Did You Get "Pre-partum" Depression???

Hi Jenn, I did feel that way with my children, my oldest was a year and a half when I was pregnant and I had my second one shortly after my oldest turned two but she was still a baby to me. Still in pull ups and still staying at home with me. My first few fears did come true, I was overwhelmed and I didn't have help and I cried a bit but after I cried, I got to work. I didn't really have time to dwell on the fact that I didn't have help or that it was hard as hell.

You have to put both of them on a schedule for sleeping and eating and somehow take time for yourself when they are sleeping. I won't lie and say it won't be challenging but if you get some order about how to do things, it won't be as hard. If you have a calendar, put it on your frig and write down their feeding schedules and what you plan to cook and write down the nap schedule and what you plan to do once they are sleep even if that means sleeping yourself.

The thing is, the more you think about it, the more overwhelmed you will get because you don't know what to expect but that's with anything. Just know that it gets easier over time and see if there is anyone in your family who can help you out once or twice a week. I didn't have much help but one other thing I did was always took the baby with me whenever helping the older one.

It will get better once you have the baby trust me..... You will be just fine.

Yes, I spent much of the pregnancy with my twins being a bit depressed because I was so worried how I would manage them and my toddler (he turned 20 mths the day they were born). I was concerned that my toddler would be left out with 2 demanding infants.

I agree with the other poster. You will manage and it will get easier. You will be very busy and yes, it will be hard, but the time will just fly by. When you do have help, make sure that you take time for yourself. If possible, set up "special time" for you and your older child. Even just always reading the bedtime story or whatever will go a long way with this child. Remember that it will get better. My twins are now 2 and my oldest is 3 1/2. It is wonderful and amazing to see how close the 3 kids are and how much they enjoy each other. It was a tough road for awhile and it still is sometimes, but the rewards are immense. Maybe focusing on the eventual rewards will help you in this time.

For what it's worth, I found my twins to be much easier and less demanding than my first child. I attribute this to the fact that I already knew how to parent and had adjusted my life to being a parent. That and the fact that the older child is entertaining to the younger ones.

Your babies will be close and you will be busy, no doubt. But I swear, a few months after having baby #2 around you'll wonder what life was like without him/her.

I know it's cliche to say but it really will all work out! When I feel like my two are a lot (which they aren't) I like to watch an episode of Jon and Kate plus 8. Parents of 8 year old twins and 4 year old sextuplets. Ah, makes my life look like a piece of cake!

You can do it Momma!

Congrats on your soon to be born baby!
M.

You are incredibly normal - I don't think you are depressed, I think you are realistic and scared.

I can relate, my two are 22 months apart, I felt EXACTLY the same way - but I can tell you that it has been wonderful having the second.

Sure, it is hard sometimes, but you will cope. Yes, they both cry at the same time, almost everyday at one point or another, but you will cope. Absolutely I want to get in the car and drive away every now and again...but you learn to cope.

And...there is nothing better than the many, many, many good moments. There are WAY more good moments than hard or bad moments.

You may even be like me...and want a 3rd after seeing how great it is with 2.

Hang in there - you are normal and you will be OK.

Jenn, You must have been in my brain... my kids will be the same age spread as yours (I'm due in 2 months, with a 14 month old at home)... and I've been having bouts of crying lately too. I don't know how it will work out, but I just have to cope knowing that it will.
I don't have much advice for you, but I do sympathize and thank you for bringing it up, because I enjoyed reading your 1st response from Demetra. And, my mom's advice... don't forget your 1st IS still a BABY too, so it's okay to baby him.
Congrats! -K.

Ever heard of the "Suicide Hours"?

I hadn't until I got pregnant. When I finally confided in my Mum how MISERABLE i was (in tears of frustration, of course), she just laughed at me.

"Oh honey, those are just the suicide hours!"

Excuse me????

Apparently in my family the hormones work in such a way that there is almost ALWAYS a one to two hour section of the day where you just. want. to. die. Also apparently, it's not nearly as uncommon as I would have thought. Or, at least it didn't used to be. My grandmother's pregnancy books (circa 1890-1916) all talk about it. The use the term cyanide or arsenic hours though. None of the modern day ones even so much as hint about it though. Apparently pregnancy is supposed to be this wonderful time and everyone is supposed to get PPD. Go figure. Could we get the pendulum to stop in the middle one of these decades?

So you're not alone.

Also, the great news, is that for women who slide in that direction...every single hour after birth just feels better and better and better!! Hurray! Every minute I felt more and more and more like myself. Increasingly capable, and glowing, and happy.

Thank god. It was a really good payoff. I'll take happy hormones when I'm short on sleep doing 2am feedings any day of the week. Plus it was a great experience in learning to walk through difficult emotions, on a daily basis, to come out on the otherside okay.

Hang in there.

You can do it.

In fact, you'll probably do it with an ease you never knew you had.

Parenting is a MAJOR resposibility.
Tell your husband when he gets home 1 hour after he gets home & unwind - you want ALONE for yourself !
get manicure done or massage - you need adult interaction too !

You need to be strong , absorb the sadness , vent out with freinds , listen to the music , write journals.

Everyone gets sadness moments - it's up to you to STOP it. You can go to counsling but it's really up to YOU ! to be happy or sad.
I am speaking from my heart & experienced !

Hi there!

I got the same way before the birth of my 2nd baby and also before the birth of my third. My first two were 14 months apart so I understand your concerns completely. The transition from one to two is difficult for most people. Breastfeeding will be the most stressful part in the first 6 weeks or so if you plan to bf. However, let me tell you that having your babies that close in age will be the best thing in the world!! You will manage to get through the first 6 months or so when it is the hardest and when you see your little ones playing together for the first time it will melt your heart! :) Mine are best buddies now. In fact when they were 2 and 3 yrs old our lives became so "easy" that we went for baby #3. I now have a 3 y/o, 4 y/o and a 3 month old and it is not nearly as hard as I thought it would be! All of those fears that I had when I was pregnant have been unfounded and our new addition has fit perfectly into our family. I am sure you will find the same thing when you baby gets here. Try not to worry about "how its going to be" because you will adjust and you will be just fine, I promise!!! :) Congrats!

Hi Jenn.
I am not full blown depressed, but definitely been thinking A LOT about that lately. We arent due until July, but (especially at night putting my daughter (12mths) down), i think (and usually become emotional) about how the HECK i will ever love another human being, MY human being the same as i love her. She loves other kids and is very kind and sharing with them. She's pretty laid back, so her having issues with the new baby isnt really a problem i can see us having. I mean of course there will be fights and arguments here and there, but i think the problem lies more with me.
My daughter just turned 12 months old and am lucky enough to have her sleeping through the night at 1 month, running by her first birthday, and communicating very well.
I have voiced my concern with my husband, and very reassuringly says, honey she will be fine. Do you have anyone close to you whom you trust to have help you with maybe the first few weeks? Ive heard the first year will be the hardest, but after that it seems to settle down. Have you been preparing your son for the new arrival? Maybe give him a present from the baby while you are in the hospital so he has a pleasant, welcoming feeling towards the baby. I am already showing my daughter the ultrasound pics, which she loves to look at and amazingly kisses. Although i dont believe she grasps the fact of a baby yet, she does kiss my tummy when i say "kiss the baby." I know we are very early in this pregnancy, but I believe that'll kinda lessen the load of having another one. Let him know he will be mama's lil helper, instead of having him watch from the sidelines. He will feel so proud, especially as he gets older, that he can help change the baby (have him grab a diaper), or keep the pacifier at a height that he can reach and have him grab it for you when you need a second with the new baby. Send him on little "errands" when you need time with the new baby. It will not only make him feel important and wanted by you, but also have a sense of pride by taking care of his younger bro/sis.
Good luck and i know what you are going through..you arent alone!

Hey Jenn! You're not alone! Hormones can be great, but can also cause a lot of problems in our lives. The whole perinatal period can make us feel like walking time bombs.

I'm expecting my 4th in 3 weeks. Yesterday was not a good day and the couple days leading up to it. What did seem to help is that I went out with a couple girls friends last and just chatted. I was able to come home to sleeping kids and a husband that I told to prepare to be awake and spend time with me. I just felt like we needed to catch up and talk to each other. Let me tell you, it sure was rejuvenating.

You mentioned your husband working a lot. Try going to a nearby park with other moms and just chat. And by all means, if you can, get to a spa and have some time for yourself before the new baby comes. You truly deserve it.

Now if you're feelings are affecting the way you sleep, eat, or care for yourself or your family, you might want to mention it to your OB. S/he can prescribe something that's safe to take during pregnancy if necessary. Also, (sounds like you know of post-partum depression) if this is so, you are at higher risk for developing post-partum depression.

hang in there! and keep in touch with the mamasource moms. feel free to email me privately if you want someone to talk to or just need to vent. getting things out in the open, even it is just on email is very relieving as well.