Dinner with MIL?

Go out to eat, sit at the other end of the table and a have a few glasses of wine! Just no "heavy talk" Allowed ! I dont think it would come to that, her brother being there will be a Good distraction!
Happy belated birthday !

Bravery is doing the right thing even though we're scared or don't want to do it.

You apologized. She's extending an olive branch. Take it if you want a relationship.

Forgiveness is for yourself, not the person you forgive. Your MIL is using her brother and your birthday as an excuse to bridge the gap. I would give her the opportunity, but I would also drive my own, separate vehicle and inform my husband in no uncertain terms that I will not be disrespected. If I don't like how things are going, I am taking my children and leaving without another word.

So you "forgave" her and then when she asked to take you out for your birthday, you told her not to worry about that? Go. Time to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. This is the hard part.

You should go...I know that is not what you want to hear, but you should.

Think of it this way, if you go out to dinner it is only for like an hour or so...

I know it just hurts your gut to go, but it's just something you should do.

Hang in there!

I think you should go to the dinner. I really do.
You had a fight with your mother in law and you apologized even though she didn't. That was a while ago. Let her take you to dinner. Give her a chance to do something nice and try to have a good time.
You can hold on to being hurt, but what good will that do?
It's just a dinner....in a neutral place. And it sounds like you get to choose which place. Pick something you think everyone will enjoy, go and have a wonderful time. You may find that your issues with your mother in law can be put behind you.
Let her take you to dinner.
That's my advice.
Have a really nice time.

Best wishes.

I would go to the dinner. It's not a lifetime committment, it's just a meal. Can you tolerate sitting with her for an hour at a restaurant? It will be a glaring snub if you send your husband and kids and you stay home. Especially if she wants to go through the motions to celebrate your birthday.

You apologized. Now she is trying to bridge the gap. You may even get an apology at the dinner. I would think of the dinner as an apology shown, not said.

Its time to be the adult. Go and have a nice time.

Good luck to you and yours.

I have no idea what previous drama you speak of, as I didn't read your previous post. But given what you have said here, so long as you think you can get along with her throughout the dinner, I say go. You and the family can see her brother ( I assume this is important). And you never know, this could be the step toward a decent relationship with her. I wish you all the luck!

*ETA: I went back and read what your MIL said to you. Wow. Those are some very hurtful things. I obviously don't know you or the situation, but I cannot imagine you were deserving of her hurtful words.

I think the bottom line is this - if my MIL talked to me that way, MY HUSBAND would be telling her NO THANKS to her dinner invite. You can see the brother in a separate dinner or lunch. YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS TO SUPPORT YOU!!!!

Pick a good restaurant! I would say you don't have to be all lovey-dovey or anything.
(Also, good luck.)

Wow, I would have a VERY hard time going (I did go back and read your previous posts) without her apologizing first and promising that she can behave herself. I am assuming that she disrespects you in front of your own kids as well as to your husband, since you were all living in the same home. I would like to pretend that I could be a big person and just go and put on a happy face, but it seems to me that she has some serious issues SHE needs to work out before you can resume a relationship. I can't imagine ANY MIL ever saying such vile things to their DIL. So sorry!

I think now is the time to put the past behind you...while it was nasty - you can't keep holding the nastiness over her head...nor over yours...you apologized...think of it this way - THIS IS HER WAY OF APOLOGIZING...she may NOT know how to apologize.

So instead of worrying and stressing about it - put the past in the past - learn from it and move forward...not backward...does that make sense? I know it's not easy letting go...but give her this opportunity...she may not know how to say I'm sorry...there are people who don't....and it sucks but it's true...

GOOD LUCK!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

If you do not go, it is a slap in the face, to her.
She... is trying to make amends, she asked to speak to you and wished you a Happy Birthday and invited you to dinner.
Do it.
Just go.
And see, how it goes.
MIL, tried.
You must try too. And see how it goes. Be grown up.

Sure, you did not get her to say "I apologize" in words... but her actions, is saying an apology.
Recognize, that.

You go. if your mother in law is extending an olive branch and asking to take you to dinner for your birthday you grow up and go. is the behavior your exhibiting the behavior you want your kids to model? Maybe she feels she was the one wronged and therefor no need for her to apologize.

What she's doing is her way of apologizing. You need to allow her to make amends and you need to go to dinner with your family. This is part of reconciling and making reparations. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do in order to improve a relationship when it's for the benefit of the entire family. But it's also for your benefit. You also just might have fun in spite of yourself. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

I say go! I've been in a huge fight with my brother and sisters for the past 2 years and have chosen to cut them out of my life and my daughter's life because of their behavior but have just started to try to forgive them and move on for my daughter's (and parents') sake. It's really not worth it to turn this into something even bigger than it already is. I say don't stress about it too much. Go to dinner, have a good time with your family and if she wants to make an effort with your relationship past this dinner, let her. If she doesn't, don't worry about it. Also, it seems like your husband wants you to go (obviously) so if nothing else it would be worth it to try again (and probably again, and again, and again) for him. Good luck!! I know it'll be tough, but you can do it!!!!!!