Desperately Seeking Your Help!!!

Sounds like a stressed little one not dealing well with change. I would try a reward system? I am a huge fan of Focus on the Family http://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/life_trans...

I would get a counselor's advice, but I believe he is acting out because of the sudden change in his circumstances. You have been at home with him and he was an only with full attention. Now he is feeling a lot of changes, less attention probably, and picking up on your own stress from the new baby coming, new job, and requisite adjustments, etc...

I separated from my husband when I was pregnant and divorced him after the baby came. My sister lived with me for 1 1/2 years to help me out and when she moved away my son's behavior at school reflected it tremedously. He was doing some of the same things. I had to work to spend more quality time with him and resettle his life. He came around fairly quickly though and is a joy again now. If you handle it with love and patience & understanding, with firmness where necessary you will work it out just as well. Good luck!

I'm sure someone else has already mentioned this - but TIME. Give your child TIME. Sit with him during homework, give your 15 month old a big crayon and a piece of paper, and all of you do homework together. Give him a snack when he gets home - just like you did when you were a SAHM. Hungry tired children are BRATS!!

Children who feel like they have been abandoned (think if your husband suddenly walked out how you would feel) because of a change in a parent's job or employment status tend to act like little heathens.

He may even feel like he is being replaced.

The challenge, then - is to make him feel indispensable... go on mom/son dates to the park or to the ice cream shop - ask him to help you pump gas, make dinner, sort laundry, or vacuum. Praise him OFTEN AND REGULARLY for being such a good helper. By all means, you have to discipline for the bad stuff - but discipline means to make a disciple - which means you can't just punish, you also have to TRAIN him better ways to express his disappointment.

I love NoGreaterJoy.org

I strongly recommend "To Train Up a Child" and "Responsibility".

Good luck.
S.

My experience with my two sons (who are now teens) is that there are often a couple things going on in these situations. Part of it is him testing his independence and is quite normal for this age. However, given the transitions in your family (two at once! - these are both MAJOR life transitions), he is likely emotionally overloaded and Really is just too young to know how to appropriately handle the situation. To add to that, if Mama is stressed, then your kids will be stressed and in my experience, the closer you've been to your kids, the more stressed they will be as they are feeling that connection being threatened.

With my boys, I was always able to sit down with them and let them know I can see why they would be upset due to whatever, but I would re-enforce this behavior is not acceptable and emphasize the basic "I will always Love you". I also would acknowledge that I was wrong in cases where I might have overreacted or not been as responsive to their needs. I grew up in a large family - my mother had 7 kids within 10 years - by the time she was 30! So, she was in a state of chronic stress and I feel fortunate that I recognized myself heading down that path with my two sons early on. The most important thing I realized that if I changed how I interacted with them for the positive, that I got positive behavior in turn. The reason why I think apologizing as parents is so important is that to this day my father thinks we had a perfect childhood and that any inadequacies I might have perceived were all due to my attitude - which IMHO totally abdicates his parental responsibilities - he was in the military and gone 90% of the time, so he honestly can't know the environment I grew up in. As was normal for my parent's generation, the wife overall maintained a lovely facade (certainly at the detriment of her own wellbeing). However, I firmly believe that it's a parents' responsibility to ensure their kids feel safe and loved - that's our number one job. Once that is established, we work on appropriate boundaries and certainly, by being consistent, we do re-enforce our first message. These are just my experiences, but I can say that my teenagers at 13 and 16, while typical in many ways, are still very close and connected to their mother and actually still listen (most of the time ;) and their general behavior is excellent (relative to the average teens these days).

There is actually a wonderful book about a baby boy and the love he shares with his mother his whole life and it's entitled "Love you Forever" (Munsch/McGraw) It shows that while the demonstration of love changes over time, the core love is always there. Giving your son this book and reading it with him might be a good start to the one on one discussion I mention.

Our school district (Keller ISD) offers "Love and Logic" parenting classes. It's very inexpensive and runs in the evenings after work. Even if you're not able to attend such a workshop, I recommend checking out the Love and Logic books available.

GET PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. Right now. I am a kleptomaniac and it started at a VERY young age. 5-6. It can be helped and the earlier you get help, the better. Something is causing your son stress and he is not coping well. It could be your pregancy, or something unrelated, perhaps at school. I was sexually abused and there was physical violence in my life. But it could be anything. Don't delay, please. Good luck.

When my son was almost 5 we started experienceing some of the same behavior you are and it started out of the blue. I was got pregnant around the same time the behavior problems started. I sent my son to play therapy and it did wonders! He only went for maybe 6 months but he loved it. He could act out his emotions without fear of punishment. Plus he liked the idea that no matter what he said or did the counselor could not tell us unless he wanted her to. It was a safe environment for him to relase his fustrations and learn to deal with them. Good Luck to you and your son!

I think you have gotten some really good ideas here. I just wanted to add to it. Is he getting enough time in each day to expend his energy? Does his dad wrestle with him every evening, or does he get to run on the playground full blast for an hour or so after school each day? I found this to be extremely helpful.

Punishing him is not going to work. What he needs from you & other family members is your time (and I'm sorry, but quality does not compensate for quantity. Kids DO need the quantity!). /his life has really changed & being little, he doesn't have the capacity to just get on with it. He needs loads of love & to feel important & special. Give him that & he'll surely come around.

It sounds like he is trying to be sure that he has your attention! He is probably worried about what will happen with a new baby on the way! You might try reverse psychology on him. Give him attention. Try to look for positives and see if that will curb the behavior problems. You need to let him know that he will always be your little man no matter what & that having a new baby will not change his place in the family! Those type of changes rock their little worlds.

R.,
martial arts classes will help him straighten up. Perhaps he needs an outlet for his emotions and karate is great for boys.
There is a wonderful school in Southlake, TX. It's called Spicar's Martial Arts and you can visit them at www.powerofkarate.com. They have students from all surrounding areas like Keller, Colleyville, Grapevine, Westlake, Roanoke...
I also have a 5 year old who is changing right in front of my eyes since he started taking classes. It's a life-changing activity for boys and instructors at Spicar's are simply wonderful! Give it a try!

Spicar's Martial Arts
Southlake, TX
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www.powerofkarate.com