crying child on occassion. He'll stop eventually. And when he learns that he won't get his way with crying, he won't cry anymore. As far as him throwing food goes...I'd say get a dog and ride that phase out. No, but seriously, if he's not responding to firm No's then try saying "we don't throw our food." And if he continues then put him on time out. And keep doing it until he learns that it's unacceptable. You'll get to a point where you won't have to discipline him. You can just give him a look or start counting. As long as he knows that there is somehting to be afraid of and he knows that you mean business, he'll stop. Good luck. And don't give up.

You're right, he's running the show and he thinks it's a big game. Trust me, you can't give up before he's even out of diapers and decide it's too late or too hard to discipline him. When he's 5, or 14, or 17, you don't want him to know that he can do whatever he wants and Mom won't do anything about it except complain. Kids will willingly pay the price of listening to Mom gripe, plead or yell, as long as they can keep doing whatever they want.

Nobody responds well to being told "no." Some people get more upset than others, but all of us will be told "no" many times in our lives, by our parents, our teachers, our bosses, our laws and officials, and we can't just ignore it or throw a fit. We have to learn how to deal with it. Some parents feel that it is their job to make sure their kids are happy and entertained all the time, but it's not. Your job is to help him grow into a productive, happy adult. Adults who feel that they should be able to do whatever they want, whenever they want, with whomever they choose, are VERY unhappy and angry, because someone - a spouse, boss, zoning official, IRS agent, police officer, store clerk - will be there telling them, "No." Being happy includes knowing the limits. That covers circumstances from, "No, you can't pee on the ground, go to the bathroom when you have to go," to, "No, you can't build without building permits."

As far as being out in public, stop giving him a choice. Calmly buckle him into a stroller or shopping cart, and leave him there. He will scream, thrash, kick, bite and cry, cry, cry. People will stare. Ignore ALL of that and finish your shopping. NEVER, EVER give him a choice about whether or not to use a car seat - that's a life and death scenario. If he throws something - a toy or food - calmly take it away. He may end up missinmg a meal or two, but that won't hurt him. If he throws it, it goes away.

My kids (I have 4, and I've had foster kids) didn't get to walk in stores until they could handle staying with me and not touching things. Sometimes kids are 5 or 6 before they "get it." Even then, if they acted up or wandered off, they went back in the cart. Kids know when you mean it, and when howling and crying will make you change your mind. They don't make a scene if they've learned, over and over and over, that it doesn't do any good.

Hang in there! Good luck!

G.,
He is 19 months old what do you mean "it is too late"?????? My goodness, he is 19 months old! My daughters are 13 and 10 YEARS old...it is NEVER too late.

You are the parent, you set the guidelines. Parenting your child is far more effective then disciplining (if you are using the term as something negative) the term discipline really means - a system of rules of conduct or method of practice - so PRACTICE being the parent you want around your child. If he is doing something you don't like tell him what you DO like. You are the guide, the role model, the final decision.

Of course it is fun if you chase him. DON'T. NOt int he grocery store. He won't get far, they never do. Before shopping, take him to a park and "chase him" there. Let him know this is where you "chase".

Then, in the grocery store, give him pictures of the things he can help you put in the cart. Tell him you need his help to FIND those things and put them in the cart. Empty boxes works well for this too. It is easier if what you are looking for is on his level.

Count the tiems on the shelves. How many red boxes, how many blue etc.

Teach him a new song while you are shopping, or a new game. If he is not engaged in the shopping experience why wouldn't he run? Think about it, have you ever been in a situation that was no fun, bored you to tears and YOU wanted to run? Of course you have. Kids are just a bit different. They will ACT on their thoughts, consequences are not thought out ahead of time.

G., be the mom you want to be and he will be the son you want him to be. GUARANTEED!

You are the parent, you get to decide how your child will act.

PS: What are you feeding him for breakfast...that will definately make or break his day.

B.
Family Wellness Coach

Hello, I'm sure that your little son is enjoying this game. However, it isn't safe (as I'm sure you already know). I would put him in the cart and strap him in. He can have a tantrum in the safety of a seat belt in the stroller or cart. The last time one of my grandchildren tried to keep my from putting him in a shopping cart, I told him, "Okay." I then took him out. He thought this was great. We then walked out of the store and went home. I told him that I would go later without him. He was around 2 years old and never tried it again.
Good luck with your precious son.
K. K.

Hi! I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone! I could have written that post myself (: Be encouraged, you are doing good.

Dear working mom who would rather be home with baby:

I am a mother of two toddler boys. I see where you are coming from. As you mention, you are a working mother and someone is a caregiver for your baby. First, how long are you at work? Is the caregiver doing the duties of a mom or just letting the child do what he wants? Look at these aspects to why your son is acting the way he is. When you have some answers to why your boy is acting that way he is, then think of the way you're trying to be firm with him and his responds. You did mention that you firmly use the word "NO" and he thinks it's funny and that you are chasing after him...okay he's a technique you can try and see if it works with your child because this is what I had trained myself to do when it gets out of hand with my children:

*everytime your boy throws things like food or any object, try not to say "no", use another perspective of words that will make him think it was wrong: for example, "son, that was not nice, I appreciate that you don't do that again because you might hurt someone else or yourself." Be firm when you tell him so he can get a feel that you are not kidding. Refrain from saying "no" because he is used of you saying that word to him.

*when in the store or out in the public--talk to your boy about what is proper to do when going in the store and ask him if he understands (at this time he may not be talking back to you but he is listening) a nod of yes is good enough. Just talk and explain what might happen---a little scare will do and in the event if he does get out of hand--stop what your doing and take your boy out.

*one thing not to do when you are being firm and little boy is running around...DO NOT RUN AFTER HIM....that's why he thinks your playing with him and its funny...ignore for a bit to show him that you're not paying any attention so he can get a feel that it's not funny and that you mean it. Then try to remind him that it's not a playground.

I could go on and on...but keep in mind that you want to be consistent when trying to discipline your child...as well as who is caregiving to do the same (not to take you place) but let them know that you are trying to positively discipline your child--teach proper manners if that will work...If this behavior continues and the technique does not work, then try considering early childhood intervention to assess your child. It's up to you...

I, too, am the mother of a strong-willed child. I have told her from the age of 16 months, "I am in charge, not you." You need to remember that your son expects you to be in charge, and he is testing you.
Buckle him up in the cart or stroller whenever you go to a store (at 3 my daughter still is in the cart; otherwise she gets into things). Buy a harness (they have cute ones now) for times when a cart or stroller is not available. Avoid places where it is too hard to manage his behavior (my daughter has still not been back to the post office!).
Explain that if he throws his food, the meal is over. You will have to follow through because he will test you. If he's still hungry, explain that he made a choice to throw his food.
I know that you want to be home with him and don't want to be disciplining him when you could be doing something fun. If you follow through with the limits you set (and explain the limits and consequences before you go), it will get easier.
Find another mom with a child of similar temperament or an older mom who has been through the trenches. You need some encouragement and someone to call when you are discouraged. We all do.
Hang in there! : )

my daughter does the same thing in the store heres what i do-
keep my daughter in the cart no matter how much she cries and give dirty looks to people who look at me like im a horrid mom.
or
when she takes off down the isle i tell her bye and walk away i dont chase her. 8 out of 10 times she comes running back after im almost out of her site and if she doesnt come back and i have to get her i give her a swat on the diaper and place her in the cart to scream and cry till her heart is content.
or
i use a leash. i got it at walmart and it looks like a puppy back pack. if she tries to run one way she can only go 3 feet and she has no choice but to follow me.

The good news is that you're not alone! haha My 20 month old loves the chase game too. Diaper changes always require a chase. However, mine likes to jump on all furniture. I tried saying NO and putting her in the corner for one minute (in which I had to sit there with her of course.) When her time was up, she went back to laughing & jumping. Clearly, it didn't work. However, now when she doesn't listen, I put her in her crib for one minute (her age) and that has helped tons. Hopefully if you do it at home, then when you're out & about he'll know you mean business!

Good luck!

Hi G.,
My 2 year old is a lot like yours, very strong willed. My brother gave me this book called "Time Out for Toddlers" by Dr. James W Varni and Donna G. Corwin. It has helped my husband and me a lot. It is a very simple 5 step "time out method" method and a very easy read. It was getting to the point where I didn't want to take my son anywhere public cause he was running the show but now I feel more comforatable. At first I just used the "time out" at home because my son is a screamer (and I mean he could scream at the top of his lungs for a long time) but now I use "time out" in public too. He screams some times and people stare but I don't care any more cause i'm doing waht I have to do to dicipline my child. I am not spanking or yelling just putting him in "time out" when he doesn't do what I tell him. Now, when i just mention time out he gets upset and says " I don't want time out, I want to listen to you" and does what I tell him to do (get in his car seat, sit in the shopping cart, sit at the table....). I feel like I am in controll now. He is still very strong willed and I work very hard to be consistent but his behavior has changed a lot. At first it seemed as if he was living in time out cause I had to do it every time he didin't listen to me but now I only do it a few times a day. I have asked anyone who watches him (grandparents, aunts, uncles) to use the same method. Hope this helps. Good luck.

It is not too late and good for you for wanting to fix the situation!!! This is really simple to fix, but it is all up to you--you have to be willing to follow through with the punishments you make for him. If he throws food off his high chair, tell him if he does it again he will get down and will not eat again until the next meal time (if it's dinner, then his next meal will be breakfast)no snacks or desserts either. He won't starve--but he will get the point. At the store, he goes in the cart or he doesn't get to go on the store trip at all. If you have to leave, becasue he is not obeying(maybe before he gets a sample cookie for a treat at the end of your shopping trip)--then you really have to leave. Even if you have to leave your cart and come back later--which I know (from experience) totally stinks--but it is a small price to pay for a well-disciplined child. you are the mommy--he looks to you for guidance and boundaries--not getting them is a very insecure feeling for him--kids thrive on boundaries--he needs to know that you are in charge and he (at the young age of 19 months) is not responsible for making decisions for both of you. Be firm--I promise you he will love you all the more for it and your time with him will be so much sweeter!!

G.,
My son has done much of the same. The only one part where I have found success is with throwing food. I think he used to do it for 2 reasons - first because he didn't want it and second because he liked watching our dog run for it.
I told him if he didn't want what was on his tray to push it to the far side of the tray. I also kept the dog out of the kitchen during meal time for a few days. It worked within days and we've never looked back.
Good luck!
K.

Hello G.,

my boy use to do the same to me, once I even had to take off my shoes because I had heels and I couldn't keep up with him. Another time my mom said she was going to keep an eye on him and he got lost in the store, the first thing I did was go the exit doors to make sure no one leave with him and everyone at the store started looking for him, thank God I found him quick but that was the end even if he cried to get him off the store cart or the stroller I would remind him no because you get lost. Or I would tell him ok I will get you down but I'm not going to be chasing you and if you don't listen you are going back on the the stroller or cart which ever it was. And actually it works, but you have to be firm with him. Good Luck

Here's my suggestion...be willing to endure the fits and the screaming.

When he starts throwing food, take it away and end meal time for him.

When he doesn't walk nicely through a store holding your hand, he goes in the stroller or the cart and strap him in.

I think you really have to have zero tolerance for his behaviour but lots of patience for the tantrums until he figures out who is boss. If you are out and about and the tantrum won't stop, you need to just end the trip out.

Good luck.
-M

First of all, you need to be the boss. If he doesn't want the stroller, but him on a leash. I am not kidding. I had all three of my kids as toddlers on leashes and it saved me from pulling my daughter out of a pond and my son from running in the street on impulse. It will save his life and your nerves. This is going to sound awful, but when I put the leash on my dog, or a halter on my horse, they know that I AM THE BOSS. You are not too late to discipline him now. THe rules just changed and he will figure it out in a couple of days. You will have to put up with screaming, pouting, and probably some physical restraint on your part, but if you don't set boundaries now, what kind of a teenager do you think you will have. May I suggest some parenting classes?

Well, you are letting him run the show. Basically, you are in charge but you are letting him be in charge. You place him in his stroller with straps engaged. You put him in the shopping cart WITH straps engaged. You put him in a high chair at a restaurant WITH straps engaged. There is never a discussion. You NEVER let a child run around in a store or in a restaurant. Those places are not a playground. You need to be extremely firm. If you have to, begin taking away his toys. He will catch on immediately. Heck, have him bring a toy with him to these places and when he doesn't get in his car seat, you tell him that if he doesn't, you are taking away the toy. Believe me, he will catch on. You are not too late. You can change and so can he. He is like a pet right now. Just needs to be trained in what is acceptable and what is not. We all go through trials like this, but if you nip it now it will be easier later.

Thought: Even though you are consistently saying no, etc. He is still winning. You need to outlast him no matter how long it takes and as inconvenient as it is. He needs to learn that when you say no or whatever that he needs to take it seriously and obey. When he climbs out of his stroller- tell him no and put him back in again and again until he obeys.

Great that you are figuring it out now- it only gets more challenging :)

There are a couple books that are great- they are Christian based, so I don't know how you feel about that, but regardless they have some good principles... Raising Godly Tomatoes and Don't Make Me Count to 3.

C., mother of 3 (5, 3, 1), sleep consultant, sleep blog writer www.lullabyluna.com

Your little one may be strong willed, but you'll need to be even more so. You are definitely not too late in disciplining him ... he's only 19 months old. All toddlers love to be chased, as does my 21-month-old, but your son needs to understand that it isn't play time all the time. When you go shopping, give him a choice [if you are willing to let him sit in the basket, rather than the actually "baby seat" in the cart. This way he has a choice. If he still acts up, then you'll need to let him cry it out, while insuring he stays in the seat, or basket, which he chose, telling him it's not playtime because Mommy needs to purchase some things. Once he calms down, continue with your shopping/go back into the store [if you decide to leave the store during the time he cries it out ... you could even call it a time out if that's what you're more comfortable with].

Obviously you've gotten a lot of advice already. I did start giving my son time-outs when he was that age (now 23 months) and it did work for me. He'd throw food and I'd give a stern "no" and he'd smile and do it again. Finally one day he threw food then looked at me, wagged his finger, and said "no!" SO that wasn't working. So then I just said calmly, "We don't throw food. If you throw food you will go stand in the corner". I set the kitchen timer for 1 minute, and when it goes off I remind him not to throw food, then he picks it all up, and the meal is over. I only had to do it maybe 5 times and he never threw food again.
Of course we still battle on other issues, but that format works for him. ("Don't put crayons in your mouth." then "If you put another crayon in your mouth you will stand in the corner and not draw anymore"). The trick is to really do it. Then they learn you really mean what you say.
Luckily my son isn't a runner (yet), but something I did do might help. We played a go/stop game. When we're walking we'll "go go go!" then "stop!" and freeze. Once he had that down if we're walking together (near traffic, in a store) and I tell him to stop he will- and it reminds him of a game. But, again, if he didn't I'd warn him with a clear consequence that I'm ready to follow through with. ("If you don't stop when I say, we'll go inside")
It'll be harder for you because he has these experiences of getting away with things, but it's certainly not too late! I also think a lot of it is finding what works with their personalities.

Yes, he is normal and no you are not too late to discipline. All children like the chasing game. He is very young yet to understand appropriate behavior in stores. However, you need to be consistent in your response to his actions. If he throws things off the high chair....just take them away...he will learn that they don't get returned and don't worry that he doesn't eat ..he will when he is hungry. As far as the store, you could try a harness when shopping. My oldest son was like him and enjoyed running and a harness worked wonderfully...allowed him some freedom and still I could control him.

A good book on strong-willed children is The Strong-willed Child by Dr. James Dobson. He wrote it when my middle son was about 4 1/2 and I could have used it two and a half years earlier. One thing I learned was to give choices when choices were possible...(a peanut butter and banana or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Your green or brown sweatshirt). Only make stand when necessary...choice your "fights". When no choice should be given, tell him this is NOT a choice...you must obey or must do as I say. Not going into the street, etc. My middle son needed more discipline than either of my other too, but was a great teenager.

Enjoy you son, he is really only a baby right now and exploring his world and what happens when he does things:)
Try playing "catch baby" at home....make sure he has special time with you just playing and chasing, rolling balls, etc. Then tell him, it is time to shop and we need to put on the harness. Be consistent and patient. He will grow out of this as he develops speech in a little while.
H.

My daughter is exactly the same and started this behavior a little earlier than your son. She still runs, hits, etc. and is out of control. Time outs don't work with her but I am staying firm and letting her know that it is not ok to hit. Sometimes she is upset that I am telling her NO and starts to bawl and throw a tantrum but I am just keeping at being consistent with her. I let her run around in certain places that I know it's safe. Other times, like when she's on the street where there are cars around, my husband and I take both her hands and walk with her and then at the count of 3, lift her in the air. So it's distraction for that but he's not always around. Basically if I'm alone with her and she starts running, I have to catch her and then distract her. It's exhausting but you have to stay firm.

Hi G.. So your son is seeing what your reactions will be to his behavior. I was so surprised when I started having to take my middle girl out of the store ( around 4 years), because she wanted to hide in the racks, etc. I NEVER thought one of MY kids would act that way. Hah- the things we learn. It took about 5 times I think. I would talk to her before hand and tell her what behavior I expected. Then if she started to act up, I would tell her we would have to leave the store.....which we did.

As far as your boy is concerned- since he's still a toddler, I'd put him in the shopping cart. If he starts grabbing things off the aisles- tell him once to cut it out ( a warning). If he continues to mess around- take him out of the store. You'll have to come back without him to get what you need. You need to stay calm and firm. You are the adult and know much more than he does ( he just doesn't realize it). It sounds like he's asserting his independence ( "terrible twos". As far as throwing food off the high chair- again he gets told once to stop. Then if he continues- he's done with eating. You remove him from the high chair and he doesn't eat, or graze for food until the next eating time.

These things work. Besides raising my 3 kids, I've worked with kids with special needs for 30 years. Consistency, paying attention to the behavior we want with praise for that and not giving much attention to behavior we don't want works 90% of the time with everyone.