HELP - My 2 Yr Old Has Taken Over!

Your son sounds like a very smart little one and it's my guess he knows that he gets you worked up and can wear you down. So, that's the dynamic you have to change.
He knows that pitching a fit gets you upset and gets him what he wants.
I would cut out McDonald's and the treats BEFORE shopping and perhaps use it as incentive to behave in the store. If he doesn't, no treat, zero, nada.
And, when he pitches a fit to get out of the cart, simply look him in the eye and tell him you can't let him out because he will run away.
I hate to say it, but you have to be firm with him instead of trying to coax him to do what you want. It won't work that way.
I would start out with a list of just a few items. Tell him in the car, before you get him out that you are going into the store. He will sit in the cart and he will be a good boy and be nice until you are done shopping.
Then, in the store, if he throws a fit, tell him he is not acting like a nice little boy and he is NOT getting out of the cart. If he begs for a toy just ignore it and move on with getting your few items.
People in stores don't like hearing kids throw fits, but seriously, most of them are parents and they can see that you're pregnant with a loud little boy in the cart. Just calmly continue to tell him, don't care who hears it, that he is not acting like a nice boy. He is not getting out to run around and no toys.
Get your things, pay for them, smile at the clerk and wish them a nice day and go. Do not let your kid see you get flustered. That's what he's banking on. That's the reaction he's looking for. Don't give it to him. When you get him in the car, on the way home you can say, "Mommy told you that you had to stay in the cart in the store because you run away. Mommy asked you to be quiet in the store. You were not quiet. That wasn't very nice. Next time we go, I need you to be quiet and not yell and scream."
No stopping off for treats, just go straight home and give him a time out for acting up in the store. Ask him to say he's sorry and ask him if he thinks next time he will try harder to behave.
Keep your list short, keep your statements to him brief and calm.
Try this a few times without backing down.
I have a friend that didn't take her son to a restaurant, a movie, a museum, a library, until after he started kindergarten. She said she knew he wouldn't behave so why try? I am of the opinion that little kids don't know how to behave in public if you don't take them and teach them how to behave. They don't just magically wake up one day knowing how to act in a restaurant or a grocery store. They have to be taught.
The other thing you have to remember is that 2 year olds pretty much believe they are the center of the universe. That's the nature of the "beast", so to speak.
However, letting them continue to believe that without setting perameters does them no favors.
A two year old is NOT too young to understand that certain behaviors are not acceptable. You can get this turned around. He just needs to know that throwing fits, etc is not going to rattle you. He's not going to get his way and he's not going to get rewarded just to hush him up.

Hang in there!
Best wishes!

.

I have two 14 months apart. I did as one poster mentioned - I went over the rules on the way and would leave if after 1 warning they did not comply. I never had a stash of goodies and I never gave in. I also never was in a store for a half an hour or more - too long for their short attention spans. I did not allow them down in restaurants or to yell. Sounds to me like 1. he doesn't understand what 'no' means and/or two 2. you are not using a firm voice but are pleading with him to behave...he has the control and you need to take it back.........good luck and I hope something mentioned by the ladies will help you.

Dear R.:

Wow, he sounds very active! My daughter wasn't as active, but at 2 she handled dinner exactly the same way your son does. We just gave up on going out except for one hamburger restaurant where we could tag team. My husband ordered our food, I distracted and walked with our daughter, then we sat down and learned to eat fast because our daughter was up and ready to go when she finished! You just learn to eat fast and carry your own takeout containers, if necessary!

Kids that age frequently don't like a stroller. We had a bit of that ourselves. I'd say VERY short trips with lots of praise for good or semi-good behavior. Don't bribe or anything when he acts up. If he makes a lot of noise and creates a scene, so what? Kids do that. Unless you're at the symphony, you're fine. Also, stop worrying about what other people think. Everybody in the world has an opinion, especially those WITHOUT children!!

This too shall pass.

L. F., mom of a 14-year-old

I have had a similar situation, not when we go out, but when I'm on the phone. Then my kids act up like crazy and keep interrupting. I read a book called Love and Logic, that REALLY helped and I recommend you read it. If you're not the reading type they also have their book on CD so you can listen to it.

What Love and Logic said was that your kids (even little ones, like 2 year olds) know that you will not be your normal consistent self when it comes to discipline in some situations. For me, it was the phone, because I wanted to finish the phone call. (I work from home, so this was important, and they were not super long calls either.) for you, it sounds like it's when you go out that you don't have your normal discipline tools available.

So here's the suggestion Love and Logic gave: have a long phone call on purpose, or go out on purpose, not in order to actually have a conversation wtih a friend or actually run an errand, but a set-up outing to practice good behavior. Explain how you want him to behave before you go into the store, and leave IMMEDIATELY if he starts misbehaving. Then tell them this is so sad that you had to leave because they were running, or whining, or whatever, and now you have to go home and have a time out (or have another consequence).

I have not read all the post so I maybe saying something that someone else has already said. Anyhow I also have a very strong willed kiddo he is now 6 years old. His behavior has gotten much better then when he was 2 but he still has his moments. I would say a few things. You have to be willing to be inconvinced. If you are in a hurry or have something that needs your full attention I would put him in a mothers day out program or find a friend to swap days with. You do need sometime to your self, it allows you to be a better mom . When your kiddo starts acting out like that leave. I used to have a huge problem at the library. My husband I would call them his "running fits" he would take off and I would have to run after him. He thought it was funny. So what I would do BEFORE we got out of the car we would talk about how he was suppose to behave. We would go over the RIGHT way to act then we would talk about if he was to run off or yell or whatever he was not to do then we would leave with no book. We only had to leave 2 times with no book, he got the picture, that I was sticking to my guns. You may want to take him on a few practice trips out to work on this. I am also a HUGE believer of not getting in the habit of rewarding everytime you go out. It sets up expectation of an attitude of entitlement. I did the "jelly bean jar" I got a babyfood jar and everytime I caught him doing good out in public or at home I would put a jellybean in his jar. I would be looking for him doing the right thing and really pump it up. I would leave it on the kitchen counter so he would be reminded of it. When it was filled up we would take a trip to the dollar store. There are few books that really helped me out and I still use them all these years later.
1. The strong willed child by James Dobson
2. Creative Correction by Lisa Welchel
3. Taming your family Zoo ( cant remember the author)

Hope that was encouraging to you. Another thing your not responsible for how your child behaves. You can train him but he is still a little person and he will act the way he does. Dont feel embarrassed because it does not reflect you as a mother. That is unnecessary guilt that you are feeling. I would love to hear in a few weeks of how you implemented some of the things people are writing and how its working.
God Bless,
Jenny

Sounds to me like you just hit the jackpot with a strong-willed child. I mean this in the kindest way possible - welcome to the club! I've learned that parents that don't have one that is strong-willed just don't get it. I'm sure that not having been consistent (which being 8 months pregnant will contribute to) hasn't helped either. Most of the advice you've been given, I agree, is great. Consistency is the key. It sounds like you are a good parent, so don't sweat it, this phase will pass.

The one major thing I would add is give choices as often as possible (you can ride or you can walk and stay next to me - if he wanders, tell him he didn't stick to his end and put him back in the cart. At that age, I'd try agaiin in a couple minutes - AFTER he stops throwing a fit for being back in the cart).

Set limits in advance with the consequences lined out, and stick to them. (if you don't stay next to me you will ride in the cart. if you cry and scream you will stay in the cart. If you act like a big boy I will give you big boy choices) When he asks for something, acknowledge him and tell him no, or maybe give him an incentive to earn it - start a sticker chart or something for each good trip and after 2 or 3 good trips (I'd keep it minimal at this age) make a big deal and get him that train or whatever. But basically my point is make sure he knows you heard him - if he keeps repeating himself, get on his level and acknowledge again, tell him he needs to quit asking.

And yes, I found that my strong-willed child acted much worse in public because I was more willing to give in because I didn't want to be embarrased. Once I learned what was going on and just dealt with the embarrasement it ended quickly.

Mine is now 7, almost 8 and behaves very well in public. We still have strong-willed episodes of course, but they become fewer and further between and they are much more private :-).

Good luck and congrats on the new baby!!

I understand what you are going through! We have 2 yr old twins who are at this stage, consistently testing us and the rules. One thing we've found that helps is getting down to their eye level and talking with them, we usually talk in a stern voice and that seems to help when we are in public.

We've tried taking away a favorite thing but that didn't work so well for us, they would just go get a different toy and still misbehave.

The thing we are having the most problem with is our daughter's screaming when she doesn't get her way.. she does this ear piercing screech that can really get to you.

I hope some other moms reply, would love to read some other ideas on ways to handle this.

Wow, you just described my son! I left the grocery store in tears a few times because I was so embarrassed by his behavior. We've started bribing him before we go in a store and it's starting to work. He loves the little matchbox cars, those are usually 79 cents or so. At the grocery store he usually wants tic tacs or some kind of gummy snack. We just try to keep it under a dollar. As we're driving to the store, we'll go over right way to act in a store (reinforce the positive - try to limit the "don'ts"). He has to stay in the cart, be quiet, and no grabbing. When he acts up I just have to remind him what's at stake and he'll usually stop what he's doing pretty quickly. Sometimes I'll let him pick out his treat early in the trip and he can hold it but not open it until we're done shopping and pay for it. It's a great reminder for him of WHY he needs to behave, he knows that it's not his for sure until we're done shopping, and mommy can put it back on the shelf any time! I can only think of twice that he didn't get his treat, and he talked about it all the way home so I know it made a big impression.

Also try to remember that your child's behavior is not a direct reflection on your parenting skills. Sometimes I have to keep reminding myself of that when my son is being especially horrible in public, but it's true! You can teach your kids manners & what is expected of them, but they are still little people with their own free will, and despite what some people think - you can't control your child's every action!

Hi R....
I'll admit that I haven't read all of the posts so please forgive me if I repeat what some others have said...

I also have a 2 yr old who tries to misbehave in public. They definitely test their boundaries at this age. Its up to us to let them know their boundaries and to enforce those boundaries consistently. Consistency and follow through are key.

First, I want to tell you that you can't be concerned about what anyone else thinks about you. Other people are going to look - some in sympathy (other parents) and some maybe in curiosity or frustration at a screaming child (mostly non-parents). I just had to come to the realization that I had to deal with my child and not worry about anyone else. My child comes first. It takes some practice but eventually you'll get better at being able to tune out and ignore the other people. Remember that other people have no clue about the situation. They don't know if you have a sleepy or hungry child that could be contributing to his behavior.

This is what I do with my daughter:
Give your son ONE chance to change his behavior and tell him what the consequence will be if he doesn't. The way I do that is by getting eye level with my daughter and explaining to her that her __________ behavior (such as yelling and screaming) is not a good choice (we don't do that in the stores, etc) and tell her that if she doesn't stop then ___________ (consequence) will happen. I then tell her that it is her choice and that I hope she makes a good choice. Being out somewhere, you can use 3 consequences (that I have tried and work for us at least). Timeout, no toy or treat from the store, or leaving immediately. Remember - and remind him too - that Mommy can find a timeout spot ANYWHERE. Usually that one reminder will now straighten up my daughter simply because she knows that I WILL FOLLOW THROUGH. That is the key. If you threaten timeout, no toy, or leaving at the next instance of misbehavior, you MUST follow through. Otherwise, you lose complete control of the situation and your son won't believe you the next time you try to use those consequences. I've hauled my daughter out of stores leaving full buggies behind and have also walked out of her gymnastics class because she CHOSE (remember that I give her the choice to correct her behavior or to accept the consequence that I gave her) to continue to misbehave after being warned. I've put her in timeout at gymnastics and at restaurants and even in Kohls. I've taken toys out of the buggy and put them back because she had been misbehaving. And she didn't get it back. Once we get to the point of "we have to put the toy back because you've chosen to continue to misbehave", that didn't change because she stopped misbehaving. Once she pushed it, knowing the consequence would be losing the toy, she couldn't earn it back in that trip. No negotiating or giving in. Zero. And no.. it isn't easy. But I promise it does get easier and the reward for you is a peaceful shopping trip.

As a reward for good behavior for an entire shopping trip, I've let her pick out a toy (usually $1 bin at Target). I've tried both telling her ahead of time (if you're good Mommy will let you pick out a toy before we leave. and I remind her that its her choice to behave or not) and just before checking out (Wow you were such a good girl today, lets go pick out a toy). So far, I'd say about 50/50 with how well that works. My husband doesn't really like that because he's concerned that she'll come to expect a toy every time we go shopping and that is definitely a valid point. So, because of that, I try to hold the rewards for a shopping trip that's a bit longer. Or you can buy several things at the Dollar Tree or Target that you can have home in a bin so that when you have a successful (no tantrum or running from you) shopping trip, then you can get the reward box down and let him choose a toy. Actually, I'm making that suggestion to you because its exactly what I need to start doing. I just need to leave my daughter home with Daddy one Saturday or Sunday and go shopping for the "reward box". lol

Hope this helps and good luck.

Forget about what other people think! Other parents understand that you can't force your baby to stop screaming. Sometimes, when I see a toddler just ignoring his parents because he knows they won't do anything to discipline him public, I just want to offer to put him in time out or startle him into silence. I have embarrassed my cousins children in the store for throwing a fit because she couldn't have something. She started to scream and I started yelling "this little girl is throwing a fit! everybody look at how she misbehaves!" When she realized that everyone around was looking at her, she hushed up real quick.

being 8 months pregnant and having a 2 year old who it trying out his independance can be daunting. No real advice for you, just sympathy. Maybe it is time to follow through and say you cannot come with me unless you behave and simply not take him anywhere for about 2 weeks? Make sure to tell him with your face at his level that these are the rules: "you come with me and you behave. If you do not listen, then I will do xxx. You need to listen for you safety so you do not get lost.". Either that or take away a favorite thing? It worked with my kids to stick to my guns and not let them watch tv for 2 whole days, only had to do that once. Later, it was taking away the favorite toy for 2 whole days and no amount of begging got it back. Will probably have to take away cell phones in the future, lol!

Here is the best advice I have ever gotten about what to do when your kid is misbehaving in public...

First... IGNORE the people around you and quiet your inner voice screaming at you about what you think they are thinking. They are not your concern, your child is your concern. Discipline your child as if there is no one around and you are at home... you can't do things differently just because you are embarrassed about your child's behavior. Your child will sense this and always choose to misbehave in public... because he knows that on some level you will cave.

Second... Be willing to give up what you want in order to fix this problem. Leave the store if you need to. Obviously, you can't let your kid scream at the top of his lungs and disturb other shoppers for an extended period of time.

First of all, don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing your best. I know you know you should have never let him out of the stroller, cart, chair at restaurant in the first place no matter how much he screamed or cried. So, now you have to start over and teach him he will stay put until you're finished or face consequences which are tough for a 2 year old to understand. I would take him to the grocery store at a time when there are very few people and make him stay in the cart no matter what he does for a set period(maybe just 10 or 15 minutes at first) and then leave. If he acts appropriately, then have a treat waiting in the car, if not, no treat, period. I would continue to do this until I saw improvement and he began to understand the result of good choices. I think I would eat at home for a while until his behavior improves. People don't deserve to have to eat around misbehaving kids and he ca't run around in a restaurant. That is so dangerous. Good luck with everything. My youngest just turned 3 and is very strong willed like your son, so I know what you're going through!

First of all. He is not too young to understand. That is your first mistake, approaching it with that mindset does not give you a leg up. You have to look at it not as "kid stuff" but for what it is, disobedience. Children start to understand about 7-10 months of age how to obey. My youngest (also of three) is now 14 months old and responds immediately to "no" "no touch" "that's a no touch" and "obey mama." she has a set of lungs on her, she has this really LOUD high-pitched scream that she uses when she doesn't get her way, and we're working on that now (meaning, I AM working on not responding to the scream so she doesn't use it as a tool to get my attention, and I'm starting to use the words "no screaming" pretty regularly. LOL) Your son may not understand why he can't touch or can't have it, or why he has to stay in the stroller, but he is definitely old enough to understand that he needs to obey Mama and Daddy. Make no mistake, he knows EXACTLY what he is doing because he knows if he acts a certain way, that he will get what he wants.

When you give in you just strengthen his will to disobey. You stick to your guns 50 times and give in on time #51, you've undone all the work for the first 50.

Second of all. You can't worry about what others think, even if he screams his head off, do your best to finish and get out of there and don't give in. My daughter went through this and it was when I was not being consistent (had a bit of post partum depression and it had a huge affect on my ability to be consistent with my discipline efforts). Probably some of the most embarrassing moments of my life in the grocery store when she was screaming her head off, and I just had to pretend sweat wasn't pouring down my face, back and legs until I could get to the bathroom and calm her down or get outta there. Sometimes that entailed swats in the bathroom (be careful not to swat in anger or because you are embarrassed - if you can't do that, then it's better to just ride it out and not swat), and there will always be people who look at you like "WHY DON'T YOU JUST GIVE IT TO HIM?!!" but they don't have his future in their hands, YOU do. (Course, I wasn't 8 months pregnant, which makes this a LOT harder for you !!!) Keep in mind also a screaming or crying child raises the blood pressure for every mammal in the area (yes, even animals!!), including you. So that just adds to your feelings of just wanting to give him something to "keep him busy" or just wanting to give him whatever just to make that stress go away.

I guess all this can be summed up in one little paragraph. Little ones will do what you allow them to -- they will push their limits until you put your foot down, that's just the long and short of it. There is no "easy" fix or trick. You have to mean what you say, and say what you mean. Never give a command you are not prepared to enforce.

You, my dear, are 8 months pregnant, if your husband can take a stronger disciplinary role when he is home with you guys, so you can have some stress free moments, that will help a lot. You both will have to commit to doing this. This is just harder because you are so far a long, but if you can help your son get a little better with obeying before you have the baby, things will be a lot easier for you (new baby syndrome can be a harder transition with an unruly toddler -- it's hard enough with an obedient one!).

The good news is -- he is still young and still trainable. It won't be easy, but if you are consistent he will learn that when Mommy says something, Mommy means business. Learning self-discipline as a child is never an easy process. You mentioned this is your third, so you know some kids are less strong-willed and more rule-follower types, but every child responds to consistency . Since you are getting ready to have a baby, you might just keep this in mind -- start with baby steps by just focusing on "Never give a command you are not prepared to enforce."

Don't lose heart Momma.

-J. P.

:)

This too shale pass. Just go with it and be the obnoxious parent and allow your child to scream.

My son did this often, now he's a respectable 13 year old but still very active (moves all day long). I positioned going to the store as a reward. It took about 6 weeks of positioning it as you lose the privilege of shopping with me if you don't behave. I found using the McDonalds as a reward worked better, unless they were hungry. Then I would buy food for the store and let them eat while I pushed them in the cart.

Also, who really cares if your child yells through the store. Sure people might be annoyed, but they'll get over it. His behavior will change in a few months and the yelling will stop.

First, know that this is just a phase/season and it will get better. That being said, I think 2 is one of the magic ages when they really start to get independant. You've done all the right things. The only thing I would suggest is some training. Tell him you are going to the store to get 5 things and if he stays in his seat, you will take him to the park afterwards. Head to the store knowing you will probably leave. As soon as he misbehaves, give him a warning and remind him that he will NOT go to the park if he does that again. Then, when he does it again, pack up and leave. Bring your cart to a worker and apologize or better yet, don't even get anything, just walk the store with him in the buggy. After a few times of just leaving and going home for a time out, he'll learn he can't act like that in the store. If he listens well at home, then its just a matter of training. Another thing to try is to say "do you want to sit in the back or front" I let my little guy choose to sit in the back of the buggy (as long as he sits safely) or the front part (where they usually go). If he sits in the back but stands, I give him a warning or 2, then put him in the front and buckle him in. One thing to note, he can get out of the store buckles, so I have a safe sitter that I put in the front part of the buggy that velcros him in so tightly that he can't get out. After a few minutes in there, I might ask him if he wants another chance in the back...again, these things are best done when you don't REALLY have to shop, but are instead in the mode of "I'm going to work on his behavior in the store today". Keep training sessions to 5-10 minutes, then praise, praise, praise if he was good for those 5-10 minutes, then gradually extend the time until he can do it for about 30 minutes. And, at 2, you can't ask for much for than about 30 minutes of just shoping and talking to mom, extend it past that with toys and snacks like you usually do.

I remember those days. What worked for me was walking out of the store/restaurant/mall when the tantrum started. I would give two warnings, and if the behavior didn't improve, I would take my grocery cart to a manager, apologize that we had to leave because of my daughter's behavior, and we would leave. My daughter even threw a fit in front of her preschool when we were going in one day, and she ADORED preschool. So I apologized to the headmistress and took my child home. She never threw a fit in front of her school again, because she knew I would take her home and she would miss school. It was inconvenient for me, but the lesson was invaluable. I will never forget the look on her face as we drove away.

I know you are tired and pregnant and it is very hard, but you really have to enforce some consequences for the bad behavior. I feel for you, since I was outnumbered with only one child!

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Your son might have sensory issues. I would call your local ECI for an evaluation. Our son did the same stuff with us, and ECI was our first stop along this path. Good luck and hang in there. I've been there and know how hard it is.

I am 7 months pregnant and have a 2 1/2 yr. old as well. I understand your concerns. What I haven't heard you say is how you discipline your son. I've been using time out with my DS since around 18 months. It still works for him even in public. He does not like to be removed from the action. If we're in a restaurant I take him outside for the 2 minutes. If we're in a store, I face him away from me in his cart. Usually just the warning of time out is enough. I give him the choice to behave or go to timeout. Your son also may be anxious about the new one on the way. Maybe you can talk about that as well. Good luck!

Mom, save yourself some grief and get a sitter or bring Dad or Gma/Gpa when you have to run errands, with your boy.When you do take him in a store tell him right b4 you go in what your are going in to buy let him know that nothing else will be purchased if that is the plan. I would not even take him near the aisles, like toys or candy, that will cause problems. He should be able to understand right from wrong starting if not already,really soon at his age. Immediatley, if he acts up in public take him to the car to stay for a time out with an adult family member until you are done, or leave him at home with a sitter until he learns to behave in public.You are letting him get away with his behavior and there needs to be some consequences that mean something to him. I would get some books today at the library or bookstore on parenting and disciplinging a strong willed child, he needs to know who is in charge and it is not him. Hope this helps and good luck.

I can only imagine your frustration. I have 5, and my youngest seem harder. I think part of the problem is twofold: 1. You give in or reward the very behavior that you hate. 2. You keep saying--which means you believe it--that "he's only 2." There really is no such thing as only 2 when you reward his behavior. What you are teaching him--and his brain--is that this is the proper way to behave when you want something, this is what to do.

I am not a super huge fan of this method (because I am so not a homebody and love to spend a day broke and walking the aisles of Target or WalMart), but when he begins to act out correct his behavior, giving him firm instructions on how he actually should behave and what will happen if he does not comply. But after those instructions (1st) and a warning/reminder (2nd), you have to leave the store (3rd). If you're at the grocery store, you're done. If you're pickin up Dad's birthday present, you're done. It shouldn't matter! He cannot behave this way because it is unacceptable to you. I have a 2 yr old and she is a handful (She's exactly like her father in attitude and flip mouth), but they can and do learn. That's one of their jobs: to learn the world, its rules, and its consequences.

I wish you luck. It's not a boy-thing and it's not a 2 yr old thing. But it shouldn't be just your thing, either. Other moms have dealt with training kiddos to be spirited and obedient. Know that you are not alone. It's awesome that you asked for assistance; we never have all the answers.
Stay strong and be consistent.

Reading Naomi Aldort's Raising our Children, Raising Ourselves has changed my life. I highly recommend it. She suggests that children who are given opportunities to feel autonomous at home do not feel the need to exert their power over you while you're out....when you're most vulnerable.

Teach him his behavior is not acceptable in public. When he throws a fit, leave. Go to the bathroom, go outside or get in the car and drive home. No treats, no rewards. " I am sorry you choose to behave like this, Mommy can not let other adults see you like this. Time to leave. " After a few times, he will get the picture. Also try talking to him before hand. Mommy needs to go to store ABC today. If you behave while we are there, afterwards we will go to the park for some fun time. Remind him while you are out. "Remember if you dont throw a fit, we can go to the park."

You shouldn't feel embarrassed in the store if he is throwing a fit, he should. When my son went through that phase, I would pull him out of the cart and put him in time out on the floor and take a few steps away. He would cry for a couple minutes and then when he sat quiet for a minute, I would put him back in the cart and tell him his behavior was unacceptable. He only had to have 3 time outs in the stores before he learned. Now I only have to threaten one and he changes his behavior. Also, do not buy him anything when he behaves that way. If my son did exceptionally well in the store I sometimes would get him something to reward him. To help prepare him for restaraunts, make him stay at the table at home until everyone is done with their dinner. Teach manners at home at the dinner table and discipline for bad behavior. We also didn't go out too much with my son during this phase because we usually had to get up and leave half way through dinner. When my son is testing boundaries, I tighten up discipline - each misbehavior results in immediate discipline ( timeout, removal of toy, etc). His testing phases are a lot shorter when I reinforce boundaries quickly and firmly.

Sensory Processing Disorder..... You may want to call ECI. Check out the Out of Sinc Child book. It can help guide you on what to do.
LC