Difficult Situation at Preschool

I would ask the other parent permission to talk to their child. If the M. is sick, the child is probably not getting the attention he needs, so he takes it out on the other kids.

Getting punched is NOT something to ignore, especially at 5 years old! Sick or not, something has to change! I would tell the principal that this is not acceptable and this kid probably needs therapy. Maybe his mom is dying and everyone at home is ignoring him, so even bad attention is attention....but that's not your son's responsibility.

Preschool and Kindergarten are NOT mandatory in California. I'd pull him out and tell him that school is over for the year. If he's got one month left and the school is closing....really???? I'd cut my losses and call it good. I'd never let me son get beat up - emotionally OR physically.

In spite of there only being a month left in the school year and the school closing at the end of the year you do have the right and obligation as far as I'm concerned to go over the teacher's head to whomever runs the private school itself. Violence should never be tolerated by any child, delayed, disabled or otherwise. It is apparent by your post that this issue is not being taken care of and it needs to be.

get a refund. you're paying for a school that is clearly unable to provide a reasonably safe environment for your child. it's true that sometimes altercations happen and no school can guarantee 100% that it will never happen, but when it's happening repeatedly they are NOT 'on top of it.'
preschool is not required. pull him out and get your money back.
khairete
S.

IT is sad but the victim of children like this are almost always treated as your son. Everything in the world is done for the child with "issues" but nothing for the kids who are the victimes of these chidren. If a child cannot act properly in a classroom he should not be there-I don't care WHAT the reason is. Mainstreaming is a great concept in theory but in practice I have seen it harm many children at the expense of one.
Unfortunately there does not seem to be anything that you can do here but if it were me I would accompany my child to class or not send him. Your son is being bullied and abused and should not be in a situation where there is nobody to advocate for him. I would also talk to the the mother of the kid.

I wouldn't allow it to continue even though there's just a month of school left and the school is closing, your son needs to know you have his back and feel secure. Trying to stay away from a child when the adults aren't proactive enough to keep them apart won't work, as you've seen. If your son is telling you what is happening on the way home each day he is being affected in a negative way.

Go to the director Monday morning, say your son is not being protected, and that stops now, he and the other children have the right to not be bullied, and yes, this is bullying. Ask why if they need someone to shadow the raging child they don't have one all the time, I would think they could have one of their employees do it as in other schools. Tell them they will be paying for your son's therapy to undue the harm this is causing him. Have you paid for the last month? If not, don't. Seek a consultation with an attorney (or tell them you plan to and be prepared to follow through) to find out what rights your son has that may be being violated. Put the responsibility on the school to protect your child and the other children.

When I worked for a preschool and we had this type of situation the mother had cancer and her son was acting out, this may be a similar situation to what is going on in your son's case. But the day we had to call the paramedics was the day the director said the offending child could no longer attend the school, he was 4.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Preschool-Bullying---Is-Your-Ch...
http://www.respectme.org.uk/Professionals/Childrens-right...

With only one month left and as upset as you are; I would put in writing that the school is not meeting your childs needs and you want out and to refund your last month of tuition costs if that is an issue.
Sounds like they all know there is only one month left too and they are just trying to get through it as well.
I would also use this opportunity to talk to your son about how all kids are different and some have a hard time and can seem mean or menacing, maybe give him some tools so he can try to redirect either himself or another child that is bothering him.

If it were me, I would stop sending him. That is not right, and a huge bummer. But if its about his safety it seems like there is no option. As a teacher myself I can say that I'm sure your child's teachers are doing all they can to keep the children safe. But without a one-on-one for that child, the other teachers have 15 other children to watch. Incidences like this one are going to keep happening. The other child needs an aid or to be removed. But, in a private preschool situation that is just not going to happen.
Sad reality, I'd say you need to go with him, or keep him home. Good luck!

I feel badly for everyone in this situation. It does not sound like the teachers are able to keep this situation in control if your son is getting hurt on a regular basis by this boy. I would stop sending him as well.

If I were the preschool teacher at this private school, I would recommend that he attend a preschool through a public school OR come with the aide every class. The reason that I say public school, is because they have the resources to help the child by having specialists in the room along with the actual preschool teacher.

You can't control what the preschool teachers decide to do with this kid, but you can choose to remove your own child if you feel his safety is at risk.

The teachers need to keep this violent kid from assaulting your son (and other kids as well).
And I'm sorry his Mom is sick but that's still not an excuse.
(Actually, you only have the school's say so about this - they might not be telling the truth.)
She needs to know so she can deal with it.
The school should have expelled him but as they are closing I guess they don't care who gets upset - they don't have a reputation to maintain past the end of this year.
I suppose it would do your son no good to fight back, but sometimes when a kid like this gets punched back they might back off (but it might not work).
If the school's done little to nothing about this other kids behavior, your son fighting back should not disturb them either.
I've told my son to never throw the first punch, but he has a right to defend himself if someone else hits him first.
He does not HAVE to be anyone's punching bag.

I would speak to the Principal of the school... In no way should your child feel unsafe. In Kinder and in 1st Grade there was this little boy for whom I want to say brat but that would be harsh, However he was a very rude little boy and bit my son not once but three times!!! Oh the teacher said that his parents were spoken with and not to worry... Sure enough, the child bit him again... At that point, we needed to speak with the Principal....... as the teacher was not getting enough done...
The good news.......... the kid is no longer in school with my child :) which pleases me greatly.... Oh I know some kids go through spells.. but biting and hitting is not ok with me........... I would definitely speak with the Principal...

I am amazed that your are paying for a school that cannot take care of your son's basic need to feel safe. It is not the responsibility of this very young, very troubled boy to fix himself. It is not the responsibility of the mother to take care of her son's behavior while he is at school. It is the school's responsibility to keep this child shadowed every minute and keep the other kids safe.

Your child deserves a safe environment to learn. That is not happening.

Is the preschool a public school or a private one?

The teachers MUST do something to prevent the other little boy from hurting your child and the others. There must be another option for him at the school, like more supervision during unstructured times. Or, even suspension from the the school for a week or two. But, my guess is that the boy has an IEP, and with the mother being so sick the school is required/want to have him there.

I would talk to the teachers, and director and make sure they understand this is NOT acceptable.

I would also make sure that your son knows you are defending him, and are doing something about it.

Good luck to you. Your little guy deserves a better school experience.

I'm sorry - the school is NOT on top of it. THEY should be discussing this with his parents (you should not), regardless of whether the mom is sick, and either getting additional staff to help or applying for additional early intervention aides from the state. If they cannot manage it, the other child should be removed. If you can stay one morning in the class and watch what happens, meticulously noting everything that occurs (time of incident, nature of incident, and targeted child) it should be obvious to the staff that they aren't doing their job in your view. You'll also find out if your child is exaggerating at all, which is possible although he's clearly not inventing it - it's just that when kids are scared, they can embellish. Otherwise call your state's office for children, assuming the school is licensed, and file a complaint. They may not act since the school is closing anyway. Otherwise, remove your child from the program and make alternative arrangements. I know that sounds punitive, but your child needs to know that you are his advocate. I don't agree that teaching him to hit back is a good idea and I don't think it will solve anything. If the other child has issues and is entitled to an instructional aide, there are issues there beyond what that sort of retaliation will accomplish.

Well I feel it's inappropriate for the teachers to tell you not to say anything to the mother. This to me says they aren't saying anything, either. I agree with going to the Director, but addressing it with a tone of compassion, not anger.
I understand the boy has delays and mom is sick and for both those reasons, I empathize. But if some kind of action isn't taken early this child is at risk for becoming a bully by simple neglect. And I can tell you don't want that to happen, and I'm sure the rest of us don't either.

This is utterly ridiculous. You certainly have rights and leverage. I would take this up with the school's superintendent right away. Since your son is in preschool, I certainly would go with him to school if the teacher isn't dealing with this other boy and his mother. So what if she is sick? Sorry, she needs to be involved, and their needs to be a meeting with the school, you ,and her.

If this child has delays, etc and his behavior towards others isn't appropriate then he needs to be placed elsewhere and further evaluation should be made. He may not be able to be in a regular class setting. If his mother is sick, he may also be taking it out on others at school. I see so many issues here.

The point is no child should have to deal with this every day. If it is continuing, OBVIOUSLY they haven't dealt with it. I would not let this go at all. Stand up for yourself and your child.

Get the principal involved. At least make him/her aware of what is going on. He/she is most likely aware of this child's special needs, but let it be known that you are also concerned with your typical kid's safety.
This child should have a daily aide with him, shadowing him. Your school is failing that particular child in so many ways! Mom is sick? Seriously ill? Is this child getting some counseling?

I would talk to the director and ask for the school to put another aide in the class for the rest of the year. It seems this child needs one on one supervision. If they don't have enough staff and he is acting out it is reasonable to send him home for the day and keep him away from the other kids until he is picked up. You can also request the teacher try and keep your son separated from this child. I would hope the school has talked to the other child's family about an evaluation but you would not know due to confidentiality.

I am trained to do family counseling yet my son was the "problem child" in his preschool class his first year. He got sent home more than once for being aggressive with peers (he was often but not always the aggressor). In his case it was just adjusting to a new sibling and still learning some much needed self control. Also, there was one other child he always got into conflicts with and I told my son to avoid him whenever he could (the teacher was aware and tried to also keep them apart). This other child also had some type of special needs issue but I don't know the details. They were in different classes then next year.

My son's private kindergarten class had a similar issue and the child was removed after the first week of school. The director realized that he was a detriment to the well-behaved, normal kids and took him out. If your director is not able to do that, then you can either remove your child, try to deal with it yourself or teach him how to deal with it.

Since you have already talked to the school, with no avail, I would call the child's parents. It is tragic that she is sick, but that does not excuse her from parenting.

If she does not respond, then I would teach your child to stick up for himself. The boy in my son's school was hitting other children (completely unprovoked). I told my son that if he did that to him he was justified in hitting him back. My son is very non-confrontational, but when provoked, will stand up for himself. Teach yours to do just that.

And definitely remind the teachers that it is absolutely their responsibility to monitor this behavior. Otherwise, stay there yourself. Bad kids absolutely do not deserve special privileges to hurt other children. They either need to be removed or properly supervised. None of this is happening. I'm quite certain that ALL of the other parents would welcome your involvement!

E., I'm so sorry this is happening to you and your son.

I would take my child out of that school NOW. You have to protect your child, you are the only advocate he has apparently, since the school won't do anything. You've talked to all the important players, teachers, principle and such, and they did nothing, get him out of there now.

I wouldn't go talk to his mom either, unless you know her, it's not your place to discipline this child, it's the parent's and the school's but they're not doing their jobs.

There's only one month left, if you can find an alternative place or if you can stay home with him, do it, just take him out of there. I would be livid, if I were you, it is an unacceptable situation. Be your child's best advocate and protect him.