Did You Know About "Friend Poachers"?

I was unaware I owned other humans just because they choose to be my friend. Good to know. So yeah, not really bothered that others might "poach" something I didn't know I had ownership over.

Sounds like middle school. At my age I'm not bothered by people I know becoming friends and getting together without me. I mean, good for them, right?

It's important to spend time with people you like and enjoy spending time with. If a friend introduced me to another friend and I really clicked with that person and a friendship developed, I wouldn't necessarily feel obligated to always include the person who introduced us.

I once introduced some of my co-workers to my neighbor and he really hit if off with one of them and they started dating. Another co-worker told me that the co-worker was afraid to tell me since I knew him first. I thought that was really strange. He was my neighbor, not my boyfriend. I had no claim on him.

It can sting sometimes, but it's important to know that it's not a rejection of you. Two of your friends just happen to hit it off.

The day will come when they sit around wondering: "What's missing...?" And they will realize: "It's ChaCha - ChaCha is missing!!" And they will beg me to join them, and we will all hug and go for ice cream sundaes.

But, barring that, I don't mind being a spark that ignites new friendships. Something to be proud of, I'd say!!

I have become good friends with the friend of a friend (in real life). I have connected with friends of friends over shared interest on social media. Others have connected through me. It's the ideal way to meet people - through shared friends. I think it reveals something unhealthy in our culture or ourselves that it can be considered "poaching". We don't own our friends.

Not since middle school, where kids are commonly immature and may feel ownership/exclusivity in 'best friend' situations.

In adulthood, you can't poach what is freely offered. I don't own any of my friends nor try to control their relationships. I don't think there is anything wrong with two mutual friends hitting it off and doing things without me. It isn't like I won't still have plans with either of them or that I couldn't invite both to do something. I'd be really annoyed if someone gave me a hard time for having lunch with one person and not inviting them. I'm not comfortable with that kind of possessiveness so chances are I'm not going to be close friends with that type of person in the first place. I would tell a person straight off that I'm not going to play those games.

how can someone be "poached"? Wouldn't that hurt? :)

Seriously. I don't do facebook. I don't snapchat, I don't tweet.

If someone wants to be my friend and then I introduce them to someone else and they become friends? SO WHAT? I have four boys and a husband. I have a busy life. If they have time to spend together? SO BE IT!!

I guess my answer is NO. I'm not bothered by "poachers" as I've never seen people as poachers. I'm glad people I introduce get along. They are adults. They can do what they choose.

No not really...we can all use more friends in life. The more the merrier.

Jealous people who think that they own others. Jealous people who aren't a good friend themselves and then get pissed off that others enjoy being together more than with the jealous people. Jealous people who are immature. Jealous people who want to blame others for their poor social skills. The list goes on...

It's happened to me a time or two-- and yes, is is momentarily painful-- and then I made other friends and moved on.

I didn't know we needed a name for something which, in the long run, is just another life lesson. Can we regard it without judgment? "There is a reason and a season for some friendships." It sounds like the same sort of vindictive labeling which we've seen propagated and fostered by the 'victim culture' which has seemed to permeate our society. Somehow, if our friend dumps us, it's never our own fault, right?

Personally, if a lot of my friends were meeting other people and leaving me out... I might look at the common denominator, myself. What am I doing which is continually off-putting to others? Or am I making poor decisions in how I choose my own friends, picking people who are not steadfast and will have the potential to disappoint easily?

Again, this has happened a few times. No one is immune--- it's like learning to walk and falling and bruising your knee-- it happens. My dearest longtime friend and I -- we 'share' a friend (her roommate)... and boy, neither of us is jealous if one goes out with the other without inviting everyone along, and we do things together too. (Our Scrabble nights are the BEST!) My dear friend is very busy and can't come to everything, her roommate travels internationally for work and has a limited time stateside... no one gets their nose bent out of shape about it. In short-- we're grownups. ;)

This is more of a problem because people don't know the difference between superficial 'friends' and actual friendships that are based on something more substantive than a Facebook page.
The line between reality and virtual gets a bit blurred, but if you figure out where it is, you don't have this sort of problem as much as some people seem to be having.
Social media is often fairly anti-social media - real friends get together and don't need a media to do it.

I think one of the challenges of the digital age is we can be too heavily invested in what others are doing and why it didn't include me.

I think if you introduced people and they find common ground and valued friendship it reflects your good judgment in character. If they then leave you out that stings for sure. However I think I'd dwell more on that you were instrumental in putting two people together who have developed a relationship.

Again, I have a friend who gets her feelings hurt a lot when she sees pics posted and was left out. I get that, I listen to her and try to encourage. A small part of me thinks if we didn't know so much about where and what everyone's doing we'd be better off.

I'm certainly not bothered by it. My life is too rich to concern myself with friends of mine having tighter connections with each other than they have with me.

I'm a good and grown woman that sees this as more of a problem for younger, less confident, more insecure, and more needy personality type. I tend to encourage my friends other friendships as well. That's just how I am and have always been.

I've connected with people on facebook and in real life. I've had several friends connect with each other. Do they do things together? Yep. Does it bother me? Nope. Why should it? Why can't one be happy for a friend?

Friends are not someone you "own" and are NOT held and kept by you. So I guess I'm not looking for someone to blame or to put a label on it when friends get along and do things separately.

Can you explain to me how this bothers you? I don't get it. I really don't. Why aren't you happy for them finding someone they connect with?

No, it doesn't bother me. Some people click and others do not. Just because i knew them first or longer doesn't give me right over them.

I guess if I was younger (high school is popping in my head) and felt the friendship is based on talking 'bad' about the original friend that introduced them, then yes I would be hurt. Assuming you do not have friends who friendship is based on saying mean things about mutual friends, then I do not see the issue.

My friends get to choose their friends. Their other friends are not stealing them away from me, if they choose to be with them instead of me. So no, I didn't know about "friend poaching," and I don't know that I believe in such a label anyway.

I have no control over how other people conduct their friendships, so I don't sweat it.

Do you mean they became friends IRL, without including you, or that they became virtual friends and have interactions without including you? Either way... I am "guilty" of both so I obviously don't have a problem with it. I found one of my closest friends this way. I'm really grateful to our mutual friend, and I don't feel like she is left out. For one thing she lives like 400 miles away. The two of them have no fewer or different interactions than they did before. So it's not like the new friendship has changed their friendship at all.

I actually really love it when my FB friends connect with each other in different ways. FB is not my favorite by any means but for me it has shown me how small the world is, and has offered me connections (like the one above) that I would never have found otherwise. That in and of itself is beautiful.

I wasn't going to answer then I read the other reaponses.. I'll be honest I am wary of getting too close to anyone because it always does seem they are much much closer to twenty other people...so i guess I don't go on expecting to be super best buds with anyone new anymore

Updated

I wasn't going to answer then I read the other reaponses.. I'll be honest I am wary of getting too close to anyone because it always does seem they are much much closer to twenty other people...so i guess I don't go on expecting to be super best buds with anyone new anymore

Updated

I wasn't going to answer then I read the other reaponses.. I'll be honest I am wary of getting too close to anyone because it always does seem they are much much closer to twenty other people...so i guess I don't go on expecting to be super best buds with anyone new anymore

I've had that done to me before FB came about. I didn't know there was a name for it but yes, I've been left out of a circle of 'friends' many times. I even had 2 girls come to me saying they didn't want me hanging around, they didn't want to be my friends. How awful. I've learned to deal w/it. Their loss.