Death of a Dear Friend...

Updated on February 07, 2007
D.D. asks from Port Saint Lucie, FL
14 answers

on monday i found out that i am expecting my second child. i called my best friend to share my excitement. yesterday, i got a call from her sister letting me know that she had past away. she was only 28 and had a bad heart condition. she was waiting for a pacemaker. her original surgery was actually scheduled for the day she died. the hospital called her last monday and rescheduled it for the end of february. what a mistake! i'm distraught. it seems like everytime a new life comes into this world the angels take someone dear to me. with my first son it was my husband's grandmother. why does life work like this? has anyone else had a simular experience...?

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So What Happened?

A little over twenty eight years ago a girl was born into this world with something like 23 heart defects and a host of related problems. Doctors gave her eight hours to live. She took those eight hours and she took two-hundred-fifty-thousand more.

Some would say that you were living your life on borrowed time. Some would be wrong. You lived your entire life by your own rules. You were a fighter with more heart than anyone I’ve ever met. You always did what you wanted, when you wanted; consequences be damned.

I can’t count the times that you have been sick. Yet every time you fought through the problems and persisted. I got to the point that I simply forgot about your daily struggle and assumed that you would always find a way to survive and enjoy one more day with us.

I'm going to miss you...

I can only hope that you will watch over me and my children. I love you doll! I've decieded I'm going to name the baby after you. You never got a chance to have your own.... I know that's something you wanted. This baby is for you and I. You were one amazing woman. You have scarred my soul and with have a place in my heart forever. I'm no good at goodbyes, so until I see you again...

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M.S.

answers from Orlando on

I understand completely. When I was pregnant with my son both of my grandmothers passed away within 3 months of eachother. He was their first great-grandchild and both vowed to "hang-in there" until he was born, but neither did. It was very hard, one passed just 2 weeks before my son was born and one passed 3 months before.

I felt comfort in the fact that my son had an advantage because he would already have angels watching over him!

Hang in there!

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S.B.

answers from Fort Myers on

That is horrible, i wish you luck :) Your friend may be your childs angel... always remember her. I have never had a close friend pass away. Im keeping you in my thoughts. A friend did recently (She was 38) have a heart attack, that was scary.

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B.G.

answers from Naples on

same here.... once i found out i was preg, no tragedy has happened yet..... but then one of my bestfriends brothers died, the my other best friends g-ma dies, she was the "monarch of the family" if thats how you would say it....
I was close to that family... and I actually had the chance to have a c/s on G-ma birthday , so i found that to be a blessing.... my son has a good heart like she did...

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H.R.

answers from Boca Raton on

D.:
2 weeks after 9/11 my best friend died of diabetes. She was 26 years old, a gorgeous blonde, ocean lifeguard who gave the best hugs in the world and lightened any room she was in. It has now been five years and the pain has subsided substantially. It is very difficult when a friend dies, especially one who is so close...I have learned to accept my own mortality and live life to the fullest.
I am sorry that your friend passed away. I know how badly it hurts. Only time will take the sting away. In the meantime, know that you have a guardian angel who will watch over and protect you and your family. My heart and prayers go out to you and her family.

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L.S.

answers from Miami on

Hi, D.. I am sorry to hear about your friend. What happened to me was that I was so excited that my first Godson was being born and on the same day my aunt/godmother was drowing at the beach. To me it was impressive to feel such an excitement/happiness and sadness at the same time. God has plans for all of us and we have to accept them only he knows why life comes and goes. We have to heal and accept. Think about the times you spent with your friend and the memories.........those never died even though the person might physically not be here. God Bless you and congratulations on your second child.

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J.M.

answers from Gainesville on

I was close to a similar experience. This past Oct. my sister -in-law lost her baby, she was 36 wks along, but the day before she found out he was gone one of her very good friends died in a car accident. The young man who died had promised that he would take care of baby Joshua when he got here. Sadly, both arent here, but they are together. There is not definte answer for why things happen they way they do. But, take comfort in knowing that while your baby is growing with you, he or she is being watched over by angels and your best friend is included in that. I know its not much, but what can one say in a situation like this? Don't try and figure it out, its not for us to figure it out. Take joy in your friends memory and know that you are bring another beautiful life here. I hope all goes well for you. I wish it wasnt this way, but I know you will be okay through it all.

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H.L.

answers from Orlando on

Dear D.,
I'm so sorry about your friend.

I have found several times now in my life that a life is given for a life taken away. It happened when I gave birth to my daughter (my sister was downstairs in the same hospital having a miscarriage), that same sister announced her pregnancy to my mother's husband, when he was in the hospital dying of cancer, 2 days after I gave birth to my son, my husbands grandmother died, my sister just gave birth to her second baby, and our Grandmother passed away...my list goes ON AND ON. I've actually been intrigued by this for years as it keeps on happening... but either God has a special way of bringing us life, when he takes it away or maybe they're angels... who knows.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and her family AND congratulations on your pregnancy!!!! Stay good and healthy for that miracle you have in there! :)

All the best,
H.

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B.G.

answers from Daytona Beach on

I'm so sorry for your loss. I, too, have had similar experiences with the joy and grief so close together. My stepmother was so looking forward to my first child...I'd been married for nine years before having children. She was so excited to be "Grammy Pammy." But she had a massive heart attack a month before Jacob was born. She was only 47.
When I was six months pregnant with my daughter, I lost my grandma. She had been declining for a couple of years, but I was really praying that she'd live long enough to see my little girl.
I wish we could understand why these things happen, but only God knows. I don't have any words that will bring you comfort right now, I'm afraid. Just be careful not to let yourself grieve too hard, because that kind of stress can be hard on your baby.

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J.F.

answers from Orlando on

D.,

I wanted to console you on this...I know exactly what you are feeling. It wasn't my friend, it was my best friend, my grandmother. She had cancer, she conquered cancer, I got pregnant, she was so excited that I was having a baby, 2 days later, she passed away, no one knows why. I had a little girl, I wanted to name her after my grandmother, but one of my cousins had her baby about 4 days before I did, and she used my name. Elly Jane.

I'm glad that you are going to be naming your baby after your friend...it's a longlasting tribute to someone that you cared deeply for. I am sorry for your loss, but just know that she is watching over your and yours.

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M.

answers from Orlando on

D.,
Within the faith of God and Heaven you can rejoice "if" these dear people lived a Christian life. It takes more than being a good person to get into heaven, but if they were Christians rejoice in the fact they are sitting at the feet of Jesus. There is no other place to be.
Why does it happen that you give life and life is taken away. God is in control of the life he allows your body to bring and the life he takes away. We have to stay in check, we are on borrowed time and have no guarentee on tomorrow. Things happen in our lives for us to check ourselves. To keep our faith pointed in the direction of who is truly in control. Children are something God alone will allow us to have. He is the only one who can make life. Satan on the other had is a deceiver and brings forth disease, corrupt thought, ansd sin. He will spring into action just to lure you away from the father. Don't question why, except that God has made a decision and from that live a life to be able to get to heaven and ask him face to face! Make sense? I hope so.
Have faith siter, and know that all things that happen are used for God's greater good. We are constantly being tested and our faith will be the key. Be strong and enjoy all that God has given your family. Feel blessed your alive to watch your children grow and anticipate the day you will have all the answers, providing you live the life that will get you there.
Love you sister

K.H.

answers from Fort Myers on

sharing helps the grieving as you will see by the responses..... my 6 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER, had TWO 6 YEAR OLD friends pass away in '04, along with her grandma and less then a year later, her grandpa. The only thing I felt in my heart to tell her was that we all have a greater purpose and God takes us when he needs us, and not to feel sad for those we lost, but its ok to feel sad for US, the ones who will miss them. I give you the same advise and try to remember that you hold within you a miracle, so when you feel at your worst, look upon the ustrasound pictures, or hold your belly and know that miracles DO happen everyday, yet, life SUCKS sometimes, we just have to roll with the punches and deal with what we are given, taking it day by day or hour by hour, whichever works for you. I wish you joy and peace, take care of your little ones and be patient with yourself, give yourself the time you need to grieve.

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K.F.

answers from Daytona Beach on

I'm very sorry for your loss. I understand how you feel, my grandfather died a few months before I got pregnant with my first son. There was another death in my extended family during my 2nd pregnancy.

Sometimes I wonder if it's some kind of divine power at work to curb population growth or somethign more cosmic than that. Other times I blame it on cruel coinsidence.

My thoughts are with you and your friend's families.

K.

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E.B.

answers from Washington DC on

D., I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's passing. That is a hard situation to contend with when you're learning of the excitement of your new baby. My grandmother died a week and a half after my daughter was born. She was not doing well for some time however we were all saying that she held on so she could learn the news of my daughter's birth. It was about 4 months later while watching a movie that it finally hit me that she had died. Best wishes to you and your pregnancy.

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S.M.

answers from Boca Raton on

I am sorry for your loss. I know that is can be very upseting. On my oldest sons 1st birthday, my husbands cousins 2 month old baby died. We where all at the grandparents house and having the bithday party when we got the news. She died in her sleep and I was 7 and 1/2 months pregnant with my second child so the family told me that it would not be in the best interest for me to go to the funneral. It is a sad thing but they do say that when a new life is coming into the world that someone dies. Its the cycle of life. once again i am sorry for your loss and I know that you will get through this, just be strong and be happy about the new arrivel.
(sorry about the spelling)

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