Dinner Time for Preschoolers - Can It Be Done?

I wanted to recommend _Child of Mine_ by Ellyn Satter. It outlines the boundaries of eating for parents and children. You provide the food, the child decides how much to eat. It really is best for them to pay attention to their hunger cues, because you can't really know how hungry they are.

This might sound mean, but I'd say cut out earlier snacks so that they are hungry at dinnertime. good luck!

M., I do not hope for your growing little gentlemen to get more interested in the activity that does not involver much motion. As they grow, they are more and more interested in running, jumping, skipping and all kinds of sports. I bet, if you give them a choice of either dinner or some family sports activity, they will choose the second. So, I'd suggest you combine the two activities into one day. First, go do something actively together: play some games, 'football' together, with mom actively participating, even freezbie game on the big field would save the day, and THEN, once they get a little tired (I don't hope exhausted), THEN go sit down together at the nice dinner table. Maybe they will be hungry by then, and as they run some of their energy out, will stay with you 'happier' while you enjoy your favorite part of the day. Good luck, dear parents, happy-be to all of you!

Sounds like you are doing the right things. I always tell my kids if they cannot eat with the family they need to go sit somewhere else by themselves, then the rest of us finish up. That usually peaks interest as they do not like not being part of the conversation. If they aren't eating you are so great in saying that is it. When my kids come back around bedtime and want something because they are hungry, I whip out their dinner and let them finish that if they are that hungry if they did not finish. Give it some time, when they are in school they will want to discuss their day and so forth.

I would check with your teacher and see what snacks they are having. I would also cut out or cut down snacks at home. We went through this we 2 of our kids. One was getting too many snacks the othe was to tired to eat. We cut out snacks and moved dinner up. We still have a problem now and then but not often. It also helps that they get a small treat before bed, if they don't eat "enough" than no treat. Works every time.

I totally agree with Lissa. If you ask pediatric dieticians and pediatricians, they'd say the same thing too. Just let it go, let them graze, it's better for their system. But, there is nothing wrong with you working on getting them used to being at the dinner table with you. That's family time, and they will eventually want to eat meals. I wouldn't involve punishment though... there are two things I've figured out punishment shouldn't be involved with... eating/food and potty training. I tell myself to let it go, in the bigger picture, it really doesn't matter.

We have three children ages 5 1/2, 4 and 2 1/2. We have dinner at the table nearly every night, and not all are what most would call successful. But what matters to my husband and I is that we try. The boys help to set the table and out little girl is starting to help as well. We don't make the kids eat their dinner but help to understand that this is what we are eating and if they don't eat it, they might get hungry. If they choose to not eat that is ok, however, we keep them at the table until we are finished. It was pretty hard at first, but now they beginning to talk to us when they finish eating. There are still days when most everyone leaves the table upset, but those days are occurring with less frequency and I find my 5 year old son asking for dinner at the table.

I have a four year old boy(and a 6 year old boy), I only expect about 30 min. attention span on the food. I usually start with giving them the choiceof two different dinners that I would be willing to make. Then I only give them a small amount of each item, ex. ten pieces of steak, chicken, fish... and a small handful of veggies, or fruit. They are not required to finish it all, but at least half of everything. It is difficult, but also talking to them about things that happened during the day, or asking them questions about what they did and enjoyed most during the day seem to help. I do not know if this will help you. You may want to start with only expecting ten minutes, then 15, and continue until you can get to 30 min. It may take some time.

I agree with what many of the other responses say. I think that you can start to instill some good table manners while you support your boys' developmental stage and personal hunger cues.

My daughter is 2 1/2 and sits for dinner reasonably well for us, but that may change. We do some of the things you mentioned, then we always have her do 2 things when she says she's done - ask if she can be excused, and clear her plate by taking it to the sink. Somehow the plate clearing is magic for us - if she's still a bit hungry, the thought of clearing the plate says to her that she's really not getting any more until breakfast, and she's usually take a couple more bites. If she's full, she's happy to clear the plate right away.

Family dinners will come with time and you'll know the right time to enforce it a little more. Maybe when that time comes, you can start with a time limit that they need to stay at the table for "family time" (start with 5 minutes, then 8, then 10, etc.) and show them the clock or set a timer. Just go slowly so dinner doesn't become a time they dread.

And in the meantime, think about looking at it as a romantic dinner with your husband!

L.
Life Coach
www.buoyantlife.com

Our rule was if you didn't eat with the family, there wasn't a snack later. That helped. Of course, there were exceptions, but not so often it was worth trying. The other rule is it is family dinner time, and if you choose not to eat, you are choosing to watch everyone else eat. (And you had to do it politely.) It worked well for us. Yes, there are stages where the kids don't eat. Take my 18 month old today. He ate 3 bites at lunch, but was very fun and pleasant to have at the table. You just have to work with them. Table manners are a hard one.

I have a 3 1/2 year old girl and twin 1 1/2 year old boys. My boys love to eat. They will eat pretty much anything at any time. My girl, however sounds a lot like your boys. She would do the same thing at dinner time. She would rather skip dinner and go to bed at 6pm (her regular bedtime is 9pm) rather than eat dinner. I think it's because she is picky about what she eats. She is also a grazer. She likes to eat little portions at regular mealtimes (breakfast and lunch are sit down together with her brothers) and is asking for snacks about an hour or two later. She associates "dinner" with food she doesn't like and doesn't like to come to the table to eat it. We have a kiddie table with straps on two of the chairs that I put the boys in. She usually sits at the little table with her brothers, but doesn't eat much. I usually only give her a 2-3 bite portion of food to begin with and she must eat that every night. She gets sent to bed early if she doesn't. If she wants more after that, she's welcome to it, but if she doesn't, she is free to go. But she always has to sit at the table, whether she eats or not. She's not so good at staying in her chair, but we usually have a baby gate up in the kitchen doorway to keep the younger ones out during the day, and it doubles as a way to keep her at least in the kitchen at dinner time. Our dinners are usually over within 15 -30 minutes though. My husband is a really fast eater. When he's done, and the boys are done, she is allowed to go as long as she's eaten at least one bite of her food. It took some getting used to, and fighting with her to stay at the table until she eats one bite, even if everyone else is out of the kitchen, but she usually will eat at least a bite or two now. She gets plenty of food for her own needs. Her brothers eat about twice as much as her over a typical day, but only at regular mealtimes. Some kids are just grazers, I guess.

In short, we do have family dinners, but at the young age my kids are, it just doesn't last very long. But they're getting into the habit of having at least one family meal per day. Hopefully as they grow older, they will just know it's routine, and come to the table automatically. If it's really something you want, it will be easier later if you keep them at the table at least a little while at dinner time now. Even if it's only 10 minutes. Good luck!

We've never had too much of a problem with our pres schoolers. At times when we do have troubles getting them to eat, we've done a number of different things. With my 2 year old now, we'll say, "Don't eat that! Don't you dare eat that." Just teasing him. Then the other parent will tell him to eat it, very excitedly. This usually gets him eating. He thinks it's a funny game. Other times when our kids won't eat, we save their dinner for later. It seems as soon as we finish, they are hungry again. So we'll just pop it in the microwave and let them eat when they are hungry. Just don't give them something besides what they were to eat for dinner. I'm glad you are trying to have a dinner with your preschoolers! Family dinner time is the best! I have 5 children ages 1 month to 9 years. It's one of my favorite times of the day!

Our 3 yyr old is the same. She'd rather graze all day, small snacks, which is better anyway. Let it go. Gives us a chance to eat/talk while she's happily playing.

Hi M.! Before I even read the end of your post, I thought, "Oh. These kids are four." This is very normal. Four year olds are notorious for not needing to eat much. They just don't grow a lot that year. Some just eat one big meal a day and then are good to go. Some just eat tiny amounts a few times. So as far as the food goes, I'd say don't sweat it as long as you don't have them eating anything that isn't nutritious. Now as far as staying at the table and having a nice time, you can either decide this is important to you and require them to stay even when they are done eating, or just not worry about it until next year..... I tend to have my kids do what I want them to be capable of when we have company or are out in public. But that may not apply to you!

Our rule--dinner is over when everyone is done--not just when you are done. Dinner is about more then just eating, its about spending time together, so therefore it isn't over until everyone is done. At this point my son rarely finishes first, so it isn't a problem, but other times he was always the first one "done", and the rule still applied.

I know there are little sets of cards you can get that are "dinner time cards" or "questions for dinner" or stuff like that. You could try those, it will give them something different and interesting to talk about at dinner time if things get stagnant.

As far as worrying about how much they eat--they will eat if they are hungry. And most parents I know have the rule "if you don't eat what is on your plate at dinner you don't get anything until breakfast time". Also, be careful they are not eating to many snacks to close to dinner time (and they might be even if your not aware of it if they can reach them!)

I'm not sure if it can be done... :-) We go through the same thing with our just-under 3 yr. old little boy. I usually try to think about his daily intake of food, not his meal intake, then decide how many bites of protein, vege, etc. he should have. We count the bites and when he's finished and we want to have him continue to sit at the table until the meal is over, we will give him a couple of Hot Wheel cars, or his little Thomas trains. Sometimes I let him color or play with his playdoh. It's not my ideal situation, but, it keeps him at the table for family time...he ends up happy, we end up happy. Good luck! L.

I have an almost 3 year old and she hardly sits for dinner. Sometime she comes and looks at her plate and says, "no thanks" and runs off to play more. She always eats eventually, even if it is the next meal. Her 7 year old sister loves to sit for dinner. I would support your preschoolers wishes.

my oldest son went through this and my daughter is currentlygoing through this. they both love food. in fact they want a snack every five minutes! but both of them just have soemthing against eating dinner. with my son my doctor told us to let him not eat dinner, just don't give him any snacks or treats if he doesn't eat. when he was really little he was so stubborn he didn't care and missed a lot of dinners. now though he lvoes his after dinner snack and reminding him that he won't get it unless he eats works great now! my daughter is still in the stubborn stage and is very small and is below the 5th percentile in weight so letting her not eat is not an option. i think part of her problem is that during the day she gets to eat lunch and breakfast at a kids table with the kids i teach preschool to and at dinner she has to sit in her high chair and can't wander around or watch cartoons. maybe having a kids table near your regular table would make it more interesting. also being a able to feed herself make dinner a little easier for my daughter, even though sometimes it means a BIG mess for me to clean up afterwards. but hey, at least she's eating! i'm sure they'll grow out of this at some point. good luck until then.

I am wondering about M.'s request too! Just in the past month my almost 3 year old boy has decided he doesn't want to eat (even if it's his favorite meal). Tonight was a melt down and dad putting him back in the high chair till he ate (which took at least 30 min or more with crying and screaming). I am happy that not just my son is acting out on this seemingly easy and fun thing to do as a family.

We almost always have dinner together as a family - my kids are almost 3 and almost 5. Some days they eat a lot at dinner, other days just a few bites (but then they don't get anything until breakfast, just like your rule). They aren't required to "clean their plates" but I expect them to eat a few bites of everything. I don't know if there is a secret to getting them to eat with us, but I think part of it is because that's when Daddy is home and we can all talk. And it's just always been that way.

Best of luck getting them to eat with you as a family. It won't be this way forever.

We have a 3 and a 4 year old and we have dinner together every night. We start early 5:30 for dinner and have started a routine about talking about our day when we eat. Our 4 year old sits in a regular chair, and our 3 year old has a booster. It is possible, dinner doesn't last more than a half hour though....

Sitting as a family for dinner is really important to me. We have rules similar to those already listed by the other moms--we don't excuse anyone until everyone is finished, and we try to have fun conversations. Also, the rule is that if you get up from the table before you are excused, your food disappears. My son is still trapped in his highchair these days, but this rule works for my daughter.

I think thats a great response about the big breakfast in the morning, thats how I am.
I wouldnt worry about it. Maybe if you believe in at least sitting together (I believe in sitting down for dinner very stongly) have them atleast sit with you and Dad while you eat. That way they grow up with the notion that they are not in controll over there dinner hour. But Not eating much, its wierd to see a kid thrive off of a couple bites a meal or even a day, but I think there ok, sometimes my son hardly has a bite until he hits a growth spurt, then he out-eats me and my boyfriend put together. I think as long as you hold strong to sitting down at dinner time, they will grow out of it and be chowing once again, probably out of house and home before you know it.