Debt

I'm sorry to say this, but you probably need to seek professional help.

Have you ever tried only spending the money that YOU make? Maybe that would be an idea.

S.

I had a hard with spending issues after I became a SAHM too. I found that I was using the mall and shopping as a form of entertainment and whenever I would go - I would buy. I started only going to the store when we needed something and I always waited until my DH could join me so that he could stop me if necessary. I tried to find new ways to occupy my time so that I wouldn't be tempted to just go hang at the mall.

I also had a lot of personal issues dealing with not bringing in a paycheck and whatnot that I eventually came to terms with. I don't know if this is similar to your situation, but if you want to talk, feel free to contact me. I've also heard of some people freezing their credit cards in a block of ice so they can't use them, but I could never bring myself to that. lol

You took the first step by admitting you have a problem. I would definately consult a counselor to discuss your issue. Talk to your husband about it, if he doesn't already know, so you can work out a plan to continue saving money, perhaps a separate account that only he can access for the money you are trying to save. Ask him to manage the money and only give you a certain amount. If you are getting antsy at home take up a hobby or do something constructive that takes your mind off of shopping and spending.

The question is are you ready to stop? You sound like you are trying to fill a void with things. Take a hard look around. Does that new sweater bring you the same joy that your sons kisses do? How about the new sofa?? Do you smile at it the way you do at your husband? You are young and your culture feels validated by the things that you OWN not the things that you already HAVE!! Ok, it's not the end of the world. Here is how you get OUT OF DEBT!!!

1. CUT UP YOUR CREDIT CARDS!!! IMMEDIATELY!!!!
2. Sell anything of value on ebay, in resale stores or on craigslist. Clothes, extra funiture, cars, boats, computers, anything that you don't NEED.
3. Pay off cards of high interest first.
4. Consolidate all other debt with a non for profit consolidation company. Check with your local bank or co-op agency.
5. PAY YOUR BILLS ON TIME
6. Always pay yourself first. Start building a small savings that you can eventually invest.
7. You may need to get a job. My hubby and I work opposite shifts (he days, me night wkends I am a RN) so we can avoid daycare. IT CAN BE DONE.
8. Take a deep breath and realize that you were smart enough to realize that you needed help. Join a support group or talk to a therapist to sort out why you feel this compulsive need to shop.

You are very young and CAN fix this. Good luck!!

I'm sure there are therapy programs for spendaholics. But more importantly to me is that debt. You need to structure a plan, Listen to Dave Ramsey, on DaveRamsey.com, you can stream him live at 2pm, or you can find out the radio stations that carry him and when. He has a fascinating story, been a millionaire twice, the first time he had more credit than wealth and it forced him into bankruptcy. He vowed "never again!"

I'm thinking by facing your fear of $ head on, you can fix both your spending habits, and the worse scenario of saving your marriage, your scheduling, your future security. The "antsy" is your fear, your purchasing, is your coping mechanism. But it's not working, and it's not solving your fear either, it makes it worse. By looking at your finances head on, you can retrain yourself. Take the power back!

Living without credit, and no house payment, is my goal. I've gotten rid of all but the house payment, and the stress is way less! My bad habits are way less right along with them. It's a beautiful thing.

Also, I recommend AGAINST those credit help agencies. I've learned the hard way, that the reason why they are free to us, is that the credit card companies pay them. Thus, it is in their best interest to keep us in debt! Not having credit solves being set up for these evil tricks!

truthfully.. you need to take those cards out of your purse and cut them up. then take back things you can so the money can go back on to your card, then write up a budget and stick to it.
as for staying home from the mall... perhaps start going to the park or finding other projects to do..
also, maybe pick up a part job to help pay off the credit cards...

open a savings account out of state online. call me / email me to own your business with no upront cause for this month of June only . also spend only your need and write all of it, then bring only the exact amount of money to spend most important cutout discount coupon on the newspaper.
God Bless..

M. P.
____@____.com

S.
YOu are describing an addiction, I suggest you show this as it is written to your husband, mother, clergy someone who can ensure you receive the treatment necessary to continue on this downward spiral as with any addiction in can destroy marriages, lives, savings everything....get the help as you have already taken the most important first step, do not underestimate the power of an addiction and mistakenly think you can solve this on your own.
good luck
E.

A really good organization that offers Debt counseling & Debt management programs is Greenpath. We were with that company to help get rid of our debt. (www.greenpath.com)
It does also sound like this is an addiction for you. Certainly if you are a member of a church I would recommend going to the pastor(s). If not, then certainly seek help from someone. Please seek help sooner rather than later...I wouldn't want you to damage your marriage because of it. Many marriages fail because of financial problems, so work to fix the problem before its too late!

There is a group called Debtors Anonymous. A 12 step program for spenders. Good luck!

You need counselling. Bottom line, kiddo. When you recognize there's a problem, that's at least in your favor and in the right direction. But it's time now to take the next step in fighting and beating this.

If you need clothes, try a resale shop. And ask yourself why you constantly need clothes, because that could suggest a self esteem issue or ego issue.

Guage it like so: do you go enough places to justify the expenditure? Αre your current clothes, e.g., not fitting or worn out? You need to learn to make do with what you have. Hey keep in mind the economy. And keep in mind how petty your bad habit might seem if you stop to think about all those less fortunate. Remember you don't need to do this mall stuff. You're young, yes, but you aren't a teenager anymore and your responsibility is to hubby and your baby.

Maybe your trying to fulfill some inner emotional hole with stuff. You might try reading a few self help books from the library. Schedule your reading time to work with your sons schedule. If you haven't really talked to your husband about it you should. Tell your husband not to give you any money. Have him take your name off the back card/credit cards to start. Maybe make a plan that when your kid goes to school you get a part time job. You could clean a house in the few hours your sons in class. Put the $ towards those credit cards. Think of it like community service, maybe it will help.
Good luck, money problems are one of the biggies that can break a marriage.
A. H